| Have you heard of one Humpty Dumpty | 1 |
| How he fell with a roll and a rumble | 2 |
| And curled up like Lord Olofa Crumple | 3 |
| By the butt of the Magazine Wall, | 4 |
| (Chorus) Of the Magazine Wall, | 5 |
| Hump, helmet and all? | 6 |
| He was one time our King of the Castle | 7 |
| Now he's kicked about like a rotten old parsnip. | 8 |
| And from Green street he'll be sent by order of His Worship | 9 |
| To the penal jail of Mountjoy | 10 |
| 11 | |
| (Chorus) To the jail of Mountjoy! | 12 |
| Jail him and joy. | 13 |
| 14 | |
| He was fafafather of all schemes for to bother us | 15 |
| Slow coaches and immaculate contraceptives for the populace, | 16 |
| Mare's milk for the sick, seven dry Sundays a week, | 17 |
| Openair love and religion's reform, | 18 |
| (Chorus) And religious reform, | 19 |
| Hideous in form. | 20 |
| 21 | |
| Arrah, why, says you, couldn't he manage it? | 22 |
| I'll go bail, my fine dairyman darling, | 23 |
| Like the bumping bull of the Cassidys | 24 |
| All your butter is in your horns. | 25 |
| (Chorus) His butter is in his horns. | 26 |
| Butter his horns! | 27 |
| 28 | |
| (Repeat) Hurrah there, Hosty, frosty Hosty, change that shirt | 29 |
| [on ye, | 30 |
| Rhyme the rann, the king of all ranns! | 31 |
| Balbaccio, balbuccio! | 32 |
| We had chaw chaw chops, chairs, chewing gum, the chicken- | 33 |
| [pox and china chambers | 34 |
| Universally provided by this soffsoaping salesman. | 35 |