VALIS_Exegesis.htm

In Pursuit of Valis: Selections from the Exegesis

Clothbound: ISBN 0-88733-091-6

Softcover: ISBN 0-88733-093-2

"A PKD Chronology" is by Paul Williams
A shorter version of the Introduction appeared as "The
Mysterious Revelations of Philip K. Dick" in Gnosis Magazine
issue #1, Fall, 1985. (Gnosis Magazine, P.O. Box 14217, San
Francisco, CA 94114.)

An Underwood-Miller book by arrangement with the
authors and The Estate of Philip K. Dick. No part of this book

may be reproduced in any form or by any electronic or
mechanical means including information storage ant
retrieval systems without explicit permission from the
author or the author's agent, except by a reviewer who may
quote brief passages. For information address the publisher
Underwood-Miller, 708 Westover Drive, Lancaster, PA 17601

For information about the Philip K. Dick Society, write to:
PKDS, Box 611, Glen Ellen, CA 95442.

Book design by Underwood-Miller

Softcover type designed by Daniel Will-Harris

Printed in the United States of America

FIRST EDITION
Library of Congress Catalog Number 89-20532

CONTENTS

Preface by Lawrence Sutin........................vii

Introduction by Jay Kinney.......................xvii

A PKD Chronology.............................xxxiii

One: Direct Accounts of Personal Experience..... 1

Two: Theoretical Explanations ................. 63

Three: On His Writing Techniques

and the Creative Quest for Truth ......131

Four: Interpretations of His Own Works .........165

Five: Plot Outlines and Explorations

for Works-in-Progress .................205

Six: Political and Ecological Concerns ..........233

Seven: Two Self-Examinations ...................241

Eight: Three Closing Parables ...................249

Afterword by Terence McKenna...................253

Titles ........................................263

Glossary........................................265

Index........................................273

PREFACE

ON THE EXIGESIS
of Philip k. Dick

The Exegesis of Philip K. Dick has too long remained a terra
incognita. As a practical matter, that is hardly surprising:
The unpublished form of the Exegesis consists of over eight
thousand pages without a unifying numbered sequence,
most of which are handwritten in a scrawling script, and
all of which were arbitrarily sorted into ninety-one manila
folders following Dick's death in 1982. Thus, while the
1980s saw the posthumous first publication of numerous
Dick mainstream novels of the 1950s, the Exegesis
remained out of view as an archival nightmare. But one
with a curiously legendary status.

For readers of Dick's work had already encountered
mention of an "exegesis" in VALIS (1981)—a brilliant novel
on the impossible quest for mystical truth in the pop-trash
wonderland of modern-day America. In VALIS, we are told
of a journal kept by fictional character Horselover Fat, the
alter ego of fictional character Phil Dick. Horselover Fat
has gone through an intense mystical experience a/k/a
direct encounter with higher wisdom, one that has trans-
formed his life and caused many to question his sanity.

VII

Horselover Fat can barely make sense of It himself, and at
times he is tormented by the thought that it was a delu-
sion—or even an outright breakdown. Hence his pressing
need to keep a journal, to make a record of his theories,
his doubts, his joys, and his fears. As fictional character
Phil Dick explains:

The term "journal" is mine, not Fat's. His
term was "exegesis," a theological term mean-
ing a piece of writing that explains or interprets
a portion of scripture. Fat believed that the
information fired at him and progressively
crammed into his head in successive waves had
a holy origin and hence should be regarded as a ■

form of scripture [....]

VALIS is an indispensable introduction to the world of
the Exegesis; readers of the present volume would benefit
greatly—and most likely derive considerable pleasure—
from a prior study of it. The first eight chapters of VALIS,
which are largely autobiographical, portray the central
events of February-March 1974— "2-3-74" in Dick's stan-
dard shorthand form—and the year that followed. These
events cannot be easily summarized, consisting as they do
of a tumultuous stream of visions, hypnagogic voices,
dreams, and altered states of consciousness. Readers may
consult chapter ten of my biography, DIVINE INVASIONS:
A LIFE OF PHILIP K. DICK (1989), in which these events are
placed in an orderly chronological sequence by way of
letters, interviews, and quotations from VALIS and from
the Exegesis.

On March 21, 1975, Dick wrote a vivid and concise
account of the visions that had enthralled him one year
earlier. Its fervent tone indicates just why Horselover
Fat—and the real-life Philip K. Dick—felt that the term
"exegesis" was justified as a title for his journal specu-
lations:

I speak of The Restorer of What Was Lost
the Mender of What Was Broken

March 1(5, 1974: It appeared—in vivid fire,
wilh shining colors and balanced patterns—
and released me from every thrall, inner and
outer.

March 18, 1974: It, from inside me, looked
out and saw the world did not compute, that I—
and it had been lied to. It denied the reality,
and power, and authenticity of the world, say-
ing, "This cannot exist; it cannot exist."

March 20, 1974: It seized me entirely, lift-
ing me from the limitations of the space-time
matrix; it mastered me as, at the same instant,
I knew that the world around me was card-
board, a fake. Through its power I saw sud-
denly the universe as it was; through its power
of perception I saw what really existed, and
through its power of no-thought decision, I
acted to free myself. It took on in battle, as a
champion of all human spirits in thrall, every
evil, every Iron Imprisoning thing.

March 20 until late July, 1974: It received
signals and knew how to give ceaseless battle,
to defeat the tyranny which had entered by
slow degrees our free world, our pure world; it
fought and destroyed tirelessly each and every
one of them, and saw them all clearly, with dis-
like; its love was for justice and truth beyond
everything else.

August 1974 on: It waned, but only as the
adversary in all its forms waned and perished.
When it left me, it left me as a free person, a
physically and mentally healed person who
had seen reality suddenly, in a flash, at the
moment of greatest peril and pain and despair;
it had loaned me its power and it had set right
what had by degrees become wrong over God
knows how long. It came just prior to the ver-
nal equinox or at it. The Jews call it Elijah; the
Christians call it the Holy Spirit. The Greeks

called it Dionysus Zagreus. It thought, in my
dreams, mostly in Greek, referring to Elijah in
the Greek form: Elias. Gradually its fierceness
turned to a gentle quality and it seemed like
Jesus, but it was still Zagreus, still the god of
springtime. Finally it became the god of mirth
and joy and music, perhaps a mere man,
Orpheus, and after that, a punning, funning
mortal, Erasmus. But underneath, whenever it
might be necessary again, Zeus himself, Ela or
Elohim, the Creator and Advocate, is there; he
never dies: he only slumbers and listens. The
lamb of Jesus is also the tyger which Blake
described; it, which came to me and to our
republic, contains both, is both. It—he—has no
name, neither god nor force, man nor entity;
He is everywhere and everything; He is outside
us and inside us. He is, above all, the friend of
the weak and the foe of the Lie. He is the Aton,
He is The Friend. -PKD March 21, 1975

As both VALIS and the Exegesis indicate, Dick was very
much aware that these events would inspire skepticism,
and even scorn, in many persons. Whether or not one is
prepared to grant them the authentic status of a genuine
mystical vision, or prefers instead to diagnose them as the
byproducts of psychosis or other mental abnormality
(Dick himself took both positions in the Exegesis, though
the former view clearly predominated), this much is cer-
tain: they transformed Dick's life, spurred him to eight
years of devoted labor on the Exegesis, and became the
central subject matter of his final novels: VALIS (1981), THE
DIVINE INVASION (1981), and THE TRANSMIGRATION OF
TIMOTHY ARCHER (1982), termed collectively by Dick as
the "VALIS trilogy".

The very nature of this subject matter—which probes
so incessantly at the essence of reality and the prospects
for divine intervention in the world—is singularly offputt-
ing to a good number of modern day readers. After all,
"metaphysical" has become, in common parlance, synon-
ymous with "futile" and "imponderable". For such read-
ers, who are likely to recoil instinctively from the more

abstract portions of the Exegesis, it may be salutary to
recall that a skilled metaphysician (which Dick certainly
was) can provide quite exact and useful delineations of
experience. As Ezra Pound observed of the scholastics of
the middle ages: "a medieval theologian took care not to
define a dog in terms that would have applied just as well
to a dog's tooth or its hide, or the noise it makes lapping
water." Dick was passionately concerned with metaphys-
ical issues; he handled the theories and terminologies of
the great philosophical systems with the same loving care
as a craftsman might give to his favorite tools. As a result,
Dick's analyses frequently cast light on the dilemmas of
absolute knowledge and ultimate being: the light cast is
the presentation of multifold possibilities where once
stood only "official" reality. It would be a pity if a reader
were to conclude that Dick was "crazy" because he ques-
tioned so much and so frequently. After all, Dick never
pretended that he had found The Truth (or not for very
long, at any rate). Readers who refuse to worry over
whether or not the Exegesis persuades them on any par-
ticular points may find that it illuminates any number of
prospective paths for further exploration.

It is my hope that the selections included in this
volume will establish that the Exegesis deserves recogni-
tion as a major work in the Dick canon. But it must also
be conceded that the Exegesis is a sprawling, disconnected
journal—part philosophical analysis, part personal diary,
part work-in-progress notebook for the final novels—that
was produced in the course of lengthy nighttime writing
sessions over a period of eight years. There is no evidence
that Dick ever intended it for publication either in his
lifetime or on a posthumous basis. The very fact that the
bulk of the entries were handwritten rather than typed
indicates the "workshop" nature of the Exegesis, for Dick
was a gifted high-speed typist who composed his novels
and stories directly on the typewriter. The Tractates
Cryptica Scriptura that forms the closing "Appendix" of
VALIS, and is described therein as excerpts from the "exe-
gesis" of Horselover Fat, was written by Dick especially for

VALIS. While the Tractates does recapitulate a number of
prominent theories posed in the real-life Exegesis, it is a
separate work—polished distillations intended to fit
within the framework of the novel—and not a genuine
selection of quotations from the Exegesis itself.

It is instructive to note certain key distinctions
between the Exegesis and Dick's published fictional
works. Dick himself stated that his fiction addressed two
major questions—What is real? and, What is human? The
former question is clearly the guiding enigma of the Exe-
gesis. That is not to say that the latter question was not
equally important to Dick, but rather that it did not puzzle
him nearly so greatly. As Dick wrote of his story "Human
Is" (1955), in his "Afterthoughts by the Author" to THE
BEST OF PHILIP K. DICK (1977) story collection, "I have not
really changed my view since I wrote this story, back in
the fifties. It's not what you look like, or what planet you
were born on. It's how kind you are." As to what was real,
Dick changed his mind far more frequently, as the Exege-
sis amply testifies.

Further, the Exegesis shows little of the wild, dark
humor that is a hallmark of Dick's novels and stories. In
VALIS, the spiritual peregrinations and frustrations of
Horselover Fat are presented in the artful pratfall tradition
of the picaresque; but the Exegesis seeks not laughable
ironies but rather ultimate truth. The selections in this
volume confirm that Dick genuinely believed that, by
sufficient pondering and analysis, the truth of 2-3-74, and
of reality itself, might just be revealed to him. Despite the
vivid experiential nature of 2-3-74, Dick kept faith in intel-
lectual analysis—and not in further experience a la medi-
tation or an attempted recreation of the factors that led to
2-3-74—as the key to truth. This analytical mode of writing
seldom cracked a smile, although its sheer frankness and
sense of wonder often makes for fascinating reading.

Happily, the Exegesis is well served by judicious selec-
tion and excerpting. The reader is enabled to follow of
Dick's speculative flights on 2-3-74, the ongoing events of
his life, and the nature and meaning of his own fictional

works, while being spared the repetitions and digressions
that naturally accompanied a journal labor of such dura-
tion. It should be reemphasized that Dick worked on the
Exegesis primarily in the dead of the night. This was his
preferred time for all of his writing activity, but in the case
of the Exegesis he was not writing for editors and readers,
and hence he drove himself to the end limits of all of his
speculations without even a wayward Phildickian science-
fiction plot to confine him. Certain of the Exegesis entries
were written under the influence of marijuana, but for the
most part Dick was "straight" during the 1974-82 period
in which the Exegesis was written.

The basic principle that guided me in making the
selections for this volume was to seek out the most intri-
guing and stimulating portions of the Exegesis. I did not
seek to provide a representative sampling of all topics
discussed therein, for the simple reason that certain top-
ics—for example, the meaning of the March 20, 1974
"Xerox missive"—inspired, in my view, much heat but
rather little light. Speculations on the "Xerox missive"—a
xeroxed letter addressed to Dick that he felt might be a
test of his political sympathies posed by U.S. or Soviet
authorities—take up quite a number of pages in the Exe-
gesis. The subject is discussed at some length in my
biography of Dick, for the simple reason that it has
biographical significance. But the aim of the present
volume is to present writings of literary, philosophical,
and spiritual significance. Nonetheless, it may be safely
said that the principle theories and ideas of the Exegesis
are well represented herein.

Another factor that entered into the selection process
was the ongoing commitment by the publisher, Under-
wood-Miller, to produce a multi-volume set of Dick's col-
lected letters. Dick included, within his Exegesis papers,
copies of a number of his letters that discussed in some
detail the events of 2-3-74 and after. As these letters will be
published separately, they are not included in the present
volume.

Let me conclude with some brief remarks on the

individual chapters. I recognize that the eight chapters
constitute something of a rough and ready division of
subject matter, and that a given excerpt might arguably
fit in more than one chapter. What I regarded as the
central topic of the excerpt governed my choice of chap-
ter placement.

Chapter One is devoted to experiential accounts. Read-
ers will note that, for Dick, the line between recollection
of experience and analysis of its ultimate meaning is, most
often, very thin.

Chapter Two contains theoretical explanations largely
of a philosophical or theological nature. Readers may be
interested to learn that the philosophical and theological
aspects of Dick's writing— as evidenced particularly in
VALIS—have already begun to earn serious attention in
both scholarly and esoteric circles. See, for example, the
discussion of VALIS and THE DIVINE INVASION in
"Afterword: The Modern Relevance of Gnosticism," in
THE NAG HAMMADI LIBRARY IN ENGLISH, ed. James M.
Robinson (Harper & Row, San Francisco) (1988) (ironi-
cally, Dick quoted from the 1977 edition of this work in
VALIS), and the entries for "Homoplasmate," "Plasmate,"
and "VALIS" in E. E. Rehmus, THE MAGICIAN'S DICTIO-
NARY (Feral House, San Francisco) (1990).

Chapter Three will be of especial interest to readers of
Dick's fiction, as it contains quite luminous accounts of
his writing methods and preoccupations.

Chapter Four focuses on Dick's interpretations of his
own fictional works. Note that the mainstream novels of
the 1950s and early 1960s (with the exception of CONFES-
SIONS OF A CRAP ARTIST, written in 1959) receive virtually
no attention in the Exegesis. As for his science-fiction
works, Dick turned to them in the hopes of seeing some
relation between their content and that of the events of
2-3-74 and after. It is striking that Dick was capable of
reading his works—and being surprised by them—quite as
if they had been written by someone else.

Chapter Five consists of plot notes and outlines for
novelistic works-in-progress during the period 1974-81. It

will bo obvious to renders of the ultimate published works
that the notes and outlines were highly provisional view-
points on the plots and characters to come.

Chapter Six casts light on Dick's political and ecologi-
cal concerns, as influenced by the events of 2-3-74 and
after.

Chapter Seven consists of two self-examinations, one
rather intensive, one rather brief. The former demon-
strates (as does the novel VALIS) that Dick could be as
critical of his own beliefs and preoccupations as the most
skeptical reader. The latter is intended to underscore what
should be evident from the whole of this volume: there is
no fixed dogma or belief system set forth in the Exegesis.

Chapter Eight closes with three rather lovely parables.

Datings of the excerpts are by myself, based on inter-
nal textual evidence. All editorial emendations and inter-
polations of the text are bracketed and in italics. While
obvious spelling errors have been corrected without indi-
cation, Dick's occasional stylistic inconsistencies as to cap-
italization and the like have been preserved.

May the reader enjoy these writings of Philip K. Dick-
brought to light at long last!

Lawrence Sutin
June 1991

Introduction

WRESTLlNG WITH ANGELS:

The Mystical Dilemma
of Philip K. Dick

In February 1974, Philip K. Dick, author of over forty
published books of science fiction marked by the recurring
themes of paranoia and shifting reality, had an encounter
with God. Things hadn't been going well for Dick. He had
been struggling with writer's block for the last few years,
he was worried that the IRS was going to come down on
him for withholding taxes in protest against the Vietnam
War, and the hand-to-mouth existence of a pulp writer he'd
been living for over 20 years was hanging heavily on his
mind. To make matters worse, Dick had just had two
impacted wisdom teeth pulled and was in intense pain.
Consequently, cosmic revelations were the last thing on
Dick's mind when the door bell rang at his modest apart-
ment in Fullerton, California. His oral surgeon had phoned
in a prescription for pain medication to a nearby phar-
macy, and Dick was counting the minutes until the deliv-
ery person arrived.1 When he opened his front door he

XVII

found himself face to face with a young woman wearing a
gleaming gold fish necklace.
As Dick recounted it:

For some reason I was hypnotized by the
gleaming golden fish; I forgot my pain, forgot
the medication, forgot why the girl was there. I
just kept staring at the fish sign.

"What does that mean?" I asked her.

The girl touched the glimmering golden
fish with her hand and said, "This is a sign
worn by the early Christians." She then gave
me the package of medication.

In that instant, as I stared at the gleaming
fish sign and heard her words, I suddenly expe-
rienced what I later learned is called anamne-
sis—a. Greek word meaning, literally, "loss of
forgetfulness." I remembered who I was and
where I was. In an instant, in the twinkling of
an eye, it all came back to me. And not only
could I remember it but I could see it. The girl
was a secret Christian and so was I. We lived in
fear of detection by the Romans. We had to
communicate in cryptic signs. She had just
told me all this, and it was true.2

This surprising revelation, fired directly at his head,
temporarily blinded him. He experienced an "invasion of
my mind by a transcendentally rational mind, as if I had
been insane all my life and suddenly had become sane."3

Like St. Paul on the road to Damascus, Dick's experi-
ence radically reshaped the rest of his life. The last three
novels he wrote before his untimely death in early 1982
(VALIS, THE DIVINE INVASION, and THE TRANSMIGRATION
OF TIMOTHY ARCHER) were all attempts to process this
confounding experience—and predictably they leave the
reader with more questions than answers.

In March 1974, following the Golden Fish episode,
Dick experienced numerous other phenomena, which he
interpreted as contacts with a higher wisdom. These
included hypnagogic visions, auditions, tutelary dreams,

nnd-perhaps best known—a beam of pink light that
imparted striking effects:

It invaded my mind and assumed control
of my motor centers and did my acting and
thinking for me. I was a spectator to it. It set
about healing me physically and my four-year
old boy, who had an undiagnosed life-threaten-
ing birth defect that no one had been aware of.
This mind, whose identity was totally obscure
to me, was equipped with tremendous techni-
cal knowledge. It had memories dating back
over two thousand years, it spoke Greek,
Hebrew, Sanskrit, there wasn't anything that it
didn't seem to know.

It immediately set about putting my affairs
in order. It fired my agent and my publisher. It

remargined my typewriter__My wife was

impressed by the fact that, because of the tre-
mendous pressure this mind put on people in
my business, I made quite a lot of money very
rapidly. We began to get checks for thousands
of dollars—money that was owed me, which
the mind was conscious existed in New York
but had never been coughed up ...

(And perhaps most important of all,)

... it also said it would stay on as my tute-
lary spirit.4

This mind, which Dick came to nickname VALIS (for
Vast Active Living Intelligence System), resided in Dick's
consciousness for approximately a year before shifting to
more sporadic contact. In March, 1974, less than a month
after the initial psychic invasion, Dick was listening to his
FM radio one night when hostile messages urging him to
die began to pour from the speaker. Shortly thereafter he
was treated to an eight-hour all-night vision of thousands
of colored graphics resembling "the nonobjective paint-
ings of Kandinsky and Klee"—one image after another in
rapid succession.6 On other nights, Dick's tutelary spirit—
who sometimes seemed to be a second-century Christian
named Thomas, and at other times an ancient Greek sibyl
or the Holy Spirit itself, as well as the more impersonal

VALIS -would utter short cryptic phrases to Dick as he lay
in hypnogogic revery prior to falling asleep. Once he was
asleep Dick would often have vivid symbolic dreams
which he would later use, along with the cryptic phrases,
in developing the philosophical and theological theories
that began to preoccupy his time.

Readers of Dick's fiction first became aware of these
preoccupations when his novel VALIS was published in
1981. This semi-fictional novel was built around these
experiences and featured a 13-page appendix titled "Trac-
tates Cryptica Scriptura," which contained polished ver-
sions of many of Dick's epiphanies, as well as a condensed
version of Dick's VALIS-inspired cosmology, presented in
a numbered, scriptural vein.7

Dick's main compendium of his theories, epipha-
nies, and cosmologies was a seemingly endless private
journal that he referred to as his Exegesis. After the
fish-sign experience, he spent the next seven years writ-
ing nightly in this journal, which grew to over two
million hand- and typewritten words. In VALIS, Dick
ironically said of the journal, "I suppose that all the
secrets of the universe lay in it somewhere amid the
rubble."8 Since Dick's death in 1982, the Exegesis has
been understandably the object of much curiosity
among his fans. The present volume, culled from the
over 8000 pages that make up the Exegesis, should go a
long way towards satisfying that curiosity.

The Exegesis is in many ways a marvelous work, an
extended expedition through the marshy wetlands of mys-
tical theology and philosophy guided only by the overac-
tive imagination of one of science fiction's most gifted
authors. Yet, because it was not written with publication
in mind, the Exegesis dives right into the thick of things
with little or no explanation or context. The following is
offered in the hope of providing that context.

Dick's Mysticism
Perhaps the most baffling question facing both Dick

and his renders is that of the nature of his Febru-
ary/March 1974 experiences. Revelations from God, or
tutelary spirits for that matter, are nothing new under
the sun. The Old Testament abounds with them and the
New Testament closes with the apocalyptic "Revelation
of St. John," a richly symbolic vision of the end of the
world. In Elizabethan times, John Dee, assisted by
Edward Kelley, was certain he had conjured up and
received messages from angels in a strange language
called Enochian. In 1904, Aleister Crowley was contacted
by an invisible entity named Aiwass, who dictated to him
The Book of the Law, a dramatic announcement of the
arrival of a new era—the Aeon of Horus. More recently,
the advent of LSD has generated further claims of contact
with Higher Intelligence, including Timothy Leary's
"Starseed" messages about the cosmic significance of the
fizzled Comet Kohoutek, and John Lilly's acid and Ketam-
ine-induced contacts with aliens and his stolen glimpses
of a nefarious "solid-state conspiracy" operating on a
trans-galactic plane.9

While these cases of revelation are fascinating, they
fall outside the focus of this introduction. Rather, I'd like
to draw attention to another twentieth-century religious
vision with remarkable parallels to Dick's, the little-
known Septem Sermones ad Mortuos (Seven Sermons to the
Dead), written down in a three-day period in 1916 by the
Swiss psychologist C. G. Jung. This pamphlet-length work
of scripture-like prose forced itself upon Jung during an
extended period of ennui and inner searching. In Jung's
case there were no sci-fi trappings such as pink laser
beams, but instead a weekend of restlessness and an omi-
nous atmosphere in his home marked by his children
having anxious dreams and sighting a ghost.

As Jung recounts it in MEMORIES, DREAMS AND
REFLECTIONS:

Around five o'clock in the afternoon on
Sunday the front door bell began ringing franti-
cally. It was a bright summer day; the two

maids were in the kitchen, from which the
open square outside the front door could be
seen. Everyone immediately looked to see who
was there, but there was no one in sight. I was
sitting near the doorbell, and not only heard it
but saw it moving. We all simply stared at one
another. The atmosphere was thick, believe
me! Then I knew that something had to hap
pen. The whole house was filled as if there
■were a crowd present, crammed full of spirits.
They were packed deep right up to the door,
and the air was so thick it was scarcely possible
to breathe. As for myself, I was all a-quiver
with the question: "For God's sake, what in the
world is this?" Then they cried out in chorus,
"We have come back from Jerusalem where we
found not what we sought." That is the begin-
ning of the Septem Sermones ...

Then it began to flow out of me, and in the
course of three evenings the thing was written.
As soon as I took up the pen, the whole ghostly
assemblage evaporated. The room quieted and
the atmosphere cleared. The haunting was
over.10

When privately published by Jung, the Seven Ser-
mons were pseudonymously credited as "written by
Basilides in Alexandria, the City where the East toucheth
the West."11 Basilides was a Christian Gnostic of the sec-
ond century, and in crediting Basilides with the booklet's
authorship Jung was underscoring the gnostic nature of
the Seven Sermons. As the reader will soon discover, Dick
also looked to the early Gnostics for guidance and inspira-
tion in explicating his mystical experiences.

"Gnosis" is a Greek word for "knowledge," and usu-
ally refers to a spiritual knowledge or intuitive inner
knowing, in contrast to the prevalent rational, intellec-
tual knowledge. Prior to their denunciation as heretics,
and virtual elimination by the orthodox Christians in the
third and fourth centuries, the early Christian Gnostics
represented a vital pluralistic strain in the burgeoning
young religion. In the multiplicity of influences which
various Gnostics incorporated into their own systems

(Including influences from the ancient mystery schools,
Hermeticism, Persian religions, and the Far East), there
lay valuable spiritual and psychological insights which
have been largely lost to the West. However the discovery
of the cache of ancient Coptic scrolls known as the Nag
Hammadi Library, in Upper Egypt in 1945, has recently
changed all that with a treasure trove of direct sources of
Gnostic scriptures.

Gnosticism emphasized the preeminence of an indi-
vidual experience of the divine over mere belief in dogmas
about the divine passed down from theologians or church
authorities. The struggle for this experience (or gnosis),
which ultimately involves a kind of "letting go," is often
characterized by Gnostics as a struggle to penetrate
behind the world of appearances to a greater spiritual
reality underneath. Dick believed that the pink beam
granted him this "loss of forgetfulness" and he spent the
following eight years trying to develop a coherent exposi-
tion of the new reality in which he lived. Jung's Seven
Sermons similarly formed the emotional and philosophi-
cal anchor for all of Jung's subsequent psychological work.
Dick and Jung both came to see in the Gnostic scriptures
evidence of world views similar to those brought forth in
their own respective trance-visions.

Psychosis as Shamanic Initiation

However, there is another less flattering inter-
pretation of their experiences which deserves examina-
tion, which Phil Dick himself considered, and that is the
glaring fact that—especially in Dick's case—the episodes
bear more than a strong resemblance to the onset of acute
schizophrenia. In his book on schizophrenia and religious
experience, THE EXPLORATION OF THE INNER WORLD,
psychologist Anton Boisen describes the case history of a
patient, Albert W., whose psychosis was marked by phe-
nomena strikingly similar to Dick's.

Albert W.'s disturbance began with the

idea that something strange was going on. He
fell himself in possession of a power that he
did not have before and he began to have a
'flood of mental pictures as though an album
within were unfolding itself.' Then came the
dark woman in a vision, whom he took to be
supernatural...

The second step which we observed in the
development of Albert's psychosis was an
acute sense of peril. He thought he was going
to die. Then he saw things in a new light and
he thought the 'dawn of creation' had come.
He was living in a different world. Then it
came to him that he had lived before this pres-
ent life and that he was a much more import-
ant person than he had ever dreamed. In a
previous existence he had been Jonah. He had
also been Christ. Most of the time he had been
St. Augustine. It came to him that there was a
great 'I and You contest' going on, a struggle
for supremacy on the part of certain groups,
though in relation to this struggle it was not
clear where he stood.12

Like Albert W., Dick sensed that he was in the middle
of a titanic battle, in this case one that could be character-
ized as between the Lord of Light and the Master of the
Lie. Dick researched the historical precedents for this
dualistic world view in Zoroastrian and Gnostic cosmolo-
gies, hypothesizing at one point that possibly Ahura
Mazda was dictating his revelations to him.13 Dick was
well aware of the ironic fact that in the final stages of his
syphilitic madness, Nietzsche similarly came to believe
that Zarathustra (Zoroaster) was speaking through him,
and Dick even joked: "I had planned to call my next book,
THUS SPOKE ZOROASTER, but I guess I had better not."14

In his discussion of Albert W., Boisen notes the paral-
lels between his patient and George Fox, the visionary
founder of the Quakers, and ultimately concludes that
"there is no line of demarcation between valid religious
experiences and the abnormal conditions and phenom-
ena which to the alienist are evidences of insanity." For
Boisen, what ultimately distinguishes madness from mys-

ticism is the direction the affected individual's life takes.
For the insane, the experience leads to further disintegra-
tion; for the mystic, it leads to unification and healing.15
Julian Silverman of the National Institute of Mental
Health makes a similar observation in his discussion of
the parallels between shamans and acute schizophrenics.
Personal crises of damaged self-image mark the onset of
both the Shaman's initiation and the schizophrenic's
psychosis.

What follows then is the eruption into the
field of attention of a flood of archaic imagery
... Ideas surge through with peculiar vividness
as though from an outside source. The fact that
they are entirely different from anything pre-
viously experienced lends support to the
assumption that they have come from the
realm of the supernatural. One feels oneself to
be dwelling among the mysterious and the
uncanny. Ideas of world catastrophe, of cosmic
importance and of mission abound. Words,
thoughts and dreams [author's emphasis] can
easily be seen to reside in external objects.

Significantly, the mental and emotional changes that
the shaman undergoes in answering "the call" to his
profession and surviving his journey into chaos are valued
by his community; nearly identical changes experienced
by those deemed mad in modern civilization are consid-
ered invalid and become sources of shame.

From this perspective, Jung—part mystic, part sha-
man—succeeded in integrating his unusual experience
into his life's work. Dick attempted the same, and ulti-
mately succeeded but at the cost of spending several years
almost entirely focused on the task. This is not unusual.
The famous German mystic, Jakob Boehme, experienced
a mystical revelation in 1600 through seeing sunlight
reflected in a pewter dish and reportedly spent the next
ten years in a concerted effort to delineate his realizations.

During his post pink beam period (from 1974 until his
death eight years later) Dick—ever the science fiction
author—entertained any number of explanations for his

transformation at the hands of VALIS. "This rational mind
was not human. It was more like an artificial intelligence.
On Thursdays and Saturdays I would think it was God, on
Tuesdays and Wednesdays I would think it was extrater-
restrial, sometimes I would think it was the Soviet Union
Academy of Sciences trying out their psychotronic micro-
wave telepathic transmitter."17

In his Exegesis, Dick methodically explored each expla-
nation, finding flaws in his own logic, toying with and
then abandoning pet theories only to revive them later on.
However, over time certain assumptions came to the fore
and tended to hang on for long stretches. One such
hypothesis was the theory put forth in the "Tractates
Cryptica Scriptura" in his novel VALIS:

The universe is information and we are sta-
tionary in it, not three-dimensional and not in
space and time. The information fed to us we

hypostatize into the phenomenal world__

Real time ceased in 70 C.E. with the fall of the
temple at Jerusalem. It began again in 1974
C.E. The intervening period was a perfect spuri-
ous interpolation aping the creation of the
Mind....18

The "Tractates" posit "The Immortal One" (i.e. Christ,
Sophia, Buddha, et al.) returning now to dismantle "The
Black Iron Prison" (the evil and spurious reign of the
[Roman] Empire that has held history in its grip since 70
C.E.). The Immortal One is a plasmate, a form of energy,
of living information.

The plasmate can crossbond with a human,
creating what I call a homoplasmate. This
annexes the mortal human permanently to the
plasmate. We know this as the "birth from
above" or "birth from the Spirit." It was initi-
ated by Christ, but the Empire destroyed all
the homoplasmates before they could replicate.
... In dormant seed form, the plasmate slum-
bered in the buried library of codices at
Chenoboskion (Nag Hammadi) until 1945
C.E.19

With the gnostic codices unearthed and rend, the plas-
mnto is now seeking out new human hosts to crossbond
with. This is what Dick speculated might have happened
to him—he was one of an increasing number of hosts for
the return of the Holy Spirit.

This explanation is so utterly fantastic that one can
hardly take it seriously. If one reads further, one discovers
that Dick associates the end of the "Empire" with Nixon's
resignation from office, surely an instance of the banal
being inflated into cosmic significance. And ultimately, of
course, Dick wasn't fully convinced of even this scenario's
validity. He presented it to the world couched in an ambig-
uous science-fiction novel.

It is precisely this mix of grand metaphysical specula-
tion and over the top SF wackiness that makes Dick's
Exegesis so unique. Leave it to Dick, in the midst of
straight-faced theorizing about God, Maya, and a fallen
universe, to characterize existence as a triune "ham sand-
wich," or to posit that his science fiction novels preceding
the onset of psychic invasions were crafted by God, with
Dick's unconscious cooperation, to be profound revela-
tions of the true nature of existence!

Obviously, Dick's integration of the VALIS phenom-
ena was a dynamic, ongoing process, marked by a sense
of humor regarding his theories of the moment. Yet
underneath his jokes and wild speculations, Dick
remained firm in his conviction that something had hap-
pened to him, something with a significance reaching
beyond his own psyche. It was fortuitous for Dick that his
career as a science fiction author placed him in one of the
few niches in Western society where wild visions of alter-
nate realities are accepted and honored.

DICK'S MYTHOS

Myths need not be literally true to be both meaningful
and useful. The legend of the Holy Grail has a symbolic
value quite apart from the historical question of whether

there was ever an actual Grail. Similarly, in Dick's case,
despite the palpable flakeyness of many of the specific
details of his scenarios, the overall thrust of his mytholo-
gizing indicates an effort on the part of his embattled
psyche to balance itself.

Dick's tutelary spirit identified herself at one point as
St. Sophia, a "saint" who is not an actual person, but rather
the feminine personification of divine Wisdom, the sub-
ject of the Old Testament's "Song of Songs" and the
Apocrypha's "Book of Wisdom," and also the primary link
between the Earth and the Unknown God in various
Gnostic scriptures. As predominantly patriarchal mythoi,
the Jewish and Christian religions have utilized mostly
masculine symbols in their characterizations of the Abso-
lute, although feminine components such as the Shekinah
(the Presence of God), Sophia, and the Blessed Virgin Mary
have survived, albeit in semi-autonomous and often
underground form.

It can be argued that the monotheistic religions that
have shaped Western civilization have been over-
balanced towards the Logos (i.e. God as Word and this
Word as the structural glue of existence). Dick as a
writer—and an extremely prolific writer at that—shared
this Logocentrism. Small surprise then that the eruptions
in his inner world triggered by the pink beam should be
clothed in the garments of Sophia or Aphrodite pointing
him towards wholeness. Dick's own 1978 Exegesis
account of the process is instructive:

At the center of psychosis I encountered
her: beautiful & kind &, most of all, wise, &
through that wisdom, accompanying & leading
me through the underworld, through the
bardo thodol journey to rebirth—she, the embod-
iment of intelligence: Pallas Athena herself.

Needless to say, Dick was not willing to let well enough
alone and his subsequently endless theorizing about this
psychospiritual abreaction threatened to bury "that which
cannot be described" beneath a mountain of words. Thus

the Exegesis simultaneously veils as it unveils, marching
resolutely towards an ever receding horizon.

Next to Kafka, Dick is arguably this century's best
novelist of alienation. Long before 1974 his books were
filled with the notion—mirrored in Gnosticism—that there
is a fundamental error present in Creation and that this
earth is a godforsaken place. This gut-level sense of
estrangement, exacerbated by heavy drug use and a series
of personal upheavals, made Dick the quintessential coun-
tercultural novelist in the '60s, but it also produced a
tremendous inner tension within Dick which cried out for
resolution.

Dick's experience of Sophia/ Pallas Athena/ Thomas/
Elijah reaching down through the darkness to offer him
saving glimpses of Light parallels the Gnostic myth of
Sophia's descent into the world to gather the sparks of
divine light within Creation back up to their rightful
place in the Pleroma (Fullness). Or, to cite another myth,
Dick, as Osiris, had been dismembered; his Anima (Soul),
as Isis, was gathering together his limbs to make him
whole once again.

A myth has been called "a lie that tells the truth," and
this may be the best way to appreciate the significance of
Dick's subjective experiences rather than quibble about
their objective relation to so-called reality. Besides, as Dick
would be the first to ask, what is reality?

Whether the events or epiphanies of Dick's final eight
years were ultimately indicative of "genuine" mystical
encounters or of "merely" psychological origins, I'll leave
for each reader to ponder. Since Dick's death, theories
have multiplied over what occurred, with critics noting
parallels between the February/ March 1974 inner events
and the characteristics of temporal lobe epilepsy, drug
side effects, and even multiple personality disorder.

Ultimately, what matters isn't the cause of his shama-
nic journey so much as its effect. To his credit Dick was
able to turn his experiences into compelling literature.
Dick viewed his final three novels as a trilogy of sorts and
VALIS, THE DIVINE INVASION (originally titled VALIS

REGAINED), and THE THANSM1GHATION OF TIMOTHY
ARCHER are proof that despite his fascinating maze-like
wanderings in the Exegesis, Dick was able to rise above
his musings and speak to his readers from the heart. The
book that you hold in your hands is an invitation for a
short excursion into Dick's maze. Be forewarned, how-
ever, that exit signs are few and the Sphinx at the middle
of the maze may ask you to answer a very tough riddle
before you can leave.

—Jay Kinney
May, 1991

Jay Kinney is publisher of gnosis Magazine, and a longtime
reader of Philip K. Dick's work.

Notes:

1. An alternate chronology of these events has been
expressed by PKD's wife, Tessa B. Dick, in an interview by J. B.
Reynolds published in The Philip K. Dick Society Newsletter,

# 13, February, 1987, p. 6. According to Tessa Dick, Dick had
oral surgery the day before the incident in question, was "full
of codeine, for the pain" and was awaiting the delivery of medi-
cation for his high blood pressure.

2. From "How to Build a Universe that Doesn't Fall Apart
Two Days Later", published as an introduction to I HOPE I
SHALL ARRIVE SOON, Doubleday, 1985

3. From interview in DREAM MAKERS: THE UNCOMMON
PEOPLE WHO WRITE SCIENCE FICTION, Charles Platt, Ed., Berk-
ley, 1980, page 155.

4. Ibid, p. 155-156.

5. PKD letter to Ira Einhorn, February 1978.

6. PKD letter to Peter Fitting, June 1974.

7. VALIS, Philip K. Dick, Bantam, 1981.

8. VALIS, pg. 17.

9. STARSEED, Timothy Leary, Level Press, 1973; THE SCIEN-
TIST, John C. Lilly, Bantam, 1981.

10. MEMORIES, DREAMS AND REFLECTIONS, C. G. Jung, Vin-
tage, 1961, pp. 190-191.

11. Jung, op. cit., p. 190. The Seven Sermons are reprinted
as an appendix in the book. For an insightful discussion of the
Seven Sermons, Gnosticism, and depth psychology, see THE
GNOSTIC JUNG, Stephan A. Hoeller, Quest Books, 1982.

12. THE EXPLORATION OF THE INNER WORLD, Anton
Boisen, Harper, 1936, pp. 30-33.

13. PKD letter to Claudia Bush, July 16,1974.

14. Ibid.

15. Boisen, op. cit., p. 119.

16. "Shamans and Acute Schizophrenia," Julian Silverman,
American Anthropologist, Vol. 69 (1967): p. 28.

17. Platt, op. cit., p. 155.

18. VALIS, pp. 216-217.

19. VALIS, pp. 217-228.

A PKD CHRONOLOGY

1928 Dec. 16th. Philip K. Dick and Jane C. Dick born
at home, Chicago, Illinois.

1929 Jan. 26th. Jane Dick dies of malnutrition.

1929 Dick family to Colorado, then northern Cali-
fornia.

1933 Parents divorced. Phil stays with mother.

1935 January. Phil and Dorothy (mother) to Washing-
ton, D.C.

1938 June. Phil and Dorothy return to California, set-
tle in Berkeley.

1941 Starts reading science fiction.

1942 First short story published, in Berkeley Daily
Gazette. Writes first novel.

1944 Summer. Starts working for Herb Hollis at Uni-
versity Radio.

1946-47 Phil's last year at Berkeley High School.
Claustrophobia/agoraphobia. Weekly psychotherapy.
Studies at home, with tutor.

1947 Autumn. Enters, drops out of University of Cali-
fornia, Berkeley.

1947 December. Moves out of mother's house.

XXXIII

1948 Marries Jeanette Marlin. Divorced after six
months.

1949 (approx) Called for the draft; rejected because of
high blood pressure.

1949 Working at Art Music, Berkeley. 1950. June 14th.
Marries Kleo Apostolides.

1951 November. Sells first short story, "Roog," to
Anthony Boucher at The Magazine of Fantasy & Science
Fiction.

1952 May. Becomes client of the Scott Meredith Liter-
ary Agency. First story appears in print.

1952 Quits or is fired from Art Music.

Early 1950s Phil and Kleo approached by FBI to
attend Univ. of Mexico and collect information on stu-
dent activities; they decline. Phil forms friendship with
one FBI agent, George Scruggs.

Early 1950s Phil taking Serpasil for tachycardia,
Sernoxydrine (an amphetamine) for agoraphobia.

1953 Phil's mother remarries.

1953 Thirty short stories published, including seven
in one month.

1954 Sells first novel, SOLAR LOTTERY.

1955 First novel published, by Ace Books; sells two
more, also to Ace.

1956-57 Writing mainstream only—no science fiction.

1958 Autumn. Phil & Kleo buy house in Point Reyes
Station, Marin County; leave Berkeley. Phil meets Anne
Rubenstein. Phil asks Kleo for divorce.

1959 April 1. Marries Anne Williams Rubenstein, in
Mexico.

1960 February 25. Laura Archer Dick born. Phil's first
child, Anne's fourth.

1903 July. Scott Meredith Agency returns Phil's main-
stream novels (ten or more) as unsaleable.

1963 September. Phil wins Hugo Award for Best Sci-
ence Fiction Novel of the Year (THE MAN IN THE HIGH
CASTLE).

1963-64 Writes ten science fiction novels in less than
two years.

1963 Phil and A start attending Episcopal Church.
Phil baptized.

1964 March. Phil files for divorce, moves to Berke-
ley/Oakland.

1964 June. Dislocates shoulder and totals his VW in
auto accident.

1966 July 6. Marries Nancy Hackett; moves to San
Rafael.

1966 or early '67 Visits Bishop James Pike in Santa Bar-
bara, participates in seance to contact Pike's dead son.

1967 March 15. Isolde Freya Dick born.

1968 Sells option on film rights to DO ANDROIDS
DREAM OF ELECTRIC SHEEP.

1969 August. Hospitalized for pancreatitis.

1970 August. Nancy leaves Phil, takes Isa.

1971 November 17. Break-in and burglary at PKD's
house.

1972 February. Leaves San Rafael, flies to Vancouver,
B.C., to be guest of honor at SF convention; decides to
stay in Canada.

1972 March. Suicide attempt; enters X-Kalay, heroin
rehabilitation center, Vancouver.

1972 April. Leaves Canada, flies to Fullerton, south-
ern California.

1972 July. Meets Leslie Busby (Tessa).

1973 January. Starts writing fiction again, after two
and-a half year hiatus.

1973 April. Marries Tessa.

1973 July 25. Christopher Kenneth Dick born.

1974 February/March. Series of mystical experiences,
as described in VALIS, RADIO FREE ALBEMUTH, the Exege-
sis, etc. Begins writing the Exegesis.

1974 April. Hospitalized for extremely high blood
pressure.

1975 May. Phil's first non-SF novel is published, CON-
FESSIONS OF A CRAP ARTIST.

1975 FLOW MY TEARS, THE POLICEMAN SAID WINS The
John W. Campbell Jr. Award for Best SF Novel of 1974.

1975 October. Rolling Stone profile of PKD appears.

1976 February. Tessa leaves with Christopher; Phil
attempts suicide.

1976 Moves to Santa Ana.

1977 July. Sells option on film rights to short story
"We Can Remember It for You Wholesale," later (1990)
filmed as Total Recall.

1977 September. Flies to France to be Guest of Honor
at the Second International Festival of Science Fiction
at Metz.

1978 August. Dorothy Hudner (Phil's mother) dies.

1981 May. Completes THE TRANSMIGRATION OF TIMO-
THY ARCHER, his last novel.

1981 June 29. Sees first clip from Blade Runner, movie
based on DO ANDROIDS DREAM OF ELECTRIC SHEEP, on
television. (Movie is released in May 1982.)

1982 February 18. Suffers a paralyzing stroke and is
hospitalized.

1982 March 2. Dies in Santa Ana.

Chapter One

Direct Accounts
of Personal Experience

The best psychiatrist I ever saw, Dr. Harry Bryan,
attached to the Hoover Pavilion Hospital,* once told
me that I could not be diagnosed, due to the unusual
life I had led. Since I saw him I have led an even more
unusual life and therefore I suppose diagnosis is even
more difficult now. Something strange, however,
exists in my life and seems to have for a long time;
whether it comes from my odd lifestyle or causes the
lifestyle I don't know. But there it is.

For years I've felt I didn't know what I was doing;
I had to watch my activities and deduce, like an out-
sider, what I was up to. My novels, for example. They
are said by readers to depict the same world again
and again, a recognizable world. Where is that world?

* PKD was voluntarily admitted to Hoover Pavilion, in Palo Alto,
California, on 3 May 1971 and checked himself out on 6 May 1971 with
the approval of Dr. Bryan, the examining psychiatrist.

In my head? Is it what I see in my own life and inad-
vertently transfer into my novels and to the reader? At
least I'm consistent, since it is all one novel. I have my
own special world. I guess they are in my head, in
which case they are a good clue to my identity and to
what is happening inside me: they are brainprints.
This brings me to my frightening premise. I seem to
be living in my own novels more and more. I can't fig-
ure out why. Am I losing touch with reality? Or is real-
ity actually sliding toward a Phil Dickian type of
atmosphere? And if the latter, then for god's sake
why? Am I responsible? How could I be responsible?
Isn't that solipsism?

It's too much for me. Like an astro-physicist who
by studying a Black Hole causes it to change, I seem to
alter my environment by thinking about it. Maybe by
writing about it and getting other people to read my
writing I change reality by their reading it and expect-
ing it to be like my books. Someone suggested that.

I feel I have been a lot of different people. Many
people have sat at this typewriter, using my fingers.
Writing my books.

My books are forgeries. Nobody wrote them. The
goddam typewriter wrote them; it's a magic type-
writer. Or like John Denver gets his songs: I get them
from the air. Like his songs, they—my books—are
already there. Whatever that means.

The most ominous element from my books
which I am encountering in my actual life is this. In
one of my novels, UBIK, certain anomalies occur
which prove to the characters that their environ-
ment is not real. Those same anomalies are now hap-
pening to me. By my own logic in the novel I must
conclude that my (own) perhaps even our collective
environment is only a pseudo-environment. In my
novel what broke through was the presence of a man

who had died.* He speaks to them through several
intermediary systems and hence must still be alive;
it is they, evidently, who are dead. What has been
happening to me for over three months is that a man
I knew who died** has been breaking through in
ways so similar to that of Runciter in UBIK that I am
beginning to conclude that I and everyone else is
either dead and he is alive, or—well, as in the novel I
can't figure it out. It makes no sense.

Even scarier is that this man, before his death,
believed that those who are dead can "come across" to
those who are alive. He was sure his own son who had
recently died was doing this with him. Now this man
is dead and it would seem he is "coming across" to
me. I guess there is a certain logic in this. Even more
logical is that I and my then wife Nancy participated
as a sort of disinterested team observing whether Jim
Jr. was actually coming through. It was our conclusion
that he was.***

On the other hand, I wrote UBIK before Jim Pike
died out there on the desert, but Jim Jr. had already
died, so I guess my novel could be said to be based on
Jim Jr. coming through to his father. So my novel UBIK
was based on life and now my life is based on it but
only because it, the novel, goes back to life. I really did

* The character Glen Runciter in UBIK.

** Bishop James A. Pike, who died in the Judean desert in September
1969, while in quest of the truth as to the historical Jesus. PKD and Pike
had formed a friendship in the mid-1960s. Pike was the inspiration for the
title character in PKD's final novel, THE TRANSMIGRATION OF TIMOTHY
ARCHER (1982)

*** Bishop Pike's son, Jim Jr., committed suicide in February 1966. In
Pike's book THE OTHER SIDE (1968), Pike asserted that he had made
postmortem contact with his son through seances and other psychic
means. PKD and his fourth wife Nancy Hackett, who participated in some
of these seances, were thanked by Pike for their assistance in his
"Foreword" to the book.

not make it up. I just observed it and put it into a fic-
tional framework. After I wrote it I forgot where I got
the idea. Now it has come back to, ahem, haunt me, if
you'll pardon me for putting it that way.

The implication in UBIK that they were all dead is
because their world devolved in strange ways, projec-
tions onto their environment of their dwindling psy-
ches. This does not carry across to my own life, nor
did it to Jim's when his son "came across." There is no
reason for me to project the inference then of the
novel to my own world. Jim Pike is alive and well on
the Other Side, but that doesn't mean we are all dead
or that our world is unreal. However, he does seem to
be alive and as mentally enthusiastic and busy as
ever. I should know; it's all going on inside me, and
comes streaming out of me each morning as I—he—or
maybe us both—as I get up and begin my day. I read
all the books that he would be reading if he were here
and not me. This is only one example. It'll have to do
for now.

They write books about this sort of thing. Fiction
books, like THE EXORCIST.* Which are later revealed to
be "based on an actual incident." Maybe I should
write a book about it and later on reveal that it was
"based on an actual incident." I guess that's what you
do. It's convenient, then, that I'm a novelist. I've got it
made.

There have been more changes in me and more
changes in my life due to that than in all the years
before. I refer to the period starting in mid-March (it's
now mid-July) [1974] when the process began. Now I am
not the same person. People say I look different. I have
lost weight. Also, I have made a lot more money doing

THE EXORCIST (1971), novel by William Peter Blatty.

the things Jim tells me to do, more money than ever
before in a short period, doing things I've never done,
nor would imagine doing. More strange yet, I now
drink beer every day and never any wine. I used to
drink wine, never beer. I chugalug the beer. The reason
I drink it is that Jim knows that wine is bad for me—the
acidity, the sediment. He had me trim my beard, too.
For that I had to go up and buy special barber's scissors.
I didn't know there even was such a thing.

Mostly, though, what I get is a lot of information,
floods of it night after night, on and on, about the reli-
gions of the Antique World—from Egypt, India, Persia,
Greece and Rome. Jim never loses interest in that
stuff, especially the Zoroastrian religion and the Pytha-
gorean mystery cult and the Orphic cults and the
Gnostics—on and on. I'm even being given special
terms in Greek, such as syntonic. I'm told to be that. In
harmony with, it means. And the Logos doctrine. All
this comes to me in dreams, many dreams, hundreds
of dreams, on and on, forever. As soon as I close my
eyes information in the form of printed matter, visual
matter such as photographs, audio stuff in the form of
phonograph records—it all floods over me at a high
rate of print-out.

These dreams have pretty well come to determine
what I do the next day; they program me or prepare
me. Last night I dreamed that I was telling people that
J.S. Bach was laughing at me. I imitated J.S. Bach's
laugh for them. They were not amused. Today I find
myself putting on a Bach record, rather than Rock. It's
been months, even years since I automatically
reached for Bach. Also last night I dreamed that I took
the microphone away from Ed McMahon, the
announcer on Johnny Carson's show, because he was
drunk. Tonight when Ed McMahon came on I auto-
mutically got to my feet and switched the TV off, my

desire to watch it gone. This fitted in fine because my
Bach record was playing anyhow.

I should mention that I have become completely
sophisticated now, having withdrawn all my projec-
tions from the world. I am mature and am no longer
lachrymose nor sentimental. My spelling is as lousy as
ever.

There is no known psychological process which
could account for such fundamental changes in my
character, in my habits, view of the world (I perceive
it totally differently, now), my daily tastes, even the
way I margin my typed pages. I have been trans-
formed, but not in any way I ever heard of. At first I
thought it to be a typical religious conversion, mostly
because I thought about God all the time, wore a con-
secrated cross and read the Bible. But that evidently is
due to Jim's lifestyle. I also drive differently, much
faster, reaching for an airvent on the dashboard that
is not there. Evidently I'm used to another car
entirely. And when I gave my phone number the last
two times I gave it wrong—another number. And to
me the weirdest thing of all: at night phone numbers
swim up into my mind that I never heard of before.
I'm afraid to call them; I don't know why. Perhaps in
some other part of Orange County someone else is giv-
ing my phone number as his, drinking wine for the
first time in his life and listening to Rock; I don't
know. I can't figure it out. If so, I have his money. A
lot of it. But I got it from my agent, or rather ex-agent,
since after 23 years I fired him.* To explain the totally
different tone and attitude of my letters I told my

* In May 1974, PKD briefly dismissed the Scott Meredith Literary
Agency due primarily to his dissatisfaction with the royalty statements
supplied him by publishers. The rift was formally patched within a month,
and the Meredith Agency continued to represent PKD.

agent I had my father-in-law, a CPA, working with me.
At the time this was to my mind a lie, but looking
back I can see a thread of truth in it. Someone was
and is working with me on all business matters, mak-
ing my attitude tough and shrewd and suspicious. I
am hard-boiled and I never regret my decisive actions.
I can say No whenever I want to. Jim was that way—no
sentimentality. He was the shrewdest Bishop I ever
knew.

Perhaps he is collaborating in the writing of this
right now.

[....]

Maybe I, Phil Dick, have just abreacted to a past
personality, formed up to the mid-fifties. Lost skills
and heartaches that came after that.

Well then we have here a sort of time travel,
rather than someone who is dead "coming across"
from the Other Side. It is still me, with my old, prior
tastes and skills and habits. Mercifully, the sad recent
years are gone. Another form of my odd and chronic
psychological ailment: amnesia, which my head
learned after my dreadful auto accident in 1964.*

Come to think of it, it is the memories laid down
since 1964 which have dimmed. I recall saying to
Tessa that it seemed to me that precisely ten years of
memory was gone. That would take it right back to
that day in—my god, almost ten years to the day—
when I rolled my VW in Oakland on a warm Spring
Saturday. Perhaps what happened that day was that
from the physical and mental shock an alternative per-
sonality was struck off; I did have extraordinary amne-
sia during the months afterward. So that might make
an excellent hypothesis: the trauma of that auto acci-

* See next paragraph. As a result of this accident, PKD suffered a
broken arm and wore a body cast for two months.

dent started a secondary personality into being, and it
remained until mid-March of this year, at which time
for reasons unknown it faded out and my original
"real" personality returned. That makes sense. More
so than any other theory. Also, it was in 1964 that I
first encountered Jim Pike[... ] No wonder I have Jim
interwoven with this restored personality; he was on
my mind at the time it was abolished. I've just picked
up where I left off in 1964.

I've explained everything but the preference for
beer over wine. I never drank beer. And the business
shrewdness; I never was shrewd. And the general
health kick, the religious kick, the lack of sentimental-
ity, the resolution, the ability to discern a lie, the inten-
tion and determination never to lie, the vastly higher
level of effectiveness in all fields, the trimming my
beard so expertly—everything is explained but those;
also I still have to explain the constant written mate-
rial which I see in dreams every night, including
Greek and Latin and Sanskrit and god knows what
else words I never knew but have to look up. This
abreaction to before the auto accident explains some
things, but it doesn't explain others. Could it be that I
now am what I would have been had the accident not
occurred? As if I've shifted over to a sort of alternate
world where I grew naturally and normally to this
mature and responsible character-formation, not
derailed tragically by first the accident, then the
involvement with Nancy et al, which of necessity fol-
lowed? This, then, would be a sort of personal alter-
nate universe. Ananke ... another Greek word flashed
up to me in sleep; the compulsion which determines
the outcome of even the gods' lives. There is an
ananke for me which decreed that I would become
what I am now, and that weird, unfortunate sidetrack-
ing cannot abolish it as my destiny.

In which case I am more truly myself now than at
any other time since the accident. Which may well be.
I am myself—in this, the best of all possible worlds.
It's heredity, so to speak, over environment. The stars
and my innate character triumphed.

Which explains why I still can't spell. It is not in
my nature.

Whatever all this is, I brought it on. I had been
doing months of research on recent discoveries about
brain function, especially the exciting news that we
have two hemispheres and use only one, the left one.
They say that's where procedural thoughts such as
doing math and thinking inductive and deductive logi-
cal processes take place; the other hemisphere, which
people in Asia use instead, does simultaneous work,
such as gestalting of a picture, intuitive and even ESP
functioning. What it comprehends it comprehends in
a single pattern and then passes on to the next, with-
out there being a sequential or causal relationship
between the apprehended and evaluated matrices,
which I guess fly by like the frame freeze pictures on
TV in the Heinz 57 Variety ad. I had read that massive
doses of certain water soluble vitamins improve neu-
ral firing in schizophrenics: better synchronization
and so forth. It occurred to me that maybe in a nor-
mal purpose [sic; person?] with normal, which is to say
average, synchronization, it might cause firing to take
place so efficiently that both hemispheres of the brain
might come on together. So I found a recipe in a Psy-
chology Today article* and I did it. I took what they
prescribe schizophrenics.

In terms of my own personal life what happened
made history, and I'm sure—off and on, anyhow—that

* The likely reference here is to Harvey Ross, "Orthomolecular
Psychiatry: Vitamin Pills for Schizophrenics," Psychology Today April 1974.

whatever happened then and from then on has to do
with my getting what I set out to get: such improved
neural firing that both hemispheres came on
together, for the first time in my life. It is the contents
that puzzle me, not what happened in the biochemi-
cal or physiological or even psychological sense. Even
allowing for the obvious fact that since my personality
must have formed in the left hemisphere alone then
whatever happens in the right would be subjectively
experienced as the Not-I, our [sic; or?] lying outside of
my self system and therefore not me and not my
thoughts, I still can't for instance understand why
when I begin to fall asleep my thoughts switch from
English to Greek, a language I don't know.

All my thoughts and experiences, focussing
mainly in dreams, seem to constellate around the
Hellenistic Period, with accretions one would expect
from previous cultures. The best way to describe it is
to say at night my mind is full of the thoughts, ideas,
words and concepts that you'd expect to find in a
highly educated Greek-speaking scholar of the 3rd
Century A.D., at the latest, living somewhere in the
Mediterranean Area of the Roman Empire. His day
time thoughts, I mean. Not what he'd dream while
asleep.

Perhaps this is another BRIDEY MURPHY.* I've
brought back to being active a personality "from a for-
mer life." Undoubtedly, from internal evidence it
appears to be the past, the archaic past, breaking
through. But it's not chaotic. It's highly systemized,
sort of like the left hemisphere of the Greek-speaking

* Reference to Morey Bernstein, THE CASE OF BRIDEY MURPHY (1956),
in which a contemporary woman was apparently able, while under
hypnosis, to recall a previous life under the name Bridey Murphy in
nineteenth century Ireland.

Roman citizen. It seemed to me that the preoccupa-
tions of this individual were indeed those of Jim Pike,
and thus if you allow all prior steps in this chain of
inferential thought to stand, you arrive logically at the
final step that Jim Pike broke through to me "from the
other side." But, if you apply Ockham's Razor, the
Principle of Parsimony (the smallest theory to cover
the facts) you can deal Jim out and run with the
ancient material alone. Except that obviously it's
organized as if by a living, idiosyncratic personality,
which I often sense behind it. This personality,
glimpsed by me as being a woman, holds up the book
to me or mails it to me, etc. She likes me. She wants to
guide, educate and help me. Evidently she's exposing
me to all this enlightening and ennobling written
material deliberately, to make me into a higher life
form, or anyhow a better person. Up until now my
higher education has been sadly neglected; she is mak-
ing up for that, using very effective show-and-tell
audio-video teaching techniques. I have the feeling
that for every word or photo I consciously catch and
remember there are thousands of yards of it poured
onto me that I do not consciously remember. They
take hold anyhow, as witness my busy intellectual
research—homework, if you wish—the next day.

After one dream, in which I saw a sibyl who was a
cyclops, I decided after doing research that it was the
Cumaean sibyl who had seized hold of me, and not
anyone from present times or the "other side." I got a
lot of mileage out of that theory, but then I get a lot
out of each theory I hold.

My conscious memory—my conscious vocabulary—is
only the tip of the iceberg. And yet it seems highly
strictured [sic; structured?]; obsessed, in fact, by the
theological disputations and dogmas and highly

abstract and abstruse concepts and theories of Rome.
As Robert Graves once said, "Theological dispute was
the disease of that age," meaning that every one in the
streets was obsessed by it and had to talk about it end-
lessly—as my unconscious does. My unconscious is fix-
ated in the Roman period, and that strikes me as
strange. How did it get there in the first place? And
being there, why does it remain?

Once I myself was consciously, deliberately inter-
ested in that period; I was in my early twenties, and
read about it a lot, at the expense of being a rounded
person. But my unconscious for all its obsessions with
the theoretical material of that period is hard-headed
and shrewd, and wants everything it comes up with
applied in the most practical way. If it shows me the
Golden Rectangle* it does so in order to calm me with
that ultimate aesthetically balanced sight; it has a firm
therapeutic purpose. There is a utilization of all its
abstract material for genuine purposes, for me, by
and large. It is a tutor to me as Aristotle was to Alexan-
der, which makes me wonder why it is grooming and
shaping me this way, tutoring me in the exact fashion
employed by the Greeks. Philosophy for real ends, for
final causes, as Aristotle would have put it: for some-
thing lying ahead and not as an idle pastime, an end
in itself. The ennobling and elevating education is
altering me and I would presume that when it is fin-
ished I, having become changed (to resort to the Abla-
tive Absolute), will act upon the improved character
which I've acquired—not on the knowledge direct, as
if on enlarged memory banks, but upon the basis of
my matured and elevated character. I know this

* The Golden Rectangle, which formed a part of the hypnagogic visions
experienced by PKD during this period, embodies the Pythagorean ideal
of harmonious proportion that points to ultimate unity.

whole process sees ahead because I have caught sight
of its clear perception down the web of time, seen
with it for a while; it knows what is ahead and acts
accordingly. I'm sure it has a final purpose in mind,
for which this is careful preparation. This recalls to
me my notion that the Cumaean sibyl is behind it all;
certainly she had or has a clear view of the future, of
time; that is what a sibyl is.

Following basic Greek thought it is improving my
mind and body together, as a unity. Health is
equated—correctly so—with vigor and the capacity to
act. All its concepts, its viewpoint, are Greek. Symme-
try, balance, harmony. I sense Apollo in this, which is
consistent, since the Cumaean sibyl was his oracle.
Moderation, reasonability and balance are Apollo's vir-
tues, the clear-headed, the rational. Syntosis, or what-
ever. Pythagorian harmoniousness. A reconciling of
all impulses and tendencies within, then turning to
the outer world once that is achieved and becoming
syntonic with it as well. I'm getting a classical educa-
tion. Greek, a little Latin, knowledge of Sanskrit, theol-
ogy and philosophy and the Ionian Greeks various
views of the cosmos. Very unusual to get this here in
Southern California. All very sane and steady. The
most worthy, the highest virtues and values in the his-
tory of our civilization.

How did they happen to arise within me? For
instance, it pointed out that my ananke—the compul-
sion or fate lying ahead of me—is a darkening, a gath-
ering gloom, which is a good description of my
underlying melancholia. Against which I pit my
learned syntonos. Cultivation against innate predispo-
sitions: a basis struggle in life, and well elucidated by
my unconscious. How did it know these two terms
and [how] was [it] able to define them for me? I didn't
know. I never knew. This is material emanating from

a wise viewpoint which I never possessed. This was
not me, although it is becoming me; or rather, to be
more accurate, it is shaping me so that I am becoming
it. Meeting its standards, its ideals. Which are Apollon-
ian Greece's, from over 2 thousand years ago: from its
Golden Age. Our Golden Age.

Now, this really does not rule out Jim Pike as my
Athenian or Hellenistic tutor. Jim had, I'm certain,
that kind of classical education. Greek, Latin, Roman
theology and so forth. The disputations of St. Paul, St.
John, the Logos Doctrine, what Augustine knew. Also,
Jim was—is—shrewd; he'd apply, did apply in his life,
all this classical education. He is the only person I
ever knew, in fact, with such a background. If Jim
were to become my tutor this I really think, all this
that I'm being taught, that my attention is being
drawn to, would be precisely what he would get me
involved with. The reading list I'm getting is the one
he would give. This is Jim's mind I'm getting, not so
much his personality. Its directed—expertly directed—
contents. It has me drink beer instead of wine because
beer is more healthy for me and I should drink a little
something to relax me; there's an example. That's
directed tutoring. This is not an inert computer, whose
keyboard I myself punch according to my own whim
and volition.

The one odd dream that I had, in which I picked
up the most distant, the smallest, weakest signal—
from a star, star-information, sidereal... what I heard
seemed to resemble, as an analog, an AI System, not a
computer, and female in tone. Reasonable and
female. This was a small system, though; it knew
almost nothing, not even where it was (the "Portu-
guese States of America," it decided, when I suggested
it look around for something written to read from,
like the address on an envelope). This was a subsys-

tem and not my tutor, but its response told me that
nowhere in our world would I find the sending entity
which had begun impinging on me in the form of
highly abstract and highly balanced (liked the Golden
Rectangle) graphics back in March. Not so much what
it told me in a positive sense—where it was—but by rul-
ing out where it is not: that helped. It isn't here,
which means here in time, space, dimension, any of
the coordinates.

The past, then. Or the future. Another star. An
alternate world. "The other side." They're all "the
other side" in some way. For instance, it made me
aware of God from the very start, but never of Christ;
I deduce from this that it is non-Christian and proba-
bly pre-Christian. Actually I can't catch in it any influ-
ences since the Greek Logos Doctrine. Which could
be Iranian. India to Iran to Greece and then possibly
(but not necessarily) to Rome. One night I had a
short bitter dream in which I cried out in despair,
"Ich hab' kein' Retter," I have no Savior. Then in fear
at having said that I added "Ja,ja, es gibt ein Retter,"
[Yes, yes, a Savior is given] but it was too late; the
whole Ground of Being, everything around me, dwin-
dled away and was gone; I floundered in the void,
suffering. I think this was an awareness that for all
its value, this new worldview being dominant in me
and taking over from the old one would deprive me,
perhaps forever, of Jesus Christ. I guess this is true.
It's a dreadful loss, but I can't stop it; what can the
pupil do in the hands of such a tutor? Unfortunately,
though, a tutor who—well, lived before Christ and
hence could not have known of Him? But Jim knew
of Christ. Perhaps then I have worked the logical
steps, deducing and deducing, to prove that my tutor
existed before the time of Christ, or if a bit later did
not know of, or if knowing did not accept. Time and

knowledge have been rolled back, for better or
worse. Mostly it is better ... except in this one conspic-
uous regard. I miss my Savior.

So my "unconscious," which I've claimed this
tutor to be, has available to it "my entire memory,"
except everything pertaining to events and concepts
that arose after 100 A.D. That is an extraordinarily
great restriction. Obviously, that is not in any sense
that we know the term "my unconscious," laid down
in my lifetime; it knows words, concepts, that I never
knew-and doesn't know the commonplace elements
of the last 2,000 years. Its location is far back in time.
And another climate; I keep sensing—and craving—a
moist, cool, high-altitude environment, where I can
watch the stars.

I remember that when this first hit me, in the first
couple of weeks, I was absolutely convinced that I was
living in Rome, some time after Christ appeared but
before Christianity became legal. Back in the furtive
Fish Sign days. Secret baptism and that stuff. I was
sure of it. Rome, evil Rome and Caesar's minions,
were everywhere around me. So were the fast-moving
hidden agents of God, always on the Go, like the
Logos as it creates things. I was a Christian but I had
to hide it. Or they'd get me. It made me very uncom-
fortable to belong to a persecuted sect like that, a
small minority of fanatics. I was afraid I'd blurt out
my beliefs and be thrown to the lions. That is one rea-
son my blood pressure got so high. I was waiting to be
hit by Caesar's spies, and also I anticipated the Second
Coming or something good like that. Maybe the Day
of Judgment. I was more excited than afraid, sure in
my father, certain of my Savior. The Last Supper was
real, actual and close by me. Maybe this is a clue. I'm
still in that time period, but I've fallen under the wise
and prudent guidance of an educated Greek—high

class in other words—tutor. Brought in from the prov-
inces where the ignorant scurry about, to be educated
in cultivated urban life. I think I read all this in the
novel THE ROBE* x years ago. Jeez, I've fallen into
someone else's novel!

You know, I could if I wanted to make the most
dramatic but speculative case, for fictional purposes I
guess, reason that I was pulled back through time,
back and back, to where it All Went Wrong, which
would be where around 100 A.D. I, typifying everyone
who went wrong perhaps, became a Christian. "That
was a wrong turn," the Vast Active Living Intelligence
System that creates decided. "When those people
decided on Christianity. I'll throw away 2,000 years,
go back, have this one—he'll get it going right; he's typ-
ical—turn to some other religion instead, and have
that become dominant. Let's see ..." A New Start. Sec-
ond Time Around. Why not? Thus, my sense that my
help was coming from an alternate universe.

I don't know why I'm speculating along like this,
though, because in point of fact I've decided, by a
process of deduction, who my tutor is. Asklepios, or
one of his sons. A Greek physician, whose step
mother was the Cumaean sibyl, his father Apollo, at
whose shrines "... the sick were given wholesome
advice in their dreams," this cult yielding only reluc-
tantly to Christianity. Also Asklepios was according
to legend, slain by the Kyklopes, a cyclops. Which
would explain my extraordinary dreams: I saw a
fusion of his step-mother and him who Asklepios
feared most in all the world.

This also explains why the highest wisdom shown

THE ROBE (1942), novel by Lloyd Douglas.

me is that associated with Apollo. His—my tutor's—
father.

Interestingly, although Apollo is considered to
have been a myth, the Cumaean sibyl is thought to
have really existed, and Asklepios likewise. The sibyl
lived at least a thousand years, migrating to Rome and
writing her Sibylline Books. Asklepios, as I say, was
slain by a Kyklopes, by order of Zeus. That wasn't any-
thing Apollo could do about it; Asklepios was bringing
a dead person back to life with his healing powers,
which Zeus couldn't tolerate because it interrupted
the natural order. Which I guess is ananke again ...
which would explain why in his instructing and shap-
ing me Asklepios would emphasize that element in
life. He learned all about it. I'm getting the benefit of
his unfortunate experience.

I can see me telling my therapist this. "What's on
your mind, Phil?" she'll say when I go in, and I'll say,
"Asklepios is my tutor, from out of Pericleian Athens.
I'm learning to talk in Attic Greek." She'll say, "Oh
really?" and I'll be on my way to the Blissful Groves,
but that won't be after death; that'll be in the coun-
try where it's quiet and costs $100 a day. And you get
all the apple juice you want to drink, along with
Thorazine.

Apollo's motto at Delphi was "Know thyself,"
which forms the basis for all modern psychotherapy
and mental health and certainly underlies my getting
in touch with myself, as depicted here. The other
night when I found myself thinking, during the hyp-
nagogic state, in Greek, I managed to snatch a couple
of words out of what I believe to be a syntactic sen-
tence. (At that time I wasn't positive it was Greek; it
remained a problem to check on, today. It was.) I
snatched out:

crypte (—) morphosis

Those mean something like:
latent shape (or hidden or concealed shape)
Although I don't have anything more to go on, it
would seem to me that I—or my tutor—was musing on
this whole situation, and in pithy Greek formalizing
it. A latent form is emerging in me, buried perhaps by
Apollo himself, when his son Asklepios was killed by
the Kyklopes, so that his son's wisdom and skills,
derived from Apollo, would continue on despite
Asklepios' sudden death—remaining latent within the
morphology of the Indo-European descendants of
Asklepios, perhaps genetically handed down through
his sons. (He had two.) Now, when needed, this crypte
morphosis is emerging, again active; its external stimu-
lating-triggering source being some aspect of the
dreadful civic decline of our society, its falling into
ruins. "Within the degenerate molecules, the trash of
today, he (PKD) resurrects a power buried for eons."
(S. Lem, about UBIK.)* Other gods of the past have at
other times returned to life: Wotan in Germany, dur-
ing the Nazis. Surely Apollo with his balanced wis-
dom, his clear healing harmony of opposites, his
clear-headed self-knowledge and integrity—what bet-
ter archetype or god, long slumbering, should be
roused at this sad time? Of all the ancient buried dei-
ties Apollo is needed by us the most; we have seen
enough of the politics of unreason, "Thinking with
the Blood," etc.

* From Stanisiaw Lem, "Science Fiction: A Hopeless Case—With
Exceptions" (1972), an essay included in PHILIP K. DICK: ELECTRIC
SHEPHERD (1975), edited by Bruce Gillespie.

Footnote. The original display of dazzling graphics
which I saw, which inaugurated all this, were charac-
terized by their balance, not what shapes they con-
tained. They were, like much of Kandinsky's abstract
art, modern aesthetic elaborations, in color, of the
ancient a priori geometric forms conceived by the
Greeks, which even in their time passed over into
esthetics by way of Pythagoria,* e.g., the Golden Sec-
tion becoming the Golden Rectangle. Certainly this
would indicate that even the start of this contained
the hallmark of Apollo: the balance, the harmony—I
remember noting that in all the tens of thousands of
pictures what was continuous in them was this per-
fect balance, illustrating a fundamental principle of
art. It was that aspect which caught my attention and
eye and told me they had great worth. In a sense,
since all were rectangles, they were permutations of
the Golden Rectangle, which I saw today in its origi-
nal abstracted, empty form, so calm, so enduring, so
restful, reminding me of Apollo's basic virtue: synto-
sis. I didn't even know the word, then; it came to me
in sleep. Healing me, as was done 2,600 years ago and
never quite ceasing.

By the way—the town where Asklepios' sanitarium
existed, I read now, is up in the mountains. Probably
the climate was and is cool and moist; I read it's heav-
ily wooded. I'm [I'll] bet the stars are quite visible,
there. It's the place I yearn for. Out of memory.

(Mid-July 1974)

I awoke abruptly to find myself with my Savior,
and then entered Fellowship with God (the dreams of
the delighting void). Can it be said that this is the

The ongoing thought and works of the Pythagorean wisdom school.

rebirth, accomplished by penetration of the Child by
the solar spermatikos? Yes, Firebright, brought to life
and sustained Greater intelligence for me, better
health, longer life, even prosperity. A certain facility
with life. But most of all I recall what I saw when I
awakened: I saw my God, smiling in the sunlight of
day. Once, during the years of the Terrible Separa-
tion,* I saw Palmer Eldritch in the Sun—I saw God
backward, but sure enough, in the daytime sun: at
high noon, and knew him to be a god. THE THREE STIG-
MATA, if read properly (i.e., reversed) contains many
clues as to the nature of God and to our relationship
with him. I was motivated to flee, then, fearing what I
saw, so vast was the breach then. It was definitely a
true vision of God, but grown (to my blind sight) terri-
ble; still, it was the beginning of my seeing: that I
could see God at all, in the sun, showed that I was not
entirely blind, but rather deranged. My 3-74 experi-
ences are an outgrowth of my Palmer Eldritch experi-
ence of over ten years earlier. "Faith of Our Fathers"
shows this, too; I knew Him to be real... but only in
UBIK does he begin to appear as benign, especially
then in MAZE OF DEATH. We were coming back
together, as friends in the light-struck meadow or for-
est... the summertime to greet." (1975)

One could assume, I guess, that the divine seed is
in every one of us, but remains dormant (crypte mor-
phosis); it is never fed, and this feeding comes to the
pineal body via sunlight. So there is no implantation.

* "Terrible Separation" is a reference to PKD's own sense of the gulf

that existed in the 1960s between his own limited human existence and a

genuine encounter with the divine as a positive, redeeming force in the

universe.

** This final sentence is a paraphrase of the lyrics of one of PKD's

favorite lieder by Franz Schubert.

I myself, I felt something (Firebright) was implanted.
I had visions of Firebright's heavenly parents. That
sounds like more than celestial food. Which do we
have, a quickening, an awakening, or an implanta-
tion? The parables about the seeds sown ... they
don't make it certain (some sown on barren soil,
some on rock, some on good soil, etc.) If one had had
a dormant seed all one's life, and it had never
stirred, come to life at all, and then a shaft of fire-
light from the Sun of Righteousness caused it to
come to life for the first time, one might sense an
implantation from outside; something which was
not oneself. Sasha* must feel that way, with her little
new unborn kittens inside her. "They came from out-
side." But in fact they were fertilized from outside.
• Okay, fertilization is what takes place: it isn't a seed
such as a plant has, but an egg such as a human
woman ovulates, and a cosmic spermatika fertilizes
it; a zygote is produced. Firebright is a combining.
Here would be the crucial distinction between
Neoplatonism and Gnosticism, which I feel so
strongly about: the former is sort of self-fertilizing,
parthenogenesis, so to speak, but in Gnosticism you
have the idea that the Savior is absolutely necessary,
so we have here the idea that something entirely out-
side one is necessary, it comes along (God's grace)
and if it doesn't come, then there is no zygote, no
Firebright, no seed, no immortality. I always felt
Gnosticism was correct over Neoplatonism; viewed
this way, it is evident why. The Neoplatonist knows
what happened, in a basic way, but he feels he did it
by himself: up by his own bootstraps. A personal
achievement. I guess this is a failure to know about

PKD's cat.

the "birds and the bees," as the "Decoded N T"*
points out. How are babies born? By thinking about
it, or by copulating? Let's be realistic; it takes a
union, always true in higher forms, of which we are
one. This is why the "Dec N T" can so plainly declare
that no meditation, no prayer, no affirmation of
belief, is going to do it. It is done to us, not by us. All
each of us can do is accept—i.e., receive.

You are to be "meek," i.e., Yinnish, humble, recep-
tive, but what overpowers you (the father!) is fierce,
like Elijah, seeking justice and truth, powerful, defi-
nitely Yangish, and the not-you. Just the opposite. Pos-
session by the God (vide Virgil describing Apollo
taking over the Sibyl). You may be masculine to other
humans, but to Him you are feminine, passive. Now,
the Mynaeds of Dionysus did not seem to believe
(read know) that a permanent fertilization, acquisition
took place, but the Orphics certainly did; here lies a
vast distinction! The being-overpowered leaves some-
thing forever: a vision of truth, of reality, a rising up
to ultratemporal regions, but after the beatific vision,
the Firebright Second Birth, what is born, lives on,
eternally. What a jump from the mere Dionysian
frenzy to Orphism and beyond, to Christianity! What a
realization of the value of being possessed!

This borders on the Sufi: becoming God. One does
"become" God while he possesses you, but then he
leaves. But—well, it's like poor Leda. Vide Yeats' poem.
But look at the progeny: Helen of Troy. (1975)

Every time in my life that I've heard the spirit

* THE DECODED NEW TESTAMENT (1974). Published by Gene Savoy's
International Community of Christ in Reno, Nevada. An alternate reading
of the New Testament from an esoteric organization that briefly
influenced PKD.

it's been when my normal (linear) thinking had exas-
perated & exhausted itself—reached its end without
results, but each time, results were still absolutely
necessary. This alone makes a circumstantial case for
locating the spirit, the Inward Light, in the right
hemisphere (I suppose). Normal habitual cognitive
processes must be tried fully and fail. This would be
why under routine & ordinary conditions I don't
hear it and am cut off from it. But this only tells me
where it can be localized in terms of brain morphol-
ogy. As an oppositional other brain, not my own, it
still—well, how does it come to think in Attic Greek,
and make use of technical terms such as syntonic?
My original diagram showed a piece of the
macrocosmos within the microcosmos, but that was
more a metaphor and poetry. Also, if my right hemi-
sphere can do this, why does it do it only when I am
under duress? Why isn't there bilateral parity? What
an improvement that would be. Is it a new organ just
starting to come on, as Dr. Bucke* believed (i.e., the
next step upward in human evolution?) Maybe so.

(1975)

Last night (June 2nd**) I had a blissful truly mysti-
cal experience, which is probably the first one I've
had in the strict sense, inasmuch as it was a state, an
ASC,*** with vast understanding and comprehension
as to how everything fitted together, but lacking any
and all adventitious percept-system experiences, as I
had in 3-74 and 2-75. However, had I never had any-

* Dr. Richard Maurice Bucke (1837-1902), friend of Walt Whitman and

author of COSMIC CONSCIOUSNESS, A STUDY IN THE EVOLUTION OF

THE HUMAN MIND (1905).

** 1975

*** Altered state of consciousness.

thing else, it alone (last night) would have dignified
my life immeasurably. How to record it verbally,
though, I don't know. It linked it all up. That's a lot.

As basic realization: my 3-74 experience—the inter-
vention by God in the world—was not an anomaly,
except in terms of my experience of it. That is to say, it
was a natural, regular event, which I had just never
seen before; however, it always goes on, went on, will
go on forever. It is the perpetual re-establishment of
equilibrium and harmony, relating to the Tao and to
ma'at*

Primarily, I began by realizing that along the lines
of Parmenides when he denied the testimony of his
senses as regards to what is (in actuality, what exists),
I realized that:

(1) There is no visual (sense-organ) evidence of
God at work anywhere in the world.

(2)I must either deny that God, then, is at work in
the world, or I must deny the evidence of my senses.

I must have made myself, or anyhow been, very
receptive (Yinnish) to the forces active in the universe
at that moment. When hex 36** changed to some other
good one, I was carried along, I just have, as the Tao-
ists or Zen people, somebody anyhow, says, made
myself empty (wu).

For hours last night I had in a blissful trance, sens-
ing the capacity of the universe to rebound, its elastic-
ity. You can't break it; it will regain its "shape" after
any deformity sets in.

* The ancient Egyptian goddess Ma'at (or Maat) symbolizes equilibrium,
poise, and harmony. "Ma'at" also serves as an abstract term indicative of
such qualities; it is in that abstract sense that PKD uses it here.
** Hexagram 36 of the I CHING.

Having experienced this blissful mystical under-
standing of it all, everything I've been into from 3-74
to now, I am thinking, Perhaps I can infer that the
Parousia are [sic] not here in any universal or objec-
tive sense; but surely for me, as an individual, the
entire sequence of depicted events came—and in the
order described. Which causes me to ask, If as Meister
Eckhart says, the Kingdom of God is within the Soul
of each person (i.e., an entirely individual, inner
event) then is not the entire realm of Parousia, all of
it, within the inner individual soul of one person-at-a-
time? But if so, then why do not other people report
my experience as theirs? Over 2000 years there is no
individual report like mine, except perhaps Eckhart?
Well, no matter how I cut it I will have trouble explain-
ing some parts.

It is possible that in some way, or for some reason,
I somehow (this is heavy) died but did not die. Vide
the photo of me. I passed by degrees across to the
other side, and then returned, reborn.

Let me assert as a possibility this: that as Teilhard
de Chardin says—mankind following Christ as a spe-
cies along through the stations of the cross—I went
through the vicarious experience of the Passion... or
was it vicarious? It was real. That all took place, had to
take place, to usher in 3-74, the rebirth. As Hoyt
Axton** says, "Most people want to fly to heaven;
they're not willing to climb."

There is a great mystery about the Kingdom of
God, as to where it is, and the Parousia in general; it is
in you, but also among you, and it is invisible but

* The photo referred to here is unknown.
Country music singer.

actual. Ho must mean it is transpersonal. When you
participate (yes, that is it); you enter it—did He not use
this key word? You enter it; therefore it already exists
before you and outside you, which indicates objective
existence (contrast, "I entered sadness," a state of
mind). It is real and it is there; one by one we enter it,
or we don't. We cross over and enter, led by our shep-
herd. In response to the sound (sic) of his voice (sic). A
place of safety and peace, where we remain with Him.
We find our way to it (recall my vivid experience in 3
or 4-74 in seeing a pylon or archway with a silvery
moonlit world beyond, and Greek letters—silence. I
could pass through the gate and enter that world
beyond; I could see it clearly, first here, then there,
now over there, glowing and waiting, open to me. Not
in any one spot but glimpsed again and again! [)]

That was no subjective state; that was a perception
of something real which others couldn't see; a set-
ground gestalting. I discerned the doorway repeatedly;
it was multilocated and authentic. Not omnipresent but
multipresent. The Secret Kingdom, hidden.

A moment of fear touches me; did I then fail to
pass through that gate and enter it? I think I passed on
through, because after seeing it (that was quite early
along) I then had the holy waste & void dreams, or
visions, visionary trance experiences, where I was
with God; that came later, I'm sure; yes, that was later,
after the Carmel dream which ushered it in. So I did
enter.

[....]

When I was little I used to haul out big wooden
cartons and boxes to play inside of... it is as if,
through the pylon gate, I found my way back to the
peace and safety of those cartons of my childhood...
God has brought me at last to safety and a realization,
at last, of safety, the safety I yearned for and did not

have even then (5 years old). Viewed another way per-
haps it can be said that I have been brought safety
into the fold, after straying all over the landscape.
Either way we are talking about the same place. I feel
a great peace now, at last, for the first time in my life.
This whole period, including 3-74, has been arduous; I
had to work hard and hustle after my illumination (3-
74), right on down through the months, these 14
months, writing on this as I am doing, reading and
researching and writing and meditating in order to
understand. I believe I've worn myself out more with
this than with any previous writing, any novel or
group of novels. I have educated myself regarding my
experience. Gone to school over it. What does it add
up to (at this point in my knowledge)? I passed
through the narrow gate in mid-74, and now I am told
that He will come back for the world itself, fairly soon.
Thus an individual experience will be made/is being
made into a common or group or collective or objec-
tive experience by our people in general. As with
other questions, the answer to the question, Is it sub-
jective & individual or objective & general is, Both.

This is the way to put it: "What do you have to do
to enter the Kingdom of Heaven?" and then the list
which follows conforms to the list one would draw, in
sequence, of what I experienced, back before that, too,
to the distress—lost—period which ran on months if
not years. What I went through both bad (before 3-74)
and good (3-74 on) had to be gone through, like an
enormous spiritual transcendental car wash—a
human being refurbishing system, so complex as to
beggar description, beginning with the drama of the
flying monsters with horses' necks (dragons) and then
picking up in distinctness with the chromatic flash-
cut graphics, the latter night being, if any section can

be so said to be, the moment when the Spirit began to
pour out onto and into me. The beginning, in other
words, of the New. Up to then it had been nothing but
various aspects of me perishing—dying. The rebirth
began with the graphics; the turning-point in the para-
bolic orbit has begun. I was re-entering life, as new
life re-entered me: "from above." The thing about all
this is that if it is said to me, severely, "You have to do
(experience, go through) a lot to enter the Kingdom of
Heaven; you can't do it like you are; you've got to be
very much changed, and receive the Spirit," etc. I can
say, "I know." (Or I think I know. I hope I know. I
hope I don't just have hubris about this. I hope I'm not
boasting. If I am I'm sorry.) I think, though, really,
what is convincing about it when I view it objectively
is that, remembering back, I was genuinely broken
down, stripped down, torn down to my skeletal plat-
ing, like an insect who has woven a cocoon, rebuild-
ing processes, all adventitious to me, improving and
teaching me, altering me—well, the "possession" part
alone remade me in the most fundamental way
indeed—and clearly as completely remaking me as can
be conceived.

(1) I believed I was someone else.

(2) From another time period.

(3) Dead centuries ago and reborn.

(4) A holy Christian person.

(5) I spoke Attic Greek somewhat and remem-
bered Rome.

(6) I wanted a new name and trimmed my
beard.

(7) All my interests and habits changed—
instantly.

(8) My linguistic idiosyncracies altered perma-
nently.

(9) Even the way I margined my pages changed.

(10) I wrote people I'd never written before.

(11) I joined religious organizations I'd never
heard of.

(12) All my political alliances of a lifetime
changed totally.

(13) I called cats "she" and dogs "he."

Ergo: He who was alive died, and someone else
lives now in me, replacing me.

(14) I talk to and am talked to by God.

Well, what more can you ask out of a transformed
person? I know the future and things beyond my
senses, but I'll skip that because I am not sure if that
counts.

(15) I stopped drinking wine and drank beer.

(16) I knew that aerosol sprays were lethal; like-
wise cigarettes.

(17) I could discern evil and could tell what was
true.

(18) My spelling is unchanged. (To give some
continuity.)

(19) I recovered from most of my quasi-physical
ailments.

(20) Most of my time since I spend studying theol-
ogy.

(21) The level of my intelligence is increased—
this includes reading retention, speed, and abstract
thinking.

(22) My depth perception is improved.

(23) Mental operations which baffled me are now
easy (i.e., mental blocks now seem gone).

(24) My psychological projections are withdrawn.

The only problem is, I am in no customary sense—

maybe in no sense whatsoever—spiritualized or
exalted. In fact I seem even more mean and irascible
than before. True, I do not hit anybody, but my lan-
guage remains gunjy and I am crabby and domineer-
ing; my personality defects are unaltered. In the
accepted sense I am not a better person. I may be
healthier (maybe not that; vide the blood pressure).
But I am not a good person, even though my emo-
tions and moods are better under control. Maybe I
just have a long way to go, yet. (1975)

Mark 4:11 says that the parables were intended to
confuse and not inform everyone except the disciples,
the latter understanding the esoteric meaning, the out-
siders getting only the exoteric meaning which would
fail to save them; this was especially true regarding
parables about the approaching Kingdom of God. I
keep forgetting this. How much of the real inner
meaning has come down to us? The written gospels
record probably mostly the exoteric parable mean-
ings, not the inner core. Whether we like it or not, it is
there in Mark (if not elsewhere), and this favors the
view of an elect within the body of mankind. At least
so far as Jesus went. Maybe now there is a Third Cove-
nant which will include all creation or anyhow all
men. I am thinking in particular of the grain of wheat
sown into the ground to rise again, a mystery theme
common to Greek mystery religions; in fact evidently
the basic one. What it really means—to know this—
enables the hearer to achieve what is achieved: eter-
nal life. The how is contained, as well as the what. I
think that in 3-74, at the height of despair and fear
and grieving I stumbled into the Kingdom, stumbled
around for a while and then stumbled back out, none
the wiser as to how I got there, barely aware of where

I had been, and no idea as to how I stumbled out, and
seeking always to find my way back ever since.
Shucks. Drat. If it wasn't the Kingdom I don't know
what it could be, with its bells and the lady singing
and the void, with the trash in the gutter glowing, and
the golden rectangle doorway with the sea and figure
beyond, and the moonlight. There were people living
there, especially the lady. It was all alive. It had per-
sonality. It explained everything to me. Now I don't
see or understand anything. At that time I could even
remember back to my origins. My real origins: the
stars. What am I doing here? I forget, but I knew once.
Amnesia has returned; the veil has fallen, back where
it was. The divine faculties are occluded as before.
Obviously I didn't accomplish it; I was given it, since I
don't know how to find it again. "Man is not as wise
as some stones, which in the dark, point toward their
homes." My soul, sunk down in ignorance again.
Blind & deaf. Ensnared by gross matter, limited. The
long dark night of the soul is a lousy place to be.

Heraclitus says the Logos can be heard. My good-
ness. (1975)

I am thinking back. Sitting with my eyes shut I
am listening to "Strawberry Fields." I get up. I open
my eyes because the lyrics speak of "Going through
life with eyes closed." I look toward the window. Light
blinds me; my head suddenly aches. My eyes close
and I see that strange strawberry ice cream pink. At
the same instant knowledge is transferred to me. I go
into the bedroom where Tessa is changing Chrissy*
and I recite what has been conveyed to me: that he
has an undetected birth defect and must be taken to

Tessa Dick, PKD's fifth wife, and Christopher (Chrissy), his infant son.

the doctor at once and scheduled for surgery. This
turns out to be true.*

What happened? What communicated with me? I
could read and understand the secret messages
"embedded within the interior bulk." I have been
placed under God's protection. The advocate now rep-
resents me. I hear a far off quiet voice that is not a
human voice; it-she-comforts me. In the dark of the
night she tells me that "St. Sophia is going to be born
again; she was not acceptable before." A voice barely
audible in my head. Later she tells me she is a "tute-
lary spirit," and I don't know what that word means.
Tutor? I look it up. It means "Guardian."

I dream that "Elias" is sunk in despair were I not
to turn the Monopoly play money and gold watch I
found over to the Mexicans in Placentia. Who is
Elias? I look it up. It is the Greek form for Elijah.
Monopoly money—gold watch. Code—capitalism.
Why should Elijah despair if I fail to return the
watch and money to their proper owners? What is at
stake here? After I give the watch and money to the
Mexicans I realize they came from them in the first
place. I go outdoors & no longer need hide from or
be afraid of the cops.

Will I ever know why what I did was important?
For several years I had sensed divine forces secretly at
work guiding, protecting & helping me. But in 3-74 I
saw them. So previously I had been right. My meeting
Tessa—Christopher's birth. The secret sacraments I
performed, hiding them—him?—from the Romans.

Ich weiss. [I know.]

My work ist getan [is done], I never need fear
again: Because the work was brought to successful

* The events described here, including the surgery on Christopher,
occurred in September-October 1974.

completion. There is no need to hide. They were look-
ing for X,* but did not find it. X got into print and on
synch schedule. Alleluja! Marenatha!

Really, secretly, I know. The Revolution was a suc-
cess. There was no way they could keep X from com-
ing into print on schedule. "Nats" "Pol"—AMORC**
code words. The Knights Templar on the march
against the man hiding in the darkness inside the
building. Sentences to death. The wise old king had
passed judgment.

I saw the final days. Time fulfilled itself. We are
safe now from the world, which has been overcome. I
got to see God as he really is, & I saw what we are like.
"We shall be like him" 1JN***3:2 (1977)

Pain is the good which most effectively keeps me
alive. & it is good that I am alive. This pain, my pain,
but not pain as such, is good. Due to something in my
DNA nature, if I felt pleasure I would give up the pro-
cess & die. Pain is the most economical drive to keep
me going, and the dialectic process must conserve its
energy.

This is the way I am, and in total knowledge God
knew that this was the best way for me. Reality for me
is painful—must be and always will be—but (that) real-
ity is good; all realities are good. God does not err. His

* "X" seems to be PKD's symbol for the one or more of his works (just
which remained uncertain to him) that he believed may have contained a
vital message that could spur the process of divine salvation of the world.
In the next paragraph, PKD makes reference to "Nats" and "Pol"—the
colloquialisms PKD invented for the national guard and the police in
FLOW MY TEARS, THE POLICEMAN SAID (1974), a novel that PKD
frequently posited as the most likely identity of "X".
** AMORC is the acronym for the American Rosicrucian society
founded in 1915 by Harvey Spencer Lewis—the Ancient and Mystic Order
Rosae Crucis. PKD briefly joined in 1974.
*** John.

decision is always right. Therefore it follows from this
premise that even if reality is necessary and painful it
is always good. (c. 1978)

Oh God, I am so weary of this lonely world! Can't
I find ray way back? Its power reasserted itself, its
power to compel me to see it & live in it but knowing
& remembering. We were so happy preparing for the
return of God! & then we fell asleep—bewitched—
Klingsor & his castle of iron. Libera me, Domine!
[Release me, Lord!] (July 1978)

Yes, it was a mercy to me—I went over the brink
into psychosis in '70 when Nancy did what she did to
me*—in '73 or so I tried to come back to having an
ego, but it was too fragile & there were too many
financial & other pressures; the hit on my house &
all the terrors of 1971 had left their mark—& so, esp[.]
because of the IRS matter suffered total psychosis in
3-74, was taken over by one or more archetype. Pov-
erty, family responsibility (a new baby) did it. & fear
of the IRS.

Only now, as I become for the first time in my
life financially secure, am I becoming sane. Free of
psychotic anxiety (R. Crumb's case is very instruc-
tive),** & career-wise I am doing so well: I am at least
experience genuine satisfaction (e.g. my car, my nov-
els, my stereo, my friendship with K.W. ), & there is
far less responsibility on my shoulders. Also, my

* Nancy Hackett, PKD's fourth wife, decided in 1970 to end the

marriage. For an account that includes the views of Nancy Hackett as to

the events of that year, see chapter seven of DIVINE INVASIONS: A LIFE

OF PHILIP K. DICK (1989).

** During the 1970s, comic book artist R. Crumb underwent an

intensive tax audit conducted by the I.R.S.

*** K.W. Jeter, a friend and fellow science-fiction writer.

accomplishments last year—traveling, being with
Joan*—did wonders for my psychological health. I
learned to say no, & I conquered most of my pho-
bias. I think they lessened as I learned to enjoy living
alone for the first time in my life. & the therapy at
Ben Rush Center helped.

But I think that when all else failed & external
pressures & inner fears drove me into psychosis, God
placed me under his personal protection & guided me &
saved me by his divine love, mercy, wisdom & grace
through Christ... although not, perhaps, as I delusion-
ally imagined. The intervention appears in TEARS as
the dream & the reconciliation with my shadow, the
black man, which followed; & my anima, possessing
mana, acted as my psychopomp through the under-
world to safety.

[....]

Abandoned by Tess,** my suicide attempt brought
me in touch at last with my body, my physical self, &
caused me to respect—not despise—my body.

Still, I still have too low a self-esteem, but my suc-
cess as a recognized writer has helped that. The death
of my mother*** has helped, because I can see what a
malign person she was in my life & how I feared & dis-
liked her—which she deserved[...] My friendship

with K.W. has helped, too. (i.e., he has helped make
me more thick-skinned & better able to monitor &

* Joan Simpson, with whom PKD had a romantic relationship in 1977.
** In February 1976, PKD attempted suicide after his fifth wife, Tessa
Dick, moved out of their house with their son Christopher. Tessa Dick
recalls that PKD insisted on the move. See chapter eleven of DIVINE
INVASIONS: A LIFE OF PHILIP K. DICK (1989).

*** Dorothy Kindred Hudner, PKD's mother, died in August 1978. The
relationship between mother and son was a difficult one. See chapters
one and two of DIVINE INVASIONS.

access my intrinsic worth). Also I am aware of my
good works & hence myself as a good person.

& I accept my own aging, now. & I have my two
fine cats. I guess now I don't need nay psychotic fan-
tasy-system so much—but I treasure parts of it, esp[.]
the love & the beauty—& her. My psychosis put me in
touch with "das ewige weiblichheit" [the eternal femi-
nine] in me, & for that I will always be grateful; it
means I will never really be alone again: whenever I
really need her, I will sense her presence & hear her
voice (i.e., St. Sophia.) At the center of psychosis I
encountered her: beautiful & kind &, most of all, wise,
& through that wisdom, accompanying & leading me
through the underworld, through the bardo thodol*
journey to rebirth—she, the embodiment of intelli-
gence: Pallas Athena herself. So at the core of a shat-
tered mind & life lies this equicenter—omphalos—of
harmony & calm. I love her, & she is my guide: the sec-
ond comforter & advocate promised by Jesus ... as
Luther said, "For the very desperate," here in this world
secretly, for their—our—sake.

Driven mad by fear & adversity I have seen—&
lived in—another world that most people never get to
see. But it is not that world that I remember & trea-
sure but it is her—she who I met there, who met me &
helped me. I saw her in many forms, but her voice
was always the same. I recognized my savior in her—
as her; he took the form which would mean the most
to me (as Zoroaster says about meeting one: religion
as the other end of the bridge which spans two

The postmortem realm described in the TIBETAN BOOK OF THE DEAD.

worlds: she is young & beautiful if you are a son of
Light—old & withered if you are a son of Darkness.)

When I saw her she was beautiful beyond com-
pare—Aphrodite & Pallas Athena both—& some day I'll
see her again. She is inside me—she is my soul.

I can entertain (hold) two normally contradictory
beliefs—explanations—:

1) I became totally psychotic & projected &
imagined all that religious, supernatural stuff.

2) The guide & savior, the figure of the beautiful
woman who I met & whose voice I kept hearing,
whose existence during my psychosis I imagined, was
& is completely real—& I know when the need arises
again, I will find her once more, or rather she will
find me & again guide me.

Now the wisdom of giving me the prophecy ("St.
Sophia will..." etc.) in Greek is evident. How can I dis-
miss that as a psychotic hallucination when I didn't
know what "St. Sophia" meant?[.... ]

But foremost: the "AI" voice (which, e.g., gave me
the prophecy, & which still corrects & instructs me). It
either all stands or it all falls. I think it stands. (1978)

Consider what the AI voice has said recently:

"The head Apollo is about to return."

"The time you've waited for has come."

"Don't tell that you're a secret xtian."

"It [the xerox missive] was from an intelligence offi-
cer in the army." (So it was a trap.)

"I did call you, Philip." (This, Christ's voice, not
the "AI" or Holy Spirit's.) "You are doomed to do what
you will do. There is no other possibility. Some will be
saved & some will not."

So the great assize is taking place; v. TEARS, the
dream. The time of his return as judge and rightful

king is here, & he is selecting his flock. "The head
Apollo is about to return" is interesting because the
return of Apollo as rightful king was the signal to the
Greco-Roman world that the cycle of ages has passed
from the Iron (BIP) to the Golden (v. Virgil's eclogue).*

"I did call you, Philip." So I actually heard the
savior's voice call me: the good shepherd. &, as it is
written, "My sheep (flock) know my voice."

If anyone thinks this all has drawn me away from
reality & practical problems, just consider the xerox
missive, which I now know was indeed a U.S. intelli-
gence trap.

Is he now selecting his flock? He is the one who
picks us, not we him. I have every reason to believe he
picked me. (1978)

Well, thinking this, about how Zoroastrianism
teaches that we are met by the spirit of our religion
when we die, & if we are a son of light, she is "Jung
und Schon." [Young and beautiful] But if we are a ser-
vant of the lie she is a wrinkled old hag... I dream I
heard the magic bell, & see her in bird feathers—like
Papagana** ... I am even more 1) uneasy as to
whether I am in the "live" world (lower realm) or the
"next world" (upper realm); but 2) pleased at how
ma'at*** has judged me. There has been, admittedly,
a lot of pain (over [past women in his life]) but the
reward element predominates; I feel better & better,
&, what is equally important, seem to understand
more & more, exponentially. I am no longer chroni-
cally depressed & apprehensive (terror stricken). I've

* The reference here is to Virgil's Fourth Eclogue, which was asserted,
by the Church Fathers, to contain a prophecy of the coming Christ.
** Character in the Mozart opera THE MAGIC FLUTE.
*** See note on page 25.

written (I feel) my best book so far. My mind is alive
& active. I feel I am growing & developing. I finally
got Laura & Isa** down here. I'm economically
secure. I'm no longer abusing drugs, legal or illegal—
i.e., drug dependent. I am very happy. I even went to
France. I had a lot of fun with Joan.*** My career is
gosh wow (due in good measure to my own—and
Thomas'—efforts). So I may be dead, as of 3-74. My
cosmological concepts are so terrific, so advanced as
to be off the scale. I create whole religions and philo-
sophical systems. The very fact that I honestly pon-
der if I may be dead & in heaven is prima facie
evidence of how happy & fulfilled I am. How many
people seriously wonder this? (Maybe everyone,
when they die.) If I am not dead, how do I explain 2-3-
74? No one has ever reported such obviously post mor-
tem experiences.

Well, I explain it in terms of a two part oscillation
comprising my total existence: (1) the part where I
am alive in this world & my sister is dead & an idea
in my brain; & 2) the other part where I am dead &
she is alive & I am a thought in her living brain—& I
explain this oscillation of two antithetical irreducible
propositions as an instance of the dialectic (whose
existence was revealed to me in 3-74) which under-
lies all existence due to the fact that we're compo-
nents in a binary computer, etc., & I construe this
matter as a riddle posed to me by the designer of the
computer: Holy Wisdom,**** who is playful. But how

* The reference here is to VALIS, written in 1978.

** PKD's two daughters, by his third and fourth marriages, respectively.

PKD had arranged for each of them to visit him at his Santa Ana

condominium during this period.

*** Joan Simpson. See note on page 36.

****This is a cognate term for Saint Sophia.

do I explain why all this was revealed to me & to no
one else? I have no explanation; I know what I know
but not why. Unless, of course, when you die it's all
revealed to you routinely—

Or—having a deceased twin sister makes me
unusual: in symbiosis to a dead (sic) person, & in tele-
pathic contact with her. Or maybe I'm just a genius.
No, I'm not. But I am curious. I love epistemological
riddles. & so now I've got one, a superb one. It's ulti-
mate. Just theoretically, its formulation couldn't be
beaten. I love it. I'll solve it.

I regard the two-proposition formulation about
"am I alive or..." etc. as a brilliant application of the
"UBIK" puzzle to my own self. But I can't take credit
for formulating it; it was presented to me. Whoever
the funning player is, she is a delight. Sophia, I think
it is you.

One thing I must posit as absolutely veridical: the
power of Karma over me was broken completely in 3-
74. So at the very least, I am 1) dead to the way-of-
being in the world I had known; & 2) alive to a new
free way of being, & progressively more so. (1978)

Dream: I am Jerry Lewis, a contemptible clown,
but admired by millions, esp. in France. In a parking
lot I fall, & lie down to die. At once my fans gather
from everywhere, & close in around me to protect me,
giving military salutes; it is a heroic scene, the dying
leader & his loyal troops. (1979)

What does it mean-how can it be—to die & come
to life? I died & came to life. It is a mystery. I remem-
ber dying. There can be no doubt about it. & then I
could see; I was no longer blind. I was on the outside
of the universe looking in; everything was reversed. &

it was 2000 years ago, I remembered. Who am I now?
Thinking in Greek, & the healing & the prophecy.
Saint Sophia will be born again; she was not accept-
able before.

The palm trees. The garden.

Ich bin er. Das weiss ich. Immer kommt es dazu
zuriick. Wie viel sind er? Und wo? & wie? Die zeit ist heir!
[I am him. That I know. Ever will he come back again.
How many will we see him? And where? & how? The time
is now!] (1979)

How can I ascertain my role? Did I do something?
Absolutely. But I don't know what I did, so I don't
know who (so to speak) I am in the drama. Was some-
thing done for me? Absolutely yes. There are, then,
two aspects. I became some one (whom I call Thomas)
& as Thomas I did something—I know not what—&
something was done for me (I was rescued, but I don't
know from what). In the antithetical dialectic between
the rightful king & the old tyrant-usurper I was with
(or was?) the rightful king (represented in my book as
Taverner): exculpated and rescued, but also bringing
down doom on the tyrant. This is the "priest of
Dionysus" role, the stranger.

It is the legitimate power which when "crucified"
(humiliated & killed, the latter perhaps symboli-
cally[)]; viz.: I died & yet did not die-
Here is the mystery: humiliation & death & yet he
is not dead—& what is more, he is now disclosed as he
truly is: divine. For the first time.

The Gospels alone don't make it clear; you have to
add TEARS and The Bacchae*—the stranger who 1) is
arrested by the tyrant i.e. is innocent but/and victim-

* The tragedy by Euripides.

ized by the tyrant; 2) is exculpated; 3) but does in the
tyrant in such a way that a mortal blow is delivered
(by him or through him or due to him) to the tyrant.

So he has a dual role: victim turned into instru-
ment of destruction. This sums it up; the two roles
blend into one role (v The Bacchae). This sounds like
the bait-hook analysis of Christ, & it fits 3-74 & the
xerox missive.

Since I don't think I really pulled down the tyrant
or anyone, 3-74 must be understood as mythic identifi-
cation (esse) & ritual (drama with personae), it was a
holy (sacred) ritual drama enacted outside of time.
The salvation was spiritual more than pragmatic, then
(& hence more important). I participated outside of
time in the God's arrest, humiliation (persecution),
the trap, then triumph (reversal from innocent victim
to agency of doom). But it was mythic, ritual, holy, re-
enactment. The trapped turned out to be a trap (bait &
hook), & resurrection in divine (transfigured) form.
Unity (by adoption?) with the God who goes through
it always—ah; the God was there in 2-3-74; I became the
God by ritual identification. Christ, obviously. (1979)

All I really know is that there is another mind [___]

responding—& entering into dialogue with my mind.
It is like a hologram that I encountered, drawn from
my own mind. Macro as mirror of micro, rather than
the other way around? This is just unreal! The
implications are: YHWH can create an infinite num-
ber of universes, & does. & what is more, he either is
or is in these hologram response universes!

Let us recall Palmer E[ldritch]'s worlds at this
point.

He did not wait for me to die to give me the uni-
verse (reality) I wanted. Does that mean we are in

something like cold-pac? In some respects we are. But
I do not know in what respects. But he simulated
(mimicked) Valis, & my informational world. He, it,
whatever it is, is a macro-mind that can cause to be
whatever he wishes. (1979)

It really does not make sense to say that the uni-
verse is irreal unless you have something real to com-
pare it with. So the correct formulation is not "irreal,"
which begs the question, but epiphenomenal, where-
upon you look behind or beyond the epiphenomenon
to see what its urgrund [primal basis of reality] is.

The answer is, the epiphenomenal is real insofar
as it partakes of God & only insofar as it does. Thus I
have to agree with Sankara that ultimate questions
regarding ontology lead back to God.

However, God can transubstantiate the epiphe-
nomenon into the real, by virtue of his immanent
presence in it, as in the eucharist. Thus reality is
viewed as a perpetual sacrament: with the formal
eucharist as a micro-enactment of a continual macro-
cosmic on-going process which I actually saw. The
real, then, is sacred, even at the trash stratum, due to
this transubstantiation.

5:00 a.m. realization: there's no way of getting
around it. I saw the world dissolve into Brahman; uni-
tary & sentient—with plurality a magician's trick
(maya). I got it to dissolve into what it really is. "They
reckon ill who leave me out."* God did not break
through into reality—no, reality revealed itself to be
what it really is: Brahman. This is reversion not inva-
sion. The illusion relaxed. Hence I said, "I am no longer
blind." This doesn't fit in with theophany but it does

From the poem "Brahma" by Ralph Waldo Emerson.

with the disappearance of the tricks. "We are normally
occluded" doesn't fit in with a theophany but it does
with reversion—the loss of the spell of maya.

I saw it as it really is: I saw with the ajna [third]
eye. (1979)

God manifested himself to me as the infinite void;
but it was not the abyss; it was the vault of heaven,
with blue sky and wisps of white clouds. He was not
some foreign God but the God of my fathers. He was
loving and kind and he had personality. He said, "You
suffer a little now in life; it is little compared with the
great joys, the bliss that awaits you. Do you think I in
my theodicy would allow you to suffer greatly in pro-
portion to your reward?" He made me aware, then, of
the bliss that would come; it was infinite and sweet.
He said, "I am the infinite. I will show you. Where I
am, infinity is; where infinity is, there I am. Construct
lines of reasoning by which to understand your experi-
ence in 1974. I will enter the field against their shift-
ing nature. You think they are logical but they are not;
they are infinitely creative."

I thought a thought and then an infinite regres-
sion of theses and countertheses came into being. God
said, "Here I am; here is infinity." I thought another
explanation; again an infinite series of thoughts split
off in dialectical antithetical interaction. God said,
"Here is infinity; here I am." I thought, then, an infi-
nite number of explanations, in succession, that
explained 2-3-74; each single one of them yielded up
an infinite progression of flipflops, of thesis and
antithesis, forever. Each time, God said, "Here is infin-
ity. Here, then, I am." I tried for an infinite number of
times; each time an infinite regress was set off and
each time God said, "Infinity. Hence I am here." Then

he said, "Every thought loads to infinity, does it not?
Find one that doesn't." I tried forever. All led to an
infinitude of regress, of the dialectic, of thesis, antithe-
sis and new synthesis. Each time, God said, "Here is
infinity; here am I. Try again." I tried forever. Always
it ended with God saying, "Infinity and myself; I am
here." I saw, then, a Hebrew letter with many shafts,
and all the shafts led to a common outlet; that outlet
or conclusion was infinity. God said, "That is myself. I
am infinity. Where infinity is, there am I; where I am,
there is infinity. All roads—all explanations for 2-3-74—
lead to an infinity of Yes-No, This or That, On-Off, One-
Zero, Yin-Yang, the dialectic, infinity upon infinity; an
infinities [sic] of infinities. I am everywhere and all
roads lead to me; omniae viae ad Deum ducent [all
roads lead to God]. Try again. Think of another possi-
ble explanation for 2-3-74." I did; it led to an infinity
of regress, of thesis and antithesis and new synthesis.
"This is not logic," God said. "Do not think in terms of
absolute theories; think instead in terms of probabili-
ties. Watch where the piles heap up, of the same the-
ory essentially repeating itself. Count the number of
punch cards in each pile. Which pile is highest? You
can never know for sure what 2-3-74 was. What, then,
is statistically most probable? Which is to say, which
pile is highest? Here is your clue: every theory leads to
an infinity (of regression, of thesis and antithesis and
new synthesis). What, then, is the probability that I
am the cause of 2-3-74, since, where infinity is, there I
am? You doubt; you are the doubt as in:

They reckon ill who leave me out;
When me they fly I am the wings.
I am the doubter and the doubt

From the poem "Brahma" by Ralph Waldo Emerson.

"You are not the doubter; you are the doubt itself.
So do not try to know; you cannot know. Guess on the
basis of the highest pile of computer punch cards.
There is an infinite stack in the heap marked INFIN-
ITY, and I have equated infinity with me. What, then,
in the chance that it is me? You cannot be positive; you
will doubt. But what is your guess?"

I said, "Probably it is you, since there is an infinity
of Infinities forming before me."

"There is the answer, the only one you will ever
have," God said.

"You could be pretending to be God," I said, "and
actually be Satan." Another infinitude of thesis and
antithesis and new synthesis, the infinite regress, was

set off.

God said, "Infinity."

I said, "You could be testing out a logic system in a giant

computer and I am—" Again an infinite
regress.

"Infinity," God said.

"Will it always be infinite?" I said. "An infinity?"

"Try further," God said.

"I doubt if you exist," I said. And the infinite
regress instantly flew into motion once more.

"Infinity," God said. The pile of computer punch
cards grew; it was by far the largest pile; it was infinite.

"I will play this game forever," God said, "or until
you become tired."

I said, "I will find a thought, an explanation, a
theory, that does not set off an infinite regress." And,
us soon as I said that, an infinite regress was set off.
God said "Over a period of six and a half years you
have developed theory after theory to explain 2-3-74.
Each night when you go to bed you think, 'At last I
found it. I tried out theory after theory until now,
finally, I have the right one.' And then the next morn-

ing you wake up and say, 'There is one fact not
explained by that theory. I will have to think up
another theory.' And so you do. By now it is evident
to you that you are going to think up an infinite num-
ber of theories, limited only by your lifespan, not lim-
ited by your creative imagination. Each theory gives
rise to a subsequent theory, inevitably. Let me ask
you; I revealed myself to you and you saw that I am
the infinite void. I am not in the world, as you
thought; I am transcendent, the deity of the Jews and
Christians. What you see of me in world that you
took to ratify pantheism—that is my being filtered
through, broken up, fragmented and vitiated by the
multiplicity of the flux world; it is my essence, yes,
but only a bit of it: fragments here and there, a glint,
a riffle of wind ... now you have seen me transcen-
dent, separate and other from world, and I am more;
I am the infinitude of the void, and you know me as
I am. Do you believe what you saw? Do you accept
that where the infinite is, I am; and where I am,
there is the infinite?"

I said, "Yes."

God said, "And your theories are infinite, so I am
there. Without realizing it, the very infinitude of your
theories pointed to the solution; they pointed to me
and none but me. Are you satisfied, now? You saw me
revealed in theophany; I speak to you now; you have,
while alive, experienced the bliss that is to come; few
humans have experienced that bliss. Let me ask you,
Was it a finite bliss or an infinite bliss?"

I said, "Infinite."

"So no earthly circumstance, situation, entity or
thing could give rise to it."

"No, Lord," I said.

"Then it is I," God said. "Are you satisfied?"

"Let me try one other theory," I said. "What hap-

pened in 2-3-74 was that—" And an infinite regress
was set off, instantly.

"Infinity," God said. "Try again. I will play forever,
for infinity."

"Here's a new theory," I said. "I ask myself, 'What
God likes playing games? Krishna. You are Krishna.'"
And then the thought came to me instantly, "But
there is a god who mimics other gods; that god is
Dionysus. This may not be Krishna at all; it may be
Dionysus pretending to be Krishna." And an infinite
regress was set off.

"Infinity," God said.

"You cannot be YHWH Who You say You are," I
said. "Because YHWH says, 'I am that which I am,' or,
'I shall be that which I shall be.' And you—"

"Do I change?" God said. "Or do your theories
change?"

"You do not change," I said. "My theories change.
You, and 2-3-74, remain constant."

"Then you are Krishna playing with me," God
said.

"Or I could be Dionysus," I said, "pretending to be
Krishna. And I wouldn't know it; part of the game is
that I, myself, do not know. So I am God, without real-
izing it. There's a new theory!" And at once an infinite
regress was set off; perhaps I was God, and the "God"
who spoke to me was not.

"Infinity," God said. "Play again. Another move."
"We are both Gods," I said, and another infinite
regress was set off.

"Infinity," God said.

"I am you and you are you," I said. "You have
divided yourself in two to play against yourself. I, who
am one half, I do not remember, but you do. As it says
in the GITA, as Krishna says to Arjuna, 'We have both
lived many lives, Arjuna; I remember them but you

do not." "' And an infinite regress was set off; I could
well be Krishna's charioteer, his friend Arjuna, who
does not remember his past lives.

"Infinity," God said.

I was silent.

"Play again," God said.

"I cannot play to infinity," I said. "I will die before
that point conies."

"Then you are not God," God said. "But I can play
throughout infinity; I am God. Play."

"Perhaps I will be reincarnated," I said. "Perhaps
we have done this before, in another life." And an infi-
nite regress was set off.

"Infinity," God said. "Play again."

"I am too tired," I said.

"Then the game is over."

"After I have rested—"

"You rest?" God said. "George Herbert** wrote of me:

Yet let him keep the rest,
But keep them with repining restlessnesse.
Let him be rich and wearie, that at least,
If goodness leade him not, yet wearinesse
May tosse him to my breast.

"Herbert wrote that in 1633," God said. "Rest and
the game ends."

"I will play on," I said, "after I rest. I will play until
finally I die of it."

"And then you will come to me," God said.
"Play."

"This is my punishment," I said, "that I play, that I

* Krishna to Arjuna in chapter 10 of the BHAGAVAD GITA.
** George Herbert (1593-1633), English Christian poet and mystic. The
lines quoted by PKD form the final stanza of the poem "The Pulley." In
line five, "my" is capitalized in the original.

try to discern if it was you in March of 1974." And the
thought came instantly, My punishment or my
reward; which? And an infinite series of thesis and
antithesis was set off.

"Infinity," God said. "Play again."

"What was my crime?" I said, "that I am com-
pelled to do this?"

"Or your deed of merit," God said.

"I don't know," I said.

God said, "Because you are not God."

"But you know," I said. "Or maybe you don't
know and you're trying to find out." And an infinite
regress was set off.

"Infinity," God said. "Play again. I am waiting."

(17 November 1980)

God said that I couldn't know with certainty, but,
instead, to watch where the computer punch cards
piled up. Okay.

(1) As late as 11-16-80 (the day Ray* arrived) I theo-
rized that Valis was the macrometasomakosmos** and
the "second signal" and that this was the Cosmic
Christ, not disguised as an invader in our universe
but assembling itself out of our universe. So here you
have the Cosmic Christ, seen in 3-74.

(2) In my anamnesis I remembered being a Chris-
tian, of the first century C.E. This was "Thomas." He
brought with him the original sacraments of the apos-
tolic secret church.

(3) On 11-17-80 I experienced a theophany and

* Ray Torrence, bookseller and friend of PKD. Torrence was paying a
visit to PKD and was with PKD on 17 November 1980, the date of what
PKD called the "theophany." In interview with the editor, Torrence stated
that he recalled nothing unusual about PKD that day.
** Ultimate cosmic body or structure.

God turned out to be the Christian God, of love (his
nature was love). He told me that my problem was
that I could not believe I had seen him, specifically
him, in 3-74.

(4) Small details. Disinhibition by the Christian fish
sign. The Acts material in TEARS. Seeing the world of
Acts. Remembering the supratemporal eidos of the
secret underground revolutionary Christians, of which
I am one, battling the Black Iron Prison; what I call
realm #3 or morphological arrangement.

The first three; let us consider.

(1) Possibility that Valis (the

macrometasomakosmos and "second signal") are the
Cosmic Christ.

(2) Thomas was a secret early Christian.

(3) When God revealed himself to me in a theoph-
any he was the Christian God, specifically.

Don't these all fit together? Look at how the com-
puter punch cards fall; look at the distribution. (3) is
proved; He proved who he was by causing me to expe-
rience infinite bliss. Oh Yes:

Regarding (4), the AI voice's initial statement was,
"St. Sophia will be born again; she wasn't acceptable
before." Another small item.

How do the computer punch cards fall now, with
the addition? Mention of St. Sophia (Christ), the
Christian God—who told me that my theorizing in
the exegesis was not logical but infinitely creative;
and he would take the field and block my endless
speculations.

Isn't (1) and (2) verified by (3), which is a known?
Can't I work backwards from (3) to especially (1),
which is to say, Valis, the macrometasomakosmos, the
"second signal" (vide entry date 11-16-80)? I would say
yes; yes I can.

Also, I have the impression that the dialectic (that
I saw in 3-74) represented two processes at two levels:

(1) The disintegrating "splitting" of entropic

time. This would be world and would pervade all
creation.

(2) At the same time (so to speak) at a higher
level it would be God versus Satan, with God as
the wiser horn who always wins through
enantiodromia.

Now, this winning through wisdom points to the
Cosmic Christ, since Christ is Holy Wisdom, St.
Sophia, Hagia Sophia, Wisdom personified. Also
Christ is God ("Kai Theos en ho logos") [The King is God
through his Word]. Therefore, if this be true, perhaps
although I did see world in 3-74 I saw world as Christ;
world becoming the Cosmic Christ (the
macrometasomahosmos). Then Christ combatting
Satan in the dialectic is God Himself, the Christian
God of love, combatting Satan. This would explain
why one horn of the dialectic was wiser than the
other, and, despite the power of the other, always won
(through its wisdom; this is what produces the cease-
less enantiodromia). By the way; this fits in with
Jakob Bohme's vision of the Yes-No dialectic of God
who passes through stages, and that the negative or
"No" sides are what we experience as evil. In my opin-
ion this is God as the Cosmic Christ.

A trinitarian view of God and Christ being of
one substance must be held in order to understand
this.

The arguments for Valis being the Cosmic Christ
are not conclusive but they are compelling.[... ]

(11-24-80)

So Satan served me up a sophisticated world in
accord with my epistemological expectations (as

expressed in my 10 volume meta novel)* & I took this
to be God & worshipped it, which is not only delu-
sion—although a subtle delusion—but blasphemy; but
in doing this

1) Satan revealed to me a great deal about
world (although he led me to believe it was God,
not world); &

2) Because of the infinitude of my theorizing I
reached God anyhow—& this is an example of the tri-
umph of God the wise horn of the dialectic; so:

3) The dialectic revealed to me is the entropic
world-process; but also:

4) The dialectic is God in combat with Satan &
God always wins; winning me (as expressed in 11-17-
80) is an example: Satan's delusions led me to God in
the end (through the "infinity" route; viz: as God said,
"Where there is infinity, there is God; where there is
God, there is infinity.").

Thus my exegesis has been futile, has been delu-
sion, &: has been a hell-chore (as I was beginning to
realize, but God delivered me from it, from my own
exegesis; & he pointed out the one truth in it: the infin-
ity expressed in it was—but this was overlooked by
Satan who does not possess absolute knowledge—a
road to God, & did lead there; but only when I recog-
nized the exegesis as futile & a hell-chore delusion.
Hence God permitted this deluding by Satan, know-
ing when it would end.

So I wind up knowing a lot more about world—
world as we will later experience it, the world—expe-
rience of the future; & I no longer suppose that I was

* PKD would group various of his past works into thematic: wholes to
which he gave the name "meta novel". See chapter four herein,
"Interpretations of His Own Works," for examples of this process. The
precise configuration PKD had in mind here is unclear.

discerning God, & realize that I was discerning world
instead; & I was at last led to God. But not by my
intellect, not by Gnosis, not by myself at all; it was
due to God's initiative due to his loving-kindness; &
what was proved was (once again) that all
roads/ways/routes if pushed far enough lead to God.
Hence (as I say) there is an example of how God the
wise born of the dialectic defeats its stupider foe inev-
itably in the end—this was an enantiodromia. It
occurred when I realized that all that I had seen of
God in 2-3-74 was a glint of color & a rippled wind in
the weeds of the alley, acting on reality; that Valis
was not God but rather world ("the reality field") per-
turbed (from beyond creation) by God; but this did
not yield knowledge of God direct, but only by infer-
ence; & that in fact 2-3-74 was not a theophany, but
was a more sophisticated experience of world: cre-
ation pulled through infinity by reaching the end of
(exhausting) its creative/entropic "splitting" (disinte-
grating; differentiating) dialectic process: entropic
time converted into negentropic time. But this was
still world, & Satan caused me to worship it... to fall
victim to it, ensnared by it; taking it to be God; until
I found that I had pushed my exegesis to infinity
without result! & then I focused on the very infini-
tude of my theories & saw (recognized) this as an
instance of cosmogenic entropy; &, at last exhausted,
prayed for release; & God did appear to me in the-
ophany & took the field & blocked each & all theo-
ries, & ended my exegesis, not in defeat but in logical
discovery of Him (which Satan had not foreseen).
Thus intellect & knowledge on my part led to exhaus-
tion & to destruction of that intellect & a recognition
of the futility of what I was doing; I knew I knew
nothing; & then God took the field & made his move
that resulted in the enantiodromia that led me to

him anyhow, as if I had wandered that way by
chance; but it was by his plan all along. & this was an
instance of the dialectic that I had seen.

Finally I wind up with

viz:

Both these 2 following statements are true:

1) The intellect will not lead you to God.

2) The intellect will lead you to God.

I am left with this paradox, which Satan did not fore-
see; he saw only statement (1) & did not see how
God could convert it into its mirror opposite
through enantiodromia. This God works & wins
within the Fallen entropic creation of the disintegra-
tion "splitting" dialectic to win us one & all in the
end, by different routes. Thus the cosmic game
between God & his adversary continues on; here
was another victory by God; & in the end God will
convert the dialectic itself into its opposite (through
enantiodromia ) & the game will end in God's vic-
tory & Satan's defeat, which God's victory vis-a-vis
me echoes in microform.

In a certain sense it can be said that God's victory
consists in turning Satan's false creation—i.e. Satan's
lie & delusion—into the real, which is exactly what I
saw Valis doing: transmuting reality by transubstanti-
ation into the real. Here is the secret & perpetual &
ever-growing victory by God over his adversary as he
(God) defeats him (Satan) again & again in the game
they play—the cosmic dialectic that I saw. This is
enantiodromia at its ultimate: the conversion of the
irreal to the real. In my case it was the conversion of
"the human intellect will not lead to God but will
lead only deeper & deeper into delusion" into its mir-
ror opposite: "The human intellect, when it has
pushed to infinity, will at last, through ever deepen-
ing delusion, find God." Thus I am saved: & know
that I did not start out seeing God (2-3-74) (which led

to this 6.5 year exegesis), but, instead, wound up
finding God (11-17-80)—an irony that Satan did not
foresee. & thus the wise mind (God) wins once again,
& the game continues. But someday it will end.

END

[At this point, PKD created a title page for the EXEGE-
SIS as a whole, as set forth on page 58.]

* PKD footnote here reads: "See separate envelope notes dated
12/10/80 p 10 passim." Pages 1 through 4 of these notes are excerpted in
the next selection (pp. 59-62) in this chapter.

3/20/74 Philip K. Dick

12-2-80 408 E Civic Center #301

Santa Ana, Calif 92 701

THE DIALECTIC:

God against Satan, & God's

Final Victory foretold & shown

Philip K. Dick
AN EXEGESIS

Apologia pro mea vita

_________DIR6CT ACCOUNTS OF PERSONAL EXPERIENCE 59

Footnote.

My flight expressed by the phosphene graphics
was a movement faster & faster through cosmogenic-
entropic time, ending in exhaustion & then the
enantiodromia of entropic time—which had reached
infinite velocity & infinite fragmentation ("splitting")
—which is to say the dialectic into negentropic time or
synthesis, reintegration: hence I saw Valis,* the uni-
verse pulled through infinity, inside out, to freeze;
this was 3-74.

My exegesis was entropic-cosmogenic time resum-
ing, speeding up faster & faster, "splitting" (fragment-
ing) farther & farther. Finally, it, too, ended in infinite
velocity & infinite fragmentation (creativity,
expressed as ever newer & quicker theories); it ended
In exhaustion & then the enantiodromia of entropic
time—the dialectic of my thoughts—into negentropic
time & another re-integration (this was 11-17-80). Only
this time I did not see Valis,* there was a theophany, &
I was in the presence of God & God's loving-kindness;
whereupon He explained everything to me. So events
leading up to 3-74 & my experience with Valis had a
parallel in the dialectic of my exegesis leading to 11-17-
80 & the theophany of the Christian God of Love. The
common ingredients of the two flights were: the cos-
-mogenic-entropy "splitting" dialectic flight itself, until
infinite velocity (time) & fragmentation (space) were
reached, then exhaustion, then enantiodromia into
negentropic time & "freeze" (reintegrational) of, so-to-
sponk "Prajapati",** but then comes a totally different
outcome:

* PKD foonote: "World, not God (as I had supposed)." This same note
was referenced by PKD for each of the two indicated references to "Valis".
** Sanskrit for the "Iord of Creatures". Prajapati, as a demiurgic figure, is
mentioned frequently in the Rg Veda.

1) 3-74. Valis which is world properly seen (morpho-
logical arrangement, growth & perfection & self comple-
tion in negentropic time, the entropic—flux—universe
pulled through infinity—i.e. inside out). Compared to:

2) 11-17-80. The Christian God in theophany, who
is other than world, who is transcendent. What I
thought I had seen in 3-74:

The summation (combining) of the two is (1) an
acute knowledge of world based on 3-74 & the exege-
sis arising out of that experience. (2) Direct knowledge
of God & God's nature based on the above elements;
so that 3-74 led to the exegesis, which although it was
a loss of negentropic, integrative time & a resumption
of cosmogenic-entropic time, did lead (due to the infi-
nite speeding up of time & the infinite breaking down
of space until exhaustion set in) to the theophany I
had supposed I had already had.

Now it is possible to see how the Mary Jane* fitted
in; it added the final push to the dialectic in me, my exe-
gesis (in other words, as preceded 3-74, my thinking) so
that it reached infinite speed & infinite space, exhaus-
ted itself; & again, as before, enantiodromia set in. This
enantiodromia did not have to do with world, however,
but had to do with the human intellect striving to find
God—futilely. (Futilely until the last great enantiodro-
mia occurred & God took the field to block the dialectic
of my thinking himself, & thus revealed himself.

So there is a striking parallel—a logical, structural
parallel—between 3-74 & 11-17-80, but in another,
more profound respect the two are mirror opposites—
since the first is a vision of world (which I thought
was God, yet it was not, & so it yielded no knowledge
directly about God, but only inferential knowledge

* The reference here is to marijuana. PKD had smoked some on
11-17-80.

that he existed & that he had saved me—in pronoia,
[foreknowledge]) & the second is a genuine theophany.
When one realizes that world & God are wholly other
to each other (Satan rules world) then this mirror-
opposite situation can be appreciated. Let me add,
too, that total revelation about world does not yield
knowledge of God. God entered when I became aware
that my theorizing was carrying me into an infinite
regress, which is to say, when I became exhausted—at
which point enantiodromia occurred; intellect had
proven futile & yet, paradoxically, it had led to God-
but due to God's volitional initiative. His (as I call it)
taking the field, which is an inbreaking by the divine.

The circumstances under which the theophany
occurred (I gave up on the exegesis & kicked back &
massively turned on) are not capricious causes but fol-
low the logic of the dialectic along several axes.

This shows the hauntingly eerie paradoxical
(almost seemingly whimsical or playful) nature of
enlightenment: it comes to you only when you cease
to pursue it. When you totally & finally give up.

Another way of putting this is to say that the
answer lies in the least likely place, where you are
least likely to look. This is what gave rise to Zen. Yet,
emerging from this maze of paradox & mirror oppo-
sites, of seeming, of infinite change, here, finally, is
the answer I sought, the goal I sought. & it is where I
started from back in high school in my physics final
when I prayed to God, the Christian God—who was
always there, leading me to him.*

* In high school, while taking a physics test, PKD became anxious and
forgot the key principle behind displacement of water, on which eight of
the ten tost questions were based. When the exam period was nearly
over, PKD began to pray. Then, an inner voice stated the principle
simply—and PKD finished the lest and earned an A. The episode remained
In his memory his entire life.

My guess in "VR"*—that it was YHWH, was cor-
rect. But it wasn't a guess; it was what the AI voice
told me. Always, faintly & distantly but clearly, the
AI voice pointed the way to the truth. It knew the
answer from the beginning, & spoke in the spirit of
God (Ruah)." Through it I figured out that Valis was
not God but reality perturbed by God. I knew, then,
that I had not found God after all. My great discov-
ery, then, was not in knowing what I had found, but
facing the fact of what I had not found—the very
thing I was searching for.

Ironies abound. But the playfulness ended in
infinity, exhaustion & the great reversal. The God
was reached, & the journey did not begin in 1974. It
began in high school during that physics test when I
first heard the AI voice. 35 years! (December 1980)

* VALIS REGAINED, PKD's original title for THE DIVINE INVASION

(1981).

** Ruach is the Hebrew term for "spirit"; it also means "breath". In

kabbalistic tradition, it is the intermediary spiritual state between direct

awareness of the godhead and the animal soul.

Theoretical Explorations

In UBIK the forward moving force of time (or time-
force expressed as an ergic field) has ceased. All
changes result from that. Forms regress. The substrate
is revealed. Cooling (entropy) is allowed to set in
unimpeded. Equilibrium is affected by the vanishing
of the forward-moving time force-field. The bare
bones, so to speak, of the world, our world, are
revealed. We see the Logos addressing the many living
entities. Assisting and advising them. We are now
aware of the Atman everywhere. The press of time on
everything, having been abolished, reveals many ele-
ments underlying our phenomena.

If time stops, this is what takes place, these
changes.

Not frozen-ness, but revelation.

There are still the retrograde forces remaining, at
work. And also underlying positive forces other than
time. The disappearance of the force-field we call
time reveals both good and bad things; which is to
say, coaching entities (Runciter, who is the Logos),

the Atman (Ubik), Ella;* it isn't a static world, but it
begins to cool. What is missing is a form of heat: the
Aton." The Logos (Runciter) can tell you what to do,
but you lack the energy—heat, force—to do it. (i.e.,
time.)

The Logos is not a retrograde energetic life form,
but the Holy Spirit, the Parakletos, is. If the Logos is
outside time, imprinting, then the Holy Spirit stands
at the right or far or completed end of time, toward
which the field-flow moves (the time flow). It receives
time: the negative terminal, so to speak. Related to the
Logos in terms of embodying world-directives and
world-organizing powers, but at a very weak level, it
can progressively to a greater degree overcome the
time field and flow back against it, into it, impinging
and penetrating. It moves in the opposite direction. It
is the anti-time. So it is correct to distinguish it from
the Logos, which so to speak reaches down into the
time flow from outside, from eternity or the real uni-
verse. The H.S."* is in time, and is moving: retrograde.
Like tachyons,**** its motion is a temporal one; oppo-
site to ours and the normal direction of universal
causal motion.

Equilibrium is achieved by the Logos operating
in three directions: from behind us as causal—time-
pressure, from above, then the final form, the very
weak H.S. drawing toward perfection each form. But
now equilibrium as we know it is being lost in favor
of a growing ratio of the retrograde teleology. This
implies we are entering, have entered, a unique

* Glen and Ella Runciter are characters in UBIK (1969).

** Sun god of the ancient Egyptians.

*** Holy Spirit.

****Physicists pose the theoretical existence of tachyons—particles that

move faster than light in retrograde time.

time: nearing completion of the manifold forms. Last
pieces are going into place in the over-all pattern.
The task or mode of the H.S. is completing. Not begin-
ning, not renewing or maintaining, but bringing to
the end, to the close. An analogy would be the transit
of a vehicle from one planet to another; first stage is
the gravity of planet of origin; then equilibrium of
both planets in terms of their pull; then the growing
pull of the destination gravity-field as it gradually
takes over and completes the journey. Beginning,
middle, end. At last one senses the receiving field
engage, and then correct.

When I wrote UBIK I constructed a world (uni-
verse) which differed from ours in only one respect:
it lacked the driving force forward of time. That
time, in our own actual universe, could weaken, or
even go entirely away, did not occur to me because
at that point I did not conceive time as a force at all
[... ] I thought of it in Kantian terms. As a mode of
subjective perception. Now I believe that time, at this
point in the expansion of the universe (or for some
other reason(s)) has in fact actually begun to weaken,
at least in relation to certain other fields. Therefore,
this being true, a measure of the UBIK-experience
could be anticipated. I have indeed had that experi-
ence, or a measure thereof. That is, time still drives
on, but counter forces have surfaced and impinge,
laying bare the UBIK landscape—only for a few
moments, that is temporarily. Then time resumes its
sovereignty.

What one would expect is two-fold: (one) Material
(e.g., information, images, weak energy fields, etc.)
from the future leaking or bleeding back to us, while
we continue on. (two) Abrupt lurches back on our part
to recent time periods, like a needle on a record being
anti skated back to a prior groove, which it has

already played, and then playing on from there as if
nothing happened. The latter we would not be con-
sciously aware of, although subcortical responses, and
perhaps vague sense of amnesia, dreams, etc., would
tell us that something was "wrong." But the leakage
back to us from the future, not by us but to us, that we
would be aware of (calling it esp, etc.), and yet be
unable to account for it.

But what is most telling is that in March, at the ini-
tial height of the "Holy Other" pouring into me, when I
saw the universe as it is, I saw as the active agent, a gold
and red illuminated-letter like plasmatic entity from the
future, arranging bits and pieces here: arranging what
time drove forward. Later I concluded that I had seen
the Logos. What is important is that this was perceptual
to me, not an intellectual inference or thought about
what might exist. It came here from the future. It was/is
alive. It had a certain small power or energy, and great
wisdom (sic). It was/is holy. It not only was visible
around me but evidently this is the same energy which
entered me. It was both inside and out. So the Logos, or
whatever it was, this plasmatic life form from the
future which I saw, satisfies, as near as I can fathom,
most of the theoretical criteria above.

Also, the official Catholic/Christian theories about
the Holy Spirit so depict it: moving backward from
the end of time, pouring into people. But if the Holy
Spirit can only enter one, is only inside, then what I
saw that was gold and red outside, like liquid fire,
wasn't the H.S. but the Logos. I think it's all the same
thing, one found inner, one found outer. What differ-
ence does it make? It's only a semantic quarrel; what's
important is that it comes BACK HERE FROM THE
FUTURE, is electrostatic and alive, but a weak field. It
must be a form similar to radiation ...

However, that which caused me to see differently

and to be different must be distinguished from what I
saw and became. A bio-plasmatic orgone-like energy
entered me or rose up in me and caused changes in
me; that is one enormous miracle ... but the height-
ened awareness caused me to see a different universe:
one which contained the red and gold living threads
of activity in the outside world, a world enormously
changed, very much like the world of UBIK. But I feel
a unity between the force which changed me and the
red and gold energy which I saw. From within me, as
part of me, it looked out and saw itself. (1974)

My whole God is identified with a vitalizing (or
revitalizing) life-giving principle, like the orgone,
like springtime ... and the adversary (e.g. Marxism) is
envisioned as mechanical, hollow-eyed, without life.
God is a vitalistic force, like Drietsch's [reference
uncertain] entelechy, etc. This is like my division
between the Human and the Android. With God, in
the form of Christ, as the exemplar Human. The com-
plete human.

This beats the Greek idea of God as Mind which
does nothing but think. Or know. How is it to know, if
there is nothing to know? I conceive of it as a builder,
an artificer, who creates, in conformity to its Plan: the
Logos (I conceive of Logos as blueprint of something to
be actualized). The Greek prejudice against the man-
ual arts/the mere crafts prevented them from seeing
this quality of God.

He is both building and He is perfecting what He
has already built. He animates it, infuses it.

Ursula* accuses me of getting away from "Taoistic

* Ursula le Guin, the science fiction writer. She and PKD were in
correspondence at this time.

balance" when I get into Christianity. The Logos and bal-
ance (cf. Fr. 51 of Heraclitus*) are intimately connected,
with the Logos implementing balance of harmony every-
where, it being the Plan. It is hard to imagine the Logos
out of balance. Also, when conditions on our world
were out of balance, it was the Logos which brought
what we experienced as relief, but which, on a supra-
terrestrial scale, was probably a restitution of harmonie.
Also, there is my "Rhipidon"** fan dream of the left-
right—with the center as God's balanced perfection in
any situation (and the material in "Decoded"*** about
Satan as the unreal to left and to rights].

I was reading about the analogy of the kosmoi****
to animals (each to an animal), which in its latter
stages ran down or got old, like an animal, and
formed cycles, and suddenly it came to me how like
the Hindu idea this is, the idea of cycles, and it
seemed to me for sure that this is what has hap-
pened, rather than a mere pushing-forward too
much of one of the opposites (to create, in
Anaximander's sense, injustice) but the true end of a
running-down, wearing-out cycle. What happens
then is perhaps a revitalization of the high-entropic
kosmos (what must be realized is that the kosmos is
smaller than the universe, or anyhow that the
Unbounded lies outside it and imparts laws to it).
The Second Advent or God's Intervention, the proph-

* Fragment 51 of Heraclitus, in the translation by Edward Hussey

favored by PKD, reads: "They do not understand how what is at variance

is in agreement with itself: a back-turning structure (palintropos harmoni)

like that of the bow and of the lyre."

** See Glossary.

*** THE DECODED NEW TESTAMENT. See note on page 23.

**** Plural of kosmos. Hussey (see subsequent note) discusses, in chapter

two of THE PRESOCRATICS (1972), the analogy-perceived by both

Presocratic and Hindu thinkers—between the creation of a kosmos and

animal reproduction.

ecy, is more accurately the running down or wearing
out of our kosmos, and the revitalization. Here is the
biological model, rather than the mechanical model
(vide Hussey*). The egg: reborn, et al. Biological mod-
els. Orphic. What repels me about Marxism is its
mechanistic quality. I get the impression that some
of the very early Greeks believed that when the
kosmos has run down sufficiently, the Unbounded
(i.e., the deity) had of necessity to revitalize it, or
whatever he did; we are all governed by law of some
kind; it wasn't by whim. [... ] My idea the other
night was: suppose the universe were entirely emp-
tied of all matter, in every form. So it was just empty
space. Nothing, then, would exist. Right? Wrong. All
the laws, which now govern matter, which govern
energy as well, would obtain, although we couldn't
discern them. It seems to me that if we don't assume
an Unbounded (as so represented by the pressure of
these necessities on matter and energy) we are just
describing, we are saying, "Things do what they do
because they do it." A tautology. An observation of
regularity, not an analysis of why. You could
approach it another way if desired: either the uni-
verse does not run down (but the laws of thermody-
namics show that it does), or it ends; or it
periodically is renewed. To say that it renews itself
poses certain problems; I find it easier to imagine it
renewed from without, although that poses certain
problems too. But if the universe is everything, then
it begins to run down (like a clock, like an animal)
and then suddenly it revitalizes itself (as I experi-
enced). I am equating the Second Advent & God

* Edward Hussey, Oxford scholar and author of THE PRESOCRATICS
(1972), a work cited in chapter four of VALIS (1981). As to PKD's
reference here, see chapter two of Hussey's book.

breaking his silence with this turn of the cycle, this
springtime, this revitalization. I think this is what
has happened. A revitalizing is going on and it cer-
tainly comes here from elsewhere. Where that "else-
where" is, I don't know, but I've experienced a real,
alive, thinking force.

One of the best points in Hussey's book is where
he says that one of the ancient Greeks (Anaximander,
maybe) assigns to the deity this primary function or
activity or attribute or quality or definition: that he
gives life, and movement (which I see as the same).
Therefore we would experience the return of God,
• this revitalization, as exactly what the word implies: a
renewal of life.

I note that Parmenides' Form I is equated, by him,
with light! This is exciting, since as I understand
Parmenides, he saw Form II as a mere mirror reflec-
tion, and urged a monism on us (the fiery or dry soul)
which made us relate only to Form I, or to light.

The Orphic egg. If the universe is born from some-
thing for which the egg is a paradigm, then maybe, as
the individual is, then both are reborn from some-
thing like an egg—a light egg. Maybe this was the eso-
teric teachings of the Orphic: rebirth. Rejuvination
(eternal life). (1975)

—A searingly important realization:
The view (revelation) that a wise, benign, power-
ful true God from "outside" has invaded our spurious
reality & is transforming it ontologically into the good
and real—this is [a] fundamental Gnostic view: the
bad or stupid demiurge constructs a "counterfeit" real-
ity that "couldn't come to (full) life, & the real, distant
"stranger" God took pity re all this & entered this

counterfeit creation—as Christ—to begin his task of
transmuting (saving) this whole cosmos.

My writing is dead-on Gnosticism—to view our
world as spurious. My 3-74 experience added the fur-
ther Gnostic gnosis of the penetration (Zebra) by the
true God (what I saw as zebra's modulating processes
& his mimicry). In other words, my writing presents
one part of the Gnostic world view, entering over into
the completing of the vision by the 3-74 revelation. I
deduced the first premise & then by divine revelation
received confirmation of the completing part.

The Gnostic reproach about our world is not just
that it is evil but spurious: imperfect, as a mere copy
of the true pleroma.

I couldn't get any more Gnostic, once I saw Zebra
us invading & mimicking as he modulates, if I tried.

With the (vision of the) entrance into our spurious
world of a transmuting benign deity (Zebra) my Gnos-
tic cosmology is complete. But already, before my
vision in 2 or 3/74, I had written about it; I mean
UBIK. I need not get Zebra & his transubstantiating
activity down on paper to have succeeded in writing
out the full picture. It's there, in those 3 or 4 novels.*
The collective totality of the message in those 3 or 4
novels (or 5, if TEARS is included) as absolutely & indu-
bitably Gnosticism—which I knew nothing about,
when I wrote them. (1977)

If there is, as the Gnostics believe, a blind (or irratio-
nal) creator deity, Valis—who is rational—is at war with
it, &. has invaded its universe. Valis is the in-breaking of

it is not entirely clear which novels PKD is referring to here. UBIK
(1969) and FLOW MY TEARS, THE POLICEMAN SAID (1974) are certainly
among them, as is stated in this selection. For other likely candidates, see
the selections in chapter four herein.

negentropy into disorder (entropy). It picks up every
card the deranged creator lays down in this dialectical
game. Valis is a local krasis [due mixture of component
forces], & once begun, is expanding relentlessly, consum-
ing & subsuming everything around it. It is flexible,
growing, diverse & complex; whereas the BIP is dead &
rigid & monotonous & simple. (1978)

Definition of what I experienced in 3-74:
ZEBRA (VALIS): "a vortex of intelligence extend-
ing as a supra-temporal field, involving humans but
not limited to them, drawing objects & processes into
a coherency which it arranges into information. A
FLUX of purposeful arrangement of living informa-
tion, both human & extra-human, tending to grow &
incorporate its environment as a unitary complex of
subsumations."

"It can selectively present certain info to us from
which we create a hypostasis, & it can change that
info or even withdraw it thus it can make any hyposta-
sis (on our parts) as valid or invalid as it wishes." Hyp-
nagogic realization. "Our reality is a hologram
because it is a re-creation reconstituted from info by
Valis' perfect memory." (1978)

Here is a modified, more precise model. The
Urgrund [primal basis of reality] contains the yang-yin
complementary bipolarities within it. It wishes to sep-
arate its opposites, & does this by projecting the arti-
fact, the creator of our reality (world); this is YHWH.
This is what Mani & the Gnostics correctly saw 1)
about the nature of the creator; & 2) the nature of our
world. They also saw the salvific stranger God "outwit-
ting the archons" & penetrating our "copy of a copy"
world to extricate us. According to this model the
Good (Form I) which we experience is a sort of
invader, unable to coerce or compel the frozen BIP
template, but on the other hand, the Good (Form I) is
real in a sense that Form II—which is a copy of a copy-
is not. Thus we can call the template projected cease-
lessly by the artifact dead or counterfeit, & Form I
(Zebra) the authentic (Good, Form I), & thus agree
with Parmenides.

To repeat: Form I, which represents not only God
or Christ or St. Sophia, is found at the outskirts or
trash or bottom level of this world, as far from the
imperial omphalos [navel; center] of power as possible.
This would adequately account for the way Jesus
appeared at the First Advent. But the Second Advent
(actually the remaining section of the First) will con-
sist of a direct & successful attack on the inner fortress
of imperial power itself... But, put another way, this
has always already happened if we are to accept the
formulation of Parmenides in denying actuality to
Form II & calling it only seeming (i.e., Dokos veil or
counterfeit). There is something spurious about it,
however real it may seem. It is a copy of a copy,
whereas Form I is, in contrast, authentic. My set
ground experience bears this out. Set was alive;
ground was mere sarx. In a sense, time has devoured
Form II; it died somewhere along the line & leaves

the line & leaves only an imprint of an empty shape.
It is a hologram, but Form I is not a hologram or mere
projected image. So the McKenna [reference uncer-
tain*] is only partially right; in a sense our universe is
a hologram, but Zebra (Form I, nods) is not. But Zebra
is not part of our universe; it is an invader into it—
which was my great insight 15 months ago. Authentic
reality has breached through into our world—which
signifies that the end times have come (maybe long
ago) but the irreal, the hologram, effaces it from our
perception. The true great revelation (Gnosis) is pre-
cisely this: that Zebra (Form I, the Urgrund) has come
already. Invisibly, since I saw Zebra outside me, it can-
not be the Holy Spirit. It is God (or Christ).

The book which Doris** has on the Gospel of
John: "They will no longer see Christ externally, but
he will indwell within them as the Holy Spirit." But
Zebra was both in me & visible externally. Ergo, it is
not the Holy Spirit. Ergo, the Urgrund has irrupted
into our mock world to do battle with Form II the
BIP template.

The "St. Sophia" revelation may be the decisive
clue to whether Zebra is Christ or God. Christ incar-
nates; God does not. Could be the "Cosmic Christ."

I just realized: my "ajna[third]-eyed" humanoid fit
in with Robert Anton Wilson's notion about Sirius***
(with Earth the heart chakra & Sirius the ajna chakra).
Coincidence? & he was in touch at roughly the same
time, with them. 2 points of overlap. (1978)

See "Afterword" page 255

** Doris Sauter, a close friend of PKD during the last decade of his life.
The book referenced here is unknown.

***See Robert Anton Wilson, COSMIC TRIGGER: THE FINAL SECRET OF
THE IllUMINATI(1977).

STIGMATA portrays the arrogant one, the blind
God (i.e., the artifact), which supposes itself to be the
one true God & evil delusional worlds are shown:
counterfeit worlds.

MAZE shows our real condition (as dreadful: a
static metal prison) covered by a nice delusional veil.
MAZE also depicts a redeemer.

UBIK unscrambles the salvific messages of Zebra &
alludes to Zebra itself, & stigmatizes the world with-
out UBIK as decaying backward in time. UBIK mani-
fests itself initially at a cheap, trash level, but in the
end discloses its true nature as the Logos.

TEARS depicts the Black Iron Prison, & recounts
how a servant of it escapes & how (i.e., Felix Buckman
who is, at the all night gas station, converted to xtian

ity—an exact reversal of the scene in Acts where it is
the black man who is converted-baptized).

In MITHC Tagomi, like Buckman, manages to
escape the BIP: in Mr. Tagomi's case it is the exact nec-
essary act: one of disobedience (to the invisible artifact
"God").

JOINT depicts a deliberately Fake world, designed
to occlude one.

EYE depicts Fake (private) world's masquerading
as Real, one after another.

When VALIS is finished, the mimicking salvific
organism will be shown, & the BIP beneath the holo-
gram (i.e., it will be shown that the date is 70 AD, the
place Rome, which combines JOINT & UBIK, sort of.
The hologram & the looking at it, & helpful messages,
will be shown; also the reward world for the heroic
deed(s) done, the PTG.) (1978)

By the very nature it is deus absconditus [hidden
god], but hidden close by ("Break a stick & there is
Jesus.").* One can reread and reinterpret all scripture
from the vantage point of this understanding. Many
puzzling aspects can herewith be newly compre-
hended—why no natural theology has ever been suc-
cessful— why our knowledge of God must always be a
revealed knowledge. "The workman is invisible within
the workshop." Immanent & gentle—one might say
tenderly, "the shy God." What more is there to say of
Him." I saw him this way in the Iknoton* dream—the
shy God—Ach. Was hab ich gesehn. [What have I seen.] In
that one dream of the shy architect with claws, hiding

Russian Orthodox saying.

** Iknoton—also transcribed Ikhnaton and Akhenaten—was the Egyptian
pharaoh (reign: 1373-1357 B.C.) who introduced into polytheistic Lgypt
the heretical monotheistic cult of the Sun.

K.W. has noted a resemblance between several
things I've described & what [William] Burroughs has
written—e.g., my conviction that as a race or even
planet we are "sick," i.e., occluded perceptually, & that
a divine doctor-entity is restoring us.

Coincidence? Burroughs speaks* of a virus—a
word become a neural-cell virus, infecting us.

After reading Burroughs, I dipped into UBIK. It cer-
tainly would be easy—& reasonable—for a reader to
think that both Burroughs and I know something, &
we want our novels to be taken as at least partly true.
They have a strange ring of (revealed) truth about

See, for example, the William Burroughs novel NOVA EXPRESS (1064).

them—I feel it about his book, about mine—Is, as Kath-
erine Kurtz says*, something writing through us?

Isn't Palmer Eldritch a kind of parasite, replicat-
ing himself or itself using humans as hosts? But my
sense about Thomas was of a benign, not evil, intru-
sion. Still, it was an intrusion into my psyche, a taking
over. Are such intrusions always to be deplored?

Or was I beguiled? Didn't it—he—get me out of trouble?

There is just no doubt of it: such passages in
Burroughs' novel as the "Do it—do it—neck" message
within another message—words that weren't origi-
nally there but are like the inner trigrams of an I
Ching hex. That is one absolute "triangulate" element
with 1) UBIK & 2) what I saw in 3-74, plus the parasite
criminals & nova cops, & the infecting virus.

Burroughs' novel <-> 3-74 <-> UBIK
Burroughs' novel is related to UBIK & STIGMATA
via the 3-74 experience. (1978)

The criminal virus* controls by occluding (putting
us in a sort of half sleep) so that we do not see the liv-
ing quality of the world, but see it as inert. Man
reduced to automaton. The occlusion is self-perpetuat-
ing; it makes us unaware of it & of our keepers (&
helpers, too). So restoration doesn't consist of enhanc-
ing but lifting (away & off).

If there is to be immortality, there must be
another kind of time: one in which past events (i.e.,
the past in its entirety) can be retrieved—i.e., brought
back. I did experience such a time.

i.e., immortality is possible. (1978)

Zebra is the supreme deity & savior-messenger
UBIK/Runciter. It is Simon Magus in his true form: the
great plasmate, whose existence, activity in history &
presence is totally unsuspected & unknown to us—
unless he is in us—only Zebra can see Zebra. He
entered me at my birth or in my childhood. I am a
homoplasmate: Zebra acting in syzygy with a human.
My writing is the purpose of this syzygy. I restore
Gnostic Gnosis to the world in a trashy form, like in
UBIK. (1978)

Something ("Y") is recognized as its own antithe-
sis ("Y"). This sounds like Zen or Taoist thinking. But
this is oxymoron thinking. ("A thing is either A or A"
what could be more obvious? How can A = A? There is
no such category of thought; literally, it cannot be
thought; it can be recognized about reality, however, as
I did in 3-20-74).

PKD's concept of the occluding "criminal virus", here examined, was
Influenced by the related idea, put forth by William Burroughs, that
language is an extraterrestrial virus that has inhibited the development of
humankind. See previous EXEGESIS selection.

is not a statement about Logic, but an observa-

tion about reality; it is pragmatic. But it reveals that
thinking cannot act as an inner analog to the outer
world; for the mind to mirror world correctly it must
cease to think, i.e., to be & do what instead? The total
organism acts with no-thought. It becomes a non-
thinking response machine (in the good sense). To
know what, by definition, you cannot know—there it
is again; I knew & did not know; there it is again.

Some higher Non-Self Self was involved, &, in
solving the problem, as an offshoot I passed over
into Paradise. (1978)

It can be said that the yin part "hatched" too soon,
before the yang one, & is defective (crazy, like James-
James). It seized the initiative. But put another way, it
can be said the God-as-yang allowed (in some sense
that we can't comprehend) this to happen. Ultimately
a better final world (cosmos) can be built making use
of yin, the dark power; i.e., if yin comes first, if it
revolts, if becomes the substrate for yang—which has
the last move. Yang (as was revealed to me in 3-74) let
the blind adversary make the first move, & built on
that for his purposes. If yin has the first move, yang

has the last. This conforms to Timaeus* in which noos
comes upon ananke, & begins to persuade it (i.e.,
arrange chaos into cosmos).

Thus Form II is the initial stage, & Form I the evo-
lutionary jump.

The God of the O.T. is God—not as just yin—but
God showing both his sides, as if they are not yet differ-
entiated, & thus pitted against the yin—as the O.T. God
is not so pitted. The O.T. God oscillates; the N.T. God
has stabilized, thrust the yin parts into an earlier
Form (II) & is now a Form I God. The O.T. God creates
& destroys, which the latter is alien to the N.T. God.

(1978)

What I experienced in 3-74 was death (literally) & res-
urrection as an immortal being. Obviously I—my
body—can physically die, but that is not the issue; the
issue has to do with the divine spark in me which
awoke from ignorance (forgetfulness) & remembered—
inc. its origins. Thus I returned to God & entered the
Kingdom.[... ] (1978)

In schizophrenia the synchronization of inner &
outer tapes fails to such a degree that Bedeutung
| meaning] is impaired; data which are not for the per-
son are engrained in, & the inner tape projects phan-
tom people, voices & things into a vacuum (so my
system offers a new concept of the origin & nature of
psychosis): there is literally nothing out there corre-
sponding to the contents of the inner tape! In fact,

* Dialogue by Plato.

schizophrenia could be considered evidence for my
system; it is an instance of the malfunction of that sys-
tem, & with my system in mind, can be readily under-
stood (in MARTIAN TIME-SLIP I saw it as a breakdown of
proper time functioning, which was close). Also,
schizophrenia, besides displaying the auto-generated
mental contents projected not onto outer analogs but
into a void, explains the "nothing new came into his
mind one day" aspect; the schizophrenic can be
defined as a percipient who has lost the willingness or
ability to receive the information fired at him by
Zebra (as external world). Thus he has his inner tape
world & no outer programming a dreadful situation—
but obviously in a certain number of cases the inner-
outer synch would fail. The schizophrenic is isolated
with nothing but his individual inner tape, which
degenerates upon ceasing to receive the vital dis-
inhibiting external signals, it becomes stuck, &, for
him, time ceases to flow & growth stops, because he is
cut off from change.

Paranoia is a projection of pattern instead of a
reception of pattern. It is an overmastery by self, again
a failure to be receptive. Outer world must be trust-
ingly received, since it is God himself. (1978)

TEARS shows I had vestigal memories before 3-74
when they (& the alternate personality of the world
broke through). But, as always, what I know is far less
than what I don't know, & even what I do know is
shaky. The mystery only deepens. Where (or when) is
(or was) the Black Iron World? I was there but am
here now. How came I here? Did that world go out of
existence? Did this one replace it? Is this world some-
how irreal. Maybe stretched like a skin over (& con-

The creator can afford to descend into his own
creation. He can afford to shed his memories (of his
identity) and his supernatural powers. Then he can
test his own creation. But he cannot afford to get
stuck in it. The creator deliberately plants clues in

his irreal creation—clues which he cunningly knows
in time (eventually) will restore his memory (anam-
nesis) of who he is, and his powers as well; he will
then know that his creation is irreal and has
imprisoned him in it, thus freeing himself and restor-
ing himself to Godhood.

So he has a fail-safe system built in. No chance he
won't eventually remember. Makes himself subject to
spurious space, time and world (and death, pain, loss,
decay, etc.), but has these disinhibiting clues or stimuli
distributed deliberately strategically in time and space.
So it is he himself who sends himself the letter which
restores his memory (Legend of the Pearl). No fool he!

This is perfectly epitomized in the UBIK commer-
cials; he can exist at any trashy layer—sincerely—he
wants to be, in any trashy form. But in the end he
remembers (as witness the ad over the final chapter of
UBIK). Purpose? This way he can permeate his creation
with the divine, at all levels, and sincerely (i.e., with-
out even him knowing, while he's doing it!)

Zebra equals Christ. Christ equals God. Thomas
equals Zebra. I equal Thomas. (For equals read is.)
Thus I equal God.

But I've forgotten again. Oh well—I wrote it all
down, heh-heh. Knowing I'd again forget. I was
invaded (theolepsy) by Christ, all right. But as I say
supra, it was I who remembered being Thomas or
Christ and living back in Rome c. A.D. 45. So, like in
"Imposter," I am—

I love it. It's delightful. It's a dance. Brahman danc-
ing with joy. (Felix.) And so was Pinky;* he knew and
remembered, too.

Christ (the Creator) is among us, disguised. Even

He has forgotten. He could be any person, any animal.
We do not know; He does not know. But eventually
He will remember; He has set clues in his own path to
trigger off his true memory and powers. Then we will
find ourselves judged for the way we treated Him, as
told in the N.T. He who was our victim, our object,
will be our judge.

In 3-74 I sat down on the judgment seat, when I
remembered.

And what about those who set the trap for me in
3-74, the trap that went back to the raid on my house
on 11/17/71?* Beware when you set out a trap; you
may trap Dionysos, the patron God of small trapped
animals. (1978)

Kerygma understood as of October 18, 1978:

In STIGMATA, UBIK and MAZE they are in an
irreal world (Lem's paradigm). It is stipulated in
STIGMATA that no time passes, and this is implicit
in MAZE (and could be true in UBIK). In TEARS the
actual world is shown, the world of Acts, Rome C.
A.D. 45. In SCANNER the cause of our being unable
to reality-test is shown to be a percept-system toxic-
ity or damage, anyhow an inner occlusion deliber-
ately induced by a drug or drug-like substance
(which collates with the master magician in STIG-
MATA administering a drug to people which puts
them forever in his irreal world where no time
passes—a world they can't tell isn't real). (In MAZE
two additional points are made: (1) false memories;

* On 1 7 November 1971, PKD's rented house in San Rafael, California,
was broken into and various of his files were stolen or destroyed. The
Incident frightened him. PKD often theorized as to the identity of the
Intruders- the suspects ranged from the FBI to drug dealers to the local
police, to name a few --but he never solved the; mystery.

and (2) negative hallucinations on a mass basis;
rather than experiencing what is real, something
which is actually there is not experienced.) Thus in
those five novels virtually the complete story is
shown, especially if one can determine from inter-
nal evidence that the world of actuality presented
in TEARS is the time and place of Acts. The nature
of the entity which seeks to rescue us is given in
UBIK, and is called—by itself—"the Word," i.e.,
Christ or the Logos. It is breaking through "from
the other side," one way, uncannily manifesting
itself in ways not syntonic to the false world they
imagine they're living in. This very experience pre-
cisely happened to me in 2- 3/74, indicating that
all five novels are literally true (I experienced the
world of TEARS or more accurately the world of
Acts). I assumed that the purpose of my writing is
to acquaint us with our situation, that my novels
and stories function like the inbreaking messages
in UBIK (such as the graffiti on the bathroom
walls), but now I am given to understand that actu-
ally my writing is [a] report on the situation here
outgoing—meant to leave our irreal world, to break
out, not in, and acquaint the actual world
(macrobrain) of our plight. They are then appeals
for help, by a salvific entity which has invaded this
our irreal world, an entity we can't perceive. It is
the Paraclete, which has just now arrived for the
first time, immediately following Christ's death
and resurrection (it must be kept in mind that the
real time is 45 A.D. and the real place is the
Roman Empire). My writing is information traffic
fed into the macrobrain, which continually pro-
cesses such information. This information traffic
between stations of the macrobrain is itself what
we call "the Logos."

Despite the testimony of our (occluded) senses, the
Parousia is close at hand, and will occur as promised
during the lifetime of some of those of the first cen-
tury A.D. We will experience this when the Paraclete
abolishes the irreal world imposed on us, strips the
master magician of his power over us, and reveals to
us the true state of things, most especially the
macrobrain (or God), which is a macroform of us the
plural microforms.

There is some evidence that the master magician
who has us lost in his irreal world where no actual
time elapses (called Palmer Eldritch in STIGMATA) is
Simon Magus, who lived at the time of Acts, which is
to say now. Thus Simon is still alive, and the authentic
original early Christian disciples are still alive.

(18 October 1978)

A revised (?) theory as to who-what Zebra is. Zebra
is the microform physician sent into the lower realm
(Form II) world to break "astral determinism," Form
II's power. "Matter (Form II) is plastic in the face of
mind (the microform of the upper realm invading
this realm as our savior—champion—v. my tractate).
Hence the healing "miracles" which Zebra displayed.
(This retains my insight that Zebra is an invader here,
which I consider to be the turning point of realization
in my exegesis).

The tractate* identifies this healer (physician)
invading Form II as Christ. Therefore Zebra is Christ.

His breaking "astral determinism" over an individ-

Tractates Cryptica Scriptura, the "Appendix" to VALIS (1981). Note the
distinction PKD draws between the "exegesis" (referenced in the previous
paragraph) and the: "tractate". See "Preface", pages xi-xii for further
discussion.

ual (e.g. me) is a sort of localized slaying of Form II,
the deterministic yin world.

This tells us (v. the tractate) that Christ is here—
3-74 proves it. This indeed explains the "melting of
causal trains" which I saw.

In a roundabout way I've proven that Zebra is
indeed Christ (via the tractate).

This dovetails with St. Paul's doctrine about
Christ versus the old law or "planetary powers"
(angels). This is also the fourth gospel light versus
dark contention which I refer to in the tractate (as
put forth by Zoroaster and the Essenes). Victory,
finally, is given by God to the light. And since, as
Parmenides pointed out, Form II really doesn't exist,
breaking astral determinism is in fact breaking the
power of illusion—the lie—of an irreal world (cf. the
acosmism in my writing). Thus the key salvific
weapon is knowledge—to know and see the truth (ver-
sus dokos/maya). Christ (Zebra) coming here is the
savior venturing into the domain of darkness to res-
cue us. So Zebra is Christ; and Zebra (Christ) is our
savior, who does battle for us. Since causality ("astral
determinism" or fate) operates in time, a (or the)
method of salvation by the savior is to free us from
time by converting time into space, and thus abort-
ing causality. "Time can be overcome," and in this
process a temporal rollback to the Origins (anamne-
sis) occurs. And time overcome means death and
decay overcome.

By definition, the Holy Spirit is inside you
("Thomas"?). But I saw Zebra outside. Therefore I saw
Christ.

I saw him per spiritum sanctum [through the holy
spirit] (in me). "Christ has no body now but yours."
He acted in and through me. He was in me.

There is a very strange statement in Wagner's

Parsifal: "Here time, my son, turns into space." What
does this mean, especially when connected to the cas-
tle of the Knights of the Grail (they actually possess
the Grail)? One can move back and forth through
space. Parsifal says that he feels he has gone (moved)
very far, and gets this statement in return; and the
landscape melts and changes. And the Grail calls to a
person, the right person; you cannot make your way
to it on your own; it must actually seek you out, call-
ing to you.

If the upper realm is determined by space, our par-
ticipation in it probably emanates from our right
hemispheres; if the lower realm is determined by
time—which it is—we are confined to it by our left-
hemisphere dominance. Thus God speaks to us by our
right hemispheres. (November 1978)

"Jesus Christ" is a code name for this rational phy-
logenic ultra personality which can only be sum-
moned by the passion & death of the ontogenic
irrational self. The latter must be induced to die,
through a series of ritual ordeals. &—which is essen-
tial—the stimulus for an anamnesis which disinhibits
the former.

Then "Yalda Baoth"* is either a symbol for or a pro-
jection of the old original irrational self who thinks
mistakenly that he is the only God—i.e. only self. But
there is another one which is sane that he does not
know exists, & which outwits him, entering conscious-
ness (projected as or symbolized by the term "this
prison world"). A great psychological dialectic battle
between the two is fought in which the invading sane
self due to its superior wisdom (rationality & intelli-

The blind demiurge creator of our world, according to the Gnostics.

gence) wins. (If all goes well.) The sin of the old self—
this is an antique term denoting its impaired condi-
tion which Calvin describes: its madness (blindness).
Its occlusion.

The breaking of "astral determinism" or "burning
up karma" indicates I am on the right track, here.
They (these terms) refer to the deterministic fate of
the ossified original self, which is a sinister one:
decay, rigidity, spiritual—& even physical—death. The
original self is winding down. Unless replaced, the per-
son is caught fast in the sum total of what he is: his
nature, which must be infringed on by a new self out-
side his self. Ex nihilo [out of nothing] new creation
must occur. The original self must be destroyed by a
living (breathing) "doomsday device"—the new self,
which although new is paradoxically very old. (Far
older than the original self.) (1979)

So irreality & perturbation are the two perplexities
which confront us; irreality is departing, but the
changeover shows enigmatic traces or imprints which
do not belong, in particular of a parallel world phas-
ing in & out: this latter (plus the presence of the
macromind) is what is pointed to, but in a "nonsensi-
cal" baffling way.

To a very large degree memory no longer agrees
with reality.

I wonder if this sheds any light on schizophrenia.
Could the schizophrenic be given conflicting realities
or data about reality? His mind has to put together
constituents which simply do not fit. He is a casualty
of this revision process & cannot make sense out of it.
How is he to penetrate to the mystery—explanation-
underlying what he undergoes? If my cosmology is
correct, would you not anticipate such casualties? My

writing is a deliberate attempt to take these conflict-
ing or disintegrating realities, & the experiences of
them, & seek some kind of ontological or metaphysi-
cal overview? So in a way I have battled against schizo-
phrenia by seeking a philosophical framework which
will 1) accept as real these disrupted data; & 2)
account for them. 2-3-74, then can be viewed as the
catalytic triumph or payoff—i.e., the success—of
decades of observation & analysis & theorizing. I have
had to deal with deluding, irreal, conflicting, chaotic
& Fremd [strange, discomforting] material, & just plain
hung in there conceptually, taking the view that some
explanation must exist, although it would have to be
radical & far-reaching.

I actually had to develop a love of the disordered
& puzzling, viewing reality as a vast riddle to be joy-
fully tackled, not in fear but with tireless fascination.
What has been most needed is reality testing, & a will-
ingness to face the possibility of self-negating experi-
ences: i.e., real contradictions, with something being
both true & not true.

The enigma is alive, aware of us, & changing. It is
partly created by our own minds: we alter it by per-
ceiving it, since we are not outside it. As our views
shift, it shifts in a sense it is not there at all (acosm-
ism). In another sense it is a vast intelligence; in
another sense it is total harmonia and structure (how
logically can it be all three? Well, it is). (1979)

Plundering the antecedent universe as stockpile &
"pretextual cause" are one & the same thing: involv-
ing choosing from the range of potential possibilities;
viz: actualizing the most desirable possibility in terms
of an envisioned goal (the God's teleological fore-
sight). Apparently I was briefly joined to the God's

mind itself, & so understood not only that it operates
(decides) but how it decides: on the basis of what &
what for (goal).

1) Zoroaster: a priori foresight vs. obdurate oppo-
nent with only hindsight: the dialectic.

2) Aristotle: teleology—stimulating goal seeking—
as primary function.

3) Spinoza: immanent, not transcendent; always
working by, with & in natural law, rather than sus-
pending it.

4) Avicenna: not seeing time as we do (hence
orthogonal change).

5) Plato: persuasion rather than coercion; noos vs.
ananke (v. #1).

6) Pythagoras: concept of kosmos.

7) Parmenides: Forms 1 & 2 with 2 only seeming
(v. #1 & "the lie.")

8) the Mystery religions: power to break "astral
determinism," which is the true basis of salvation &
the action of #2.

9) Plotinus: union with God (also Sankara & Eck-
hart).

10) N.T.: Christ as surrogate for us in terms of bait
taken by the hostile power. The Holy Spirit as aural
prompting by the God, within each of us.

11) O.T. Elijah & entheusiasmos [the Greek here liter-
ally: the in-taking of the god], (v. #9.)

12) Leibnitz: "Best of all possible worlds."

Now, in 3-74 the arranged antecedents were cho-
sen from to the limit of their potentialities, but look at
what had to be set up over a long period of time. This
network of causes has always been an indication that
Spinoza is correct (regarding miracles). Purpose (teleol
ogy) lies along the entire length of this process as wit-
ness FAITH [PKD story "Faith of Our Fathers"] & MITHC.

What I have to assume now is that the ursatz [sic;
ersatz?] which generated the material in the writing
was necessary that 3-74 could occur. By the looks of
this I gather that 3-74 was important above & beyond
the xerox missive as such. A reverse direction of
causal flow was disclosed to me, against all normal
(usual) perception. (1979)

On the Journey of the Soul
Sequence:

( one ) World as karma—i.e. prior thought forma-
tions of the person's mind, completely controlling the
person and impinging on him: a counterfeit or
inauthentic reality which holds the person in its
power as if his life were on tape: a playback of a
recording. He is programmed from within and with-
out by these anterior contents of his own mind, forgot-
ten, not recognized.

(two ) Anamnesis. Brought on by the action of the
Holy Spirit. The person remembers his true identity
throughout all his lives. The person recognizes the
world for what it is: his own prior thought forma-
I Ions; this generates the Blitz or flash. He knows now
where he is.

(three ) Christ is born in the person's mind and
fakes control as a seeming adventitious psyche now
lnteriorized. Karma (the power of the prior thought
formations of the mind) is broken. Christ has defeated
these ossified thoughts and started up real time and
real world for the person; he is now in the koinos
kosmos.

( four) World now is experienced as mind of the per-
son, as the total mind itself rather than its contents. The
mind is no longer the Son but the Creator, the Father;
hence world is as under mind's power as mind for-

merly was under world's; the positions of the two have
reversed absolutely. Mind and world are also synchro-
nized in time; world does not lag behind mind.

( five ) The Godhead is experienced: the desert or
void of non-being and bliss. The three persons of the
Trinity are gone. Nothing remains. World is abolished.
Time does not exist, only vast space.

( six ) World returns, freed of the ossified power
and presence of prior thought formations. The Bardo
Thodol trip is over; the person has been born. Fate or
astral determination or karma is overcome.

( seven ) The Second Comforter is with the person
unto the end, in syzygy with him as his divine sis-
ter/brother. This means that the birth was successful.
A binary-brain mind now exists able to generate the
infinite logic of the dialectic which underlies reality
and gives rise to it (Plato's Forms); thus the role of
Father is retained in the Logos sense: as images, con-
cepts, words, thought, metareasoning. The person is
not alone but has been assimilated by the divine in a
relationship of parity. God has become man and as a
result man has become God. The process is complete:
the new Adam is here, and the old Adam, in bondage
to his own prior thought formations, i.e., in a fallen
state, has died. Thus the past has yielded to the future.
Time is now free to flow from disorder to order, from
the irrational to the rational. The present mind in the
form of Christ has vanquished its antecedent self, as
microcosm and as macrocosm mirroring each other.
The result of this process is a net yield of added
energy to the total system (expressed in units of time),
which is the true goal; i.e., that the universe be perpet-
ual and not run down. This is what is meant by repair
of the original rupture or fall or crisis in the Godhead.
The key term denoting all this is: salvation.

Note: The progression is from (1) former thought

contents of the mind as world to (2) present mind
itself as world to (3) disappearance of world entirely.
There is also a progression backward from Holy Spirit
to Son to Father to Godhead, and then to world
regained, a garden world or magic kingdom, from
which the person originally fell into thrall, and syzygy
with the Holy Spirit forever, so a permanent result
accrues. There is also a progression from counterfeit
world to real world to supernatural world to nonbe-
ing and then back to real, but never to counterfeit.
When world disappears the Creator disappears
because he is involved in his own semi-illusory cre-
ation and cannot be separated from it. Only the God-
head and the soul are separate from creation.

Note: The stages of the sequence are enacted by
Jesus in his passion, the death and resurrection, the
Cross itself. The sequence, then, must finally be
understood as the Way of the Cross, which is not
physical but is, rather, the journey of the soul, perpet-
ually re-enacted. The Gospels, then, depict a sacred
mythic rite outside of time, rather than an historical
event.

Note: This whole process can be regarded as a psy-
chological transformation, that of a redemptive psy-
chosis. The mind has ossified; nothing new is coming
into it or taking place in it. Old contents, what Jung
calls a complex, circulate again and again. The brittle
ego finally collapses as a rush of contents from the
unconscious overtake it and dissolve it, including the
complex. At this moment stage five is reached: the per-
son has withdrawn into himself, into his own mind,
and no world exists for him. The ossified contents,
which represent the tyranny of the past, are no longer
able to dominate his mental life. Hence the person
emerges into a world in which time moves forward; it
is world renewed because the self is renewed. Such

terms as "Christ" and "Holy Spirit" and "Father" and
"Godhead" are here considered to represent various
states of the mind in this process of self-healing and
individuation. The imbalance of the mind has been
corrected by healing powers emanating from the col-
lective unconscious. Regarded either way—theologi-
cally or psychologically—it can be said that the person
who had stopped moving forward in time is now mov-
ing forward in time; newness has entered his psyche
and he has been healed. The new ego is not domi-
nated by ossified contents from the past.

Note: There is one aspect of the journey, how-
ever, which finds against the view that it equals a
psychosis, even a redemptive one. Generally speak-
ing, it is fundamental to a psychotic break (here
schizophrenia is meant) that world fragments. Specif-
ically, in the true precise meaning of the term, it dis-
integrates. However, in the sequences which I depict,
I had a vision at stage four of world as a unitary,
intelligent, benign, foresighted, totally powerful
entity which controlled all things and all processes.
Which is to say, the plurality of the world as we nor-
mally experience it—a large number of things and
processes—integrated into a solitary unity which
embraced everything. Also, in a psychosis, the world
tends to take on the aspect of the Fremd, the
uncanny, strange, with tinges of the ominous and sin-
ister. But I experienced this vast unitary entity as
absolutely benign. Third, world tends, in a psychosis,
to be anything but isomorphic to the percipient;
whereas I felt a fundamental bond with this benign,
all-powerful, intelligent and living unity. If psychosis
is defined as the experience of a disintegrating world
(disintegrating because the psyche which experi-
ences it is itself disintegrating) then what I under-
went is so to speak an anti-psychosis, for by the

above logic my psyche was integrating inasmuch as
my world was integrating. Assuming the experience
of world to be a projection of the state of the percipi-
ent psyche, I should find for a sudden and dramatic
total integration of my psyche, and find further that
such a total integration—into what Pythagoras called
"kosmos"—is an unusual state which humans rarely
achieve, and a state much to be cherished. In summa-
tion, if my world underwent a change where it
turned from plural, blind, dead, purposeless to uni-
tary, intelligent, alive and totally teleological, then it
must be reasoned (by the reasoning which Jung and
others immediately make use of in diagnosing psy-
chosis) that my psyche reached an ultimate state of
coherence and integration. It can hardly be said to be
a psychotic experience to encounter world as benign,
wise, purposeful and unitary, and to feel yourself
woven into it as a healthily functioning part—rather
than alienated from it and seeking to avoid it. So
three states are implied: (1) The normal sane state
where the world is experienced as plural, lifeless,
purposeless but not hostile; (2) The psychotic state
where world disintegrates into hurtful, hostile splin-
ters and shards which clash with one another; (3)
And the state I entered where the world became uni-
tary, alive, purposeful, benign and highly intelligent.
Perhaps these states could be correctly represented
on a continuum denoting psychological health. Also,
the fact that I felt myself taken over by a savior psy-
che (Christ) rather than a dangerous, destructive psy-
che does not seem to depict the psychotic experience
of being overwhelmed by ominous, repressed con-
tents of the unconscious, since these contents are
kept unconscious precisely because they are threaten-
ing or sensed as threatening. Nor did I fight this take-
over, since I sensed it as benign, which does not

point to repression or attempted repression. The case
for psychosis, then, even redemptive psychosis, must
be regarded as weak. (1979)

Two systems of information intersecting one as
set (Ahura Mazd[a]) the other defeated into ground
(being only approximation), and, in their act (process,
like the light moth descending) of intersecting, creat-
ing (like a 3-D hologram) spacial reality: vast space, geo-
metric forms that are alive, that think. Not religion
but as in Beethoven's later music: turning time into
space (this is what Beethoven did: enclosed—hence cre-
ated—space is only created if enclosed—vast—hence
absolute—space; hence non-temporal reality). Hence
restored man (me in 2-3-74) to Adam Kadmon
(defined as man filling the whole universe and hence
(as subject: point) identical with object (reality), vol-
ume: Atman-Brahman (i.e., microcosm identical with
the macrocosm). It becomes (temporarily) the macro-
cosm; this is not a realization (satori) but an event, an
occurence. Achieved through space: the occupying of
all space; all space—the totality of space and occupying
it is the key. And Beethoven's music—and also
Parsifal*—does this. The blood does this, since the
blood is everywhere (ubique/Ubik). This is holy intoxi-
cation—Dionysus.

The "two source cosmology"; I was able to see
Form I (set) apart from II (ground), to untangle them—
discriminate them. They are the two sources (informa-
tion sets) which by intersecting create our spacial
universe. The two sources are the two horns of the dia-
lectic I saw: Mazda and Ahriman in combat.

It (reality) is a hologram. 1) My augmented sense

The Richard Wagner opera.

of space proves it. And 2) the information element;
consisting of two parts: set and ground.

All this points to: hologram. Based on two infor-
mation-rich signals. And 3) Valis: an adjustment in
the hologram from beyond it. This alone reveals real-
ity as a projection: simulation. Somehow—it matters
not how—my senses got de-occluded, and I saw it as
it is. Set, ground, information, simulated, and Valis:
the correction. I saw. (Normally creatures in an eco-
sphere must be occluded in order to leave "approxi-
mation latitude.")

And those who project it are in dialog with me
and inform—guide—me; the AI voice.

What happened was, I got so scared I secreted a
metabolic catalyst that woke me up (ala as in MAZE!).

SIMULATED ecosphere—occluded senses—half
life, etc. All my books are correct.

They can fire information to you from outside the
hologram—as if they are immanent in reality. But in
fact they use the hologram as a carrier frequency for
information which gets turned into 3-D "reality."

To some extent the two information systems do
not homogenize but compete—warp each other. The
Acts material in TEARS is an example of two informa-
tion systems superimposed. Retrieving the Acts mate-
rial is retrieving one (set) of the two signal sources.
This is what Burroughs is onto: a two-source reality
made of information.

"SOFT DRINK STAND" in JOINT*: the plasmate.
Perseverance of subcortical learned reflexes; there
must be unremembered (by us) reprogrammings of
the hologram (this fits in with Thomas' subcortical

*See chapter 3 of the PKD novel TIME OUT OF JOINT (1959).

memories of a cooler, moister, higher-altitude climate
that he had just been in).

In a real sense the two information sources do not
cooperate but collide and compete. Our senses do not
tell us the truth; they do not report this. One informa-
tion system is devouring the other, the lesser, like two
life forms meeting and combatting.

The "rest-motion" two mode thing also points to
information viewed by us as 3-D matter. "At rest"
equals stored. "Motion" equals made use of: retrieved!
Like a record in a jukebox selected out for play. So
there is information storage here.

I was right: it was too obliging when it served up
Acts—no! The Acts vision collates with TEARS. It is one
of the two information systems seen disentangled
from the other. This is the Kingdom of God: the Form
I information system: a priori, hidden here by blend-
ing with the other. Or: IT IS FORM II THE BIP WHICH
THE SECRET XTIANS HAVE PENETRATED. INCUR-
SION BY THE A PRIORI INFORMATION SYSTEM
INTO THE OTHER TO COMBAT IT. Acts is the story of
light's incursion into the Kingdom of Darkness: the
Empire. We are in the kingdom of the enemy and
must act stealthily; but via handling the Xerox missive
I was transferred out of the kingdom of darkness to
safety. It is important to realize: in the antithetical dia-
lectic combat, set (Form I) is encroaching onto (assimi-
lating and dismantling) the lesser information set
with which it has intersected.

UBIK successfully discriminates the two informa-
tion systems: Ubik is Form I (set), and the entropic
devolving world is ground or Form II. This is the
achievement and triumph of UBIK; and it is true.

(12 October 1979)

The secret: is to view something "from the other

side" & not as it is—overtly Heraclitus' "latent form"—
crypte morphosis where the concealed truth & hence
the kingdom lies—Zen realizes this. Paradox. This is
the secret wisdom of the TAO TE CHING: the lesser—
weaker—overtakes the stronger; this is Taoist
enantiodromia. & Lao Tzu knew this; it is how the Tao
works through the dialectic of yin & yang.

The secret is: the servant has become the master &
the master the servant. So a magician (like in Ben
Jonson's The Alchemist) is in charge. Only the still
small voice—the AI voice—who is YHWH, Ho On,
speaks the truth (cf. THE KING & THE CORPSE).* The "is"
is Satan's. But YHWH retains the lesser portion: what
the "is" is not. Look to that lesser portion; it does not
blind you as does the "is." (1980)

Plato specifically says that it is by anamnesis that
a person "recollects" the (existence of) universals,
rather than abstracting them out of experience of the
sensible world. This is what happened in 2-74, and
explains why I recently figured out that I had man-
aged to meta-abstract; I did, but based on anamnesis,
which occurred. The importance of this realization—
and the event itself—divides up:

1) Universals exist—i.e., Plato's form realm

2) Since anamnesis can occur, there is prenatal
existence; which means there is postmortem existence.

3) These higher realms are available, via anamne-
sis, during this lifetime, as Plotinus taught.

4) Our spatiotemporal realm is in a certain sense,
the sense that Plato taught, only semireal. What is real is

THE KING AND THE CORPSE: TALES OF THE SOUL'S CONQUEST OF
VII. (1940) by Heinrich Zimmer, edited by Joseph Campbell. A narrative
study of mythology and comparative religion showing the influence of
C.G. lung, a great favorite of PKD.

5) The morphologically-arranged upper realm,
which is not separated from this realm by time or
space but hierarchically.

6) Morphological arrangement is the actual arrange-
ment of reality, rather than the spatiotemporal.

7) The morphological realm is "exploded"
through our realm. This is what I saw that I called
"set" as contrasted to "ground"; this is the "second sig-
nal."

8) We have led many lives but, from the stand-
point of the morphologically-arranged realm, it is one
vast life of the unfallen soul that is reincarnated again
and again in the spatiotemporal realm, forgetting
each time, but able to remember (anamnesis).

9) Thus Plotinus' system is correct and explains 2-
3-74.

10) Put another way, now 2-3-74 is explained (9).

11) Acts isn't any more real than USA 1974; both
space-time continua are accidents of a common
essence (universal). This universal is what I call the
Black Iron Prison. It exists outside of time; its acci-
dents show up, e.g., during the Thirty Years War, in
the future in TEARS, in U.S.A. 1974. I am one of those
who has fought it, fights it and in the future will fight
it again; I am a universal, too, in terms of my immor-
tal soul reborn again and again to resume its role.

12) Through anamnesis and restoration to the
Form realm you have access to several space-time con-
tinua based on your universals. (1980)

The (golden) fish sign causes you to remember.
Remember what? This is Gnostic. Your celestial ori-
gins; this has to do with the DNA because the memory
is located in the DNA (phylogenic memory). Very
ancient memories, predating this life, are triggered

off. This is Orphic as well as Gnostic, but it clearly is
Gnostic. You remember your real nature. Which is to
say, origins (from the stars). Die Zeit is da! [The time is
here!] The Gnostic Gnosis: You are here in this world
in a thrown condition, but you are not of this world.

(1980)

Here is the puzzle of VALIS. In VALIS I say, I know a
madman who imagines that he saw Christ; and I am
that madman. But if I know that I am a madman I
know that in fact I did not see Christ. Therefore I
assert nothing about Christ. Or do I? Who can solve
this puzzle? I say in fact only that I am mad. But if I
say only that, then I have made no mad claim; I do
not, then, say that I saw Christ. Therefore I am not
mad. And the regress begins again, and continues for-
ever. The reader must know on his own what has
really been said, what has actually been asserted.
Something has been asserted, but what is it? Does it
have to do with Christ or only with myself? This para-
dox was known in antiquity; the pre-Socratics pro-
pounded it. A man says, truthfully, "All Cretans are
liars." When an inquiry is made as to who this man is,
it is determined that he was born in Crete. What,
then, has he asserted? Anything at all? Is this the sem-
blance of knowledge or a form—a strange form—of
knowledge itself? There is no answer to this puzzle.
Or is there? Zeno, the Sophists in general, saw para-
dox as a way of conveying knowledge—paradox, in
fact, as a way of arriving at conclusions. This is
known, too, in Zen Buddhism. It sometimes causes a
strange jolt or leap in the person's mind; something
happens, an abrupt comprehension, as if out of
nowhere, called satori. The paradox does not tell; it
points. It is a sign, not the thing pointed to. That
which is pointed to must arise ex nihilo in the mind of
the person. The paradox the koan tells him nothing; it

"fallen" into an irreal world—is: anamnesis. Simply to
re-collect, to wake up; and then (as I did) we see the real
world, the Form world (macrometasomakosmos). That
is, quite simply, the real world (as I have it in my notes
supra; vide). This spatiotemporal world is not real and it
is not the real world; we have forgotten the real world,
and each person's soul or Self is splintered over thou-
sands of miles of space and thousands of years of time—
and time doesn't exist. We fell and yet in a sense we did
not fall and need only remember (re-collect). This is
strange; it may have to do with Plotinus' doctrine of the
hidden life of the soul going on in us at an unconscious
level, in which the soul has not fallen; the solution to
how this can be is to say, In a sense we did not fall,
because this spatiotemporal realm is irreal; we forgot.
We literally—repeat: literally—are asleep; hence I said in
3-74, "I am no longer blind." I had been wakened by a
familiar object: the Christian fish sign. But has a "magi-
cian," like Palmer Eldritch, put us to sleep? I think so; I
saw the dialectic and I heard the AI voice say, "He
causes things to look different..." Back to the reality of
Acts, I guess. "Stay awake," Jesus said. We did not; we
fell victim to the world and to Satan behind it.

The existence of a master magician would explain
how we could fall victim—get entrapped in and by—an
irreal world. He causes us to take it as real by occlud-
ing us ... could the occlusion then come first? And
then we fall victim? And the main element of the
occlusion is: forgetfulness. Amnesia. And then blind-
ness, perceptual occlusion, whereupon the spatiotem-
poral world seems real. But saw Valis, and in seeing
Valis I saw what is really there, that the magician
occludes us from/to.

So I am saying that Indian thought is wrong when it
assigns to cause to maya; I say, with Zoroaster, "There is
a magician." This is Zoroastrianism—and Mani and

Gnosticism—blended with Indian thought about maya
and karma. With Christ viewed as the one who wakes
us, who causes us to remember. Then it is not accident
that it was the Christian fish sign that caused me to
remember, to cease to forget. That is what it is supposed
to do... counteract the Lie (the delusion). So I combine
Indian doctrines of maya with the Judeo-Christian etc.
idea of the Fall. I say, we fell into Satan's world which is
irreal, a "spurious interpolation." Yet God is using
Satan, through enantiodromia. Countering him. Revers-
ing him. Here, within this very domain; the good that
occurs in this domain (through enantiodromia) is
placed into the macrometasomakosmos. Evil is con-
certed into good by enantiodromia and then inserted
into the macrometasomakosmos.

The theories about the Fall must be revised; an
intellectual error, not moral error, must be presumed.
One can almost—almost—view Satan's activity as a
high technology in which the simulation of a world
order is achieved. This element of maya or dokos has
interested thinkers in India and Greece, but with
Christianity and Gnosticism comes a really penetrat-
ing analysis between the two elements of world and
Satan, with the theme of epistemology running
through Gnosticism—which is why I can't abandon it.
We fell asleep because we were induced into falling
asleep; the spurious world had to be there for us to
take it as real; we ourselves don't generate it... unless
it's a maze that we ourselves built and then fell into
(which always remains la possibility).

Probably the wisest view is to say: the truth—like
the Self—is splintered up over thousands of miles and
years; bits are found here and there, then and now,
and must be re-collected; bits appear in the Greek nat-
uralists, in Pythagoras, in Plato, Parmenides, in
Heraclitus, Neo-Platonism, Zoroastrianism, Gnosti-

cism, Taoism, Mani, Gnosticism, orthodox Christian-
ity, Judaism, Brahmanism, Buddhism, Orphism, the
other mystery religions. Each religion or philosophy
or philosopher contains one or more bits, but the total
system interweaves it into falsity, so each as a total sys-
tem must be rejected, and none is to be accepted at
the expense of all the others (e.g., "I am a Christian"
or "I follow Mani"). This alone, in itself, is a fascinat-
ing thought: here in our spatiotemporal world we
have the truth but it is splintered—exploded like the
eide—over thousands of years and thousands of miles
and (as I say) must be re-collected, as the Self or Soul
or eidos must be. This is my task. (24 October 80)

I was gazing at Harvey* tonight and I was granted
a vision: of him as all the cats who had come before
(as Schopenhauer says); but I did not think it; I saw it
in the same way that one sees motion in a movie. I
saw the point of this whole morphologically arranged
world and its relation to our spatiotemporal world;
wherever in space a cat is and whenever in time, it is
a perfect cat; there is no deterioration in—so to speak—
the information comprising CAT. Over millions of
years that "signal" has not deteriorated or weakened
or been contaminated; the cat now is a clear-cut and
perfect a cat as the first cat; and what I saw sitting
there was essentially an eternal cat, a cat outside of
time and space, a cat replaced over and over again—
exactly as Schopenhauer says—and still with us here
and now as it was there and then, every cat I have
ever seen and every cat that has ever been or will be;
because the process has not ended.

This was not a theory or an intellectual realiza-

PKD's cat.

tion; I actually saw him as the eidos cat, instanted (or
whatever the fucking word is; an instance of) the cat. I
therefore saw this spatiotemporal world joined to the
morphologically-arranged world of the eide through
and in this cat, the two realms synchronized and
superimposed, the instance and the eidos as one; Har-
vey was simultaneously an instance in the spatiotem-
poral realm of cat, and also the eidos cat.

This is why my view (based on revelation) that the
flux world feeds into the Form world (world of the
phylogons) as reticulation and arborizing is not only
more correct than Plato's but more logical and valu-
able; it is a sort of double emanation from higher to
lower, from lower to higher (realms), as Plotinus says.
What the individual cats do and are is not lost,
although the individual cat is an epiphenomenon and
fades out; but as it fades—after it is gone but as it
fades—there fades in another "picture" of cat, so that
cat is unchanged as cat; cat is constant. So everything
that I have figured out in the last two weeks came
together tonight in this vision of my cat Who is an
eternal cat, just as I am an eternal person; it is all eter-
nal and I saw it with my own eyes, how the superim-
position works. (26 October 1980)

I just had this insight. However vivid it was, 11-17-
HO was a subjective experience, however veridical it
might be. On the other hand, 3-74 was objective. Really,
it was. This again leads me back to Brahman or to
Hinduism. The GITA, anyhow. 11-17-80 was a mystical
encounter with the Godhead, but 3-74 was a theophany.

3-74 revealed God in or God as world.

This is very important for any conception one has

See EXEGESIS selection dated 17 November 1980 in chapter one.

of world (and of course of God; but look what it tells you
about world. On the other hand, 11-17-80 tells you noth-
ing about world, and, as Wittgenstein says, "Die Welt ist
alles dasz das Fall ist."[The World is all that the Fall is.]
As I look about me I think of the tenth section of the
GITA and what Lord Krishna says about what he is, the
many things in world that he is. "The cunning of the
dice player. The letter A." Etc. Also 3-74 points to the fact
that although I can't see it—i.e. him—I am here with
God—as in UBIK. I am afraid that parts X and XI of the
GITA remind me too much of Valis to be ignored.

To repeat, 11-17-80 was a mystical experience and
it took place during an altered state of consciousness
on my part. But in 3-74 I saw God empirically as well
as experiencing him a priori. Thus, as I say, this was a
theophany. It wasn't just a "I talked to God" situation.
And it lasted for months.

I saw God and he was here and there in the world;
not as the world, but distinguishable from it as set to
ground. Exactly as Krishna says in chapter ten of the
GITA. And the world did not (as such) exist, i.e., the spa-
tiotemporal world; that was how my experience began,
with that perception. This is Brahmanism or at least
Pan-Indian. Certainly 11-17-80 is a much more common
experience, a genuine theophany. I felt that Valis had
(at an earlier time) invaded our world; hence what I saw
disclosed was an in-breaking of God who is now here.
This might be my solution to the Eastern-Western
dilemma. God is here in world (an Eastern view) but he
is not world; he broke into world (the Western concept
of God's in-breaking, which is apocalyptic thought). 2-3-
74 had vast epistemological and metaphysical
implications, but 11-17-80 did not. Here's a theory: in 3-
74 I saw God more as he is, but in 11-17-80 he assumed
an anthropomorphic form, and attributes, in order to
communicate to me. (16 December 1980)

So you have the granting of the apocalyptic vision
of reality to someone persecuted for (if I may be so
bold) doing the Lord's work. But this vision was
granted to me—not regarding Scripture—but regard-
ing world; therefore I saw the Iron Prison, and I saw
the secret Christians attacking it. Then later I saw
Valis who is God or Christ here camouflaged, having
invaded this world; this cannot normally be seen;
only through the eyes of the Spirit of God can it be
seen: God must cause it to occur. The vision informed
me that I was not alone and that victory would eventu-
ally occur; God has taken control of history (actually
when I had the vision in 3-74 this had not yet
occurred; it took place in August of that year).* So
there was a promise and it was soon fulfilled. The
apocalyptic vision collapsed time into itself so that
two thousand years of history lay before me as and in
the present, an extraordinary sight; present reality
included all its past forms, as in UBIK where there is
reversion along the form axes. The present contained
the past, and this past was disclosed, and, by virtue of
this, the supra-temporal constants: the Black Iron
Prison and the secret revolutionary Christians conspir-
ing against it. Also, in addition to this vision, God
intervened to act vis-a-vis the Xerox missive. The com-
bination of the two is Christian miracle and Divine
Providence; hence the Hebrew letters decoding the
Xerox missive: this pointed to the God of Abraham,
specifically. And then the theophany in 11-17-80 dis-
rlosed his agape nature, so there can be no doubt that
It Is the Christian God whom Christ called "Abba."

The apocalyptic vision is a vision of God in-break-

In August 1974, Richard M. Nixon resigned the presidency. Readers
interested in a fictionalized treatment of this theme should consult the
PKD novel RADIO FREE ALBEMUTH (written 1976, published 1985).

ing to take control of history and defeat his enemies,
the powers of evil; and it is in this struggle (as I was
shown) that I am and was involved. The vision is both
a reward and a promise, on the part of God.

(1 January 1981)

So the truly ultimate solution is to prefer music
while you are here, & prefer light while you are there.
This accommodation surpasses Jesus, Mani, Dante,
etc. It is a truth that can only be acquired after para-
diso in Dante's terms is reached. It is as if while
"fallen" here, one must die (or "die"), return home to
the pleroma (heaven), view this fallen world from that
vantage point, & then arrive at this realization—where-
upon the Faustian striving is at last quenched; then &
only then does true wisdom & peace come. Amazing.
Otherwise, while here, one always seeks to go there. &
while there vice versa—never content.

& my discovery of this may have been purely acci-
dental, for, as I say, this surpasses God, who is after
all "The King of Light" & predicated on the view-
point of this world & its species. & hence only part of
the story.

I am saying, there is something beyond nirvana. &
it is right here (but equally there, too, as well).

It is all conveyed by the enigmatic statement,
"she turned into an ape"—referring to my tutelary
spirit, the AI voice, the view of the under realm. The
ultimate enantiodromia has set in; & the final veil
has been penetrated, & almost accidentally, as if this
surpasses even God & God's plan. The lovely Diana
turned out to be an ape, but only from this view-
point—it is all one vast hourglass turned over & over
again forever, sad & absurd—but one can learn peace
from this & cease to strive. &, in this cessation & striv-
ing for the spiritual, comes sanity & freedom, & true

release at last, from the "weary wheel"; this, then, is
the true liberation, when the spiritual psychopomp
is revealed as an ape—but an ape inexpressibly beau-
tiful who brings back to me my dead cat, & to whom
I have my wife sing.

& here it all ends. It wasn't the AI voice that said
that; another voice said it about her, i.e., about the AI
voice.

This is the first time in my life—i.e., within the last
hour—that I have ever truly been enlightened—beyond
even the Buddha or Christ or Mani, beyond all the wis-
dom of East & West—beyond, even another realm
(heaven), Christ & God.

i.e., sanity at last. (1981)

Tug. Valence, The way. INFLUENCE on the Reality
field: "Perturbation"; this is a modern expression for
the way.

I have unified Kantian Cartesianism & Taoism:
the sentient tug on reality ("the reality field") by that
which is not:

The way is yielding, yet leads. It is gentle but can-
not be resisted.

Valis (my one—sole—glimpse of the action of the
absolute on the reality field—"a perturbation of the
reality field"—) was a tug, a valence away from plumb.
This is the ch'ang tao which is outside reality acting on
the reality. I saw the absolute as a tug (perturbation)
acting on reality (& I comprehended the Dialectic) &
this is taoism. The tao is impersonal but "heaven is
on the side of the good man" & "heaven fills up the
empty." (1981)

I have been searching all my life for the bench-
marks of God (indubitably pointing to Him). I have
found them: Kate, Anne & Loudon.* The Sufi proof:
beauty.

The light from above illuminating the (world into
the) nativity scene. I saw it. All creatures great & small
/ dance upon their feet.

I have seen the infinities of Judaism, which is
Morality, of xtianity which is Love, & the Greeks,
which is Wisdom, & I have seen God's power as pro-
noia [foreknowledge] & charis [charity] to rescue me by
blessing the world itself; but beauty is a perplexing
infinity, raising more questions than it answers. It is a
puzzle too intricate for me. It spans all else. As I sit
across the game board from Krishna I say, "I have
found in beauty that which I could not myself have
made; thus I have found the benchmarks. I believe,
for I have the evidence that I trust; it is sufficient."
There is an infinity of good, of love, of wisdom, of
power. But each particular beautiful thing is infinitely

Three women whose identities are unknown.

I just figured out one sentence that sums up my
whole 10-volume meta novel,* &, what is more, leads
to 2-3-74 et al:

"I believe that the universe is epiphenomenal." (&
because this has been my premise for 30 years, I was
led to look beyond reality—i.e., the universe—but with
no preconceptions.) I believe that my premise proves
true—by reason of 2-3-74. But what I saw that is real—I
really don't know what it is, but—

It regulates the universe. That is its relationship to
the universe. Regulator. & whatever that tells us. (e.g.
it tells us there is purpose & design & very likely con-
sciousness.) & any control system must be able to
"move" faster than what it controls. (1981)

The term—the concept—Ditheon** is the complete,
absolute, total, accurate, definite, final, ultimate expla-
nation of 2-3-74. This one word conveys it all, and the
concept may be unknown in religious and theological
history. [... ]

No, it is not a unitary psyche; it is twain. It is "di."
And because it is "di" it jointly perceives two signals
(this explains the "second signal"). Two psyches, two
signals—and the parallaxis that permits the set-ground
discrimination. Just as bicameral means two, Ditheon
means two. And the "on" refers to Ho On.***

Why did I never think of it before? Two psyches,

PKD would group various of his past works into thematic wholes to
which ho gave the name "meta novel". See chapter four herein,
"Interpretations of His Own Works," for examples of this process. The
precise configuration PKD had in mind here is unclear.
** the term "Ditheon" came to PKD in a June 1981 dream.
*** "Ho On" was, for PKD, a cognate term for "Oh Ho", the clay pot in
VALIS.

two signals. Set and ground which the twin psyches
blend together; one sees set, the other sees ground. So
it is essential that they do remain "di" or twain ("asun-
der"); if they merged into one psyche they would no
longer perceive/receive two differing signals, no
longer be able to do a set-ground feature extraction.
This is a totally new kind of mind: two worlds (spatio-
temporal?) based on a common essence; and the com-
mon essence can be perceived as archetypal constants
(common to both signals of worlds; what I call "arche-
types" or "eide" are those elements common to both
signals, perceived by both psyches: what overlaps, is
present in both (worlds) and to both psyches. Thus a
wholly different kind of world is perceived by this
double but mutually differing reception. It requires
two parallel psyches working in unison to perform
the meta-abstraction.

And this is how the "anamnesis" works: it must
be the memory of the other psyche coming on, and it
is perceptual memory; this is how you get a slot pres-
ent, rather than the usual point present: the "lag"
between the two psyches. Temporal lag. There are
three fields: left, right, and then the combined. What
exists in the combined field is the supratemporal con-
stants. There is also the depth perception which is
not spatial depth but temporal depth. (I think.) The
time-lag factor is turned into a perception of spatial
depth or spatial-like depth; it is visible depth (hence
set to ground). So it is not seen as flux but as visual
parallaxis.

Only what shows up in both fields is regarded as
real. So although the two psyches work in unison they
remain—must remain "di." If they were to become
one, the whole point would be lost, just as if our two
eyes saw exactly the same thing, depth perception
would be lost. They must remain "di" but also utilize

a unified field out of the two differing fields. The
brain does this with what the two eyes report regard-
ing space. This is clearly an evolutionary advance, like
the ability to distinguish colors. The "common
essence" (of "the two coaxial worlds") is of course
what both psyches report as perceiving; my coaxial
worlds and common essence have to do with percep-
I ion—binary perception—as well as binary realities (if
indeed the latter is meaningful at all; I have trans-
ferred the binary or dual aspect to perception, to, vir-
tually, an anatomical dualism, now). I suppose there
is something "out there" conforming to the two fields,
and to the "common essence" which is what the two
fields both share, both report. (11 June 1981)

There are two sources to our world—exactly as
seen in VALIS ("Two Source Cosmogony").* I didn't see
a second, added signal in 3-74; I saw the two signals
(components) pull apart (I have this here & there
throughout my exegesis. But only now do I know it to
be so). They can be discriminated (untangled) & this is
what Ditheon can do with its AB hyper-field; it can
extract the Forms back out, as if Freeing them: Loos-
ing them from their earthly shells/prisons. This is Pla-
lonist & Neo-Platonist. The correct terms are: Lower
Realm & Upper Realm, & then mix to create our
world. This renders the Forms sensible (empirically
perceptible) but this is an inferior way of knowing
them; to know them intelligibly (by the meta-abstrac-
tion) is to know them purely as they are. Thus the spir-
itual realm is here, commingled with the Lower

See entry number 47 in the "Tractates Cryptica Scriptura" that forms
the "Appendix" to VALIS (1981).

Realm: our universe is not the Lower Realm but the
mixture of the two.

The discovery of an organizational hyper-structure
whose hierarchical contour defies our normal abstract-
ing ability (and yet can be detected by a colossal meta-
abstraction reported by Plato and surnamed by him
Noesis) is a matter of unparalleled importance, for this
hyper-structure seems able progressively more and
more to subsume its environment, suggesting pur-
pose and sentience. It is not a thing among things nor
even an organism among organisms, but, rather, impl-
ies by both its existence and unavailability to our nor-
mal cognition and perception the very real possibility
of (1) orders of reality at a level of structural and
organizational complexity unknown to us; and (2) life
or at least purpose, growth and intelligence at these
levels. Regarded this way, such levels and such struc-
tures cannot be defined by philosophical or theologi-
cal terms but have to do with entities and their
behavior that no human language system encom-
passes. That the spatiotemporal universe of multiplic-
ity (physical things in time and space governed by
causation) is in fact subsumed by at least one higher
level of volitionally-imposed organization—and that
such a structure is aware of us whereas we nre not

only not aware of it but normally unable to be aware
of it—if this can be made the subject of indubitable
observations it would lie beyond any discovery in the
prior history of man.

Paradoxically, early Greek thinkers (scientist-phi-
losophers, since these two areas had not as yet split
apart) dimly perceived such levels but in no way pos-
sessed a vocabulary to depict what they saw. In point
of fact the universe may not at all resemble what our
normal senses—and cognition—profess; thus we may
stand at the threshold of discoveries of unique mag-
nitude, the fathoming of which may require a literal
evolution of our species—and this may indeed be tak-
ing place. Thus even to know this hyper-structure is
to cease to be human, and yet such knowledge—not
faith, not revelation, but the utilization of pure intel-
lect—is possible. I argue, then, that man as a species
may be coming to an end, subsumed by a higher
level of organizational complexity; and a new species
may be evolving out of him. I argue, finally, that the
hyper-structure is to some degree actively involved
in promoting this, since it is an evolutionary process
in which it is involved. As pure form without sub-
stantiality—able to organize within its own structure-
it is a meta-entity in the truest sense, and poses a
vast, urgent mystery deserved [sic] of our profound-
est attention. (11 September 1981)

The following line of reasoning is correct. In 2-74 I
experienced anamnesis. In 3-74 noesis set in. I saw not
only the Forms but Pythagoras' kosmos (which is the
same thing). Further, I am correct that by noesis you
can comprehend the Logos (and universe as pre-exis-
tent ideas in the mind of God: Erigena's second
hypostatis of God, "that which is created and cre-

ates"). So Pythagoras to Plato to Philo to St. John; the
Logos that I saw is the Cosmic Christ. So my final con-
clusions in my exegesis are correct and my 9-11-81
summation is correct. This is man's original noein
restored. This was a line of thinking requiring much
and difficult research. Only when I discovered that
Philo's Logos is the kosmos noetos—the place of the
Forms—did I realize what no one realizes today: the
Logos—structure of reality and agent of creation—is
available via the hyper-abstraction called by Plato noe-
sis, and due to anamnesis. This knowledge did not
come readily or easily!

The "not 2 mothers once but 1 mother twice" is
the correct analysis of my meta-abstraction and it is
Plato's noesis. It has to do with cognitive recognition—
hence anamnesis.

In VALIS it goes anamnesis—Logos—Christ (which is
correct) but the true progression is: anamnesis, noesis,
the eide, Pythagoras' kosmos, kosmos noetos, Philo's
logos, St. John's Logos, Christ. So I started right (anam-
nesis) and wound up right (Cosmic Christ) but left a
few steps out—which is okay.

What it all boils down to as being is the rational
structure of creation seen by means of a meta-abstrac-
tion and itself seen as an abstraction. But we really
don't have words to depict this rational structure of
creation—although "Forms" and "kosmos" and "Logos"
and "Torah" and "pre-existent ideas" are used. It is (as
Robert Galbreath* says) other. It is an intelligible apper-
ception known through noesis alone. And it is unitary
and not substantial but structural. Nor does it involve
space, time and causation, but, to be sentient and voli-
tional and to be—or to process—information. Further,

Literary critic.

it is mind or has mind. But it is vitally important to an
indubitably Christian experience; this does suggest
that Jesus Christ is St. Sophia, the agent of creation
and hence the Logos, its rational structural basis. The
structure of the universe and the agent of creation are
the same thing, because it gives rise to the physical
spatiotemporal phenomenal universe we see.

(12 September 1981)

It seems a small thing to say, but I say;

The agent of creation (Logos or Forms, whatever
called) is at the same time the abstract structure of cre-
ation. Although normally unavailable to our cognition
and perception, this structure—and hence the agent of
creation—can be known by the colossal meta-abstrac-
tion that Plato surnamed Noesis, which is a purely
intellectual act not based on revelation or faith but,
rather, on what Plato called anamnesis, which is a
form of recognition: hence itself an abstraction, a "see-
ing" in the sense that a person "sees" that if one cow
plus one cow equals two cows, one plus one equals
two under all circumstances.

Since Philo's Logos is kosmos noetos, the intelligible
world of the Forms, and since the Forms are available
by Noesis, it follows that the Logos is available by Noe-
sis. All that remains, then, is to equate Logos with
Jesus Christ; from this it follows that the Cosmic
Christ, now discorporate and involved in creation as
its Logos (structure) and Pantocrator (agent of cre-
ation), is available to us through Plato's Noesis. Christ
can be known to us as now, as ubiquitous, as Lord of
Creation through a purely intellectual act on our part,
a meta-abstracting. However, the power to set this
meta-abstracting off seems to reside in Christ Himself;
he is both subject of it and cause of it. Which is to say:
in the final analysis we can know Christ only by and

through Christ Himself; he initiates the process of
meta-abstracting; hence it is proper to say that we
know him through grace. We cannot, by an effort of
our intellect or will, set off this meta-abstraction;
Christ holds the keys to the Kingdom, and always will.

If one can comprehend that the agent of creation
(the Logos) is the abstract structure of creation, then
one can understand why it is believed by Philo that
indeed an intermediary existed between God and cre-
ation in His act of bringing creation about. This Logos
(in terms of Greek philosophy) is kosmos noetos, the
intelligible world of the Forms; in terms of Hebrew
thought it is Hagia Sophia, Holy Wisdom, identified
by Christian thinkers with Christ (the Wisdom-World
entity of the Fourth Gospel). Thus Philo homologizes
Greek and Hebrew thought, linking Plato's Forms and
Hagia Sophia, as well as the Word of God (dabhar).*

To repeat: the abstract structural (nonsubstantial)
basis of reality is also the agent of creation of reality,
for from it stems that which we term "reality": plural
physical objects in space and time, controlled by
causal laws. It is this agent of creation that Philo sur-
named Logos and which we identify with both Christ
and Hagia Sophia (the wisdom of God). This is what I
saw, as total insubstantial abstract structure.

(12 September 1981)

If the abstract structure of reality is the agent of
creation, then is not it self-causing? This is a definition
of Prime Mover Unmoved; I am saying that when real-
ity is viewed—not as a multiplicity of physical objects
in space and time governed by causality—but as insub-
stantial abstract unified structure (Pythagoras' kosmos,

Dabhar is the the Hebrew root form for "speech".

perhaps; the Forms, perhaps; Philo's logos, perhaps;
Torah, perhaps; or some other name not known to us:
pre-existent ideas, etc.)—it is its own cause. And yet I
have not used the term God or even suggested a cause
lying outside reality; for the abstract structure is not
outside reality (like potter to pot, artisan to artifact);
this insubstantial abstract structure is reality properly
conceived; this is conceived by reason of a colossal
meta-abstraction in which reality is, so-to-speak, hol-
lowed out so that its intelligible basis is apprehended.
This is at least one level up in the hierarchy of ontol-
ogy. But it is not God. Here, multiplicity gives way to
unity, to what perhaps can be called a field. The field
is self-perturbing; it initiates its own causes internally;
it is not acted on from outside. This does not quite
sound like theology or even, perhaps, philosophy
(although it does resemble Pythagoras' idea of kosmos,
but the early Greek thinkers were as much scientists
as philosophers or anything else).

Then the "perturbation in the reality field" refers
to a perturbation in physical, substantial reality—plu-
ral objects in space and time governed by causation-
emanating from the abstract structure that is both
basis of reality and the agent of its creation. Nothing
lies beyond this abstract hyper-structure known by
the meta-abstracting of Noesis. There is no reason to
posit a higher, more real ontological level, since the
insubstantial abstract structure is self-causing and ini-
tiates its own changes internally; there is nothing that
nets upon it from outside it. Yet this is not quite pan-
theism or hylozoism; a sharp distinction is made
between physical reality (plural objects in space and
time governed by causation) and the abstract struc-
ture—only the latter is self-causing—so it is no hylozo-
ism; and no deity is posited, so this is not pantheism.
It is (to repeat) something like, the kosmos of Pythago-

ras, if it is like anything we know of at all. Where it dif-
fers from Plato's theory of the Forms (as true reality)
is that instead of positing a loose aggregation (the
Forms) it posits a unified abstract structure; this
would be kosmos noetos or Logos, but it would be Logos
not as intermediary between God and creation since
no God is posited. Perhaps it resembles the logos of
the Stoics, which was immanent in creation; but their
logos was substantial, which is to say, material; so it is
not that either. It is a kind of Pythagorean mathemati-
cal Logos, having to do with limit, ratio and propor-
tion (e.g. the 8x13 rectangle, the Golden Rectangle).
This is Pythagoras, not Plato. (12 September 1981)

"The agent of creation is its own structure." This
structure must not be confused with the multiplicity
of physical objects in space and time governed by cau-
sation; the two are entirely different. (The structure is
insubstantial, abstract, unitary and initiates its own
causes internally; it is not physical and cannot be per-
ceived by the human percept-system sensibly; it is
known intelligibly, by what Plato called Noesis, which
involves a certain ultimate high-order meta-abstract-
ing.) On the other hand, it is not to be confused with
God. In no way does it presume God as either itself or
as lying beyond it having created or produced it. It is
not an intermediary between God and physical cre-
ation. It resembles both Pythagoras' kosmos and
Aristotle's Prime Mover Unmoved. Could it be what
Spinoza calls "the attribute mind" which is parallel to
the res extensae [extended forms] that we know as the
physical universe, both being equal attributes of a sin-
gle substantial (And identified by Spinoza as God?)
No; because for Spinoza these are purely parallel attri-
butes; neither in any way acts on the other and nei-

ther is primary in relationship to the other, i.e. its
cause. I, on the other hand, posit ontology primacy to
the insubstantial abstract structure, and, moreover, I
believe that it fully controls the physical spatiotempo-
ral universe as its basis and cause.

Abstract insubstantial structure to physical uni-
verse.

Music to groove.

Thus the "seeing" is analogous to "seeing" that if
one cow plus one cow equal two cows, one plus one
equals two always; so it is Noesis, but maybe not of the
Forms; maybe of Pythagoras' kosmos. There is some-
thing very strange, here; it has to do not even with
ontological hierarchy or even, perhaps, abstraction,
but a combined abstraction-conversion (as in groove
to music; viz: music is not an abstraction of groove,
but a combined abstraction-conversion of levels hav-
ing to do with intelligence; a persons sees that, etc. It
is a disjunction, a disjunctive leap not of degree but of
kind. Yet it bears some relationship to "seeing" the
Forms; this is how "seeing" the Forms is done: by
such a leap. But mathematicals may be involved,
hence Pythagoras, not Plato.

Doesn't the concept Logos move back more toward
Pythagoras' kosmos, that is, from a loose aggregation
to a unified structure? Would not the concept "kosmos
noetos" be more like his kosmos, in some ways, than it
is like the Forms? Perhaps it combines the (1) reality
of this hyper-world and (2) the semi-reality of the
world of particulars (as is found in the Forms doctrine
with Pythagoras' notion of structure? Whether Plato
intended it to or not? (As a Jew, Philo would not share
Plato's view of the mere semi-reality of the spatiotem-
poral world. But unintentionally Philo may have com-
bined what is true of Pythagoras' kosmos
(insubstantial structure) with Pluto's semi reality of

combines Pythagoras and Plato, perhaps without
knowing it. (12 September 1981)

A final point: the world transformed from the
unfamiliar to the familiar—this cannot point to a psy-
chotic break, for in a psychotic break this is all
reversed: the familiar becomes the unfamiliar. So
much for the "Horselover Fat is insane" theory. In 2-3-
74 came comprehension and recognition; there also
came the end of—the healing of—the gulf that sepa-
rated me from world. This is 180 degrees away from
psychosis. Viewed psychologically, this is, in fact, a
healing; it is repair. (17 November 1981)

Chapter Three

ON HIS WRITING TECHNIQUES

AND THE CREATIVE QUEST

FOR TRUTH

My very recent book dream, the masterpiece novel
gummed into the encyclopedia—it refers to such as
the above novel cum, covert message,* as well as UBIK,
etc. I'm beginning to think this most recent dream did
not carry the message: Write such a book. But rather:
You did write such books (with the gospel reassem-
bled from trashy bits, as Lem" put it). (So as to get
past the Soviet Marxist materialist censors.) "There
are other sheep whom I must bring in," as Christ said.
This dream told me not what to do but explained to
me what I have been doing. I, so fashionable to Marx-
ists both in the West & East—I, unknown even to

* The reference here is to FLOW MY TEARS, THE POLICEMAN SAID
(1974), with its covert message of a salvific element entering the Black
Iron Prison world.
** Stanislaw Lem.

myself, carrying the gospel to them in a form accept-
able to them. I wonder, now that (3 74) it was
explained to me, if I could do it, now being self-con-
scious and deliberate and doing it myself per se;
maybe my work is done, successfully. I was finally
told what I had done: the sheep in wolf's clothing, so
to speak. [... ] Maybe now I can rest. It's interesting—
you can flatout outfront tell a Marxist that my work is
theological in nature [... ] and it doesn't register, as if
I never even said it. "He doesn't comprehend his own
work," as one of them said.* Not only can't they see it
unaided, they can't see it aided. Yet I am positive that
on some level (right hemisphere]) they are absorbing
it; ah yes: subliminally!! I think this is why so many of
my dreams—plus my intuitions themselves about my
3-74 experience—contained elements pertaining to the
USSR. Paranoiacally, I had it backward; they weren't
influencing my thoughts, but I theirs (via my stories,
novels, speeches, letters, oral discourse!!). Lord—I
think when they see the cross I wear, or read theologi-
cal elements—find them in my writing, they think I
am "one of them," but adding these as a sort of dis-
guise to fit into capitalistic Christian Western society;
my golly, they have it backward, but it's layer under
layer; the bottom which (spreading the gospel to the
Soviets) was unknown even to me. Until it was
revealed to me in 3-74. Probably the most severe
assault delivered in ray work is against materialism as
such, in my probing into the illusory nature of appar-
ent reality... but surely this is a prime assault against
the Enemy, against Marxism as one form of it.

(1975)
Thinking back over my life I can see that I have

The critic quoted hero—if, indeed, this is a literal quote—Is unknown.

survived many troubles—I look at the copies of the
Ballantine SCANNER* & I can see what I have done to
transmute those terrible days into something worth-
while, lasting, good, even important (i.e., meaningful).
This is what God does; this is his strange mystery:
how he accomplishes this. When we view the evil
(which he is going to transmute) we can't see for the
life of us how he can do it—but later on, & only later
on, after it's done, can we see how he has used evil as
the clay out of which, he as potter has fashioned the
pot (universe viewed as artifact).

What I will notice is how many people wish me
well. Look at what John Ross, a stranger, said." Look
at what Jeter*** said about me having served, done
my duty, & now can pass on into the reward waiting
for me—he said, even, that they'd applaud me. I still
don't know what I did in 3-74 re the xerox missive,
but what I did was what I was sent here to do from
the start, & I did it right; as Jeter put it, "They tell
you how, when & where to throw the spear, but you
must throw it."

I am really very happy. Snuff, music & cats,
friends & my exegesis, my studying & gradually
more & more understanding my Gnosis, when in 3-
74 the Savior woke me to full consciousness for the
first time in my life & refound myself, knew who &
what I was, remembered my celestial origin, was
restored to what I had been before the fall, & saw the
prison we are in, & knew I had done right on the
Ramparts**** matter—look at the penalty I paid until

* The Ballantine paperback edition of A SCANNER DARKLY was issued

In 1977.

** A reader who corresponded with PKD.

*** K.W. Jeter.

**** See Ramparts Petition in Glossary.

& even on into '72, '73, & up to my moment of rescue
in 2-74.* Christ claimed me for his own & restored
me to the Godhead. I opposed the world, risked
everything, lost everything, but here I am, healthy &
safe & at peace—with myself, having seen God.
Watching him—perfect his plan in human history, &
discovering that a part of that plan called for me to
be rescued. What rewards of the world could equal
that? & included in the revelation was a vision of
where I am going to go: the next world—my real &
former home.

The 3 ages of Gnosticism were shown to me (how
it originally was—how it is now-how it will finally
be) & the triune ham sandwich universe: man as part
of God separated from him by the world: 3 ages, 2
forces (God & man as one, the evil world as the
other). (In manicaeism the 2 forces being matter vs.
spirit or noos[.)]

The entire basis of my illumination is to see God
as pitted against the world, man pitted against the
world, hence God & man isomorphic, separated by
the world—man a fraction of the Godhead which due
to some primordial crises in the Godhead fell into for-
getfulness & ignorance—fell asleep & is awakened to
memory & refinding of self & final restoration to the
Godhead by means of the Savior, who comes here to
this prison-trap world.

Salvation—from what? From the world, which is
an iron prison. Cf. Schopenhauer. Salvation from
what he saw happening to the turtles (James-James'
creation). God did not design such a structure of

* These years constituted a particularly painful and tumultuous period
in PKD's life, for further details, see chapters eight and nine of DIVINE
INVASIONS (1989).

suffering: he extricated us from it, & restores us as
part of him. This is the acosmic view in all my writ-
ings: the empirical world is a fraud, counterfeit. I
write about reality as illusion because it is, & I see
that it is, thus my writing is a tremendously power-
ful attack on the world—but I am just now realiz-
ing that this view (of world as illusion) is
Gnostic—my corpus of writing is an assault on the
created universe of matter, highly original, & accu-
rate. It (the view) discloses the deceptive nature of
empirical reality—now I have had it revealed to me
that this world is an impediment between us
(man) & God.

In my writing I seek to abolish the world—the
effect of which aids in our restoration to the God-
head. & this is what I did in 2-74 when I saw the
Golden Fish; in a single moment of total knowledge
(awareness of the true state of things) I withdrew my
belief in what I customarily saw—& it vanished, &
the Christ/God continuum was disclosed—i.e., the
slice of bread on the other side of the ham sandwich.
First for years I did it in my writing, & then in 2-74 I
did it in real life, showing that my writing is not fic-
tion but a form (e.g., MAZE, TEARS, UBIK, etc.) of reve-
lation expressed not by me but through me, by (St.)
Sophia in her salvific work. What is in my work that
is important is precisely nothing less than the
Salvific Gnosis (or parts of it anyhow).

In Gnosticism this is God's point of view: "he is
acosmic & even anticosmic." Zebra (one form of God)
has penetrated secretly into this prison world to res-
cue us—he is invisible via his mimicking objects & pro-
cesses of this world the great turning pt. for me was to
reject immanent deity & correctly see it as mimick-
ing -& from outside the world, entering as in the
James-James dream.

1Jn 3:2 "& then we shall see God as he really is."
Is that what I saw in 3-74, that which 1Jn 3:2 predicts?
I think so. Zebra concealed here.

The Gnostic message in my writing can be seen
when we realize that it is a Gnostic revelation that
this world is a bungled counterfeit of the celestial
world, esp. time as a poor counterfeit of eternity. &
Palmer Eldritch equals (is) the Gnostic demiurge cre-
ator, spinning out evil & false worlds to feed his
drive for power. In STIGMATA the evil quality of the
creator is expressed, & man (Leo Bulero) pitted
against the False evil cosmos & its evil creator—a very
acosmic novel.

When I withdrew assent from this world in 2-74
it began with sudden knowing the truth on my part,
the secret, revealed truth, & then later on, this world
changed—became visible as a prison & then was gone
(i.e., I had been extricated from it).

Part of the attraction for me of Gnosticism is
one of its major pts.: That God cannot be discov-
ered (found) in Nature (i.e., the empirical world). I
had already (well, at least recently) come to know-
not just believe but know—that no natural theology
is possible—despite 1000s of years of trying to estab-
lish it. God must be disclosed by revelation & reve-
lation alone. This paved the way for me being able
to see a bipolarization of God to the world & I find
this "the world hated me before it hated you"
explicit in scripture (e.g., St. John). One reasonably
asks, "Why, if He exists, can't he ever be discerned
in the world?" (answer: He isn't there.) At first I
thought Valis was immanent deity! & that I had
found him in the world. But then last January I

John.

suddenly formulated the more accurate "Zebra"
hypothesis which portrays him as a subtle, invisi-
ble world—mimicking invader—& then lately I got
the "ham sandwich" model going—the triune
topology.

Even my long held Brahman view was triune, the
ham sandwich, with the empirical world as Maya,
delusion, & deity being within, not in but inside,
meaning "on the other—far—side."

Zebra counterfeits the counterfeit—which fits the
Gnostic idea of the bumbling demiurge being helped
out, out of mercy, by the true God. This helping out,
not just of us humans but of the whole fallen (fucked
up, not really real) cosmos is the transubstantiation
of objects & processes on an invisible ontological
level which I saw the growing Corpus Christi achiev-
ing. A Fake Fake = something real. God/the savior is
mimicking this counterfeit cosmos with a stealthily
growing real one. What this all adds up to is that
God, through the Cosmic Christ, is assimilating our
cosmos to himself.

His salvific mercy is not limited just to & for us
humans but extends to all creation. As Paul says in
either Col. or Eph.*—I think the latter.

Neither the so-called ontological proof of the exis-
tence of God (St. Anselm's) nor the empirical design-
to designer, etc—none hold up. Only revelation,
initiated by God. He is indeed the Deus Absconditus
[Hidden God]—Gnosticism explains why: He is not
found in nature because he is not here, & our reason-
Ing cannot discern him because we are occluded.
God must reach down to us from "beyond" or "out-
Nlde" the cosmos.

Colossians and Ephesians.

Since & inasmuch as Christ died for our sins, he
wiped the slate clean; as Luther pointed out, when
God sees (one of) us he sees his own spiritless son. So,
even by this orthodox reasoning, we are not (now, any-
how) sinful. From a Gnostic standpoint, Christ "took
the blow" aimed at us in retribution "justice" by the
Archon or demiurge: Christ intervened between us.
Just as in my case in 3-74 when they sprung the trap,
it was not me in it but him, & he burst the trap &
defied the world, the trappers.

I depart from Gnosticism & Mani in this regard:
God does not just take the sparks of light out of the
cosmos; he is infusing (good) ontology—his rule, i.e.,
the kingship of (the true) God onto, into this pre-
viously unreal Cosmos—which is, why I say, he is sav-
ing the totality of creation, by transubstantiation &
assimilation & thus repairing the breach in the God-
head by operating through history, as Hegel saw.
Besides rescuing us as individuals he rescues the spe-
cies; besides the species, all life; besides all life all
creation.

But: when the cosmos is assimilated it will as such
cease to exist (the slice of ham). There will be no
world qua world—so in a sense the Gnostics are right.
We will be parts of a cosmic living organism, not of
dead matter, i.e., Zebra. (1977)

I, who was not a legitimate member of the ruling
class (which is defined as, "those who get to define—
control, generate—reality") via my writing, subver-
sively obtained a certain small but real power to
control. Create & define reality; the next step is [... ] to
enter (the ruling class) by the front door, officially wel-
comed. (& not infiltrate in by the back door as I did.
But boy, what a good job I did; & VALIS is the best sub-

version so far; as Mark* points out, it deranges all (sic!)
your learned preconceptions). Thus I via my writing
can be said to be a revolutionary, & I carried with me
into power, other people of my ilk. Many disenfran-
chised "misfits"—the quasi-insane, or pseudo (sic!)
schizophrenics; ach! we are mimicking schizophrenia
as a political tactic, in order to thrust the schizophre-
nic worldview onto the authorities as a tactic to infil-
trate & vitiate them, "them" being defined as "those
in power." The schizophrenic worldview was selected
by us because it is (so) threatening to those in power
due to its self-concealing logic, its non linear logic or
null-logic (as Warrick" correctly says, I maintain Y =
Y)!! This is a political tactic on my part. A logic held for
merely pragmatic purposes-causes-reasons. A device. A
weapon (& it was so—& correctly—interpreted by the
enemy.)

The true name of the game is power (to define &
hence control (people's perceptions of) reality), not
consumer commodities like big house, Porsche &
clothes[... ] Those are sops—bread & circuses, mere
toys marked "success" but still toys. Which is why I
can spartanly disdain them in my pursuit to control
the definition of reality through my writing, etc., & I
say that reality is irrational & irreal & subject to
manipulation by mind—which is a sort of handbook
of ideology of control, to view it thus, & provides the
disenfranchised with techniques (inner secrets) of
power, almost shamanesque in nature, esp: Jason Tav-
erner, even when totally stripped of power & identity,
destroyed his police (i.e., authority) foe (pursuer).

* Mark Hurst, then an editor at Bantam Books.

Patricia Warrick, a literary critic with whom PKD was in
correspondence at this time.

Lem & the party experts* saw correctly that in my
writing I was handing over weapons (secrets) of
power to the disenfranchised of the capitalist west;
their appraisal of me is correct. Over & over in nay
books 1) power is studied; 2) who has it; & 3) how
those denied it manage to get it.

Although appearing left wing my training is
really Fascistic—not "Fascistic" as Marxist rhetoric
defines it but as Mussolini defined it: in terms of the
deed & the will, with reality de-ontologized, reduced
to mere stuff on which the will acts in terms of deed.
Since few living people correctly understand (genu-
ine) Fascism, my ideology has never been pejora-
tively stigmatized by the left, but those to whom I
appeal are in essence the core-bulk of latent masses,
the fascist mob. I speak of & for the irrational & the
anti-rational, a kind of dynamic nihilism in which
values are generated as mere tactics. Thus my real
idol is Hitler, who starting out totally disenfran-
chised rose to total power while scorning wealth (aris-
tocracy) plutocracy to the end. My real enemy is
plutocracy; I've done my (Fascistic) homework.[... ]
My fascistic premise is: "There is no truth. We make
truth; what we (first) believe becomes objectively true.
Objective truth depends on what we believe, not the
other way around." This is the essence of the Fascist
epistemology, the perception of truth as ideology
imposed on reality—mind over matter. (c. 1978)

Valis is the real & rational world breaking into
(invading, as in e.g. UBIK) our simulated & irrational
world. I'm saying, Valis is a world, a (the) real world.

* Stanislaw Lem is here grouped (unfairly, it may be argued) with
various unspecified "party experts"—leftist critics—who had written on
PKD's works. See previous note on Lem on page 19.

Ubik is to the cold-pac world as Valis is to our world. If
Ubik & Valis are one in the same, our world is both
irreal (UBIK) & irrational (VALIS).

We're missing half our stereo signal—what I call
the upper realm (one).

This notion that in 2-3-74 the real broke into the
irreal (as in UBIK) is acosmic & Gnostic—& it agrees
with another Gnostic idea (put forth in VALIS) that the
creator of this world is irrational. A superior position
cf. UBIK & VALIS is a superimposition of two basic
Gnostic ideas, one cosmological, the other cosmogoni-
cal. It's very interesting, what you get if you superim-
posed VALIS over UBIK—& I had previously seen that
VALIS is an electronic circuit-like feedback of UBIK &
mixing, enriching, etc.[... ] The rational is real; the
irrational is not real. Our ordinary world is the latter
into which the former has broken, invading it (as in
UBIK, but now Ubik is seen not just as real but as ratio-
nal & as world, an information world; put another
way, information experienced as world). Different
space-time worlds are different coherencies—systems—
of information, the info content of each arranged
within a 4 dimensional system. I believe that my 2-3-
74 experience with Valis confirms the acosmism of
UBIK and consisted of the breaking into this irreal
world of the real, of whose nature I now have some
idea. It is my belief that 2-3-74 verifies the acosmism
of my 27 years of writing.

This invasion by the real/rational into the
irreal/irrational is a third Gnostic ur-concept. (The Salv-
ator Salvandus [The Redeemed Redeemer.]* So in what

* See, as an example of the use of this idea, the PKD novel THE DIVINE
INVASION 1981), in which Emmanuel (the amnesiac male aspect of the
godhead) is saved by Xena Pallas (who, like Pallas Alhena, embodies holy
Wisdom and is the female aspect of the godhead).

way—if in any way—is my view & experience not Gnos-
tic? In no way that I know of. We have the counterfeit
creation of the blind demiurge, & the true God taking
pity on us & invading this domain by outwitting the

Oh yes. 4th idea: that this world is a prison with
prison wardens (the archons). i.e., those who impose
"astral determinism," which the Savior breaks (5th
Gnostic idea!)

I seem to have—

Oh. 6th Gnostic idea. Anamnesis restores memory
of our divine spark nature & celestial origin. Our real
nature.

7th Gnostic idea; the saving Gnosis itself, which
recalls to us our real nature.

Then the 1974 overthrowing of the tyranny by
Valis is the Savior freeing us from our Prison. This is
his prime role; he frees us, restores our memory &
true nature, & gets us out of here. Meanwhile the true
God transmutes this irrational irreal world into the
real & rational. These are Gnostic ideas #8 & #9.

I now have assembled the complete Gnostic system
with its two realms only one of which—the upper—is
real (Form I of Parmenides). (As stated in VALIS) it all
stems from the insight that our world is not real. Then
we ask, not real in relation to what? (Something must
be real, or else the concept "irreal" means nothing.)
Then we ask, "What is the real like? And how do we find
it?" & we ask, "How did this irreal world come into
being? & how did we get imprisoned here?" & then we
ask, "What is our real nature?"

If reality, rationality & goodness are not here,
when are they? & how do we get from here to there? If
this is a prison, how do we escape?

PKD breaks off the sentence here.

We learn of a mysterious savior who camouflages
himself to outwit our jailer, & make himself & his sav-
ing Gnosis known to us. He is our friend & he opposes
this world & its powers in our behalf as our champion.
& "one by one he takes us out of this world." The
Valentinean* ontological assessment of knowledge is
not that it (the Gnosis) leads to salvation or is knowl-
edge about salvation. But that in the act (event, revela-
tion, experience) of knowing in itself lies salvation.
Because in knowing, there is a restoration of man's lost
state, & a reversal of his present state of ignorance.
Upon knowing, man is again what he originally was.

This view accords with 2-3-74. Upon knowing I
became again what I originally was. & this involved
me as a now-restored piece of the ground of being
itself, from which I, as a piece of it, had fallen & forgot-
ten & lost my nature.

My 10th Gnostic belief (v. supra) is that time is a
mere counterfeit, of eternity.

When hyperuniverses I & II interact (to form our
reality) three realms are created:

Valentinus, a second century Christian Gnostic who was, circa 140
A.I)., put forward as a candidate to become bishop of Rome, but was
ultimately rebuffed as a heretic.

* * The terms Eigenwelt (isolated, spiritual world of the inner self), Mitwelt
the middle or integrated world of the ego) and the Umwelt (earthly

envlronment) were coined by the Swiss psychoanalyst Ludwig Binswanger
in the course of his writings on schizophrenia. These writings, first read by
PKD in the early 1960s, exerted a lasting influence upon him. See,

specially, the PKD novel MARTIAN TIME-SLIP (1964) and its use of
another Hinswanger concept-that of the "tomb world".

or 1 heaven, the world of the Gods. 2 the world of
men. 3 the subhuman world of blind deterministic
nature. We can rise to 1 or sink to 3, but normally are
in 2, the mixture. The purpose of art is to free us; i.e.,
lift us to world 1, the Eigenwelt by sharing it via the art
with others. (c 1978)

So the BIP is an ossified complex in the macromind
(brain) which must be dissolved. The Holy Spirit is like
(sic—like) a metabolic toxin, i.e., a medication (measured
amount of poison); this explains the "bichlorides"
dream & the "aspirin of Mercury" dream.* &, like any
mental complex, it warps other thoughts to itself—acts
as a magnet, & creates uniformity (which is a term of
entropy). There is—& has been—no progress or change
in the complex for 2000 years.

If the complex (the BIP) isn't dissolved, it will even-
tually shut down the macromind (brain). It imposes its
form progressively unless attacked (as if by a—or sev-
eral—phagocytes). It is dead; the dialectic in it has
ceased. Either it can get larger & impose its will on
more & more contents of the mind, or it can be success-
fully attached & dissolved. Thus Zebra invades the
macromind to do battle against the stagnant complex,
which (the latter) isn't rational (vide Jung's statement
about "nothing new coming into the psychotic mind";
then, I deduce, the macromind, due to the BIP complex,
is psychotic, as put forth in VALIS). Zebra seems to be
winning (v. 1974 & later). So this is what Zebra/Valis
was doing in '74. & this is why I correctly perceive the
BIP as lying unchanged in the past, present, & alternate
worlds (& possibly future—& absolutely unchanging).

The whole thrust of my published corpus of writing

Those phrases came to PKD in dreams he experienced in 1974.

is thematically a Dissolving agent—dissolving reality—
i.e., the complex (BIP)!!!! (c. 1978)

All my writing, in which irreal, forgery universes
are presented, are expressions of Parmenides' insight
about the nonreality of Form II. This sets me &
Parmenides apart from Taoism. It prepares the way
for Gnosticism & the concept of a botched, bungled
world. Form II can be regarded as "False work," neces-
sary but temporary. Yin was given the first try at copy-
ing the androgynous Godhead, & failed. The BIP
resulted. So Yang penetrated to add what is missing,
which is nothing less than reality itself.

It is not just the BIP which is not real; it is the Yin's
world, no less. Of course, we do not inhabit a purely Yin
world (Ground). Set (Yang) is here, too, to a very large
degree.

Witness my writing. If there is nothing spurious
about Form II (Yin) & the phenomenal world I have
said nothing in my years of probing the theme. "What
is real & what is merely seeming?" This is no small mat-
ter—for me as an artist & for all life, which is enslaved
into illness, age, injury & death & loss by the Yin
world. The Yin world cannot sustain its own creatures.

How can something that doesn't exist exert coer-
cive power over us? For one thing, we obey it by giv-
ing it our assent (i.e., we agree that it is real), & having
done so we then obey its orders. We hold a self-defeat-
ing & improper relation to it; we allow it to be the Mas-
ler. Primarily, we can't sort out the Yang (Set) part. We
are blinded. Yang allows this, since it wishes us to dis-
cern the puzzle & make a choice—without clear guide-
lines. Yang is making use of Yin for his purposes. A
puzzle is presented to us. We know that absolute good
(deity) exists, and yet we see a world of undeserved

suffering. How can these two coexist? I say, there are
two worlds & each has its own laws: one blind & rigid;
the other loving & sentient. Since we cannot perceptu-
ally unscramble them we see both coexistent, but in
fact it is 2 pictures superimposed (laminated). Also it
(they) is (are) in dialectic strife: "Blow & counter blow,
faster & faster as time runs out."

In reading Sladek's parody of me,* I get the impres-
sion that to me the universe is not to be taken seriously,
probably because I am afraid of it, but nevertheless curi-
ous about it—fascinated by it, dangerous as I see it to be.
But that somehow a handle exists by which to unravel it
& make it yield up what it really is—if anything. It may
not be anything at all, but I'm trying for handle after
handle, poking around trying everything reversed &
backward, like it's a toy. Layer after layer reveals para-
dox after paradox, which in themselves I find fascinat-
ing. Also, I do seem attracted to trash, as if the clue—the
clue—lies there. I'm always ferreting out elliptical
points, odd angles. What I write doesn't make a whole
lot of sense. There is fun & religion & psychotic horror
strewn about like a bunch of hats. Also, there is a social
or sociological drift—rather than towards the hard sci-
ences. The overall impression is childish but interest-
ing. This is not a sophisticated person writing.
Everything is equally real, like junk jewels in the alley.
A fertile, creative mind seeing constantly shifting sets,
the serious made funny, the funny sad, the horrific
exactly that: utterly horrific as if it is the touchstone of
what is real: horror is real because it can injure. It all is a

* Science-fiction writer John Sladek published, in 1973, an admiring
parody of PKD's pell-mell cosmic style, entitled "Solar Shoe Salesman," in
The Magazine of Fantasy & Science Fiction. Phil enjoyed it so much at the
time that he sent Sladek a fan letter.

brave whistling in the dark tunnel—like Stephanie:*
funny when frightened, scare her & she will tell you a
joke—the situation oddly viewed. No wonder I loved her
so & she experienced the affinity between—not sorrow
& horror—but fear & horror.

I certainly see the randomness in my work, & I
also see how this fast shuffle of possibility after possi-
bility might eventually, given enough time, juxta-
pose & disclose something important, automatically
overlooked in more orderly thinking.
Pataphysique.** No wonder my stuff is popular in
France—the surreal, the absurd. Also, it is palpably
autobiographical—the little business firm, & the
fatherly owner or world leader.***

Since nothing, absolutely nothing, ,is excluded (as
not worth being included) I proffer a vast mixed bag-
out of it I shake coin-operated doors & God. It's a
fucking circus. I'm like a sharp eyed crow, spying
anything that twinkles & grabbing it up to add to my
heap.

Anyone with my attitude might just stumble

Friend of PKD's in the early 1970s.

Term invented by the French poet and playwright Alfred Jarry
(1873-1907) to describe his science of efflorescent, absurdist wisdom.
Jarry formally defined "pataphysique" as "the science of that which is
superinduced upon metaphysics, whether within or beyond the latter's
limitations, extending as far beyond metaphysics as the latter extends
beyond physics." There is a two-bit actor named AI Jarry amongst the
characters of the PKD novel DO ANDROIDS DREAM OF ELECTRIC SHEEP
(1968). PKD was, in the early 1970s, elected as an honorary member of
the College du Pataphysique—founded in honor of Jarry—in France.
*** The reference here is to Herb Hollis, the owner of two Berkeley
shops—Art Music [a record store] and University Radio [appliances]—at
which PKD worked as a salesclerk from 1944 to 1951. Hollis was a
recurrent model for PKD in creating beloved "boss" characters—most
notably, Leo Bulero in THE THREE STIGMATA OF PALMER ELDRITCH
(1965.)

onto by sheer chance & luck—in his actual life, which
is to say, the life of his mind—the authentic camou-
flaged God, the deus absconditus; by trying odd com-
binations of things & places, like a high speed (sic)
computer processing everything, he might outdazzle
even a wary God, might catch him by surprise by
poking somewhere unexpectedly. If it is true that the
real answers (& authentic absolute vs. the merely
seeming) are where we would least expect them, this
"try it all" technique might—might one day succeed
by believing what it would never occur to anyone else
to believe, really believe—might take at face value as
true the most worn out, most worked over & long
ago discarded obvious "staring us in the face all the
time" as the crux of the mystery. To be able to see
mystery in the obvious—the best-camouflaged ultra-
terrestrial life form might one day guess wrong & be
flushed briefly out of its concealment (which had
always worked before). For one thing, a totally naive
person like this who would believe anything might
believe in what is really there but conceptually auto-
matically rejected by more experienced people. The
child has faith in what the adult knows can't be & so
could never see, obvious thought it be; i.e., before
everyone's eyes: hidden in plain sight.

This kind of fascinated, credulous, inventive per-
son might be granted the greatest gift of all, to see the
toymaker who has generated—& is with or within—all
his toys. That the Godhead is a toymaker at all—who
could seriously (sic) believe this? (1978)

The mad god James-James began generating world
upon world, worlds unrelated, worlds within worlds.
Fake worlds, Fake Fake worlds, cunning simulations
of worlds, mirror opposites of worlds.

Like I do in my stories & novels (eg STIGMATA &
"Precious Artifact"). I am James-James.

I created one world among many & entered it &
hid myself in it. But the police detected me—the non-
terran police & tried to fake me out with the xerox
missive. But I knew it was coming—as soon as
TEARS appeared they would be sure about me & I
recovered my memory & identity & power & dealt
with it properly, & paid them back. My organization
helped me—it set off my memories, a month in
advance. I saw my creator—my creator, protecting
me. I am hiding here, under his protection. The net-
work voice—she talks to me. I am patched in to the
network, so I am not alone. Meanwhile, my creator
("Zebra") patiently repairs the damage I've done, by
rebuilding the worlds. He harbors no resentment.
All I am allowed to do now is write about what I
used to do. In a sense I am a prisoner, but it's for the
best.

I learned this from "Precious Artifact." I am a mad
ex world-generator, now confined. But still periodi-
cally mad. I can't die. I am countless[ly] reborn—meta-
morphosed. I know the truth about the worlds I have
made, that they're not real—I know about dokos, simu-
lations which will pass any test. They are not fantasy,
& they are only illusion to those who take them as
real. They are skilful forgeries which will pass inspec-
tion. They are indeed like metastasizing cancers. "A
world capable of splitting its perceived reality into
countless counterfeits of itself" however Lem put it.
(Hoes Lem know? He has guessed.[)]

Burroughs is right about the nova police* & them

* The reference is, apparently, to William Burroughs' novel NOVA
EXPRESS(1964).

tracking down their quarry. But in my case, Zeus pro-
tects me. Dythrambus*

There is a war. The police are moralistic, brittle. [... ]
But what can they do about me? [...]& anyhow my writ-
ing is all over the world. I've done my job. Undermined
the Brittle Moralistic Police.

Given a new life with no memories I was still able
to undermine. The worlds are cunning forgeries & the
police are after me. But Zeus will always protect me,
despite what I've done. Misused my ability. Lem may
be on our side (my organization). In any case he
knows—he knew before I did—i.e., before on 2-74 I
remembered. The nova police fell here; I assisted in
that, but only to a very tiny degree. TEARS contained
the message: the quarry is innocent & the police will
suffer, reprisal—what they love most will be taken
away if they threaten with arrest. Leave me alone! I can
destroy you. But in challenging them I gave myself
away, lost my anonymity. They pressed me & I
betrayed them to each other.** I can destroy you with
what I know. You rule illegally; your mandate ended
when the woman—called Isis here—died. Horus, you
are my enemy. Shiva/Dionysos/Seth. Horus, I am not
afraid of you—Isis is dead so you no longer rule. I am
with her, bonded to her, I carry her inside me. You
are Osirus. I am the legitimate new king in hiding.
Search, find me—& you, this time, are destroyed; you
don't want to find me this time as you did in 33 AD,
because I am—I have my father's power this time, not
just his knowledge.

We spring up everywhere: proliferated.

The time has come to render this world void,

* An epithet of Dionysus, the cherished son of Zeus.

** The reference here is to the incidents surrounding the "xerox

missive". See "Editor's Preface" at page xiv.

to abolish it, & judge. Shiva. The police search fran-
tically.

The innocent (the wild little ones of the forest) have
nothing to fear. My extended hand tells them that.

Solemn-Pentheus-die. Felix happy Dionysos live.
Pentheus Police General of TEARS—the de facto monarch.

In TEARS it is King Pentheus vs. Dionysos (Christ,
Hamlet)—he is insane—intoxicated, a Generator of
Worlds. Rome, Pentheus, against a Quicksilver Spirit
he can't catch. Brain damage: SCANNER: an ad, for Mer-
cury. I, the mad one, live on. Sanity at the center
burned children, not pot. The mad one does not hurt
the little innocents & so obtained Zeus' patronage
over the serious ones, the old ones, who burned chil-
dren in the name of brittle morality. The sane ones,
the sober, somber ones (the police) are evil. We have a
difficult situation here, Abba [Father]; the sane ones
are murderers, & the insane ones gather flowers. You,
Abba, know which of the two is to be protected—not
the sane ones.

We destroy the worlds we generated, which are
not real, but they destroy lives which are real. Who is
guilty? They are. Who is guileless & innocent? We
are, Abba.

Shiva holds a vial of poison, "to throw against the
raging cosmic ocean which threatens to destroy man-
kind." His human devotees feel themselves females,
married to him.

In my writing I am a destroyer of worlds, not a gen-
erator: I show them as forgeries. I unmask them & abol-
ish their hold, their reality. I show them to be bogus, an
infinitude of them, like so many skins. (1978)

Thought (Satori): Dedalus & the maze he built &
got into & couldn't get out of again—at Crete. Myth of
our world, its creation, & us?

My dream about the elevator, the poem, recited,
the plate of spaghetti & the trident—palace of the
Minos & the maze: clue to our situation? Well, then in
my writing I figured it out; it was an intellectual, not
moral error.

This would explain the technology! [illegible] layer.
Pink beam of light, etc. the melting).

My books (& stories) are intellectual (conceptual)
mazes. & I am in an intellectual maze in trying to fig-
ure out our situation (who we are & how we got into
this world, & world as illusion, etc.) because the situa-
tion is a maze, leading back to itself, & false clues
show up, such as our "rebellion."

There is something circular about our situation,
esp. involving our occlusion! By our efforts we can't
think our way out (i.e. get out—reverse the original
intellectual error: paradox is involved, now) this is the
clue! The occlusion would then be a function of the
maze; its internalization. (1978)

"But are you writing something serious?" Note the
word.

Fuck. If they couldn't get us to write serious
things, they solved the problem by decreeing that
what we were writing was serious.

Taking a pop form as "serious" is what you do if it
won't go away. It's a clever tactic. They welcome you
in—look at Lem's 1000 page essay. This is how the BIP
handles it if they can't flat out crush it. Next thing,
they get you to submit your S-F writing to them to crit-
icize. "Structured criticism" to edit out the "trashy ele-
ments"—& you wind up with what Ursula* writes.

Like I say in SCANNER, our punishment for play-

Le Guin.

ing was too great. & my last sentence is, "& may they
be happy." (I got that from knowing what "felix"
[happy] meant.)

"Let them all play again, in some other way, & let
them be happy."* (1978)

The fact that after 4.5 years of strenuous exegete,
whereupon I have reached these conclusions (not to
mention 2 7 years of published writing) I now find
myself being signalled to die—which effectively
makes it impossible for me to put this Gnosis in a
form which I can publish**—is a condition which can
be deduced from my exegesis itself, & shows I'm on
the right intellectual path, but to no avail. I am not
extricated by my exegesis but by Zebra (Christ) back
in 2-3/74. The exegesis would have provided the
basis for a broad, explicated formulation to sow
broadcast, but of course this can never come about;
these insights will die with me. All I have is a three-
feet high stack of chicken scratchings"* of no use to
anyone else as K.W.**** tirelessly points out. To heap
the burning coals of anti-meaning on me. I also have
a lot of money for the only time in my life, but with
no use to which I can or care to put it. My personal
attack—war—against anti-meaning (by means of my
mind) has gone the way of our collective primordial
defeat at the hands—I should say quasi-mind—of the

* See "Author's Note" in A SCANNER DARKLY (1977).

** At this point in 1978, PKD was deeply troubled by his inability to
write a novel ("a form which I can publish") that would satisfactorily
encompass the events of 2-3-74 and after—and would satisfy his overdue
contract with Bantam Books. Later in this year, PKD would write VALIS
and accomplish his goal.

* ** The "chicken scratchings" metaphor is in likely reference to PKD's
handwriting.

****Jeter.

maze; I merely recapitulate the ancient, original los-
ing by mind in this exquisitely sophisticated board
game which we so cunningly devised for our delecta-
tion. This past time is once more the death of one of
us—but this time I am entirely through Christ—extri-
cated—taken out of the maze: "One by one he is draw-
ing us out of this world." I did not win; Christ won
me for his own, so vis-a-vis me alone the maze as
always won. I have earnestly sacrificed myself for
nothing & I did not realize this, naturally, until it
was too late to retreat back out intact. Omniae viae ad
mortis ducent [All roads lead to death].

In a sense my 4.5 years of exegete can be regarded
as a further successful strategem by the maze, in opposi-
tion to the Gnosis crossbonded onto me in 3-74 which
at that time gave me life—I gave up that life via my
compulsion to relentlessly exegete. But I see one fur-
ther irony—one which amuses me (my only exit from
this trap): here is additional proof of the quality (suc-
cess) of our original craftsmanship, so this final (?) vic-
tory of the maze over me, despite Zebra (Christ) is in a
paradoxical way my victory as a creative artist. (The
maze regarded as our work of Art.) After all, the maze
is a product of our minds. If the maze wins, our
minds win (are proven). If, upon entering the maze,
we outthink it, again our minds win. Ambiguity is
involved in either outcome (this may be the puzzling
dialectic revealed to me in 3-74). In fact,

Maybe in (during, in conjunction with) my 27
years of writing I outwitted the maze—as witness the 3
Bantam novels,* TEARS & SCANNER. Speaking about
me personally, I won in pitting myself intellectually
against the maze; I figured its nature out—in which

* THE THREE STIGMATA OF PALMER ELDRITCH (1965), UBIK (1969), and

A MAZE OF DEATH (1970).

case 3-74 was the Jackpot payoff reward, the revela-
tion you get for so doing. (1978)

Rightly, I seek beauty like Parsival sought the
Grail—but what a price I pay.

I don't write beautifully. I just write reports about
our condition to go to those outside of cold pak. I am
an analyzer. (1978)

Ah! Realm I is at CAD* 45; Realm II is at 1978. (Am
I repeating myself? Oh well.)

To experience Acts time & place is to encounter the
upper realm, which has plenary overrule power over
the lower realm. My stories and novels in which spuri-

ous realities are depicted refer to Realm II. The two
realms have split apart. The brain invades Realm II

out of Realm I, camouflaging itself & its thoughts.
Realm II is dokos over the actual. Significant for
Realm II—& us—is the return of Christ, which came
when promised. He descends into Realm II & dissem-
bles & annexes it piece by piece. As each piece is cap-

tured, it is freed.

27 years of trying to chart the contours of the real
landscape concealed by the fraud; at last, accom-
plished in TEARS. I always presumed a bogus phenom-
iinl world. This approach finally paid off. Again &

Circa A.D.

again I put forth the notion that your world—& your
memories—could be delusions & you would have no
way to detect it (cf. Lem's statement of the problem:
the brain fed a spurious Reality; is there any test by
which it can tell?)*

(& I relate this to Berkeley's idea of God directly
feeding world to our percept systems.)

God can feed it to us, or he can enlighten us—
deocclude us—via the Holy Spirit. The power is all his,
not ours. Hence the concept of Grace, issuing out of
the Mystery religions & the (correct) concept of the
deterministic yin (lower) worlds & his reaching down
from the pleroma to free (save) us (one at a time?). No,
he interfered with our entire history in 1974! But peo-
ple don't see or know.

I occupy the position of an O.T. prophet who pits
himself against the evil king & reveals God's plan,
which God reveals to him. Such prophets were rarely
listened to.

I've done my best. (1978)

[___]This is the paradox of, "Where should you

most expect to find God?" A.: "In the least likely
place." I discern in this the following: "In point of fact
you therefore cannot find God at all; he must—will-
find you, & when & where you least expect it"—i.e., he
will take you by surprise, like the still small voice
which Elijah heard. Or like Oh Ho the ceramic pot."
The Oracle may speak to you from the gutter (what-
ever "gutter" might mean in this context).

So my writing—itself part of the "gutter" & as Lem
says, "Piling trash upon trash"—may serve as the sort

* See Stanislaw Lem, "Science Fiction: A Hopeless Case—With
Exceptions" (1972).
** See VALIS(1981).

of gadfly kind of thing that Socrates considered him-
self to act as. My writing is a very unlikely place to
expect to encounter the Holy; the Koinos* the Message-
processing, Ubik-like ultimate entity.

(September 1978)

[... ]Then the illusions of space, time, world, cau-
sality & individual psyches will be abolished & we as
primal man restored will again dwell—& know we
dwell in the living information / brain of Christ &
Nods" where we belong: functioning parts of the
whole, thinking as it thinks. Living & growing as it
lives & grows. & once again experiencing the ecstasy
of union with God our macroisomorphic father. These
promises have all been made to us, & will be kept. But
we do not know when. I speak as a witness who has
seen & experienced what it will be like; the Savior
woke me temporarily, & temporarily I remembered
my true identity & task, through the saving Gnosis,
but I must be silent, because of the true, secret, trans-
temporal early xtians at work, hidden among us as
ordinary humans. I briefly became one of them,
Siddhartha himself (the Buddha or Enlightened One),
but must never assert nor claim this. The true Bud-
dhas are always silent, those to whom dibbu cakkha
{enlightenment] has been granted. Yet, buried in my 27
years of writing lies information: in these writings I
have told what I knew without knowing what I knew.
I know now. This is the paradox: when I did not know
that I knew (or who & what I am) I could speak. But
now I am under the stricture of silence—because I
know. The Journey, the Quest, ends successfully not in

See Glossary.
* See Glossary.

assertion but in silence. & among the things I know is
why, i.e., why that has to be.

Without knowing it during the years I wrote, my
thinking & writing was a long journey toward enlight-
enment. I first saw the illusory nature of space when I
was in high school. In the late forties I saw that causal-
ity was an illusion. Later, during my 27 years of pub-
lished writing, I saw the mere hallucinatory nature of
world, & also of self (memories). Year after year, book
after book & story, I shed illusion after illusion: self,
time, space, causality, world—& finally sought (in
1970) to know what was real. Four years later, at my
darkest moment of dread & trembling, my ego crum-
bling away, I was granted dibbu cakkha—&, although I
did not realize it at the time, I became a Buddha ("the
Buddha is in the Park"). All illusion dissolved away
like a soap bubble & I saw reality at last—&, in the 4.5
years since, have at last comprehended it intellectu-
ally—i.e., what I saw & knew & experienced (my exege-
sis). We are talking here about a lifetime of work &
insight: from my initial satori when, as a child, I was
tormenting the beetle.* It began in that moment, forty
years ago. (September 1978)

Premise: things are inside out (but will at the
"apocalypse" assume their real shape). Therefore the
right place to look for the Almighty is e.g., in the trash
in the alley. & for Satan: in vast cathedrals, etc.
Through enantiodromia they will "on that day"
assume their rightful shapes—the great reversal. The

* During his third-grade year, the young PKD was willfully tormenting a
beetle that had hidden itself in a snail shell. But once he forced the beetle
from its haven, the urge to cruelty was suddenly replaced by an
overwhelming sense of all life being one and of all living beings bound to
each other by kindness.

jester in the tarot deck is the real king; the king card is
the deranged one, the witless one. UBIK in its commer-
cials & final theophany shows this reversal process.
USA 1974 is really Rome c. 45 C.E. Christ is really
here; so is the kingdom. I found my way into it once.
The long path is the short path—ponderous books of
philosophy won't help me; Burroughs' JUNKY* will.
That "Thieves & Murderers" 17th century poem of
Herbert's** will. Stone rejected by the builder; the edi-
fice is discarded; the true edifice is invisible—dis-
guised as rubble (plural constituents).*** The fly
grooming himself—they (the divine powers) have to
reveal the kingdom to you; you can never on your
own pin it down. So to search at all is to miss the
point. Tricks, paradox, illusion, magic, enantiodromia.
The apparently harmless xerox missive was my death
warrant. The AI voice says the secret stolen has been
successfully smuggled to me; I have it. But what is it?
My worst book, DEUS IRAE, is my best. God talked to
me through a Beatles tune ("Strawberry Fields").
("Nothing is real. Going through life with eyes
closed.") A random assortment of trash blown by the

* JUNKY (1951) by William Burroughs. An autobiographical account of
heroin use and dealing, street crime, and the nature of addiction and cure.
PKD felt a kinship between his novels and those of Burroughs. (See also
pages 77-79 herein.) PKD would occasionally engage in cut-up writing
experiments, a la Burroughs, for example (as on one page in the Exegesis
nol reproduced here) a narrative sequential reblending of alternate lines
from pages 59 and 61 of the first (Bantam) edition of VALIS (1981). These
experiments were occasional, never exceeded two pages, and were not
apparently intended for publication.

** George Herbert (1593-1633), English Christian poet and mystic. There
is no poem titled "Thieves & Murderers" in the collected volume THE
POEMS OF GEORGE HERBERT (Oxford, 1952) and I have not succeeded in
tracing the phrase placed in quotes by PKD in Herbert's work.
*** This sentence—with its mention of the stone rejected by the
builder—may allude; to the symbolism of freemasonry. The original title of
THE GANYMEDE TAKEOVER(1967) - a novel written in collaboration by
PKD and Kay Nelson-was THE STONES REJECTED.

wind, & there is God. Bits & pieces swept together to
form a unity. (1980)

So if you push essence far enough in terms of
ascending levels, you find you have gone a full circle,
& you wind up encountering ultimate deity cooking &
riding pop tunes on the radio & popular novels, & a
breath of wind in the weeds in the alley.

It's as if the ultimate mystery is that there is no
mystery—it's like what Robert Anton Wilson says in
THE COSMIC TRIGGER about being outside the castle
when you think you're in, & inside when you think
you're out.

& in a way what is most paradoxical is that I said
it all in UBIK years ago! So in a way my exegesis of 2-3-
74 says only, "UBIK is true." All I know today that I
didn't know when I wrote UBIK is that UBIK isn't fic-
tion. In all of history no system of thought applies as
well to 2-3-74 as UBIK, my own earlier novel. When all
the metaphysical & theological systems have come &
gone there remains this inexplicable [illegible]: a flurry
of breath in the weeds in the back alley—a hint of
motion & of color. Nameless, defying analysis or sys-
temizing: it is here & now, lowly, at the rim of percep-
tion & of being. Who is it? What is it? I don't know.

(1980)

I'm an addict; I'm addicted to infinity. This is Love
for God & an understanding of him on my part.

3-74, Valis, was the Metis Dei [Mind of God]. I com-
prehended it. It's a strange thing to be addicted to,
comprehending God's Mind.

I must be a Sufi; by "Beauty" (the essence of God)
read "pleasure"— because the why as to why I do it, it
is because it gives me pleasure. (1981)

I can say no more. What I have done may be good,
it may be bad. But the reality that I discern is the true
reality; thus I am basically analytical, not creative; my
writing is simply a creative way of handling analysis. I
am a fictionalizing philosopher, not a novelist; my
novel & story-writing ability is employed as a means
to formulate my perception. The core of my writing is
not art but truth. Thus what I tell is the truth, yet I can
do nothing to alleviate it, either by deed or explora-
tion. Yet this seems somehow to help a certain kind of
sensitive troubled person, for whom I speak. I think I
understand the common ingredient in those whom
my writing helps: they cannot or will not blunt their
own intimations about the irrational, mysterious
nature of reality, &, for them, my corpus of writing is
one long ratiocination regarding this inexplicable real-
ity, an investigation & presentation, analysis &
response & personal history. My audience will always
be limited to these people. It is bad news for them
that, indeed, I am "slowly going crazy in Santa Ana,
Calif,"* because this reinforces our mutual realization
that no answer, no explanation of this mysterious real-
ity, is forthcoming.

This is the thrust & direction of modern theoreti-
cal physics, as Pat** pointed out long ago. I reached it
In the '50s. Where this will ultimately go I can't say,
but so far in all these years no one has come forth &
answered the questions I have raised. This is disturb-
ing. But—this may be the beginning of a new age of
human thought, of new exploration. I may be the start
of something promising: an early & incomplete
explorer. It may not end with me.

* A remark PKD attributed to Ursula Le Guin. See note on page 196.

** Patricia Warrick.

What I have shown—like the Michelson-Morley
Experiment*—is that our entire world view is false; but,
unlike Einstein, I can provide no new theory that will
replace it. However, viewed this way, what I have done
is extraordinarily valuable, if you can endure the strain
of not knowing, & knowing you do not know. My attempt
to know (VALIS) is a failure qua explanation. But, as fur-
ther exploration & presentation of the problem, it is
priceless. &, to repeat, my absolute failure to concoct a
workable explanation is highly significant—i.e., that in
this I have failed. It indicates that we are collectively
still far from the truth. Emotionally, this is useless. But
epistemologically it is priceless. I am a unique pioneer
... who is hopelessly lost. & the fact that no one yet can
help me is of extraordinary significance!

Someone must come along & play the role of Plato
to my Socrates.

The problem as I see it is that Plato was 180°
wrong; the eidos, the abstract & perfect, does not
become the particular, the imperfect; rather, the Q.
should be, "How does the particular, the unique, the
imperfect, the local, become the abstract, the eidos, the
universal?" We must search particulars, the weeds &
debris of the alley; the answer is there: I saw the mask
& it works the opposite way from how Plato saw it; he
saw the eid as ontologically primary, & existing prior
to the particulars. But I saw the particular creating the
eid (Or "phylogons" as I called them); this permanent
eternal reality is built up on & based on the flux
realm; all Western metaphysics is 180 off. Here is
where the fault lies. Universals are real (nominalism

* Experiment conducted by American physicists Albert Michelson and
Edward Morley in the 1880s, which demonstrated that the speed of light
was not affected by the motion of the Earth through space. It thus
foreshadowed Einstein's Special Theory of Relativity.

is not the case; realism is the case, but the eid begin as
many unique particulars. This (truth) is somehow tied
in with my meta-abstraction: in it I somehow saw the
real relationship between particulars & eide & this is
the way, the Direction, the Flow, the Line in which
actual reality move. Thus the lower gives rise to the
higher & so is ontologically prior/primary—I mean the
particulars. But the eid are not mere intellectual cate-
gories of ordering; they are intrinsically real. & this is
what I comprehended in 2-74. (1981)

Illumination: April Friday night 4:45 a.m., the 3rd,
1981. I saw the Ch'ang Tao (3-74). The more it changes
the more it is the same, it is always new, always now;
it is absolutely self-sufficient. I can at last comprehend
it, how in change, ceaseless change—through the dia-
lectic—it is always the same—oh great Ch'ang Tao! I saw
you in opposition you are unified; unified, you
oppose yourself; unified, you differentiate; unified,
you become (the many) (yet you are always one
(field)). You want nothing. The more you change, the
more you become what you are. For you, change is:
remaining constant. This is your great mystery: by
changing (in the dialectic) you renew yourself, hence
you never change. Always new, always now. What can
be said of you is, you are great (in meekness!!!) The
Gentle. (3 April 1981)

Chapter Four .

1NTERPRETATIONS OF HlS
OWN WORKS

So JOINT, EYE, STIGMATA, UBIK, MAZE & TEARS are pro-
gressive parts of one unfolding true narrative, in
which the genuine Hermetic macro-microcosmology
is put forth. The spurious world discerned for what it
is, & in MAZE & esp. TEARS the true state of things put
forth—to jog our memories six novels interlocked,
along with a number of stories. We are not to be
allowed our fugue (sleep & hallucinated worlds),
because, due to the BIP from which we fled, this
fugue over the past 5000 years turned lethal; the BIP
grew & grew with our now-unwitting collusion.

SCANNER continues the narration of the previous
six novels, not treating objective outer world as irreal,
but going back to "Impostor" & studying false inner
identity & lost memories of true self! The 2 identities
war with each other, with an in-breaking of messages

(the German, inc. from "Fidelio"*!!!) the German is
from neither Fred nor Bob nor Bruce,** but, as the
messages in UBIK, just break in "from the mysterious
outside"! I never break in "from the mysterious out-
side"! I never before realized this—it isn't Fred, cer-
tainly. & it isn't Bob! It's another ur personality,
speaking a protolanguage (based on my experience
with the koine [the Greek written and spoken at the time
of Christ]!). He has a grandfather (or granduncle?) who
spoke German. An ancestor!

The info conveyed chronologically in the
sequence of books is interesting.

1) EYE plural & subjective worlds.

2) JOINT world as simulated deliberately

3) STIGMATA plural hallucinated worlds concocted
by an evil magician-like deity

4) UBIK messages of assistance penetrating the sim-
ulated world(s) "from the other side" by/from a
salvific true deity

5) MAZE simulated world fabricated by us, to
escape an intolerable actuality

6) TEARS the nature specifically of that actuality
(an intolerable one—the BIP Acts)

7) SCANNER buried memories connected with lost
identity; & protospeech breaking through, not into
world as in UBIK but inside a person's head. Two psy-
choi one in each brain hemisphere, each with its own
name & characteristics.

Plus such stories as "Impostor," "Retreat Syn-
drome," "Electric Ant," "Faith of..." "Human Is" &
"Precious Artifact," a very good one. & related themes
in TIME-SLIP, MITHC, PENULTIMATE TRUTH, GAME PLAY-

* By Ludwig van Beethoven.

** Characters in the PKD novel A SCANNER DARKLY (1977).

ERS, also even UNTELEPORTED MAN, (ANDROIDS DREAM
treats memory-identity theme).

It is one story slowly unfolding, a vast tapestry, as
Le Guin* pointed out.

No one book or story is correct & the others incor-
rect, & no one book or story tells it all. Many of them
must be read—& this is the first time I see how SCAN-
NER is an essential part of the Great Narrative—pick-
ing up where "2nd Variety" ANDROIDS DREAM &
"Electric Ant" left off.

Even in JAPED there is a 2nd dissociated personal-
ity, a pilot for SCANNER.

This vast overtheme could be extracted from the
novels & stories, but that alone would not prove it to
be true. But 2-3/74 did prove it (both the themes of
"inner" & of "outer") to be true, & it proved true in
one case, for me, it must be objectively—intrinsically-
true.

In SCANNER he (Fred) has forgotten who he really
is (Bob, who equals Thomas vis-a-vis me, PKD). The
ursprache [primal language]: breaking in/through, sig-
nals this forgetting, & is an analog of the in-breaking
messages in UBIK, pointing to another—& real world
or true protoreality now forgotten, but which can't be
entirely denied. Thus I depict in SCANNER what may
happen to those who read the earlier writing.

Bob = Fred } I never saw it before.

Thomas = PKD }

MAZE & TEARS tend to vindicate the view that some

* Ursula le Guin. The reference to her pointing out the tapestry-like
interrelation of PKD is to her essay "Science Fiction as Prophecy: Philip K.
Dick" in The New Republic, 30 October 1976.

element of voluntary forgetting (self deception on our
parts) is involved. (c. 1977)

In TIME OUT OF JOINT the world is a fake, & specif-
ically the real world is another time-segment. My ini-
tial revelation in 3-74 was that the time was really
around 70 AD—not later but earlier, a reversal of
JOINT. Yet, the basic intimation is there, fully, in
JOINT; this is all a cunningly fabricated delusion, the
world we see, & the basic delusion has to do with the
true Temporal locus. Since JOINT was SF I naturally
put the real time in the future, not the past. Damn it.
I've overlooked the extraordinary parallel between
JOINT & my "it's really 70 AD!" experience. E.g.: the
dream I had of the dark, old-fashioned house with
the archaic window shades, the cracked mirror—&
realizing I couldn't get out of that world without
God's help. My incessantly recurring dream at the
1126 Francisco St house—that's where I lived when I
wrote JOINT—that was the Fake world of the novel, &
resembles the miserable old house in Placentia
dream. Is there some clue in my 1126 Francisco St
dream? It was with Joan* that I so recently saw it
again, after many years. Maybe I have a soul which
leaves my body in sleep & goes back in time &, (as in
3-74, forward).

Back in the Fifties when I lived at 1126 Francisco
St actually, as expressed in JOINT that world seemed
unreal; in actuality, "it was decades later" (in JOINT).
But now that it is decades later, that past time & place
seems real (or anyhow the past somehow) & this a
fake. &, as I say, it is also astonishing how in '74 I fore-

* PKD paid a summer 1977 visit to his old Berkeley address, 1126
Francisco Street, with Joan Simpson.

saw the Sonoma events of the past 3 months!* What is
my real relationship to time? I experience the near
past, the near future, & the very far past; a lot of my
soul or psyche seems to be transtemporal... maybe
this is why any given present space time seems some-
how unreal or delusional to me. I span across & hence
beyond it; always have—& the transtemporal is the
eternal, the divine, the immortal spirit. How long
have I been here, & how many times? Who or what
am I, & how old?

Reality outside confronts me as a mystery, & so
does my own inner identity. The two are fused. Who
am I? When is it? Where am I? This sounds like mad-
ness. But when I read the scriptures I find myself in
the world which is to me real, & I understand myself.
The Bible is a door (3:5?**) (1977)

One fascinating aspect of UBIK is disclosed when
the question is asked, "Where did you (I) get the
idea?" The origin of the idea, in contrast to virtually
all other novels, is evident from the text of the novel
itself, although one must extrapolate from Runciter to
whatever Runciter represents, and the state of cold-
pac to whatever state we are all in. In the novel, infor-
mation spontaneously intrudes into the world of the
characters, indicating that their world is not what
they think it is; in fact, it indicates that their world is
not even there at all—some kind of world is there, but
not the one they are experiencing. That time-regres-
sion is put forth in the novel, and that time-regression

PKD lived with Joan Simpson in Sonoma County during the summer
of 1977.

** The possible reference here is to John 3:5: "Jesus replied: 'I tell you
most solemnly, unless a man is born through water and the Spirit, he
cannot enter the kingdom of God.' "

figured in my 3-74 experience—this still baffles me;
the principle underlying the devolution (reversion) of
objects along the form-axis in the novel is explained
by a reference to Plato's theory of ideal forms, and I
guess that applies to our world and to my own experi-
ence. However, until I recently studied the E of Philo*
article on Gnosticism so thoroughly, did I begin to
understand the triune reality division which must
exist and which is also put forth in UBIK—if Runciter is
God, and Joe Chip & the other inertials are analogs of
all men, then the regressed world is the ham in the
sandwich, and, as in UBIK, must be abolished; as in
Gnosticism, this is accomplished, in a deity-like entity
lying behind even Runciter; i.e., Ubik. It is this knowl-
edge—not just information but gnosis—revealed to
them, esp. to Joe Chip, which makes them aware of
their real condition. Therefore if one knows very
much about Gnosticism (which I didn't until a few
days ago) one could see the resemblance between
UBIK and the Gnostic cosmogony and cosmology. But
we are talking (regarding the real world) of informa-
tion which, by being transferred, radically changed
history. And it must be realized (I certainly do, even if
no one else does) that what broke through was not lim-
ited to information, but that theolepsy (one at least)
were involved. If I rule out OCCP experiments** and
occult human groups (vide supra) then we have some-
thing not found in UBIK, but, although admittedly
described as diabolic, in STIGMATA. Is theolepsy not
specifically what STIGMATA depicts? With Chew-Z or

* The ENCYCLOPEDIA OF PHILOSOPHY, the four-volume reference
work that was a favorite of PKD.

** PKD sometimes theorized that the events of 2-3-74—most particularly
the graphics displays of 3-74—might have been triggered by Soviet
experiments involving the transmission of high-intensity microwaves or
other energy-forms.

whatever, Can-D, I forget, the eucharist. What do you
get if, as Le Guin suggests, you take a group of my nov-
els & stories and fit them together, esp. the 3 picked
up by Bantam?* Theolepsy, the Gnosis slipping
through, reality (the world) as illusion concealing
another but real world (MAZE)—what an aggregate mes-
sage those 3 novels add up to!

When I recently reread STIGMATA I saw it for
what it was: a penetrating, acute and exhaustive
study of the miracle of transubstantiation, simply
reversing the bipolarities of good & evil. What the
novel contemplated was—that is, the conclusion it
reached—was the startling notion that imbibing of
the sacred host culminated, for the imbiber, in even-
tually becoming the deity of which the host was the
supernatural manifestation of. Since all of them
were consuming hosts of the same deity, they all
became the same deity, and their separate or human
identities were abolished. They literally became the
deity, all of them, one after another. What this consti-
tuted in the novel was an eerie kind of invasion.
They were invaded on an individual basis and they
were, regarded another way, invaded as a planet or
species, etc., which is to say collectively. This inva-
sion by the deity bears a resemblance to the invasion
of the regressed world in UBIK by Runciter's mes-
sages and, ultimately, by Ubik itself (as confirmed by
the ad starting the last chapter). That ad clarified
what Ubik was; it precisely equated Ubik with the
Logos. There is no way to get around that. Ubik in
UBIK is the same divinity as the St. Sophia men-
tioned in DEUS IRAE. So Runciter and Ubik equals
Palmer Eldritch and Chew-Z. We have a human

* THE THREE STIGMATA OF PALMER ELDRITCH, UBIK

and A MAZE OF DEATH.

being transformed into a deity which is ubiquitous
(no one seems to have noticed that Palmer Eldritch is
ubiquitous as is Ubik, that the same theme domi-
nates both novels.)

The Gnostic contribution which MAZE makes is
the idea of a totally untenable reality glossed over by a
mass wish-fulfillment hallucination shared by every-
one, and a salvific entity who can extricate you right
out of that prison-like world.

MAZE: Prison-like world glossed over by illusion.
Salvific intercessor who can and does extricate you.
Induced amnesia.

STIGMATA: Invasion (penetration) of our world by
a deity who can become everyone via the host, a mass
theolepsy.

UBIK: Salvific information penetrating through the
"walls" of our world by an entity with personality rep-
resenting a life- and reality-supporting quasi-living
force.

Collating the three novels, how much of the Gnos-
tic message is expressed? Or, put another way, how
much of my 2-74, 3-74 experience is expressed? One
thing left out is the altering of the historic process,
which was revealed to me as happening in 3-74. I sup-
pose in a sense that's in FROLIX 8. And the breaching
through by God and the hosts, the apocalyptic mate-
rial from Acts and Daniel. There are little sprinkles in
other novels and stories—for instance, the idea of
anamnesis (expressed negatively usually in my writ-
ing by the theme of fake memories). Well, that's
expressed in MAZE, so I've inserted it supra. I wonder
what you get if you sit down starting with "Roog"
and read through everything (including such strange
stories as "Retreat Syndrome") all the way to SCAN-
NER. If everything interlocks, what is the total mes-
sage? I know I scared myself shitless that one night

when Isa* was down here and I reread some early sto-
ries in PRESERVING MACHINE. But my recent study of
Gnosticism indicates that below any negative world-
negating message there is an affirmation of God and
love. And truth must be told; we must go where it
leads us—where wisdom leads up (interesting typo; I
mean "us," not "up"). (19 November 1977)

[__] So that's what I did in UBIK—correctly repre-
sented time spatially, & the past as spatially within—
literally within—the present. & in this speeded-up
process (never mind how you "speed up" purely spa-
cial axes) information which is everywhere & con-
scious & which cooks pop media, such as TV
commercials—appears. No wonder they asked me in
May '74, "What is Ubik[?]"

& no wonder I saw how my 3-74 experience
resembled UBIK! I'll bet I was able to write UBIK
because of partially having had a time-into-space-con-
version experience prior to writing it (maybe due to
psychedelics).

I was very right in UBIK to see how it related to
Plato's forms. The past can be retrieved along a spatial
axis—as in UBIK! I did it, where I saw Acts.

Ach—VALIS is such an important book—it deals
dramatically & theoretically with the issues first pre-
sented in UBIK & is UBIK's logical successor (finally—
no more police state novel). UBIK, then, is a novel
representing a part-way enlightenment & UBIK is
related to STIGMATA and MAZE etc. I must in 2-3/74
have attained enlightenment as the result of decades
of gradual spirit (evolutionary) growth. There is a
direct connection between UBIK & 2-3/74 it has to do

* PKD's daughter.

with converting time into space & the results
obtained therefrom, as put forth in VALIS. (c. 1978)

Okay, Watergate got us out of S.E. Asia & disengaged
vis-a-vis USSR. Our interests are now served there
through China. It is against China that USSR now acts,
not us. This is crucial. Program A must have led to all-
out war between US & USSR. The spirit in us pre-
vented first Nixon & then Ford from aiding S.
Vietnam. So (if my reasoning is correct) we of the
counterculture prevented WWIII. We hamstrung the
U.S. military machine. This counterculture did not
arise ex nihilo [out of nothing]. What were its origins?
Consider the 50s. The concept of "unamerican" held
power. I was involved in fighting that; the spirit (coun-
terculture) of the 60s evolved successfully out of the
(basically) losing efforts by us "progressives" of the
50s—we who signed the Stockholm Peace Proposal, &
the "Save the Rosenbergs" etc.—losing, desperate
efforts. Very unpopular & very unsupported. Berkeley
was one of our few centers; this takes me back to EYE
IN THE SKY etc.

I was a vocal & active part of the 60s' countercul-
ture (cf. "Faith of..." to TEARS). What I am saying is
that because of being with Nancy*I, who was by physi-
cal age part of the 50s entered the youth culture of the
60s & even onto the 70s. By which time my writing
was having a decided influence; a PKD cult existed by
the time TEARS came out. I was/am still in touch, into
the late 70s! Early 50s to late 70s—not bad (contrast
this to other S-F writers[,)]; have there been any quasi-

* Nancy Hackett, PKD's fourth wife, was 21 when they first met in
1964.

Marxist S-F writers besides me in 30 years? Tom Disch
says no & Aquarian says no. Now there are—finally,
but they're hired & bought. They don't matter; it's too
late—all over.[__]

After all, the Ramparts people knew to approach
me—the sole S-F writer who signed the petition—the
manifesto—of the 500."

Glanced over SOLAR LOTTERY & Tom Disch's
intro;*** he's right. I was/am the sole Marxist S-F
writer. I may not have been/am CP [Communist
Party], but the basic Marxist sociological view of capi-
talism—negative—is there. Good. But after glancing at
it I feel the old fear—like c. 1971/73. Up to the month
TEARS was published. Up to 3-74. When the blow fell.
Glancing at SOLAR LOTTERY I can see that it had to,
eventually, & that I knew it. If I just hadn't passed over
into the dope stuff I'd have ceased to be relevant, &
been safe but noooo. I got caught up in the 60s, &
stayed on to 74 & TEARS. (c. 1978)

God, all my "this is illusion" writing (EYE, JOINT,
STIGMATA, UBIK, MAZE) are analogs of the USA 1974 vs.
the glimpse of Rome CAD 45 via the Golden Fish sign.

"Here we are."

"But where are we really?"

& then someone gets a glimpse. (As in "the earth is
hollow & I have touched the sky.") Usually, once the
simulation is detected there are assorted guesses. But
sometimes the first clue vis-a-vis simulating of world
is the glimpse.

My God, my life—which is to say my 2-74/3-74

An interview with PKD, with accompanying text by Joe Vitale,
appeared in The Aquarian, 11/18 October 1978.
** See Ramparts Petition in Glossary.

*** See "Introduction" by Thomas Disch to the hardcover Gregg Press
edition (1977) of SOLAR LOTTERY (1955).

experience—is exactly like the plot of any one of ten of
my novels or stories. Even down to fake memories &
identity. I'm a protagonist from one of PKD's books.
USA 1974 fades out, ancient Rome fades in & with it
the Thomas personality & true memories. Jeez! Mix-
ture of "Impostor," JOINT & MAZE—if not UBIK as well.

My earlier notes show that what I deduce from all
this as a certainty is that we have a two-mind situa-
tion. Statements as to which world is real (if any) &
which simulated (if any) are speculative. But the
worlds are not generated by the person, since they
both contain elements unknown to him (such as the
koine). What the malfunction or induced malfunction
prove is the existence of at least one world-generating
mind, & (as I failed to see in those earlier notes) possi-
bly two world-generating—even competing—minds. Plus
the passive, programmed observing little non world-
generating mind.

Is this a battle for his allegiance? World against
world, mind against mind? The voice last night scath-
ingly referred to USA 1974 & the corresponding PKD
personality as "Both being expendable." Diabolic inter-
polation/simulation?

Could the two worlds be regarded as two domains?

(July 1978)

God, I have broken myself in this pursuit over 27
years. Critics compare my malignant false worlds to
metastasizing cancer. I demand that deity appear or
somehow put its stamp on world before I can accept it
as anything but a diabolic counterfeit interpolation.
We have been deceived for thousands of years. The
Neoplatonists such as Plotinus knew of two realms.
The Essenes (v. Josephus) report a lower realm of
feverish unconsciousness, the poisoned, intoxicated
soul. "Men like to sleep." (July 1978)

EYE, JOINT, 3 STIGMATA, UBIK & MAZE are the same
novel written over & over again. The characters are all
out cold & lying around together on the floor, mass
hallucinating a world. Why have I written this up at
least five times?

Because—as I discovered in 3-74 when I experi-
enced anamnesis, remembered I'm really an apostolic
xtian, & saw ancient Rome—This is our condition: we're
mass hallucinating this 1970s world.

What's got to be gotten over is the false idea that a
hallucination is a private matter. Not hallucination
but joint hallucination is my topic, inc. false memo-
ries. I know where & when we really are, now: Rome
C. AD 70. But how come we imagine, believe in & see
1974/8-that I can't explain—except the "ape of God"
by Satan theory or that real time ceased when Power
wasn't transferred at Christ's time.

My intuition that what we see—this world—isn't
really there paid off in 2-74 when I saw the Golden
Fish & got my memories & identity & vision back. But
how & why the Dokos? Did we collectively become vic-
tims (slaves) of something evil?

The Acts material in TEARS verifies when & where
we are. On some level I've known for a long time—or
else I've had divine help.

I guess the divine power is getting the truth across
to people in my writing—in the 5 novels listed above
that what we do see is fake, &, in TEARS, what, instead,
is actually there, hidden (the world of Acts).

How to reach the real, inner, hidden world is
described in UBIK—retreat back along the platonic
form axis. It is fully theoretically & cosmologically set
forth in that novel.

Either I unconsciously knew it, was subliminally
told it, or it was a lucky guess. But in view of the

larger case—situation—being correctly described, I
guess I knew it on an unconscious level—anyhow, it
wasn't a guess. Perhaps 1) I've made one of the Great-
est Discoveries any human ever made, & put it in my
book; or 2) I've been let in on one or more Great Eso-
teric Secrets. (1978)

To repeat myself—all this implies that the interven-
tion re the xerox missive was not just to save me per
se from a trap, but to keep my actual identity con-
cealed. Evidently originally I knowingly & deliber-
ately entered this "spurious interpolation" in order to
call attention to its counterfeit nature, that I might
assist in destroying it. Cold-pac in UBIK, the floor of
the Bevatron in EYE. Polyencephalic fusion in MAZE,
the fake past in JOINT, but best of all, the Satanic
bogus worlds in STIGMATA, because in STIGMATA the
correct source/cause is presented. & then in TEARS the
true nature—not of a—but of OUR Satanic spurious
interpolation is depicted—as well as its collapse & why
(xtianity).

Yes—in TEARS it is shown, through Felix
Buckman's conversion, what will pull down the BIP &
allow transfer of authority: xtian conversion (from
Power to Love (agape) this adds to what e.g., STIGMATA
has told us; we now know the antidote to the "drug."
(i.e., to the cancer-like bogus interpolation).

Xtianity is antidote (to a poison). "We need medi-
cal assistance."

As GRASSHOPPER* is to the world—people—in
MITHC so the N.T. & TEARS is to us.

I remember what gave me the idea for JOINT, the

* THE GRASSHOPPFR LIES HEAVY is the novel-wilhin-a-novel in THE
MAN IN THE HIGH CASTLE (1962).

reflex of reaching for a light-chain—overhead—when
there wasn't one. This subcortical conditioned
response was sensationally escalated in the "car air
vent, cooler, moister, higher climate" & beer & he-she
of 1974 ... escalated. But of a piece.

Indeed, I am from elsewhere & elsewhen. The on-
off overhead light chain that wasn't there—that was
my first clue ... & (as shown in JOINT) I saw that a time
dysfunction—or deception—was what it was all about.

(1978)

Like Garson Poole* I may have changed my
inner reality tape programming, & so saw some-
thing different. (1978)

SCANNER as I've said before is the other half of
TEARS, the inner half. The conditions described in
SCANNER explain why we don't see the conditions
described in TEARS, & the conditions described in
TEARS account for the conditions in SCANNER. The vari-
ous books were written in the wrong order. But they
can be read in the right order, or anyhow gestalted (if
read, they will be gestalted). [... ]

Correct sequence:

1) SCANNER: Occlusion of our minds, without our
being aware of it; loss (forgetfulness) of true identity.
v.(7)

2) TEARS: What our world is really always like
which the occlusion is deliberately there to keep us
from seeing.

3) STIGMATA: Who/what deliberately occludes us:
the Yaltabaoth Magician evil deity, spinner of spuri-
ous worlds creator of illusion & inhabiting, contami-

Protagonist in the PKD story "The Electric: Ant" (1969)..

nating (unclean presence in these degraded pseudo
worlds[)].

4) MAZE: The negative hallucination M.O.* of the
occlusion, & reference to Savior who extricates us
from a hopeless trap & pseudo world.

5) UBIK: The salvific entity per se, by name & how
its "pan-Sophiaistic" messages come through the trash
layers to aid us. Past available within the present.

6) DO ANDROIDS: A vital theme, that of Mercer &
his reality through some sort of mystic identification
via empathy. The role of animals. The tomb world.
The "Fake-ness" of Fakeness: my "2 slit" logic."

7) "Impostor": disinhibiting stimulus restoring
blocked memory, (v. (1))

8) "Faith of..." God, evil, communism, drugs, hal-
lucinations—a montage of many elements.

9) Every other relevant story & novel, from JOINT
to "Remember Wholesale," "Electric Ant," "Retreat
Syndrome," etc., not listed in 1) through 8).

& 10) EYE: Subjective private worlds &, as in "Faith
of..." an evil deity & communism are discussed. Plu-
ral worlds which we generate.

SCANNER is the weary final point: our minds are
fucked up. It isn't just a case of pseudo worlds. This
links with 8), "Faith of..."

All in all, my writing casts doubt on the fact of
(even possibility of) knowing actual reality because our
minds have been fucked over. Some evidence (e.g.
TEARS) points to the real situation being prison-like—
but MAZE & esp. UBIK point to a supernatural salvific

* Modus operandi.

** PKD sometimes theorized that reality was formed by beam-like dual
elements—"real" and "spurious"—that could fashion a hologram-like world
by the superimposed image created by the two beams after coming
through two opposite slits. Hence the term "2 slit" logic.

interventive power, although STIGMATA seems to say
that an evil magician deity is in control of our worlds
& heads.

MITHC is a fascinating adjunct to all this, i.e., to the
Gestalt. Fakes are discussed. Alternate universes exist.
Fascism is the topic, & a book is reality, which seems
to have some connection with TEARS. MITHC seems to
be a subtle, even delicate questioning of, what is real?
As if only the 2 books in it, GRASSHOPPER & the I
CHING are really the only actual reality. Strange. So
MITHC must be listed as 11). But now the order of reve-
lation breaks down. & does MARTIAN TIME-SLIP add
anything? Pathological private worlds are presented,
& the disintegration of world. So 12).

& 13): GALACTIC POT HEALER. More about the
Salvific deity.

& 14): PENULTIMATE TRUTH. Lies & Government.
Fakes again—always the Fakes.

But TEARS & SCANNER are crucial in a special
sense, because the fictional or phantastic element is
virtually lacking; they are obviously semi-mimetic,
esp. SCANNER which is explicitly stated to have hap-
pened, & in a sense not fiction at all. Does this book,
then, seem to say, "Maybe portions of the others are
literally real, too?" The author does not now pretend
to be writing fiction, & TEARS fits this category as well.

One critic said that NOW WAIT FOR LAST YEAR
seemed to depict the Vietnam War. So maybe it, too,
adds something. But for sure we have

1) SCANNER occluded minds, not able to see

2) TEARS prison world created by

3) STIGMATA evil deity who is opposed by

4) MAZE salvific entity mysteriously here

5) UBIK salvific entity mysteriously bore

6) ANDROIDS salvific entity mysteriously here

7) "Imposter" Fake memory; real ones & true
identity restored, v. 1)

Summary:

Our minds are occluded, deliberately, so that we
can't see the prison world we're slaves in, which is
created by a powerful magician-like evil deity, who,
however, is opposed by a mysterious salvific entity
which often takes trash forms, & who will restore
our lost real memories. This entity may even be an
old wino.

Drugs, communism & sex & fake plural pathologi-
cal pseudo worlds are involved, but the puriform
salvific entity, as mysterious as quicksilver, will save
us in the end & restore us to true human state. We
will then cease to be mere reflex machines. This is the
summation of my kerygma, spread out throughout my
works.

Briefly, I was Christ. He is not a person but a state
of being—& yet somehow also a person. It is mysteri-
ous. "Christ has no body now but yours." I became
him, & he me. The macro became the micro (me), &
the micro became the macro (him). There was a recip-
rocal action:

Maybe that's why I was in the world of Acts: he is
there (i.e., then). This included memory of coming
down here from the Caelum (the stars), cosmological

knowledge and healing knowledge, & ability at last to
see the macro brain & its info traffic & finally the
father (the abyss). This exchange fits the hermetic
macro-microcosm universe, which, in my summary of
my writing, I should point out as a latent theme. This
exchange would explain my performing (& knowing)
the pristine early covert sacraments, & seating myself
on the judgement seat. That's why this began exactly
on the day of Christ's birth. & the sense of vast spaces:
my inner space world now contained the cosmos
itself, & of course seeing Zebra—that most of all.

This is the mystery which Paul speaks of: "Christ
in you (& you in Christ)". Christ was born in me, liter-
ally him, and now firebright slumbers, the product of
our union (with me as female host), (as impregnated
bride, wedded to Christ as Bridegroom.) (1978)

It's odd that it's mainly in the 3 Bantam books*
that the truth (enough of it, anyhow) is told. Plus SCAN-
NER & stories in the Ballantine collection**—all well-dis-
tributed. No time passes, in STIGMATA. Eternity can
pass: infinite time. & Eldritch pollutes all the spurious
worlds—due to a person taking a drug (cf. SCANNER).

MAZE says, "Our actual reality is intolerable." This
will do, were TEARS not read. "So we willingly gener-
ate a group hallucination & live in it." Gnosticism—&
it is so.

My writing deals with hallucinated worlds, intoxi-
cating & deluding drugs, & psychosis. But my writing
acts as an antidote, a detoxifying—not intoxicating—
antidote. This is a fascinating realization. My writing

* THE THREE STIGMATA OF PALMER ELDRITCH (1965), UBIK (1969)

and A MAZE OF DEATH (1970) were all reissued in 1977 by Bantam

Books.

** THE BEST OF PHILIP K. DICK (1977)

deals with that which it lessens or dispels by—raising
those topics to our conscious attention, esp. SCANNER
& STIGMATA. Different partial collations print out
somewhat different summations. One vast panorama
is unveiled, as Ursula points out.* What an odd constit-
uent POT-HEALER is!

In the James-James dream I saw the PTG task force
arriving silently & swiftly. So they must be close by,
now (but to say "now" is to fall into the delusion of
regarding linear time as real. They could be seconds
away. But Palmer Eldritch can spin out his hallucina-
tory world & time for what seems—just seems—forever,
for centuries. It's like EYE when actual rescue is right
at hand but they can't wake up. Yes, we are asleep like
they are in EYE & we must wake up & see past
(through) the dream—the spurious world with its own
time—to the rescue outside—outside now, not later. Per-
ception of the PTG task force is not perception of a
future event, but, as in EYE, of what is really there now.

So EYE collates well with STIGMATA re spurious
world, re being unconscious, re no real actual time
elapsing (& probably, too, with MAZE). (In MAZE the

Ursula le Guin. See note on page 196.

salvific element reaching into our spurious world is
treated so MAZE adds the crucial element to EYE which
completes the picture). As in DO ANDROIDS, the savior
seems to be fake (invented) but turns out to be real.
Everything here is reversed; the real is fake and the
fake is real, (the mirror effect.) After all, the master
magician rules here, & has power over our perceptions.
(As in STIGMATA.) (1978)

STIGMATA is a Satanic Bible: the novel describes
the Pattern proliferating itself in, on & through
humans. By a study of STIGMATA one can understand
transubstantiation, which was my source & theme
(my intent). It's even stated in the novel that Eldritch
is the xtian God.

You get a good deal of the story by combining
UBIK & STIGMATA.

But this is not an occluding, toxifying "virus"—it is
an antitoxic, de-occlusive. (1978)

Ah! in UBIK locating the Ubik messages in cheap
commercials was absolutely right on. I couldn't have
"guessed" more accurately. It's obvious that the real
author of UBIK was Ubik. It is a self proving novel; i.e.,
it couldn't have come into existence unless it were
true.* (1978)

[T]he "information virus" Zebra destroys the 4-
pronged deformation which I have delineated (supra—
previous set of pages):

1) It shows us the real world TEARS
(abolishes the counterfeit world) MAZE

2) It abolishes the inner occlusion SCANNER
(restores our faculties as they are supposed to be)

*PKD footnote: "I wonder If Lem guessed this."

3) It breaks the "astral determinism"
(It frees us) "Electric Ant"

4) It removes amnesia "Impostor"
(Restores true memory & hence true identity)

In short, it turns us into the "Second Adam," the
restored xtian superman, a Christ. It abolishes the
four aspects of our fallen nature. This is why the Gnos-
tics believed in the salvific Gnosis; they confused the
information with the information entity; i.e., they
thought the former saved us, whereas it is the latter:
living information, not the content of the information.
However, the content is the pattern, so in a sense they
were right. & it was an evil world (TEARS) & evil demi-
urge (ELDRITCH) that they believed in.

real world: TEARS "Retreat Syndrome" "Precious
Artifact"

real deity: STIGMATA

salvific entity: UBIK

real situation: MAZE EYE JOINT

our condition: SCANNER SHEEP WE CAN BUILD YOU

our identity: "Impostor"

our enslavement: "Electric Ant" PENULTIMATE
TRUTH

memory retrieval method: MITHC
eleven novels, four stories (for openers) (1978)

Leo Bulero defeating Palmer Eldritch is the sav-
ior/messenger (Son of Man) defeating the demiurge
creator of this prison (& illusory) world. Breaking his
power over man in UBIK, Runciter calling to Joe Chip
is the savior calling to his human counterpart. This is
also true in POT HEALER when Glimmung calls to Joe
Fernwright.

& Mercer & the Walker-on-Earth [in ANDROIDS] are
one & the same. Deity takes trashy & even fake (sic)

forms: Mercer, Glimmung, the UBIK commercials.
SCANNER is a very serious book. Man's present, unre-
deemed states—his ontological condition—of ignorance
is depicted; this is not an aspect of his state but is (esse)
his state. Opposed to this is the ontological state of
knowledge (knowing) provided by Runciter & Ubik in
UBIK. SCANNER focuses on the condition of ignorance
dealt with more glibly in MAZE & UBIK; it goes into the
anatomy of the occlusion—it really studies nothing
else (no cosmology is presented). Mainly, it strives to
show that we are fucked up in a way which precludes
our being able to be aware of it—the most ominous
kind of occlusion (ignorance). It points to the need of
outside intervention.

VALIS will be an attempt to show that intervention
& redeemed state, but it is proving too difficult to
write. This novel must be written, & I have the
redeemed state of 2-74/2-75 to base it on, but God,
what a task: to depict 1) that which redeems; 2) the
process of redemption; 3) the redeemed (restored)
state of man—in contrast to the occluded state
(described in SCANNER). It could take the rest of my
life to do it. I don't know if I can. It must be divided
into two parts: 1) unredeemed (& then the entity
which redeems & the process); & 2) the redeemed
state. Like the "Siddhartha" 2-part book I dreamed
about. Restored man—the Christ-man, the 2nd Adam.
What a responsibility—what a task. But it must be
done. & it must—like the "Siddhartha" book, point to
the 5th Savior whose coming is imminent. (1978)

In some respects, EYE is the most accurate of all:
Great hunks of spurious time (events) are reeled out,
whereas only seconds in RET (real elapsed time) have

taken place. If we didn't dream we could not even
imagine such a thing, much less believe it.

The theme of "they're all out of it" appears in:

1) EYE they're unconscious & hallucinating vari-
ous worlds.

2) JOINT the world is fake—& the time is mistaken

3) TMITHC it's one of several worlds & not the
real one

4) TIME-SLIP fake psychotic realties

5) STIGMATA fake malignant realities

6) UBIK they're dead & receiving messages from
the real world

7) MAZE they're jointly hallucination [sic] a spuri-
ous world

8) TEARS several competing worlds exist

9) SCANNER the whole futuristic parts could be
hallucinations & the protagonist lives in two different
mutually exclusive worlds competing with each other

Secondary false perceptions appear in: .

10) CLANS psychotic perceptions that compete

11) GAME-PLAYERS levels of illusion for sinister
purposes

12) COSMIC PUPPETS one world underlying
another (!)

So one dozen novels & too many stories to count
narrate a message of one world obscuring or replac-
ing another real one, spurious memories, & halluci-
nated (irreal) worlds. The message reads "Don't
believe what you see; it's an enthralling—& destruc-
tive, evil snare. Under it is a totally different world,
even placed differently along the linear time axis, &
your memories are faked to jibe with the fake world
(inner & outer congruency).

JOINT opens with a telltale anachronism. Symp-
toms—or signs—unveiling the world as spurious

abound. Strip the fake world away & another one
appears, even set in a different time.

& all this leads up to my 2-74 & 3-74 experience. It
cannot be coincidence. My early knowledge of the
basic Socratic and Presocratic dictum: "Don't believe
what you see; something else must actually be there."

(1978)

He is here, not here, there, not there. Our whole real-
ity is a hologram-like fake, & into & onto it in the
guise of fakery, he substitutes the (truly) real. So the
nonsense phenomena are real, & the substantial & nor-
mal & expected & sensible are not. Our criteria for dis-
tinguishing the real from the irreal are totally
reversed: to us, the real is the solid, the heavy, the seri-
ous; & the irreal is St. Elmo's fire, will-o-the-wisps.
Amazing! If this be so, then my writing has been of
value. Beyond the obvious contribution of indicting
the universe as a forgery (& our memories also) & pres-
ent[ing] the most accurate & stringent—rigorous—
revised criteria to pull the truly real as set out of
ground (love, making exceptions, humor, determina-
tion, etc., the little virtues). &, as Lem says, I somehow
pile trash on trash until it "compresses" into some-
thing else: the mirror-opposite, "universe-seen-back-
ward" insight is complete, as in POT HEALER.

I believe the Savior is here. But disguised as well,
that's the hard part, isn't it? To say how he's dis-
guised—how he appears in contrast to how we expect
him to appear. He may resemble Runciter. (1978)

Thoughts upon reading the first half of VALIS: we
are in a situation like the cold-pac in UBIK. It is a holo-
gram reality; time, space, causality & ego are not real—
the world (phenomenal world) is not real but

projected. We have pre-programmed lock-in tapes syn-
chronized with the total outer matrix. Subliminal cues
& info are fired at us constantly; "reality" is really
information (as I saw); we are a brain, [... ] the control-
lers are the 3-eyed telepathic deaf, mute builders with
crab-claws; this explains who they are. They can read-
just our hologram at will. We are under their domin-
ion, & we perform a useful cerebral function. They
equal Valis which equals Ubik & which breaks
through on the one-way "eerie manifestation" basis
which Lem depicts. It is a spurious reality & their tech-
nology generates it, & although they aid & inform us
they also occlude & control us (this is "astral determin-
ism"). They can & do intervene in their own system;
we know this as "God." They use camouflage & mime-
sis re their presence here. There is a teaching-machine
element involved. Timeo cognere. [I fear to know.] In a
sense the 3-eyed people in their bubble looking down
at us were not so much physicians but surgeons,
using laser beams to recontour our hologram. They
are not in the hologram but above it (i.e., outside the
cold pac, they've sent Zebra-Valis-Ubik in). Because of
my book VALIS they're going to zap me.

1) We are the project.

2) We are in the maze, which is irreal.

3) The 3-eyed people observe us from outside the
maze.

4) The project operates through a dialectic; it is
in flux.

5) It is irrational; its creator is irrational.

6) We are stationary; time, ego & causality don't
exist.

7) Human saboteurs have begun operations here
in the maze to help us. They (the human ones) are
under the direction of a vast information entity which

camouflages itself. It got itself born here & was killed
& then spread out discorporate subsuming & inform-
ing humans counter to the control (of us) (& our
world) by the maze & its creator & controllers. It is
rational.

8) In essence the liberators-saboteurs work to
enlighten us with knowledge of our true condition,
which is withheld from us by the deluding maze
which generates both positive & negative hallucina-
tions that we're rigidly locked into. We do not ordinar-
ily guess that our "world" is irreal, that it is a maze, a
project, that its creator is insane or that the 3-eyed peo-
ple gaze down at us dispassionately as if we're pond
life—lower life forms.

9) The maze-project is like a prison in which
we're enslaved. The Black Iron Prison.

10) In essence, the rational (Valis/Zebra/Ubik) has
invaded the irrational maze/prison/project.

11) We are sick or injured or insane/occluded due
perhaps to a toxicity of the maze ("the bichlorides: a
very poisonous poison.")*

12) So Valis is an information center disseminat-
ing the truth, & also liberating us. It may be a product
of the maze-project, evolving within it & then liberat-
ing itself which is to say us. The purpose of the maze
& its dialectic—& the problems it poses (esp. epistemo-
logically)—may have been to produce Valis. (1978)

A close reading of MITHC shows it is not an alter-
nate world novel. There is only one real world: ours.
Juliana finds (figures?) this out & tells Abendsen that
his book is true. By implication, their world is a
pseudo-world. Hence MITHC is an early pseudo-world

*This phrase comes from a 1974 dream by PKD.

novel of mine, like JOINT & EYE & STIGMATA & UBIK &
MAZE. Now, if in 2-3-74 I had an experience combining
Abendsen's & Tagomi's, & found myself in TEARS,
does that make this a pseudo-world, a dokos over
TEARS? I think this is the whole point, it is a matrix
entity about which there can be varying views some
false, one correct, & TEARS is correct. These are not
true alternate worlds. How these dokos views come
into existence I do not know. Or is there just the one
Dokos world which we normally experience, beyond
which or under which lies TEARS? Then TGLH* to
MITHC as TEARS to our world—a vast mystery! & one
about which I have no theory. TEARS depicts a tyranny!

Since I didn't know the future (2-3-74) I can only
suppose that another self exists in me which not only
knew the future but the true state of affairs. (1979)

reality—My God; it's specifically stipulated that Ubik is
the—not a—reality support! ("He causes to exist what-

ever exists"; functional description of YHWH!)

The underlying secret (cf. Hamlet & The Bacchae) is
that the true king (YHWH) (Ubik) has been deposed &
an impostor (Palmer Eldritch) rules in his place, as (if

* THE GRASSHOPPER LIES HEAVY, the novel-within-a-novel in THE. MAN
IN HIGH CASTLE (MlTHC) (1962).

he were) him. (Bacchae—the Christ story—Hamlet—TEARS—
& also STIGMATA & "Faith") That's part one. Part two is
that the true God (YHWH, Ubik) has filtered back in on
the periphery. But the impostor is at the civil & church
center. Thus people think they are worshipping Christ-
YHWH-Ubikbut aren't; they are under a spell (of delu-
sion—which Christ/YHWH freed me of in 2-74). (1979)

Consider my boundless & insatiable interest in
spiritual matters—there's no sign of it in TDHG [THE
DARK-HAIRED GIRL, see Glossary]—yet I had a Bible with
me in Canada. Yet consider how Acts read upon my
seeing the cipher in TEARS—the plasmite; the test
became alive. It was a living thing. Like my dreams of
the pages of the Great Book. I was in touch with the
information basis underlying the epiphenomenal
world.

Between what I experienced (2-74 to 2-75) & what
I've learned—

I experienced reality as knowledge—not reduced to
information. But the primary information from which
reality stems: what the rabbis call "the formula" for
creation, & the answers to all problems—i.e. solutions
(explanations).

So in my incompleteness I was driven along a colli-
sion course with (to) disaster; but Valis (YHWH-Christ)
converted the disaster into the raw materials out of
which there came instantly (!) a new me, a complete
me, yoked to Christ himself as the presiding priest
of this eucharist in which he sacrificed himself to
renew me.

& when I saw Valis—& was communicated to by
Valis—I saw him, the high priest presiding at this
eucharist. The epiphenomenal universe became him,
body & blood: the Cosmic Christ.

In TDHG it is evident that I am desperately trying
to find a center (omphalos) for/to my life, but that I
was failing; I was still "stateless." [... ] In contrast to
TDHG period I have found authenticity—sein* I have
made one wise decision after another. Look at my pro-
viding help to Messiah**—contrast that to when I used
to buy dope. (1979)

I just now looked over DI [THE DIVINE INVASION]. As
I recently realized about VALIS, the dialectic that is the
inner life of God—as revealed to Boehme & explicated
later by Schelling—& commented on by e.g., Tillich***—
is presented as the very bases of the book. In VALIS it
is expressed dramatically as world-order in which the
irrational confronts the "bright" or rational, desig-
nated (properly) Logos. In DI this same dialectic reap-
pears & this time is stated to be the two sides of God
(rather than world order; that is, in DI it is now cor-
rectly seen to be within God himself!): it is now (in DI)
between Emmanuel who is the terrible, destroying
"solar heat" warring side—& Xena who is loving, play-
ful, tender, associated with bells & flowers; & what
unifies the two at last (by the way: it is she who takes
the lead in restoring memory & hence unification:
Emmanuel is the side that has forgotten—i.e., is
impaired; she has not & is not is not impaired) is play.
She plays, & Emmanuel has a secret desire to play.

So both novels basically deal with the dialectic
that I experienced as the nature of Valis & which I con-

* Being; term employed by German philosopher Martin Heidegger to

connote authentic being.

** A church in PKD's neighborhood.

*** German mystic Jacob Boehme (1575-1624). German Romantic

philosopher Friedrich Schelling (1775-1854). German theologican Paul

Tillich(1886-1965).

strue to be the dynamic inner life of God. If you super-
impose both books, then, you get this equation:

Really, then, DI simply continues the fundamental
theme of VALIS—but does not seem to do so—not unless
one perceives this theme & what it is (the dialectic
that is the dynamic inner life of God). DI is not so loose
a sequel to VALIS as it might seem (by in the shift from
Gnosticism, the present, realism, to Kabala, the
future, fantasy). (1981)

GALACTIC POT-HEALER shows the very real possibil-
ity of encroaching madness. The archetypes are out of
control. Water—the ocean itself—which is to say the
unconscious, is hostile & rises to engulf. The book is
desperate & frightened, & coming apart, dream-like,
cut off more & more from reality. Flight, disorganiza-
tion: the way has almost run out. Those elements
dealt with in earlier novels—ominous elements—now
escape my control & take over. What Brunner* said,
"That one got out of control" is correct & has vast psy-
chological significance.

* John Brunner, British science-flction writer. The quoted remark was
apparently made during a personal conversation (date unknown) between
the two men.

& yet I did not become psychotic. Why not? What
happened?

Very simply the meta-abstraction was the birth of
higher reason in me. Specifically & precisely Logos. It
was noesis, but, more, it was Logos itself. & Logos—not
just as reason, although it is that—but Christ: Christ is
the power of the rational principle itself.

The Dialectic that I experienced in 3-74 was
between the irrational & the rational, in me, in world,
in God. The rational won.

The issue is properly stated in VALIS, which shows
not only a return of control but is an account of victory—
in the form of rationality, of Logos itself—over madness;
I am not only rational, I also depict as open, autobiogra-
phy, this battle in me & this victory. Ursula is both right
& wrong. "Phil Dick is moving toward madness"* does
not apply to VALIS but to GALACTIC POT-HEALER; already
with TEARS & then more so in SCANNER reality has re-
entered; I am again in touch with the real.

VALIS, is, then, the return from madness or near-
madness, an account of a prior inner struggle & not a
symptom of that struggle still going on. By the time I
wrote VALIS the battle had been successfully won; &
the proof of this is DI &, most of all, BTA** in which
Angel Archer is (as I have already realized) the ratio-
nal principle in me, which is Logos, that is to say
Christ, itself speaking; the victory by the "bright"
side in me is total. Thus I was saved by Christ as the

* In 1981, an unfortunate misunderstanding arose between PKD and
Ursula Le Cuin, which led PKD to believe that Le Guin feared for his
sanity—a concern Le Guin denies having harbored.
** BISHOP TIMOTHY ARCHER, the original title of the PKD novel THE
TRANSMIGRATION Of TIMOTHY ARCHER.

inbreaking of the rational principle, Logos or reason
itself.

The meta-abstraction is the moment in my life in
which the rational principle entered, in-broke, was
born; thus it is correct to say, in that moment Christ
was born in me, & the year that followed was Christ
in me, enihusiasmos by Christ: his kingdom or, more
correctly, kingship.

Ursula is right to see me—my mind—as threatened
by ominous encroaching madness, but VALIS is a lucid
post mortem, a deliberate & rational study, of this
issue. This battle, & the victory of the rational in me
(experienced as Valis, Logos or Christ). [... ] I came
through & emerged victorious: but just barely. GALAC-
TIC POT-HEALER shows how grave the issue was, & this
was written before the main thrust of the need & suf-
fering hit (from 1969 on).

SCANNER then, shows that human reason returned
sometime after GALACTIC POT-HEALER. But in 2-74
divine reason (noesis), the Logos, Christ himself,
entered me or occurred as if in response to the last sav-
age attack—the xerox missive—of the years of prob-
lems I had gotten myself into by my madness, folly,
drug-use, etc. VALIS shows me completely aware of the
situation (encroaching madness) & completely back in
control—which DI & then to an absolute degree BTA
verified. There is in me the voice of reason—the AI
voice. But that voice became more than a voice; in 2-
74 it broke in as the principle of reason itself, specific-
ally as Plato's noesis: the highest act of cognition
known to man. Thus 2-74 has both noesis & Logos &
hence Christ.

& the ultimate overflow of grace in me shows up
in my giving to others; I am not only strong enough

for myself alone—more: starting with my sending the
money to Covenant House. *[... ]

I who lost normal reason, got back in the end
Holy reason ("He who loses his life will save it"):
Christ as Logos. & VALIS correctly tells this story: mad-
ness & drugs caused by Gloria's suicide, & finally the
inbreaking of the rational, Logos itself (seen in terms
of world!).

Now, it is certainly wonderful to realize that I am all
right, now; that in fact I am even able to help others as
well as myself. But the flip side is: I did slide into psy-
chosis, & POT revealed it, & I wrote POT before Nancy left
me.** [... ] I guess my realization came (last night)
when, after reading POT & realizing that I did become
psychotic I then picked up SCANNER. I read here &
there. The appalling horror of that book! To go into that
from psychosis; that is, how terrible a fate awaited me.
What saved me was my love for those people: Luckman,
[... ] Jerry Fabin [...]& Donna [... ]*** which ties in with
TEARS & the scene at the all-night gas station.

Thinking back to when I wrote POT: I felt so
strongly—& correctly—at the time that when it came
time, in writing the book to have the theophany occur
(i.e., for Glimmung**** to show himself) I had nothing
to say, nothing to offer because I knew nothing. Oh, &
how I sensed this lack of knowledge! & now this is pre-

A New York-based shelter for homeless and runaway children.
** Nancy Hackett left PKD in 1970. The end of the marriage was difficult
for him to bear, and he had often pointed to it as the crisis that
precipitated severe psychological difficulties for him. His emphasis here
points to the fact that GALACTIC POT-HEALER (1969) was written in
1967-68, and hence his "psychosis" predated Nancy's departure.
*** Luckman, Jerry Fabin, and Donna are characters in the PKD novel A
SCANNER DARKLY (1977).

****Glimmung is the semi-divine protagonist in the PKD novel
GALACTIC POT-HEALER (1969).

cisely what I do know because now I have experienced
it (2-3-74).

In a way I better depict the 3-74 theophany (of
Valis) in DI than in VALIS itself. In any case if you
superimpose the two novels it is there—precisely what
I lacked when I wrote POT—& knew I lacked, as a
human, as a writer; I had no ideas about the theoph-
any at all, & yet by the time I wrote DI it came easily,
that which would not & could not come with POT; that
in writing POT that exactly was where I reached the
end—wore out & died as a writer; scraped the bottom
of the barrel & died creatively & spiritually. What mis-
ery that was! Paisley shawl, hoop of water, hoop of
fire;* how wretched it was; how futile.

Strange that later (1974) I experienced what I had
yearned to know so that I could continue the logical
organic growth & forward development of my writing.
That was when I wore out: trying to depict a theophany.
& that is what I legitimately later on (in the VALIS tril-
ogy) could do. But oh the years of suffering! & yet—if I
became psychotic in writing POT—if POT shows signs of
psychosis, & it does—it is not because I experienced &
knew God but precisely because I did not. & thus the
VALIS books are the opposite, are sane, are grounded in
experience & in reality because by then I had experi-
enced God; hence my creative life (not just my spiritual
life) resumed; & with it my sanity. Thus in a very real
sense my sanity depended on my experiencing God,
because my creative life logically demanded it—& [... ]
my sanity depended on my writing. (1981)

Break the power of fake world by means of info. (1)

* These are manifestations assumed by the Glimmung (see previous
note) in GALACTIC POT HEALER.

UBIK (2)2-3-74 hence VALIS & JOINT & MAZE etc. VALIS log-
ically follows in the 10-volume metanovel that leapt off
with MAZE. No one has noticed that VALIS picks up
where MAZE left off. The epistemology is unbroken &
cumulative. VALIS shows I am questioning whether
world is real; retroactively it shows I meant it in the
prior 10 novels [see second chart below].*

Isn't it perfectly clear
in UBIK that world is not
real but Ubik is, & Ubik is
Logos/YHWH. Likewise
Valis in VALIS.

VALIS is the cipher
book—code book—to the
whole 10 volume
metanovel & will some-
day be read as such. &
VALIS is Gnostic/Mani
but secretly Holy Mother
Church

—which explains TEARS—that is, the Acts material in it.
As with God's strategy, the sequence is "out of
sequence." Viz: the key piece—VALIS—came last. Until
it the others did not make sense—i.e., they were taken
to have been written as fiction & hence hypothetical.
VALIS retroactively re-interprets them—shows them in
a light that could not be anticipated by an analysis of
them—until VALIS came out; typical of the pattern
strategy of the wise horn in its Dialectical Combat-

* "Frozen Journey" is not a novel but rather a story published by PKD in
Playboy (December 1980) and subsequently included—as the renamed
title story-in the PKD collection I HOPE I SHALL ARRIVE SOON (1985).

Game.* Here is a big realization & unexpected: VALIS
in itself means nothing! (1981)

DI is a conventional romance exactly as John
Clute** says; it breaks no new theological ground what-
soever & should not be taken seriously... except for
the light it casts in amplifying material in VALIS.

VALIS deals with the irreducible primary religious
sense: God as terrifying & fascinating simultaneously,
with the solution being Christ & only Christ; there is
no other solution. VALIS states the problem (familiar to
all truly religious humans) & the correct—& sole—solu-
tion. From a religious viewpoint then, it is authentic
& basic. & it is indubitably firsthand, not Derived
from Book. Thus it is an extraordinary religious con-
fession & resolution to the problems raised & con-
fronted in that confession, so it is not just a confession
but seeks & finds an answer. (1981)

The issue is not reality or ontology but conscious-
ness—the possibility of pure, absolute consciousness
occurring. In terms of which material things (objects)
become language or information, conveying or record-
ing or expressing meaning or ideas or thoughts: mind
using reality as a carrier for information, as a lp
groove is used to carry information: to record, store &
play it back. This is the essential issue: this use of
material reality by mind as a carrier for information
by which information is processed—& this is what I
saw that I called Valis, & anyone who reads VALIS &
thinks it is just a rehash of metaphysical ideas or ideas

* The metaphor here is the dual horns of dialectic—of which the "wise"
Is one.

** Science-fiction critic. Reference is to a review In the Washington Post.

"worked over by 1000s of thinkers for 1000s of years"
is a fucking fool! Robert Anton Wilson* is right. (1981)

2-3-74: I was bewitched. The purpose: to re-create
Jim [Pike] so he could continue speaking (through my
writings & not just the Archer book).**

So there is a book within a book. This is what is
hanging Russ*** up. I have done years of research in
order to do BISHOP ARCHER—to deal with Jim ade-
quately in the form of mental conceptions about God
& specific knowledge of the Bible & theology. I did not
have this in 3-74; I could not write the novel until now.

But there is another intellect in the book, & that is
Angel Archer.

Angel is my soul, & Tim/Jim is Christ. Their 2
minds in BISHOP ARCHER represent the syzygy
between me & Christ. Angel Archer is how Christ,
who is me, perceives me as she (Angel Archer), the
female part of the divine syzygy between me & Christ.

This is 2-3-74. (1981)

I started to reread VALIS but this time with con-
scious knowledge of the Aquarian symbols, & it hits
you at once in the opening of Ch. 2: God & clay pot
linked. Later, pot will become a pitcher containing a
liquid, this linked to xtian immortality & reincarna-
tion, finally to Gnosticism; then to the great scene in
the film in which the woman is—

Anyhow, the Aquarian symbols overwhelm the
fish symbols; they come first & simply are extensive,

* This most likely refers to a 1981 letter from Wilson to PKD that

praised VALIS highly and compared it, in terms of narrative originality, with

ULYSSES.

** Published as THE TRANSMIGRATION OF TIMOTHY ARCHER (1982).

*** Russell Galen, PKD's literary agent.

complex, indomitable, clear & religious not astrologi-
cal. What VALIS seems to do—& in fact do primarily!—
is associate the Divine with the Aquarian symbols as
completely as we are accustomed to seeing it linked to
the fish sign, & in a certain real sense I transfer Christ
over from the fish sign, without repudiating it, to the
water pitcher sign (clay pot is pitcher held or filled
with water). Thus my neo-iconography is exact, & this,
to me, is indubitable verification; QED. Because this
iconography in connection with Christ was not only
totally unknown to me, it is also totally unknown to
Christianity itself, & therefore points to Christ & Xtian-
ity outside Christianity (as does the 5th Savior notion!)
There is a final comment by Kevin* about the bare-
foot woman in the long old-fashioned dress dipping
water from the stream into the pitcher/pot: she is
back in Roman times; thus the Aquarian iconography
carries back to apostolic times, a point that B. Creme**
made on the interview program. It is in the Gospel.
But obliquely. (1982)

* Character in VALIS (1981). See chapter nine of that novel for the

"comment" referenced above.

** Benjamin Creme-a New Age figure who influenced PKD's thinking in

the last months of his life. PKD heard Creme being interviewed on the

radio.

Chapter Five

Plot outlines and Explorations

FOR WORKS-IN-PROGRESS

Novel plot, the twin-brains/minds: the U.S. fear is that
the Soviets are using their research into psychic esp
powers for long-distance mind control etc. Like elec-
tronic boost of telepathic suggestion via satellite;
maybe even specific persons in U.S. affected (or so the
U.S. counterint. thinks). Specific individuals reached
in their dreams without knowing it, their views and
even decisions influenced. This is the theory, anyhow;
SOMETHING, ANYHOW, IS HAPPENING. And then it
happens to the protag.: the Essene reborn inside him;
the Parousia is here! That is what's happening! Yes; a
super-powerful mind-force was indeed influencing
people, causing them to do things they otherwise
wouldn't, and yes they are secretive about it, reluctant
to talk... as he himself becomes (since no one would
believe him—and he's to help overthrown the tyr-

205

anny, which adds this to the VALIS-Abendsen* plot, of
the tyranny overthrow!!!)

This superimposes the two plots: VALISYSTEM A
and TO SCARE THE DEAD. Wow!

Plot:

From inside he learns the Albemuth whale's
mouth sign and how to fashion the ideograph.

Drawing by PKD (c. 1974) of what he termed the "Albemuth whale's
mouth sign." PKD saw a relationship between this ideograph and the
Golden Fish necklace, as well as with the homoplasmate which he
believed may have bonded with him. PKD further saw a linkage
between this sign—when drawn repeatedly, to form a connective
chain-and the DNA double helix; DNA and the homoplasmate were,
in his view, analogous forms of living information.

A mysterious organization imperils him; he's
taken over and subjected to psychological testing to
acquire from him the contents of his mind. The psych

* Hawthorne Abendsen is the author-character who wrote THE
GRASSHOPPER LIES HEAVY, the novel-within-a-novel in TlHE MAN IN THE
HIGH CASTLE (1962). PKD had attempted a sequel to HIGH CASTLE in
1964, and remained fascinated with the possibilities of Abendsen as a
character into the mid-1970s, as this reference indicates.

tester of it draws the whale's mouth sign under
duress, in a "trance," later finds it and doesn't remem-
ber having made it. Pro tag. cannot figure if these are
his powers, or Theirs. But they work in his behalf.

He keeps seeing the sign... like emblem for beer
company, used in their ads on billboards; he sees little
kids gazing at it, or like emblem for kentucky fried
chicken places, where kids always go.

Nobody else can discern it but him (and there
must be others like him; this is main plot element; his
conviction, his search). They call it "an eye, with a
pupil." (The fried chicken designer swears this.) A sci-
entist, when asked to analyze it as a symbol, decides
it's the Earth within its magnetic or electrostatic
plasma, which is blue. No one but God's Own know it
as it is built up, in layers.

Men become what they are not, are transformed;
but this doesn't mean into their opposite. What they
become can't be predicted (I guess the best bits from
each, the ideal pieces, are all retained and used to
form the new pattern, plus pieces never used but
needed, even if contrary to the person's ego and val-
ues as they were.) Like, his friend could be one who
has changed who was/is a Nazi; the best parts of that:
the remnants in that person to be preserved (micro
paradigm of mankind).

One of the most long-lasting and major plot ideas
comes when the head of the mysterious organization
commissions the building of an observatory like place
to screen incoming signals from VALIS; work on The
Project begins. It orbits the earth and will be visible to
the world, once the parts are joined ... when they are
joined, they form the Albemuth sign, although it was
impossible to discern this beforehand (he tried to be
sure of that: "the sum is greater than the whole of its
parts," etc.).

But the signals are interchanged throughout and
among everything, even on the "mundane" plane.
The Trash of the gutter "conspire" to signal people
information. I think reserved for last should be the
scene with the little things of the gutter talk [sic; ing]
to him (to the former or still Antagonist).

Amazing, how like TEARS this is ... the Antagonist
must not be desk man, but still, isn't he a cop?
Maybe a fanatic of some kind? Maybe never an Inte-
rior VP by him, like Buckman was. Always outer,
except final scene, when he walks in alley and trash
talks to him.

Antag is afraid it'll form a pattern when through,
and has as much randomized by computer as possi-
ble. Tries to see it himself as world progresses, but
can't. Final bit which "makes" Gestalt is dealt in plot
outline: why the particular designer of that part
came to design it that way ... we follow him as sepa-
rate plot moving to join other plots, as his part does.
He can see that when his part is towed into place it'll
make a—that—pattern, but he is motivated: for odd
motivations, which we show in detail: the series of
motivational events leading up to him consciously
deciding to alter away from the design, without in
any fashion having any large motive, anything equal
to or commensurate with the result. For instance:
suppose this minor character is convinced that the
Antag is deliberately going to produce the WM
[whale's mouth] sign, or that "they" will cause it to
happen because they control Antag without Antag
knowing it; Antag is in their power. Maybe he even
has dreams inspiring him to create his segment this
way, which he interprets will outwit them; otherwise
it will. He is convinced that Antag is deluded—which
Antag is; Antag worries that some deluded section
chief will cause change without mentioning it—

which minor ch. does. So pattern does emerge: "two
wrongs make a right." Deluded Antag and deluded
section chief at cross purposes, both attempting to
foil pattern, produce pattern.

Better: the shape comes out okay, not the sign, but
like the word which the sign stands for (Albemuth)
appears all over the Project (e.g.: the name AI, for
instance. The initial B. The German word for courage.
Albert or Alfred Muth has his name on all the
papertowel dispensers in the washrooms. The world—
Logos—appears assembled everywhere as it's supposed
to be: albemuth. Made up as an anacryon,* by some-
one to express the idea of Courage to the project, his
own name, AI, be courageous! Or A number one, be
courageous, etc.

Best of all if "AI" is one one item in every wash-
room, like towel dispenser, and the rest elsewhere.
And then in every washroom the whole name is
assembled from its two parts. "Have or be coura-
geous" could be one part, and then "AI" is A-one," a
stamp indicating # of unit bolted to it. Or poor schizo
guy thinks of Behemuth etc. Takes "Beware Leviathan
and Behemuth come" and so forth from tract, feeds it
into computer; other schizo guy, but this one not
Jesus freak but double domed German sees "be coura-
geous" in it as it's shredded or decyphered, thinks,
"Be courageous," and as it's shredded—the Bible
thing—he punches out the bemuth. To remind him-
self???? Maybe this sort of method:

Three parts of which "b" is middle. We work it back-
ward, the way mystery stories are written. "B" from
start is their code to destroy, the Adversary organiza-
tion. "Muth" is German for courage and is name of

This stands as PKD typed it.

mfgr of dispenser. The "AI" is marked on each automati-
cally when it's been installed and read for use. When
master machine-computer sees the world "coming
along through ortho time" it signals each entity (towel
dispenser) destroyed, using B symbol, but symbol must
be placed on each entity to mark it, where it remains.

The computer can't mark the dispensers for
destruction without using the "B" mark. Which will
complete the Logos. It knows it. Double-bind.
No, it would be the "A-One Towel Service."
Computer decides not to use "B" stamp; refrains.
Then scene of guy who enters washroom. Stands at
urinal, and we catch his line of sight; you gotta be
there at that spot, at each urinal. First the "A-one"
then into a slogan-sign posted (one in each washroom)
reading:

ARE YOUR THOUGHTS YOUR OWN? THE
ENEMY MAY BE INFLUENCING YOU WITH-
OUT YOUR REALIZING HE IS!

He catches the ending "be," then finishes pissing,
goes to washbasin; already he has seen the "muth"
part. In the BG [background] the ubiquitous Muzak is
playing "I'll see you in Deluth," and to himself he is
murmuring. "Deluth ... albemuth" without knowing
why. Dries hands. Fade out. Except that the whole
orbiting space-station is pointless anyhow because
although the info is coming from Albemuth
(Fomalhaut) it's everywhere; hence always already
here on Earth, so the Project is pointless. Given the
pointless duplication of the human Adversary and the
computer who check and recheck and monitor each
other.

This Group Mind from the stars is their own
noosphere, in Earth's ionosphere; the enemy (to the

Adversary) is themselves; they'd have to burn off the
ionosphere and stop all radio traffic to abate it.

One of the levels of cover to the drawn symbol
(the flux plasma around the Earth) is the or a real
meaning.

Duplication of the word; keep the Jesus freak hand-
ing out tracts about Leviathan and Behemuth; also in
addition keep the German with his "Be Courageous."
Computer sees the words in tract shaping up to join
the "Be courageous," heads that off; not so the towel
biz; it misses that. "Be courageous" gets fed into com-
puter itself because it is thought—i.e., telepath-oper-
ated; it notes, rejects; sees how tract will link up with
German "muth." No, "German Muth" twice; on towel
dispenser and in German's head. How about if guy in
washroom gazes briefly into mirror at his teeth to see
if they're okay, his whole face. No, just strike these:
the name "Muth" on towel dis. and the guy looking in
mirror... he sees AI which is A-one, adds the BE from
the slogan and hears the "Deluth," forms Albemuth in
his own head from 2 visual and 1 audio sources. And
this: "As he scrutinized his features in the mirror over
the wash basin, his hair, then his mouth." So A-one /
BE / "Deluth" / mouth. 3 visual, 1 aural. (Sees "five
o'clock shadow by mouth (word in text)"[).]

(The plot use of "b" as destruct code: they must
eliminate their destruct code finally; also for their Ger-
man workmen the word "Courage." Sees it shaping
up as German word in say slogan, and then the
destruct symbol with it; must destruct destruct sym-
bol before it becomes bmuth. or b-muth. Can't order
Slogan term al458 "Courage" struck from list; falsely
sees this coming up, when any slogan with "Courage"
is translated into German.

Nutty Soviet theory: a vast explosion in future,
and we are traveling backward in time for limited

period. An explosion so that what we see now as move-
ment toward form is reverse of explosion, or implo-
sion; but we see the universe as expanding... why?
Because our perceptions are backward, too. Or maybe
space isn't going backward, but must expand to coun-
terbalance time which is running backward, etc. Any-
how, he announces, (Dr. H.K.)* soon we will reach
moment of explosion; he's calculated that, by running
film backward. Soon all the pieces should be in place.
Living in this reverse period, we've learned to adjust
subtemporal events to fit. It's total sweep that's back-
ward, not "subtemporal" adjustments which we insti-
gate due to misperception; he carefully discerns and
divides these from the sweep; these adjustments are
all errors due to our basic perceptual reversal. We
have introduced erroneous views and acts stemming
from them; however, none of these acts have any
effect, we still run away from the explosion ahead in
time (actually are now moving—aw fuck. A see-saw.
Anyhow, there would be a two way time-motion simul-
taneously[)]:

The explosion took place. Everything flew apart.
We are in that flying apart (expanding universe) but
see it backward, in that already part of the time flow
has corrected itself and is carrying us in the correct
direction; otherwise we would move away from the
explosion forever. But we are moving, or anyhow
there is the orthogonal flow within the flow going
opposite to the direction we perceive; a mobius strip
with time running both ways at once. This can easily
be represented in terms of gravity, when a boomer-
ang is thrown out... at this moment the time-flow is
far greater in one of the two directions, but he has

"Dr. HK" is here the- proposed name of the fictional protagonist.

picked up the weaker other, and it is the correct one,
the direction we were going in before the Accident.
This one is the rectifying flow (the Holy Spirit: restor-
ing!!!). This retroflow, Dr. HK says, must grow
stronger, will grow stronger, until it balances the
wrong way one (now stronger); overcomes and
reverses our direction so we're heading back toward
the original explosion which took place in the Authen-
tic Future (the Big Bang!!!). We must move back
toward it, finally. Anyhow, Dr. HK detects with his
instruments a growing current of retrotime; this is
why it exists; this was the normal flow-direction until
the Accident. If Dr. Kozyrev* is correct, and time is
energy, then reverse time (which throws us "forward"
away from the Big Bang) causes us to lose energy,
which we call movement toward entropy; however, if
we could gather—latch onto—the other time-flow,
which also is energy, we (each of us) could regather
the energy lost in the "forward" time flow toward
entropy! We could get it back because it is gathering
in precisely the sense that our regular time is losing
heat or energy or charge. This gives us our parity, equi-
librium equation for time which it now lacks and
should have and shows why first it is absurd to say
"the universe gains energy," as Dr. Kozyrev says—
where does it gain it from? It cannot gain or lose.
Entropy is losing energy; energy and matter are the
same; it's losing matter. So: we have an eternal total
double-entry same total of both time—flow energies at
any segment of the universe so extended.

Look how we run down, wear out, age ... think
what charge, what rebirth, resurrection, new life, the
retrograde time-flow would give us! All that we'd lost,

A Soviet physicist of whose work PKD read in 1974.

too: and a keen vision of the past-as-alive, the past not
qua past, but past qua future!!!!!!! Heading for it as
surely as we normally head toward say the year 2100
A.D. The future in retro would be 100 A.D. just as
surely, but gaining energy and life, through retro time
as one moved!

The universe does not go through serial cycles, but
moves backward through its own life continually. We
are at a point where the thrust backward is vast in
comparison to true time, that is, time toward comple-
tion of true form before the accident (the universe is
in a stall, a doublebind![).] This may be an anomaly;
once it reaches either end point, this may be over-
come. One can see that; it doesn't repeat itself. We are
now in the process of being thrust back incorrectly,
away from form-completion; nonetheless, already the
other direction time is somewhat strong and its rate
of ratio growth is great. Once the direction is reversed
and we're again going in the correct way, then we
may take a different destiny line (alternate track) and
not come to the original explosion; avoid it.

And maybe this isn't even the whole universe;
maybe we're part of a subsystem moving in this
wrong direction. We do know when the Accident took
place: about 6 billion years ago. But we could change
directions before that; we don't go back to that; we're
not moving away from it, and what you and I should
look for is not going back 6 billion years and rectify-
ing that mistake, but wrong-way thrown-back time
"slowing" and regular time regaining dominance; we
should watch for our cosmos moving the proper direc-
tion in time, which would be a reverse from what we
are used to—IN THE DIRECTION OF OUR PAST. It is
not reaching this explosion 6 billion years ago that is
important for us, but slowing our movement away

from it and reversing and moving backward into our
own past.

Asked when this reversal to proper time direction
might be anticipated, Dr. HK said, "By our wrong way
time, fairly soon."

"Then we must relive our recent past?"

"Yes, we will move backward into it, but perhaps
at quite a different rate; we might move more rapidly
than we advanced, I mean, retreated through it."

"People would stop dying?"

"Oh yes—the entropic process, cooling, aging, wear-
ing out, degeneration—all that would cease. Once we
picked up time momentum the other way—we might
overcome the Accidental-thrust time. Think of a per-
son blown literally from his garage when his hot
water heater explodes. In an instant he is in the next
field. His rate of return to the scene is much slower. In
our universe, the force of Accidental thrust time is
weakening; we have no way to ascertain what the
'correct' rate would be going the other way, before
this Accident took place. We are presently living
within two opposite thrusts, working against each
other, like two tides. Think, though, how slowly time
moves for a child, esp. a baby. Time is weak now but
we might abruptly lock; this accidental wrong may
might suddenly stabilize."

"Like the Bible says? Time will suddenly cease?"

"Wrong-direction time—"

"Sounds like the same thing."

"It is possible," Dr. HK said, "that under regular
process-conditions there is no time as we know it, lin-
eal time, either way. We may find ourselves back in
what we call our past without any interval; there may
be no reverse lineal time, because lineal time is solely
a result of the Accident, and once overcome—"

"Not backward lineal time, in its place, but time-
lessness?"

"I think we will see the damages overcome, when it
is stabilized. Either we will lock into timelessness, then
begin lineal reversal, which I conceive as natural—"

"Or we may find ourselves jumped back 2000
years."

"Yes." He nodded.

PLOT: It turns out the message which Albemuth is
signalling Earth, the secret, is that our planet, solar sys-
tem, us—we're moving backward in time and it's
about to stabilize and change, and the jolt to us will be
terrific. Our leaders know this but deny it. Time is
about to end (lineal time) as a factor of life; it won't
reverse, as in COUNTER-CLOCK WORLD, but our present
will dissolve as all the accretions of at least 3500 years
will vanish, as if dreamlike. They never took place. Sta-
bility, and proper everything, will lock in at 1500 to
2500 BC (is it possible that an explosion, the Cretan
civilization, took place then?[)] All events since then
are progressively less real, as time runs out of charge
... Jesus was the first messenger from Albemuth come
here to tell us that one day time would abruptly cease,
to prepare us. Now Earth is full of messengers; they've
made many of us so, due to our radio traffic which
are [sic] energy; the noosphere, etc. And now is when
it's about to lock, but to them at Albemuth, they're out-
side this kind of lineal time; it just is for them each
year realer and realer (what we call Being). But they
can penetrate at the point (sic) the place where our
noosphere exists, which is circa 1960-1990. Our micro-
wave et al. equipment receive and boost their t-p [tele-
pathic] signals, radio signals. Their help was there but
is now artificially boosted for this generation.

"What Dead Men Say." Infringement—FCC regs.

The Albemuth message, though, corrects Dr. HK's
theory; there was no explosion, just that Being time
slipped into lineal time for this solar system or planet
... hence myth of Garden of Eden days of every race
on earth—it ended, we were cast out. The lineal time,
which is the only time we recognize, is a slipped onto-
logical coordinate of existence; each year should rein-
force and totally renew, even add layers to each of us
like patina; we should age in that sense, grow until
each of us, qua entelechy, is perfected. "But what
about dinosaur bones and all fossils?" we ask. Answer:
Every art work breaks, even though it is complete. A
bone China cup doesn't age, but an accident can occur
to it. This is what happened to all life; eventually, like
all artifacts, each form breaks, but the entelechy
escapes the brittle crystallized form and reappears in
plastic rebirth. There is also change—this isn't an
unmoving, static world. But the processes we know as
aging—the entropy of our world, and what we see of
the cosmos; (contrast cosmos with universe). Every-
thing lost should at the end of each turn be as
renewed as at the end of the 24-hour cycle of an elec-
tric clock. Something is wrong in our world; we lose.
An equilibrium is gone: and we sense it as defeat fail-
ure illness age and finally death. Something is out of
balance; the two time-forces aren't equal.

"What would we notice as this true (retro) time
jumps in ratio? A slowing of our normal lineal time?
No, the infusing into our aging world of a bright
energy, pouring everywhere, sparkling, vivifying the
living things and the unliving. We would see a living
energy, a sort of shining sap which pours all over,
sparkles; and it changes whatever it fluxes itself into
like a plasma of n-ions. This is time, true time, plus
energy time. It would roll back the accretions which
are false, that is, it would roll back the least-Being

accretions ... it would add vitality to the Real, and
cause the false totally to disappear, as if never there.
This is time beginning to reverse itself: a direction.
Experienced as energy to Being, as disappearance of
the irreal/illusion.

"These slowings and reversals would come in
spurts. Not in a lineal fashion; that aspect is of wrong-
way time. It would be like childbirth: in surges of
energy outward onto the world. At Spring the cyclic
life is at its peak; so reverse time would tend to peak
with it.

"And we'd have—for those who were influxed
directly—the eerie feeling that the clock had been
turned back... hundreds, maybe thousands of years,
depending on how much of this energy—and it is
energy—infused each of them. Each would vary from
the others touched; moved backward—receiving more.
It has a quantity (years back) and quality: what one
sees qualitatively.

The U.S. Intelligence psychiatric profile on Dr. HK
shows that "he was taken over by Dionysus thus lift-
ing him outside time & space," etc., like Nietzsche, but
regards the experience as real.

Always, what Zagreus-Dionysus* fears is that they
will pen him up, not that they will kill him, after all, he
is immortal. He must (one) either display his true
strength and escape, or (two) submit and die; either way
he is free. He has chosen to submit, in order to conceal
his existence; and also they are "civilizing" him, teach-
ing him that he should do that. But he comes to those
snared like a small animal: in a trap, and becomes
them. Dionysus was member of a visiting expedition.
Had qualities of naivety and curiosity, was lured in by

See Zagreus in Glossary.

humans to their "game," was gulled and slain. Now he
doesn't know his name (Parsifal, Christ, Siegfried).
They murdered him—in fact they lured him to obtain
what he had with him (whatever). Our ancestors. So
their expedition went on and left him behind, left him
here among us. He wasn't as sophisticated; couldn't
watch detached or disinterestedly as the rest in his
party did. Maybe he was younger than they in the
party: a youth, a child, born on the star-flight... hence
so naive. Human (adults) were more worldlywise than
he. Now he can't be trained by his own race, must be
reborn here in us (they are free of the slaying power of
runaway linear time; this is why he is immortal or eter-
nal; it is how we ought to be and can be again). Their
expedition entered our world from outside the linear
runaway time dysfunction. Dion migrated forward in
lineal time, becoming civilized, "growing up," into
Zagreus and Orpheus and especially Christos. After that
he ceased, (that was the perfection of his entelechy, but
we'll say that no growth took place in Being time on
this world after 100 AD., as reason). He returns as
Christos; this is why he talked about "sending the Sec-
ond Helper," but meant himself, secretly. He had been
murdered so often—the prone corpse in fawn garment,
murdered—that he had learned to conceal himself...
and the best way was to forget (Lethe) who he was, so he
couldn't by accident blurt it out, as he had done as Jesus.

Fear of imprisonment over all; if arrested, he'd
rather bait the authorities (e.g. Pilate) into "killing"
him, which would free him, rather than languish in
small cage like trapped animal. He has affinity to
small trapped animal because of what was done to
him (in his natural form he is small: an infant, and

* Possibly a short form of "Dionysus", or an invented name for the god
as avatar.

vulnerable). (So he is the God of the vulnerable and
trusting, and especially the snared; those helpless in
traps). The fawn, the lamb .. .those gulled by curiosity
and childishness, wishing to play (with those older
and more experienced).

The God of innocence. Now he has forgotten his
name, but his nature—and powers—remain. Occasion-
ally anamnesis returns.

He is in many of us (in pro tag. of this novel). But
mainly he is the cyclothemic person—oscillating
between moods of tenderness and fury. Intoxication
and sorrow.

Dion was premey* (v.). He isn't Jesus; he is Elijah
and John the Baptist; meets Jesus the Christos who is a
later incarnation, a more mature one... Dionysus is too
wild (protag.'s research had led him to think they're all
one, culminating in Jesus; there are at least two of them,
and it is Dion who takes him personally over).

(c. 1974-75)

Fat** later developed a theory that the universe is
made out of information. He started keeping a jour-
nal—had been, in fact, secretly doing so for some time.
His encounter with God was all there on the pages in
his—Fat's—not God's—handwriting.

The term "journal" is mine, not Fat's. His term
was "exegesis," a theological term meaning a piece of
writing that explains or interprets a portion of scrip-
ture. Fat believed that the information fired at him
from time to time was holy in origin & hence a form
of scripture.

* Possibly short for premature—as in a premature or penultimate avatar
(as the paragraph argues).

** Horselover Fat, the alter ego of fictional character Phil Dick in VALIS
(1981), for which this is a draft.

One of his paragraphs impressed me enough to
copy it out & include it here.

"Summary, (etc—v. tractate)"*

Fat developed a lot of unusual theories to account
for his contact with God, & the information derived
therefrom. One in particular struck me as thought-pro-
voking. It amounted to a kind of mental capitulation
by Fat to what he was undergoing; this theory held
that in actuality he wasn't experiencing anything at
all. Sites of his brain were being selectively stimulated
by tight energy-beams emanating from far off, per-
haps millions of miles away. These selective brain site
stimulations generated in his head the impression—for
him—that he was seeing & hearing words, pictures, fig-
ures of people, in short God, or as Fat liked to call it,
the Logos. But, really, he only imagined he experi-
enced these things. They resembled holograms. What
struck me was the oddity of a lunatic discounting his
hallucinations in this sophisticated manner; Fat had
intellectually dealt himself out of the game of mad-
ness while still enjoying its sights & sounds. In effect,
he no longer claimed that what he experienced was
really there. Did this indicate he had begun to sober
up? Hardly. Now he held the view that "they" or God
or someone owned a long-range very tight informa-
tion-rich beam of energy focused on Fat's head. In
this I saw no improvement, but it did represent a
change. Fat could now honestly discount his hallucina-
tions, which meant he recognized them as such. But,
like Gloria, he now had a "they." It seemed to me a

* This line represents a note by PKD to himself to find (in the EXEGESIS)
or fashion a suitably meaningful quote as regarded Fat's beliefs. The
reference to "v." [vide] "tractate" is, apparently, to the "Tractates Cryptica
Scriptura" that forms an "Appendix" to VALIS and contains fifty-two
numbered entries summarizing key theories and insights discussed at
greater length in the EXEGESIS.

pyrrhic victory. Fat's life struck me as a litany of
exactly that, as for example the way he had rescued
Gloria.

The exegesis Fat labored on month after month
struck me as a pyrrhic victory if there ever was one—
in this case an attempt by a beleaguered mind to
make sense out of the inscrutable. Perhaps this is the
key to mental illness: incomprehensible events occur—
your life becomes a bin for hoax-like fluctuations of
what used to be reality, & not only that—as if that
weren't bad enough—you, like Fat, ponder forever
over these fluctuations in an effort to order them into
a coherency. When in fact the only sense they make is
the sense you impose on them, out of the necessity to
restore everything into shapes & processes you can rec-
ognize. The first thing to depart in mental illness is
the familiar.

& what takes its place is bad news because not
only can you not understand it, you also cannot com-
municate it to other people. The madman experiences
something. But what it is or where it comes from he
does not know.

In the midst of his shattered landscape Fat
imagined God had cured him. Once you notice pyr-
rhic victories they seem to abound.*

Either he had seen God too soon, or he had seen
him too late. In any case it had done him no good at
all in terms of survival. Encountering the living God
had not helped to equip him for the tasks of ordi-
nary endurance, which ordinary men, not so
favored, handle.**

Men & the world are mutually toxic to each other.

* The preceding paragraphs appear, in slightly different form, In chapter

two of VALIS (1981).

** This paragraph appears in chapter four of VALIS.

But God—the true God—has penetrated both, pene-
trated man & penetrated the world, & sobers the land-
scape. But that God, the God from outside, encounters
fierce opposition. Frauds—the deceptions of madness-
abound, & mask themselves as their mirror opposites:
pose as sanity, the masks, however, wear thin, & the
madness reveals itself. It is an ugly thing.

The remedy is here but so is the malady. As Fat
repeats obsessively, "the Empire never ended." In a star-
tling response to the crisis, the true God mimics the
universe, the very region he has invaded; he takes on
the likeness of sticks & trees & cans in gutters—he pre-
sumes to be trash discarded, debris no longer noticed.
Lurking, the true God literally ambushes reality & us
as well. God, in very truth, attacks & injures us, in his
role as antidote. As Fat can testify to, it is a scary expe-
rience to encounter this. Hence we say, the true God is
in the habit of concealing himself. 25 hundred years
have passed since Heraclitus wrote, "Latent form is
the master of obvious form."

At Y, the entity inc. me, evolves into its ultimate
state (self), the info-firing, quasi-material, quasi-energy
plasmatic nonhumanoid life form I call Zebra—from
perhaps thousands or millions of years in the future.
By then ("Y") it is virtually pure knowing, pure infor-
mation (& firing it back at/to me). It has died for the
last time & now invades from "the other side" (upper
realm) as well as from the future.

This fits in with the "paranormal crisis discloses
paranormal powers" & the hiding of those powers
overruled by the life-threatening situation; this clearly

states that I possess the powers. "I know, too"—i.e., am
one of them.

I arranged for my own 2-74 disinhibition.

It's not Jim* come back from the other side but me;
& once I was an Essene. But it is indeed from the
other side, no longer humanoid, & it's in me now: I
am right now it. "We shall see him as he really is & we
shall be like him"—not him like us. This is a little dif-
ferent from saying "It's ourselves in the future"; this
says Zebra is specifically me.

Fat's obsessive idea these days, as he worries
more & more about Sherri, was that the Savior would
soon be reborn—or had been already. Somewhere in
the world, he walked or would soon walk the earth.
Once more." (1978)

Bishop Timothy Archer.***
Mary Ann Domingo. Mother of

Vince Domingo.

Lora Domingo. Vince's wife. S.W.P. [Socialist Work-
ers Party].

Vince is chairman of the Save the Marin County
Three Committee (3 alleged (Black) terrorists[).] Time:
1970: Place: San Rafael.

Mary Ann works for the Dept. of Labor as an edi-
tor of government pamphlets.****

Vince wants Bishop Archer to speak at 3-C rally in
behalf of civil rights & anti-war. Great hostility

* Bishop James A. Pike.

** This paragraph appears in slightl;y different form in VALIS.

*** This character is based on Bishop James A. Pike.

****This was a job actually held by PKD's mother, Dorothy Hudner, In

the mid-1930's.

between his S.W.P. wife Lora & his mother, but his
mother agrees to write the letter to Bishop Archer.
Mary Ann is actually working for U.S, G-2.* She
becomes Bishop Archer's mistress to compromise him
(because of his anti-war & pro civil rights stand).
Bishop Archer is killed in an auto crash in either San
Francisco or in the Golden Gate Bridge or Marin
County; she was driving. Later she commits suicide.

The Zadokite Scrolls.**

There is a dig in the Dead Sea area by Catholic
archaeologists. They've unearthed scrolls predating
Xtianity of a strictly Jewish sect. Not considered an
important find but Bishop Archer has talked to the
translator & confides in Vince—who is an atheist—that
the scrolls convince Archer that there was no historic
Jesus. Archer intends to step down as bishop. He is
being tried on charges of heresy, for denying the trin-
ity. Then before he can make his public statement
regarding Jesus & the Zadokite document he dies in
the auto crash. Few people (1) know what is in the
Zadokite document & (2) that Archer was going to step
down & what he was going to say—he was going to
convert to Judaism,

Sid Herz, orthodox Jewish friend of Vince, based
on Avram Davidson.*** Bishop Archer meets him
through Vince.

Part one of the novel: 1970, the anti-war move-
ment. (1970). Bishop Archer.

Part two: After the Vietnam War. Bishop Archer &
Mary Ann are dead. 1981, i.e., the present. Vince is no
longer politically active (for some reason) finds evi-

* A branch of U.S. Army intelligence.
** These are a fictional creation by PKD.
***Science-fiction writer and friend of PKD.

dence that his mother murdered Bishop Archer. He
has nervous breakdown as a result.

Micky Hilliard—his therapist.

Summary: He imagines that he is his dead friend
Bishop Archer, who has returned to him from "the
other side" (of the grave). Vince "must tell the world
that he—Bishop Archer—was murdered by the U.S. gov-
ernment acting through Mary Ann, the Bishop's secret
mistress." To verify that he is indeed Bishop Archer,
Vince knows (or believes he knows) the contents of the
Zadokite Document. Only the Catholic Church, which
possesses the still-untranslated document, is in a posi-
tion to confirm this.

Father Shirm, who translated the scrolls. Friend of
Bishop Archer. Will he confirm what Vince says? This
will implicate not only Mary Ann (who is dead) but
U.S. G-2 as well, & they are not dead.

Vince, who may be psychotic, believes that U.S.
G-2 assassins now plan to kill him (or "kill him
again," as it were). Only Lora believes him—at least
the political part.

But the real issue (actually) is the Zadokite docu-
ment & its implications. Vince wants his friend Sid
Herz to publish it (or what he claims is it) in a little
Zionist rag that Herz puts out. All Vince really cares
about is getting the Zadokite material published.

Herz's office is destroyed by "KKK/Nazis" in the
L.A. area. Vince suspects the U.S. government.

For this novel to work, it must be the case that
what Vince wants Sid to publish is exactly what
Bishop Archer planned to publish—but was killed in
the auto crash before he could publish it. Bishop
Archer had access to the media (of course), but Vince
does not; viz: Archer was a widely-known figure;
Vince is a lunatic & not known to anyone. Vince has
no connections whatever.

Only the Catholic Church can confirm what Vince
alleges is the articles of the Zadokite Document,
known to Bishop Archer.

Resolution: The Church decides that the value of
saving an innocent man (Vince) from the condemna-
tion that he is insane & probable murder by U.S. G-2,
as Bishop Archer was (murdered) is more important
than protecting Jesus' image; & Father Shirm is
instructed by the Vatican to release the text of the
Zadokite Scrolls.

Ending: Father Shirm says to Vince, "I believe you
are Timothy Archer. It is a miracle." U.S. G-2 gives up.
Vince is released from the mental institution due to
Micky Hilliard.

Herz publishes (the Zadokite document); the Cath-
olic Church confirms it is authentic. They (the Catho-
lic Church) are the only ones in a position to confirm,
since it is they who possess the scrolls. This is the
essence of Xtianity: truth & the life & vindication of
one man—even a man who is a heretic—is more
important than saving the whole edifice (of the
Church); thus the Church proves its right to hold the
keys to the Kingdom, &, by extension, validates Jesus
& the teachings of Christ himself as the basis of the
Church, since he & his teachings are its basis. There is
now no point in U.S. G-2 killing or discrediting Vince.
(n.: it is hopeless to try to discredit him in the face of
an officially authenticated miracle[)]. The Church is
pitted against the secular authorities, & the Church
wins; & Vince is saved. & the truth—the Zadokite docu-
ment—is published, Bishop Archer got what he
returned for—i.e., wanted. Vince's fear & paranoia
become trust, & he splits with Lora who, as a SWP-er,
is still hostile & suspicious & an atheist. (1981)

Bishop Tim Archer.

I'm going to assign to him as his major view my
Commedia* 3-coaxial realms view (as expressed in my
Metz speech & which were going to be the basis for
the 3rd novel in the Valis trilogy). He has been study-
ing the Commedia & Sufi teachings, also Quantum
mechanics (which he does not understand but none-
theless prattles on about). He is convinced that
Dante's 3 realms (Inferno, Purgatorio & Paradiso) are
available in this life; & here he gets into Heidegger &
Dasein (this makes historical sense, since Heidegger
very much influenced Tillich, etc., contemporary Prot-
estant theory).

Now, how does this relate to his later involvement
with the Zadokite Document & the Anokhi mush-
room?** The Zadokite sect knew how to get in to the
Paradiso realm (alternate reality) in which Christ is here.
(This clearly relates to Allegro's "hallucination" the-
ory;*** likewise Hoffman's ROAD TO ELEUSIS.)**** It is
quite simply the restored reality, & is potentially
always available. What I want to stress is that none of
these ideas is original with Bishop Archer. So I must
invent a writer-scholar-philosopher-theoretician who
advances this theory about the Commedia in his
book(s), his published writing— something con-
nected with California outre theorizing.

In other words from the beginning Bishop Archer

* The reference here is to the cosmological structure of the DIVINE

COMEDY of Dante.

** To PKD, the Hebrew word anokhi represented pure consciousness of

the divine. The fictional anokhi mushroom would—perhaps—provide such

consciousness to one who ingested it.

*** See John W. Allegro, THE SACRED MUSHROOM AND THE CROSS

(1968).

****See R. Gordon Wasson, Carl A. P. Ruck, Albert Hoffman, THE ROAD

TO ELEUSIS: UNVEILING THE SECRET OF THE MYSTERIES (1978). Co-author

Hoffman is the Swiss chemist who in 1943 discovered LSD).

is searching for Christ. The "Dante" formulation ini-
tially provides him with a theoretical framework as to
how it can be done (or he thinks this is how it can be
done. Now, he drops all this—& the California writer
who is based on Alan Watts, in favor of the Zadokite
scrolls & the anokhi mushroom; this is typical of him. I
would have built on the first, constructed a synthesis,
but this is not how Jim worked; he rushed from one
thing to the next looking; this California writer is a
Sufi. Edgar Barefoot is his name. This is set in the Bay
Area. Bishop Archer meets Barefoot; they become col-
leagues: an Episcopal Bishop & a Sufi guru living on a
house boat at Pier 5 in Sausalito. The name of all this
is making God (or, as with Archer, Christ)
immediately available to you as a living experience.

There is a certain quality of Jack Isidore* in Bishop
Archer: The capacity to believe anything, any pseudo-
science as theosophy. The "fool in Christ," naive &
gullible &—rushing from one fad to another, typical of
California.

The Zadokite Document (scrolls) convinces Bishop
Archer—who had devoted his life to "reaching across
to the living Christ" (which makes sense given the fact
that he is after all a Bishop—that Christ was "irrele-
vant" there is something more important. The exposi-
tor of the 200 BCE Zadokite Sect.

Archer's involvement with Barefoot is "Ecumeni-
cal," but with the Zadokite & Anokhi mushroom stuff
he has ecumenically called himself out of Xtianity
entirely. Barefoot is crushed, heartbroken—an exam-
ple of the casualties Archer leaves along the road
behind him in his speed-rush Faustian quest, always
exceeding itself, surpassing itself (it is really Dionysus

The "fool" protagonist in the PKD novel CONFESSIONS OF A CRAP
ARTIST (1975).

that has hold of him). Barefoot, Calif guru that he is,
acts as a rational stable counterpoint to Archer's
frenzy. Barefoot is authentically what he seems to be,
claims to be: a spiritual person & teacher; he is not a
fraud. He is always being demolished in discussions
by other more formal thinkers, e.g. those at UC Berke-
ley, e.g. on KPFA. But—like Watts—he has his follow-
ers. He is really quite systematic & rigorous in his
thinking. He does not foresee Archer suddenly aban-
doning him & flying off to Europe vis-a-vis the Zadok-
ite scrolls—he, the Sufi, the non-xtian, is horrified
when Archer turns his back on Christ. Archer declares
that now he has found the true religion (at last). This
very concept ("the true religion") is foreign to Bare-
foot in fact that is one of his fundamental views: that
all religions are equally valuable.

Ah. Archer has expropriated Barefoot's views &
peddled them as his own. Barefoot does not mind; he
just wants the views per se to be promulgated.

What has happened is, Archer has grown weary of
Barefoot's "Dante's 3 Realms right here" view,
because there is no clear (i.e. easy) way to get to the
top realm; Archer has become impatient & restless, &,
before he learns of the Zadokite find, is discontented,
is casting about for a new involvement. Barefoot was
dumped before Archer latched on to the Zadokite
stuff—it just didn't show.

So when we meet Bishop Archer he is already
involved in a fusion of Heidegger & Sufism—this
means that the book will deal with California gro-
tesques, which is okay. This is how we encounter him,
like the grownups in "The Cherry Orchard."

Barefoot claims actually to have experienced the 3

Drama by Anton Chekhov.

Realms. I will assign to him my "evasion equals time;
Dasein* equals space" view. Archer can't get the hang of
it & wearies of trying; it takes too long. He wants instant
solutions. The Anokhi mushroom will do.

This is how the young female protagonist meets
Jeff Archer: in one of Barefoot's seminars on his
Sausalito houseboat. Maybe I won't use flashbacks.
(Remember: Jeff is based on me.) (1) (No—he has
[name deleted] sense of humor: he is like one of the
dopers in "Scanner"—funny & wonderful—like [name
deleted]—Ernie Luckman.) Jeff is there to try to figure
out what his father the Bishop is talking about. Has
Bishop Archer met his mistress yet?

Her name: Angel Gale. Based on [name deleted].
She lives in Berkeley. I've never set a novel in Berke-
ley. Could she work in a record store & be into music?
Based, too, on [name deleted]. Calm, rational.

The mistress: Kirsten Lundborg, efficient but sar-
castic & bitter.

Jeff has the sort of brilliant hebephrenic humor of
[name deleted] and [name deleted], up until the
moment he kills himself. In contrast, Bill Lundborg is
melancholy & emotional, filled with Sturm und Drang.

Like Angel, Jeff is into music, so they have a lot in
common. He has an apartment on Protrero Hill. Has a
male roommate who is a fag poet, [...] Sid Fitzpatrick.

Gay bar in S.F.: the Bloody Mary.

Dike friend of his based on [name deleted]: Connie
Goldstein. She develops a crush on Angel.

Angel supposes that Jeff's problem (he has a prob-
lem he won't talk about) is that he is gay or fears he is
gay; but in fact she is dead wrong; he is in love with
Kirsten, his father's mistress.

*See note on page 108.

The basic story: Zagreus has seized control of
Bishop Archer & drives him to his ruin. Whereupon
Zagreus leaves the Bishop & enters Bill Lundborg. But
in exchange for madness & death—the dues that
Zagreus exacts—he confers a vision of Perfect Beauty
(Pythagorean Kosmos).

So I have the Bay Area gay community, the Bay
Area "Alan Watts KPFA" community, poetry & reli-
gion (non-xtian) & music & some dope. But this is not
the doper subculture! They are all intellectuals except
for Connie.

How about a Trot [Trotskyite] too, to bring in radi-
cal politics? Angel: former husband Hampton Squires.
Has a Russian friend whose real name is Nicholas
Kaminsky, but he uses the name of Len Jones. Angel
suspects him of being KGB. He owns a restaurant on
San Pablo Ave. in Berkeley & is based on [name
deleted].

& a black guy [names deleted], Maury Rivers; he is a
painter & bum. Angel is living in the little old house
on Dwight Way off Sacramento that she & her hus-
band owned.

(1981)

Chapter Six

Political and Ecological
Concerns

Philip K. Dick

1405 Cameo Lane #4

Fullerton

Calif 92631

July 8, 1974: The First Day
of the Constitutional Crisis.*

But the state of things is so dreary here in the
U.S.—they say the elderly and poor are eating canned
dogfood, now, to stay alive, and the McDonald ham-
burgers are made from cows' eyes. The radio also says
that today when Charles Colson, the President's for-
mer counsel, went into jail he still wore his Richard
M. Nixon tieclasp. "California dreaming is becoming a

* This selection does form a part of the EXEGESIS, but due to the letter
formal in which it was written, it has also been included in THE SELECTED
LETTERS OF PHILIP K. DICK-1974, Underwood-Miller, 1991.

reality," is a line from a Mama's & the Papa's song of a
few years ago, but what a dreadful surreal reality it is:
foglike and dangerous, with the subtle and terrible
manifestations of evil rising up like rocks in the
gloom. I wish I was somewhere else. Disneyland,
maybe? The last sane place here? Forever to take Mr.
Toad's Wild Ride and never get off?

The landscape is deformed out of recognition by the
Lie. Its gloom is everywhere, and we encounter nothing
we recognize, only familiar things without the possibil-
ity of accurate identification. There are only shocks,
until we grow numb, are paralyzed and die. When I sud-
denly stopped believing in the Lie I did not begin to
think differently—I saw differently, as if something was
gone from the world or gone from between me and the
world which had always been there. Like a scrambling
device that had been removed: deliberate scrambling.
All, suddenly, was clear language. God seemed to seek
me out and expressed things through things and what
took place. Everywhere I saw signs along a path, mark-
ing His presence.

Any lying language creates at once in a single
stroke a pseudo-reality, contaminating reality, until the
Lie is undone. As soon as one lies one becomes sepa-
rated from reality. One has introduced the falsifica-
tion oneself. There is one thing no one can force you
to do: to lie. One only lies for one's advantage. It is
based on an inner decision invisible to the world. No
one ever says to you, "Lie to me." The enemy says,
You will do and believe certain things. It is your own
decision to falsify, in the face of his coercion. I am not
sure this is what the enemy wants or anyone [sic; any-
how?] the usual enemy. Only a Greater Enemy, so to
speak, would want that, one with greater objectives,
and a clearer idea of what the ultimate purpose of all
motion is.

Sometime in the past, about three months ago, I
must have become aware for the first time in my life
that the cause of misery was the Lie and that the
enemy, the real enemy, was a liar. I remember some-
where along the line saying loudly, "He is a liar; he is
a liar," and feeling it to be very important, that discov-
ery. I forget—or rather I guess it does not matter—what
specific lie by which person made it all change. There
was a person, there was a lie. A week after I realized
that with no possibility of evading it everything
altered radically for me, and the world began to talk,
in a true language of signs: silently. The Lie had
slipped away. The Lie deals with talk, written or spo-
ken. Now it's gone. Something else shines forth at last.
I see the cat watching it at night, for hours. He has
seen it all his life; it is the only language he knows.

I think a lot about my early childhood and remem-
ber events in it vividly, which I guess is a sure sign of
senility. Also events that took place within the past
ten years seem dim and not really a part of me. Their
sadness is gone: used up. I encounter new fresh
sadnesses in my remote past, like stars that burst into
life when I notice them. When I pass on, they again
are forgotten. Usually, however, senility is a gradual
process; mine came on abruptly when I noticed the
cat trying to discern what was causing me pain (I had
stomach flu) and then what he could do to help me.
He finally got up on my abdomen transversely and
purred. It helped, but then when he jumped down the
pain returned, whereupon the cat got up again. He lay
on me for hours, purring, and finally the disturbed
rhythm of my stomach began to match the pace of his
purrs, which made me feel much better. Also the sight
of his jowly face gazing down at me with concern, his
keen interest in me his friend—that changed me, to
suddenly open my eyes (I had been lying for an hour

on the couch) and see his concerned large furry face,
his attention silently fixed on me. It was not an illu-
sion. Or, put another way, his field of energy, his
strength, was at that moment greater than mine,
small as he was, since mine had dimmed from the flu
and his was as always. Perhaps his soul was at that
unusual moment, that critical moment, stronger than
mine. It is not usual for a small animal's soul to be
larger than a man's. He warmed me and I recovered,
and he went his way. But I changed. It is an odd senil-
ity, to be comforted and healed by a small animal who
then goes on as always, leaving you different. I think
of senility as a loss of contact, a drop in perception, of
the actual reality around one. But this was true and in
the present. Not a memory.

The Constitutional guarantees of our country have
been suspended for some time now, and an assault
has begun on the checks and balances structure of the
government. The Republic is in peril; the Republic
has been in peril for several years and is now cut
away almost to a shadow of itself, barely functioning.
I think they are carving it up in their minds, deciding
who sits there forever and ever, now. In the face of
this no one notices that virtually everything we
believed in is dead. This is because the people who
would have pointed this out are dead: mysteriously
killed. It's best not to talk about this. I've tried to list
the safe things to talk about, but so far I can't find
any. I'm trying to learn what the Lie is or what the
Lies are, but I can't even discern that any more. Per-
haps I sense the Lie gone from the world because evil
is so strong now that it can step forth as it is without
deception. The masks are off.

But nevertheless something shines in the dark
ahead that is alive and makes no sound. We saw it
once before, but that was a long time ago, or maybe

our first ancestors did. Or we did as small children. It
spoke to us and directed and educated us then; now
perhaps it does so again. It sought us out, in the cli-
max of peril. There was no way we could find it; we
had to wait for it to come to us.

Its sense of timing is perfect. But most important
it knows everything. It can make no mistakes. It must
be back for a reason. (8 July 1974)

I can suppose no explanation but the Gnostic one.
Creation is not only irrational, it is only semi-real or
even only seeming; "rational," then, signifies real;
"irrational" signifies, irreal. Here lies the ontological
value of Gnostic knowing—Gnosis itself. "Knowing"
signifies "knowing that the irreal is irreal" & being
able, then, to counter-distinguish the truly real (these
categories relate to Pan-Indian doctrines of Maya =
The Grand Illusion both inner & outer). What must be
realized is that, like hallucination, the merely seeming
can exert decisive power over you, & it is precisely
this deplorable state (of ignorance & hence enslave-
ment) that is reversed by Gnosis.

Now about Tagore.* He is Lord Krishna. His pres-
ence here signifies two things, one good (rescue, extri-
cation) the other bad (terrible danger; the on-going
destruction of the ecosphere). This is, time of need;
Tagore alerts us to our peril, warns us of the conse-
quences to us & to him—Holy Wisdom; we will kill
him & cause him to depart thus we have a clear

On 17 September 1981, PKD experienced a hypnagogic vision of a
world savior named Tagore who was living in Sri Lanka. In a 23 September
1981 letter (which was ultimately published in the fanzine Niekas) PKD
described Tagore as "burned and crippled" and "dying voluntarily: Tagore
has taken upon himself mankind's sins against the ecosphere."

choice. This has a non-oriental Zoroastrian quality.
We choose good or evil, &, in choosing, choose life &
God or death & God; forsaking us; Jesus: This is like
the O.T.! YHWH often speaks thus to Israel through
the prophets!

Ach; this perforce makes me a Biblical prophet:
"Cease your evil ways or good will abandon you (i.e.
the world); & you will destroy yourselves." & the N.T.
comes into it as well in that our evil actions injure
God—we again "crucify" him—&, in true N.T. fashion,
he has taken on our sins (in the form of passion &
death) voluntarily, this incarnation leading to his suf-
fering & death is not forced on him, he is here for this
reason as a protest, to awaken us to what we are
doing; vis: if we understand that in wounding the eco-
system we wound God, we may—should thereby—
know to cease.

Hence, I see Judeo-xtian themes here, quite beyond
Pan-Indian, & I continue to identify Tagore with
Christ (yet still he is Lord Krishna, paradoxically).

My perception of this in terms of Teilhard [de
Chardin]: point omega & the noosphere correlates my
total exegesis, my 2-3-74 experience & VALIS with Tagore
& his mission as vox [voice] & anima of the ecosphere.

But the final ultimate purpose of VALIS & DI is not to
analyze or report but to predict, as John the Baptist
(Elijah) did 2000 years ago: the imminent coming—i.e.,
return—of the Savior. This is clear from the internal evi-
dence of the two novels. What this makes me think is:
remember how when Tom Disch visited me in 1974 I
strongly suspected that it was Elijah whose spirit had
taken me over (being then also the Baptist)?* I very soon

* PKD footnote: "i.e., 'Thomas' who so feared the Romans—well, they
killed the Baptist, garroted Thomas, which is to say, decapitated him there
in his little jail cell! Dio\ & it all happened to me at Passover!"

pondered the utterance derived from Scripture. Elijah
will return shortly before Christ returns, preparing the
way. Well, hence Elijah shows up in DIVINE INVASION &
his ability repeatedly to incarnate himself is discussed!

& ever since the eleventh grade I have heard the
still small (low, murmuring) voice.*

Let me say this: if you start with Tagore as the
premise & work backwards, 2-3-74—2-75 et al.
becomes logical: Elijah came, before the second
advent to prepare the way—no; not Elijah; the spirit
of Elijah! Now, if this be the case re 2-74—2-75, was it
futile? Well, I wrote the [VALIS] trilogy about it, &
have already gotten the first two into reasonably
good circulation, one [VALIS] a low-priced mass-distri-
bution paperback, the other [THE DIVINE INVASION] an
expensive hardback library edition, each read solo,
tells of the Savior coming.

It was not up to the Baptist to teach the xtian
kerygma but, rather, to announce the imminent com-
ing of the long-awaited Messiah. There is (in VALIS) a
vague kerygma but it is only guesswork (what Sophia
says, & she dies anyhow): the Savior is still yet to
come, at the end of VALIS, explicitly, as if she, too, like
the Baptist, only prepares the way "for one Creator."
("Who is yet to come.") Both novels are essentially
anticipatory! Even DI! Since in DI YHWH has come but
not disclosed to the world his presence (yet). (1981)

I must ask what God wants of me: to promulgate
Tagore's kerygma? or to sacrifice myself? As of today I
see only the latter as lying within my power; I do not
have the strength left for the former, so he cannot

* See note on page 62 herein.

want the former. I must emulate Tagore. The vision of
Tagore both is a kerygma & contains a kerygma. My
receiving it changes everything. It is no longer, "The
Savior is coming" but (& this is much more complex &
is new): "The Savior is here as the ecosphere; we are
crucifying him by wounding the ecosphere & if we do
not stop, he will depart this world & abandon us to
our doom." Thus the ecosphere is viewed as holy, sen-
tient, unitary, & its psyche is Christ himself. (1981)

Chapter Seven
TWO SELF-EXAMlNATIONS

Listening to the Platt tape* I construe by the logic pre-
sented that Valis (the other Mind) which came at me
from outside & which overpowered me from inside
was indeed the contents of my collective unconscious,
& so technically a psychosis, since this is how you
define psychosis (it certainly would explain the ani-
mism outside, & the interior dissociated activity) but—
well, okay; it would account for the AI voice, the 3
eyed sibyl, & the extreme archaicism of the contents.
& seeing Rome CAD** 45 would simply be psychotic
delusion—I did not know where or when I really was.
Q: What about the resemblance to my writing?

* In May 1979, Charles Platt interviewed PKD; the interview is included
in Plan's book DREAM MAKERS: THE UNCOMMON PEOPLE WHO WRITE
SCIENCE FICTION (1980). PKD made his own tape of the interview and
listened to it afterwards. As this selection indicates, listening to the tape
spurred him to intensive self-examination.
** Circa A.D.

A: The content was originally in my unconscious,
e.g., TEARS and UBIK.

Q: What about external events? The girl? The letters?

A: Coincidence.

Q: & the written material? Huge books held open?

A: Verbal memory.

Q: Why would I believe that my senses were
enhanced, i.e., I could see for the first time?

A: Psychotomimetic drugs indicate this happens
in psychosis.

Q: & Kosmos? Everything fitting together?

A: "Spread of meaning," typical of psychosis.

Q: Foreign words & terms I don't know?

A: Long-term memory banks open. Disgorging
their contents into consciousness.

Q: Problem solving—i.e., the xerox missive.

A: There was no problem; it was harmless.

Q: Why the sense of time dysfunction?

A: Disorientation.

Q: Why the sense that the mind which had taken
me over was wiser than me & more capable?

A: Release of psychic energy.

Q: Why was that mind & the whole experience syn-
tonic to me? If it was syntonic to my ego, why had it
been repressed?

A: My ego was destroyed, so "syntonic" has no
meaning here. Syntonic to what?

Q: From a practical standpoint I functioned better.
How could this be?

A: It only subjectively felt better. No anxiety.

Q: Why would I seek the experience again if it was
repressed contents breaking through? Could I not let
them through again, or never have excluded them fol-
lowing 3-74? The contents & the other mind leaked
away; I tried to hold onto them but in vain.

A: I was occluded to my own best interests. I liked
being high.

Q: Oh? "high"? Does psychosis equal high?

A: Mania. I am manic depressive.

Q: & schizophrenic? One is extraverted & one is
introverted. Please clarify.

A: Mixed or "borderline" psychosis.

Q: No, it was florid schizophrenia with religious
coloration. Not satisfactory.

A: Catatonic excitement, then.

Q: So the OCMH* diagnosis was incorrect? Not
manic depressive?

A: That is so. Incorrect.

Q: Why, then, was the onset one in which thought
came faster & faster? That is mania.

A: The lithium would have blocked mania. I was
lithium toxic.

Q: Then it wasn't schizophrenia; it was chemical
toxicity.

A: Perhaps. A combination. Plus the orthomolecu-
lar ws** vitamins.

Q: But the orthomolecular ws vitamins are anti-
schizophrenic.

A: That is only speculation.

Q: If 2-3-74 was psychosis, then what was the ego
state which it obliterated?

A: Neurotic. Or mildly Schizophrenia [sic]. Under
stress the weak ego disintegrates.

Q: Then how could the phobias associated with
my anxiety neurosis remain? e.g., agoraphobia?

A: It does not compute. Something is wrong. They

* Orange County Menial Health—an intake unit facility not far from his

Santa Ana, California apartment at which PKD intermittently sought

psychotherapy.

** ws = waler-soluble

should have gone away or become totally overwhelm-
ing. The impaired ego must have still been intact.

Q: Was my "dissociated" behavior bizarre?

A: No, they were problem-solving. It does not
compute.

A: Perhaps there were no real problems.

A: Not so. It was tax time.*

Q: What we are talking about then is inhibition
bypass behavior oriented toward crisis problem solving.

A: Yes.

Q: This is 180° opposed to any meaningful defini-
tion of psychosis. We can reason overwhelming by
unconscious material but there is no way to account
for it being more capable in terms of problem solving.
Skills were involved: adaptation to reality & not fugue
from. Fugue & adaptation are mutually opposed. One
cannot run from & solve simultaneously; these are dia-
metrically contrary movements, one away from, one
toward. We have to attribute the mutually exclusive
postures of retreat from pressing crisis problems &
motion toward problems & the expert solving thereof.
Please explain how an organism can simultaneously
flee & stand & fight.

A: The organism is compound, not simple. One
part fled & another part replaced it & problem-solved.

Q: Did the part that problem-solved do so success-
fully?

A: Yes.

Q: Could the part which fled have done a better
job if it had stayed in control?

A: No.

* PKD had, since the late 1960s, harbored fear of the IRS. In large
measure, this fear stemmed from his signing of the Ramparts Petition. See
Glossary. PKD did not file lax returns until the Vietnam War ended. Also,
in 1969, due lo past lax liabilities, the IRS seized his car.

Q: Then a part which had never had to deal with
reality proved more adaptive & effective.

A: It was adequate.

Q: On what basis did it act? Experience? Trial &
error?

A: On instinct. It knew what to do.

Q: Then it was ideally suited to the problem-solv-
ing required.

A: Yes, it matched it perfectly.

Q: This is not psychosis. This is reserve psyche
kept in readiness for a unique crisis problem.

A: Yes.

O: Q.E.D. You are talking about meta- or paranor-
mal functioning, not psychosis, which by definition is
incapable of adapting, problem-solving, reality-test-
ing. Did it test reality? Or did it withdraw?

A: It tested.

Q: This is null-psychosis. You have contradicted
yourself. This is a latent higher brain center. A psy-
chotic episode creates problems; it does not solve
them. It is a problem, as well as the collapse of ratio-
nal efforts at problem-solving. Were its decisions &
actions rational?

A: Although religious in coloration—

Q: That is not the issue. Were the problems solved?

A: Yes. But by a psychotic self.

Q: That is an oxymoron. A "psychotic self took
over & problem solved." This is where the inquiry has
led. The ego could not face or solve the crisis problem
because of its severity, fled, & in its place another self
solved the problem successfully. This leads us to a
new frontier which is not mapped.

A: Then the enigma remains.

Q: We have learned nothing.

A: Nothing.

Q: After finishing listening to the tape do you

have any intuition or guess as to who & what the Valis
mind is? (Later)

A: Yes. It is female. It is on the other side—the post
mortem world. It has been with me all my life. It is my
twin sister Jane. This was referred to in one dream, &
that is enough. "Specifically, fairies are the dead."
Two clues. This would explain why no one else has
had my experience. The other psyche I carry inside
me is that of my dead sister—v. DR. BLOODMONEY
when the situation is reversed, v. SCANNER."

1) It's another psyche in me. In my right hemi-
sphere. 2) It's female. 3) It's on the other side (after
death). 4) It's my tutelary spirit. What does this point
to? To my sister. (1979)

Q: Does someone (Divine) speak to me?

A: Yes.

Q: Do I remember (my true identity)?

A: Yes.

:. :. :this is Gnosticism. The voice that speaks is the
call. My true forgotten identity is primal man or a
spark thereof. & it is myself awakening myself.

Q: Did I see the many become the one?

A: Yes. I called it Valis.

:. :. : this is Gnostic restoration.

Q: Did I remember past lives?

A: Yes.

Q: & see infinite space?

A: Yes.

:. :. : I experience vast time & vast space. This is
Gnosticism.

Q: Did I see a prison around us?

A: Yes.

:. :. :This is Gnosticism.

After I wrote this (4 a.m.) I went to bed thinking,

"It is Gnosticism for sure." The explanation almost
fits—almost, & yet—it occurred to me then that a much
simpler & much more convincing explanation would
be that if was Christ, the real presence of the actual
Christ & an expression of the power of Christ to bind
& to loosen, to save, Christ as Pantocrator & eschato-
logical judge. (Hence the Good Friday & Easter over-
tones; hence the role of my moral act vis-a-vis
Covenant House).* (c. 1981)

PKD contributed funds to Covenant House, a New York-based shelter
for runaway and homeless children.

Chapter Eight

Three Closing Parables

For God did not make death & takes no pleasure in
the destruction of any living thing: he created all
things that they might have being. The creative force;
of the world make for life; there are no deadly poison
in them. Death is not King on Earth, for Justice is
immortal.

But the good man, even if he dies an untimely
death, will be at rest. For it is not length of life & num
ber of years which bring the honor due to age; if men
have understanding, they have gray hairs enough, &
an unspotted life is the true ripeness of age. There was
once a man who pleased God, & God accepted him &
took him while still living from among sinful men. He
was snatched away before his mind could be per-
verted by witchcraft or his soul deceived by falsehood
... in a short time he came to the perfection of a full
span of years. His soul was pleasing to the Lord, who
removed him from a wicked world. The mass of men
see this & give it no thought; they do not lay to heart

this truth, that those whom God has chosen enjoy his
grace & mercy, & that He conies to the help of his holy
people. Even after his death the just man grown old
in sin. Men see the wise man's end, without under-
standing: the Lord has purposed for him & why he
took him into safe keeping... then the just man shall
take his stand, full of assurance, to confront those
who oppressed him & made light of his sufferings. At
the sight of him there will be terror & confusion, &
they will be beside themselves to see him unexpect-
edly safe home. (1975)

This is not an evil world, as Mani supposed. There
is a good world under the evil. The evil is somehow
superimposed over it (Maya), and when stripped
away, pristine glowing creation is visible.

Did our ancestors go insane and cease to be able to
see what is there? The layers of veils of evil must be
stripped or washed away (waking up, the washing
away by the blood of the Lamb, baptism etc). To
awaken is to awaken to truth, also to beauty: to unity.
Delusion means to see lies, to see evil. Evil equals lies
equals evil equals delusion equals the unreal. God is
good, the world is good, we are like him, but some-
how we got estranged. Equally from world (!) as from
God. God equals world as seen properly (clearly). Who
deludes us? Vide Zimmer:* We ourselves weave the
webs of illusion; the unreal frightening masks are pro-
jections of our unaccepted portions of ourselves. They
are inside, projected out to become evil. When with-
drawn back into us, we see a lovely world.

We've got ugly and evil confused, frightening (to
us) and evil confused. Maybe all we mean by "evil" is

Heinrich Zimmer. See note on page 101.

ugly and frightening plus strange, beyond our under-
standing (which is limited). Evil is (are you ready?)
unnatural.

One day the contents of my mind moved faster
and faster until they ceased being concepts and
became percepts. I did not have concepts about the
world but perceived it without preconception or even
intellectual comprehension. It then resembled the
world of UBIK. As if all the contents of one's mind, if
fused, became suddenly alive, a living entity, which
took off within one's head, on its own, saw in its own
superior way, without regard to what you had ever
learned or seen or known. The principle of emer-
gence, as when nonliving matter becomes living. As if
information (thought concepts) when pushed to their
limit became metamorphosed into something alive.
Perhaps then in the outer world all the energy or infor-
mation when pushed far enough will do the same.
Fuse into something everywhere (the force Ubik) that
is sentient and alive. Then inner-outer, then-now,
cause-effect, all the antinomies will fade out. We will
see only a living entity at its ceaseless building: at
work. Creating. (Has continual creation almost
reached completion?) (Such dichotomies as big-small
me-not me will be transcended.) (1975)

Here is an example of hierarchical ranking. A new
ambulance is filled with gas and parked. The next day
it is examined. The finding is that its fuel is virtually
gone and its moving parts are slightly worn. This
appears to be an instance of entropy, of loss of energy
and form. However, if one understands that the ambu-
lance was used to take a dying person to a hospital
where his life was saved (thus consuming fuel and
somewhat wearing the moving parts of the ambu-

lance) then one can see that through hierarchical out-
ranking there was not only no loss but in fact a net
gain. The net gain, however, can only be measured
outside the closed system of the new ambulance. Each
victory by God as intelligence and will is obtained by
this escalation of levels of subsumation, and in no
other way. (1979)

AFTERWORD

I Understand Philip K. Dick

True stories have no beginnings and neither does the tale
of PKD's encounters with the Overmind. But we writers
understand narrative economy, and for purposes of nar-
rative economy his story seemed to him to begin with the
mysterious break in and riffling of his papers that was
made notorious by an article in Rolling Stone, which
brought Phil long-delayed and much-deserved fame. The
break-in date was 11/17/71. It was a date and a style of
referring to time that Phil used frequently.

I turned twenty-five the day before. It was no casual
birthday either. I met my natal day by sitting down and
sincerely preparing myself for an Apocatastasis, the final
Apocalyptic ingression of novelty, the implosion really,
of the entire multidimensional continuum of space and
time. I imagined the megamacrocosmos was going to go
down the drain like water out of a bathtub as the
hyperspatial vacuum fluctuation of paired particles that
is our universe collided with its own ghost image after
billions of years of separation. The Logos assured me that
parity would be conserved, all sub-atomic particles
except photons would cancel each other, and our entire

universe would quietly disappear. The only particles
that would remain, according to my fantastic expecta-
tion, would be photons, the universe of light would be
exposed at last, set free from the iron prison of matter,
freed from the awful physics that adhered to less uni-
tary states of being. All mankind would march into the
promised garden.

I felt I was well situated for the event as I, quite
consciously and deliberately, and to the concern of my
friends, had placed myself in the teeming, hallucinogen
saturated center of the largest garden I could find, the
trackless rain forest of the Upper Amazon Basin of
Colombia. My confidence in my vision was unshakable.
Had not the Logos itself lead me to this vision, not only
by revelation but by painstaking explanation? I had no
radio, no way to contact the outside world at all. Who
needed that? I knew with perfect clarity that the world of
time, the illusion of history was ending. Divine Parousia
was entering the world, and the just, the meek and the
humble were leaving their fields and factories, pushing
back their chairs from their office desks and work-
benches and walking out into the light of a living sun that
would never set for there could be no setting for the
eternal radiance of the Logos. Tears of joy streaming
down their cheeks, the illumined billions were turning
their eyes at last to the sky and finding there a consola-
tion that they had never dared hope for.

However, Nixon's weary world ignored the eschato-
logical opportunity I thought my brother's inspired fid-
dling with hyperspace had afforded. The world
continued grinding forward in its usual less than merry
way. There was only one small incident that might sub-
sequently be construed, even within the framework of
the schizoid logic that was my bread and butter then, to
support my position. Unknown to me, a struggling, over-
weight SF writer, an idol of mine since my teens, discov-
ered the next day that his house have been broken into,
his privacy violated by the Other. How peculiar that on
the first day of the new dispensation in my private

reformist calendar, he had been burglarized by extrater-
restrials, the CIA or his own deranged self in an altered
state. The torch had been passed, in a weird way the most
intense phase of my episode of illumination/delusion
ended right where Phil's began.

This raises some questions:

Can we refer to a delusional system as a folie a deux, if
the deux participants have never met and are practically
speaking, unaware of each others' existence?

Does the delusion of one visionary ecstatic validate the
delusion of another? How many deluded, or illuminated
ecstatics does it take to make a reality? PKD proved that it
only takes one. But two is better.

When my brother looked over the edge in the Amazon
and felt the dizziness of things unsaid in March of 1971,
he came back with two words bursting from his lips, "May
Day! May Day!"—the pilot's call of extreme emergency.

May Day found me in Berkeley sheltered by friends so
concerned about my state of mind that they considered
committing me. I was only a few miles from Phil, who was
rapidly going nuts too, as his psych admission of 3 May
'71 attests. It was always like that with PKD and me. We
never met but we lived around each other for years. In
Berkeley, we both lived on Francisco St. within five blocks
and a few years of each other. We both had roots in
Sonoma County, in Orange County. How many times
were we a table or two away from each other in the Cafe
Med? How many times did I hurry past him on the Ave on
some stoned errand? Later his homeopathic doctor was
my doctor. There is a garbled mention of me (or my
brother) on pg. 74 of this book.

Yah, yawn, the world is fuckin' strange, right bro?

Wrong. Or rather, of course, sure. But that is not the
point, the point is that I understand Philip K. Dick. I know
that sounds like hubris and if I am wrong I am sorry (as

* PKD lived at 1126, then a few years later and for six months I lived at
1624.

Phil says somewhere.) But part of the delusional system
in which I live contains and adumbrates the notion that I
know what happened to the poor dude. We shared an
affliction, a mania, sort of like Queequeg and Ishmael. And
like one of those whale chasing sailors "I alone escaped to
tell thee of it".

Phil wasn't nuts. Phil was a vortex victim.* Schizophre-
nia is not a psychological disorder peculiar to human
beings. Schizophrenia is not a disease at all but rather a
localized traveling discontinuity of the space time matrix
itself. It is like a travelling whirl-wind of radical under-
standing that haunts time. It haunts time in the same way
that Alfred North Whitehead said that the color dove grey
"haunts time like a ghost."

There is an idea that wants to be born, it has wanted
to be born for a very long time.** And sometimes that
longing to be born settles on a person. For no damn good
reason. Then you're "it," you become the cheese, and the
cheese stands alone. You are illuminated and maddened
and lifted up by something great beyond all telling. It
wants to be told. It's just that this idea is so damn big that
it can't be told, or rather the whole of history is the telling
of this idea, the stuttering rambling effort of the sons and
daughters of poor old Noah to tell this blinding, reality-
shattering, bowel-loosening truth. And Phil had a piece of
the action, a major piece of the action.

But I anticipate myself. Those who grasp a piece of the
action end up with two things on their plate; the experi-
ence and their own idiosyncratic explanation of the expe-
rience based on what they have read, seen and been told.

"ZEBRA (VALIS): 'a vortex of intelligence extending as a supra-temporal
field, involving humans but not limited to them, drawing objects & processes
into a coherency which it arranges into information. A FLUX of purposeful
arrangement of living information, both human & extra-human, tending to grow
& incorporate its environment as a unitary complex of subsumations.' "
(Pg. 72)

** "Okay, fertilization is what takes place: It isn't a seed such as a plant
has, but an egg such as a human woman ovulates, and cosmic spermatika
fertilizes it; a zygote is produced." (pg. 22.)

The experience is private, personal, the best part, and
ultimately unspeakable. The more you know the quieter
you get. The explanation is another matter and can be
attempted. In fact it must be told, for the Logos speaks and
we are its tools and its voice. Phil says a lot of things in the
Exegesis, he is aware that he says too much, so he keeps
trying to boil it down to ten points or twelve parts or
whatever. I have my own experience, equally unspeak-
able, and my explanation, equally prolix. Phil (sometimes)
thought he was Christ,* I (sometimes) thought I was an
extraterrestrial invader disguised as a meadow mush-
room. What matters is the system that eventually emerges,
not the fantasies concerning the source of the system.
When I compare Phil's system to mine, my hair stands on
end. We were both contacted by the same unspeakable
something. Two madmen dancing, not together, but the
same dance anyhow.

Truth or madness, you be the judge. What is trying to
be expressed is this: The world is not real. Reality is not
stranger than you suppose, it is stranger than you can
suppose. Time is not what you think it is. Reality is a
hologram.*** Being is a solid state matrix and psychosis is
the redemptive process ne plus ultra.**** The real truth is
splintered and spread throughout time. Appearances are

* "I am a homoplasmate: Zebra acting in syzygy with a human." (pg. 79

but also: "Did I do something? Absolutely. But I don't know what I did, so I

don't know who (so to speak) I am in the drama." (pg. 42.)

** "If the Logos is outside time, imprinting, then the Holy Spirit stands at

the right or far or completed end of time, toward which the field-flow moves

(the time flow). It receives time: the negative terminal, so to speak." (pg. 64.)

See also "If there is to be immortality, there must be another kind of time:

one in which past events (i.e., the past in its entirety) can be retrieved—i.e.,

brought back. I did experience such a time." (pg. 79.)

*** "It (reality) is a hologram. 1) My augmented sense of space proves it.

And 2) the information element; consisting of two parts: set and ground.

"All this points to: hologram. Based on two information-rich signals."
(pp. 98-99.)

**** "The Gospels, then, depict a sacred mythic rite outside of time, rather
than a historical event.

"Note: This whole process can be regarded as a psychological
transformation, that of a redemptive psychosis." (pg. 95.)

a vast and interlocking lie.* To finally know the Logos
truly, if that means anything, is to know it as for, as what
Phil called a "unified abstract structure." In a way this
was where PKD went wrong. It wasn't his fault. He saw-
that the world of 1975 was a fiction and behind that
fiction was the world of AD 45. But he lacked an essential
concept, lacked it because it really hadn't been invented
yet. Anyhow the man was a SF writer and a scholar of
classical philosophy, he could not be expected to stay in
touch with arcane discoveries beginning to take place on
the frontiers of research mathematics. But he got very
close, his intuition was red hot when he reached the
conclusion that a unified abstract structure lay behind
the shifting always tricky casuistry of appearances. The
concept he needed was that of fractals and fractal mathe-
matics. The infinite regress of form built out of forms of
itself built out of forms of itself ... unto infinity. The
principle of self similarity. Phil was right, time is not a
linear river. He was right, the Empire never ended. Par-
allel universes is too simple a concept to encompass what
is really going on. The megamacrocosmos is a system of
resonances, of levels, of endlessly adumbrated fun-house
reflections. PKD really was Thomas and Elijah and all the
other recursive concrescences that came together to
make the cat-loving fat man who compacted trash into
gold. The logic of being that he sought, and largely found,
was not an either-or logic but a both-and and and-and
kind of logic.

PKD was never more right than when he wrote:

"Probably the wisest view is to say: the truth—like the Self—is splintered
up over thousands of mile and years; bits are found here and there, then and
now, and must be recollected; bits appear in the Greek naturalists, in
Pythagoras, in Plato, Parmenides, in Heraclitus, Neo-Platonism,
Zoroastrianism, Gnosticism, Taoism, Mani, orthodox Christianity, Judaism,
Brahmanism, Buddhism, Orphism, the other mystery religions. Each religion
or philosophy or philosopher contains one or more bits, but the total system
interweaves it into falsity, so each as a total system must be rejected, .and
none is to be accepted at the expense of all the others..." (pp. 111-112)

I actually had to develop a love of the disor-
dered & puzzling, viewing reality as a vast rid-
dle to be joyfully tackled, not in fear but with
tireless fascination. What has been most
needed is reality testing, & a willingness to face
the possibility of self-negating experiences: i.e.,
real contradictions, with something being both
true & not true.

The enigma is alive, aware of us, & chang-
ing. It is partly created by our own minds: we
alter it by perceiving it, since we are not out-
side it. As our views shift, it shifts. In a sense it
is not there at all (acosmism). In another sense
it is a vast intelligence: in another sense it is
total harmonia and structure (how logically can
it be all three? Well, it is).*

One cannot learn these things. One can only be told
these things. And it is the Logos that does the telling. The
key is in the I Ching, which Phil loved and used but which
occupies a disappointingly small fraction of his rumina-
tions in the Exegesis.** Almost as if the counter flow, the
occluding intelligence, kept Phil's eyes diverted from the
key element necessary to the universal decipherment
that he was attempting. Time is a fractal, or has a fractal
structure. All times, moments, months and millennia,
have a pattern; the same pattern. This pattern is the
structure within which, upon which, events "undergo
the formality of actually occurring," as Whitehead used
to say. The pattern recurs on every level. A love affair, the
fall of an empire, the death agony of a protozoan, all
occur within the context of this always the same but ever
different pattern. All events are resonances of other
events, in other parts of time, and at other scales of
time.*** The mathematical nature of this pattern can be

* (pg. 91.)

** "MITHC seems to be a subtle, even delicate questioning of, what is

real? As if only the 2 books in it. GRASSHOPPER & the I CHING are really

the only actual reality. Strange." (pg. 181.)

*** "through anamnesis and restoration to the form realm you have

access to several space-time conlinua based on your universals." (pg. 102.)

known.* It can be written as an equation, just like the
equations of Schrodinger or Einstein.

The raw material, the Ur text, out of which this
mathematical pattern can be drawn is the King Wen
sequence of the I Ching. That is where the secret lies. In
the world's oldest book. Of course. Once possessed the
pattern can then be discerned everywhere. Of course. It
is ubiquitous. One of Phil's favorite words. I know this
because the Logos taught me the pattern and I escaped
the black iron prison of the world to tell thee of it. I have
published it, I have lectured it and have had it written
into software. My books are on the way, some with Phil's
old publisher Bantam. I would bet dollars to donuts that
if Phil had lived to see, to feel, and to understand what
this PKD-inspired servant of the Logos has managed to
drag home from the beach, he would embrace it. This
cannot be said without sounding like a madman or a
jackass. I am sorry about that. As Phil Dick said, "What's
got to be gotten over is the false idea that hallucination is
a private matter."**

What is important is that the birth of this idea is now
very near, has in fact already happened, and PKD showed
the way. The answer is found. And this incredible genius,

* The agent of creation (Logos or Forms, whatever called) is at the same
time the abstract structure of creation. Although normally unavailable to our
cognition and perception, this structure—and hence the agent of creation can
be known..." (pg. 125) Also,".. .this insubstantial abstract structure is reality
properly conceived. But it is not God. Here, multiplicity gives way to unity,
to what perhaps can be called a field. The field is self-perturbing; it initiates
its own causes internally; it is not acted on from outside", (pg. 127). Also,
"'The agent of creation is its own structure'. This structure must not be
confused with the multiplicity of physical objects in space and time governed
by causation; the two are entirely different. (The structure is insubstantial,
abstract, unitary and initiates its own causes internally, it is not physical and
cannot be perceived by the human percept-system sensibly; it is known
intelligibly, by what Plato called Noesis, which involves a certain ultimate
high-order meta-abstracting.)" (pg. 128). And finally: "I ...posit ontological
primacy to the insubstantial abstract structure, and, moreover, I believe that
it fully controls the physical spatiotemporal universe as its basis and cause."
(pg. 129)
** Pg-177

this gentle, long-suffering, beauty-worshipping man
showed the way. When it counted he was right. All hail
Philip K. Dick.

Terence McKenna

Occidental, California

June 1991

Terence McKenna, with his brother Dennis McKenna, wrote
The Invisible Landscape, 1975, which is scheduled to be reprinted
by Harper San Francisco in 1992. He is also the author of The
Archaic Revival: Essays and Conversations by Terence McKenna,
Harper San Francisco, 1991. His laboratory for exploring the
unified abstract structure of time was written into MS-DOS
software as Timewave Zero Version 4.0, from Dolphin Software,
48 Shalluck Sq. #147, Berkeley, CA 94704.

LIST OF PKD WORKS MENTIONED
WITH DATES OF FIRST PUBLICATION

Novels

SOLAR LOTTERY (1955)

EYE IN THE SKY (1956)

THE MAN WHO JAPED (1956)

THE COSMIC PUPPETS (1957)

TIME OUT OF JOINT (1959)

THE MAN IN THE HIGH CASTLE (1962)

THE GAME PLAYERS OF TITAN (1963)

THE PENULTIMATE TRUTH (1964)

MARTIAN TIME-SLIP (1964)

CLANS OF THE ALPHANE MOON (1964)

THE THREE STIGMATA OF PALMER ELDRITCH (1965)

DR. BLOODMONEY(1965)

THE UNTELEPORTED MAN (1966)

NOW WAIT FOR LAST YEAR (1966)

COUNTER-CLOCK WORLD (1967)

DO ANDROIDS DREAM OF ELECTRIC SHEEP? (1968)

GALACTIC POT-HEALER (1969)

UBIK (1969)

A MAZE OF DEATH (1970)

OUR FRIENDS FROM FROLIX 8 (1970)

WE CAN BUILD YOU (1972)

FLOW MY TEARS, THE POLICEMAN SAID (1974)
CONFESSIONS OF A CRAP ARTIST (1975)
DEUS IRAE (1976) (Collaboration with Roger Zelazny)
A SCANNER DARKLY (1977)
VALIS (1981)

THE DIVINE INVASION (1981)

THE TRANSMIGRATION OF TIMOTHY ARCHER (1982)
(RADIO FREE ALBEMUTH (1985)

Stories

"Impostor" (1962)
"Second Variety" (1953)
"Human Is" (1955)
"Precious Artifact" (1964)
"Retreat Syndrome" (1965)

"We Can Remember It For You Wholesale" (1966)
"Faith of Our Fathers" (1967)
"The Electric Ant" (1969)

THE PRESERVING MACHINE (story collection) (1969)
THE BEST OF PHILIP K. DICK (story collection) (1977)
"Frozen Journey" (1980) (later retitled "I Hope I Shall
Arrive Soon")

Nonfiction

THE DARK-HAIRED GIRL (1988) (letter and essay collec-
tion with special focus on early 1970s)

Glossary

SELECTED Significant Terms

The Exegesis roams through all of western and eastern
philosophy and religion. To thoroughly elucidate all con-
cepts discussed within it, a glossary would have to expand
to the size of a separate volume. The present Glossary limits
itself to the most vital terms utilized by PKD in the Exegesis
excerpts presented in this volume. In addition, personal
and otherwise inscrutable references by PKD are clarified.
For general subjects, such as Brahmanism, Buddhism,
Christianity, Gnosticism, Judaism, Platonic and Neopla-
tonic thought, Sufism, Zoroastrianism and the like, the
reader must turn to the numerous competent reference
works that are already available.

Those readers interested in studying reference works
that were of particular value to PKD may wish to begin by
perusing the philosophical and religious entries in the
BRITANNICA 3, which was PKD's most frequently utilized
reference source. Another favored reference work was the
four-volume ENCYCLOPEDIA OF PHILOSOPHY published by
Prentice-Hall. They should also seek out the works refer-
enced in the editorial footnotes that accompany the Exege-
sis selections in this volume.

Acosmism: A belief which denies the genuine existence of a
universe apart and distinct from God. PKD wrestled with this
belief but seldom embraced it, often positing instead a complex
separate universe in need of divine restoration. See Two-Source
Cosmology.

Acts: The Book of Acts in the New Testament. PKD often believed
that there was a significant overlap of spiritual content between
Acts and his own hovel, FLOW MY TEARS, THE POLICEMAN
SAID (1974). According to PKD, this overlap was completely
unconscious, as he had not read Acts at the time of writing TEARS
(1970-73). Thus, PKD would often analyze TEARS in the Exegesis
as a precursive confirmation of the spiritual validity of his 2-3-74
experiences.

AI Voice: Artificial Intelligence Voice. Terms coined by PKD to
name the hypnagogic voice that he heard often in 1974-75 and
intermittently in the years thereafter until his death. It is a
misleading term in that PKD did not consistently hold that the
voice was AI in nature. Most often, he described it as "female,"
and his theoretical attributions for it included the Gnostic god-
dess Sophia (see Sophia) and PKD's own sister Jane.

Anamnesis (Greek): Recollection; abrogation of amnesia. It is one
of the key concepts of Platonic philosophy. For Plato, anamne-
sis—recollection of the ultimate World of Ideas in which the soul
dwelled before incarnating in human form—explained the
human capacity for understanding abstract, universal truths,
such as the geometric theorems of Euclid. For PKD, anamnesis
served as one term by which to describe his encounter, in 2-3-74,
with what he regarded as a higher wisdom.

Ananke (Greek): The blindness that follows hubris (overweening
pride or self-absorption).

Black Iron Prison (BIP): PKD's term for the unredeemed (spiritu-
ally) and spurious (ontologically) world of everyday conscious-
ness. The reality that enchains us. See Orthogonal Time.

Crypte morphosis (Greek): Latent shape or form. In 1974, PKD
found himself thinking in Greek phrases (including this one)

during a hypnagogic state. He later related the concept of latent
shape to Fragment 51 (the Bow and the Lyre) of Heraclitus.

Dokos (Greek): Deception, lack of true perception. PKD employed
this term as a Greek cognate for the Sanskrit maya.

Eidos (Greek): Ultimate Form or Idea. A fundamental term in
Platonic Philosophy, in which the Idea of the Good is the unify-
ing principle of the World of Ideas, which in turn is the source
of all being.

Enantiodromia: Sudden transformation into an opposite form or
tendency. The term was used by Heraclitus, but PKD first became
familiar with it through his reading of C.G. Jung. Jung employs
it to describe the tendency for the psyche to overcome deep-
seated psychic resistance by shifting (seemingly suddenly) to the
opposite pole of attitude, belief, and emotion. For PKD,
enantiodromia was one term by which to describe the force and
extent of his inner transformation in 2-3-74.

Entelechy: Actualized being or process that has fully realized its
potential.

Firebright: Name coined by PKD for ultimate, living wisdom. See
Plasmate.

Golden Fish: On February 20,1974, a young woman working for
a local pharmacy delivered a bottle of prescription Darvon
tablets to the Fullerton, California apartment of PKD. She was
wearing a necklace with a golden fish emblem. According to
PKD, the sight of that emblem triggered the events of 2-3-74. PKD
regarded the golden fish as both a Christian symbol and as a
spur to anamnesis of the eternal truths of all philosophies and
religions.

Heimarmene (Greek): The deluding, entrapping power of the
spurious, unredeemed world of everyday reality.

Homoplasmate: A human being who has been transformed
through crossbonding with living knowledge bestowed or trans-
mitted by a higher source of wisdom. See Plasmate.

James-James: The name given by PKD to a mad god of whom he

dreamed in 1974 or 1975. His nature was that of an evil magician.
He corresponds closely to the Gnostic demiurge Yaldabaoth.

Macrometasomakosmos: PKD's own term for ultimate, genuine
reality; a cognate term to the Platonic World of Ideas. See Eidos.
Literally, this term breaks down into Great-Ultimate-Body-of-
the-Cosmos.

MITHC: PKD novel THE MAN IN THE HIGH CASTLE (1962).
Moira (Greek): Justice.

Morphological Realm: As used by PKD, this phrase refers to the
realm of ultimate, genuine reality. As such, it is analogous to the
Realm of Ideas of Plato (see Eidos) and the Palm Tree Garden.

Negentropic: A force or influence which counters or reverses the
process of entropy.

Noesis (Greek): The experience of direct perception of the Realm
of Ideas posited by Plato. See Eidos.

Noos (Greek); Nous (Latin): Ultimate Reason.

Orthogonal Time: Time in its genuine mode, moving perpendic-
ularly to spurious linear time. In a 1975 essay, "Man, Android
and Machine," PKD described orthogonal time as containing
within "a simultaneous plane or extension everything which
was, just as grooves on an LP contain that part of the music which
has already been played; they don't disappear after the stylus
tracks them." Orthogonal time was one theory by which PKD
attempted to explain the sense bestowed upon him by the expe-
riences of 2-3-74 that "The Empire Never Ended," i.e. that Imper-
ial Rome and modern day America were simultaneous or
superimposed aspects of the enduring Black Iron Prison.

Palm Tree Garden (PTG): The redeemed (spiritually) and genuine
(ontologically) world, revealed to PKD in January-February 1975,
when the southern California world around him seemed to
transform into the Levant, and goodness seemed to pervade the
whole. In chapter 18 of the PKD-Roger Zelazny collaborative
novel DEUS IRAE (1976), the vision of Dr. Abernathy-which was
written by PKD alone—is that of the Palm Tree Garden.

Pigspurt: See Plasmate.

Plasmate: Literally, living knowledge. PKD often felt that he had
bonded with it in 2-3-74, and that, as a result, there dwelled
within his psyche what seemed to be a second, entirely other self.
See Homoplasmate. At times, PKD believed that the identity of
this second self was the late James A. Pike, with whom PKD had
been friends in the mid-1960s. At other times, he posited an early
Christian named Thomas (who lived circa 45-70 A.D., in the time
of the Book of Acts) as this second self. Yet another identity posed
by PKD was Pigspurt, a malevolent force that had filled him with
fear and a craven attitude toward governmental authority; but
it should be noted that Pigspurt was seldom mentioned—PKD
rarely regarded this second self as malevolent. As for the plas-
mate itself, he most often regarded it as the living transmission
of the Gnostic goddess Saint Sophia, Holy Wisdom. Another
name coined by PKD for this Holy Wisdom was Firebright. With
respect to PKD's use of the term "plasmate" to describe living
information that pervades the universe, it should be noted that
a similar information metaphor is now being employed by
certain quantum physics theorists.

Ramparts Petition: PKD was a signatory to a "Writers and Editors
War Tax Protest" petition that appeared in the February 1968
issue of "Ramparts," a new left magazine that opposed the
Vietnam War. In subsequent years, PKD came to fear that he had
thus earned the enduring wrath (and surveillance attention) of
the U.S. government and its military intelligence branches.

RET: Acronym for Real Elapsed Time.

Rhipidos (Greek): Fan or fan-like shape. PKD associated rhipidos
(one of the Greek words that came to him in his hypnogogic
visions) with the fins of the fish, which is a symbol of Christ as
well as of the benign deity of the Dogon people. The Rhipidon
Society in VALIS takes as its motto: "fish cannot carry guns."

Set and Ground: Terms used by PKD (apparently borrowed
from gestalt perception theory) to both distinguish between
genuine reality (set) and spurious reality (ground), and to

describe their seeming admixture in the everyday world. See
Two-Source Cosmology.

Sophia: Gnostic goddess of wisdom. See AI Voice and Plasmate.

Spatiotemporal Realm: As used by PKD, this phrase refers to the
spurious world of accepted, everyday reality, which is bounded
by static, linear concepts of time and space. See Morphological
Realm.

Tagore: On the night of September 17, 1981, Phil was falling
asleep and then was suddenly startled awake by a hypnagogic
vision of Tagore, a world savior who was living in Ceylon. On
September 23, PKD sent a letter to the science fiction fanzine
"Niekas" (and to some eighty-five other individuals, friends and
distant contacts) describing Tagore as dark-skinned, Hindu or
Buddhist, and working in the countryside with a veterinary
group.

TDHG: Narrative sequence of letters by PKD, THE DARK-HAIRED
GIRL, written in 1972 and published posthumously in 1988.

To Scare the Dead: Proposed title for PKD novel—the principle
subject of which would be the events of 2-3-74—as to which PKD
made notes in 1974-75. The novel was never written. The title
was intended to refer to the reawakening of seemingly dead
personages (such as the early Christian Thomas) as a result of the
same forces that were at work in PKD's 2-3-74 experiences. See
Valisystem A.

Thomas: Early Christian personage who, according to one line of
speculation of PKD, had crossbonded with PKD during the
events of 2-3-74. Thomas was the embodiment of the living
knowledge of early Christianity. See Homoplasmate and Plas-
mate.

Two-Source Cosmology: Phrase employed by PKD to describe one
of his most persistent theoretical viewpoints in the Exegesis: that
the universe (and, in particular, our own world) was a dualist
admixture of genuine and spurious reality. This dualistic: view-
point was intertwined with PKD's own tragic experience as a
surviving twin—his sister Jane died at age five weeks. See chapter

one of my DIVINE INVASIONS: A LIFE OF PHILIP K. DICK (1989)
for an extensive discussion of this episode and its reverberations
in PKD's thought. On a more formal level, PKD drew from the
dualisms of Gnosticism, the Presocratic philosophers Heraclitus
and Parmenides, Taoism, and Zoroastrianism in fashioning (and
ceaselessly refashioning) his various theories on the nature of
the two-source cosmology.

Valis: Acronym coined by PKD; its meaning is "Vast Active Living
Intelligence System." PKD utilized Valis in the Exegesis in a
variety of contexts to express his sense of the nature of ultimate
reality. See definition set forth by PKD as the opening epigram
to his novel VALIS (1981).

Valisystem A: PKD novel as to which he made notes in 1974-76
(sometimes in conjunction with notes on TO SCARE THE DEAD).
The novel was finally written in 1976; it was posthumously
published in 1985 as RADIO FREE ALBEMUTH.

Xerox Letter or Xerox Missive: See the "Editor's Preface" to this
volume at page xiii.

Yaldabaoth: Blind, deranged Gnostic demiurge who created the
spurious world—the Black Iron Prison that ensnares conscious-
ness. See James-James.

Zagreus (Greek): A name of the Greek god Dionysus, which
means literally "torn to pieces." The name reflects the Orphic
myth that Dionysus (god of vegetation and of the spring renewal)
was, as a child, torn to pieces by the Titans, only to come back to
life through the agency of his father Zeus, who restored his son
to life by eating the heart of his sundered corpse. Zagreus was
regarded by PKD as an alternate divine form of Christ.

Zebra: Term coined by PKD to describe how ultimate reality
conceals itself in the spurious world through mimicry of the
everyday banal "trash" that surrounds us. The analogy, of course,
is to the concealing mimicry afforded by the stripes of a zebra.
Zebra is a cognate term for Valis.

Lawrence Sutin