NON-CARBON BURDEN 
by Allen Woods 

[21 may 2002—proofed for #bookz]

Allen Woods is a member of the HWA and his stories have or will soon appear in Lost Worlds, Pablo Lennis, Of Unicorns and Space Stations, Pleaides, Art:Mag, Gotta Write Network Litmag, Aphelion, Titan, Nuketown, Dubious Matter, The Thread, Dragon's Lair, Read Writer's Hood, and Home Made Stories. His short story, Riddle of the Jade Eagle, won the 1997 Preditors and Editors award as the best short story on the Internet. 

The two vaporous beings came together in the infinite vortex of space, their noble gases swirling into one another, and they dreaded their task. A linear year had passed and the time had come to make difficult choices. They knew each other as their misty bodies intermingled and they spoke without ever making a sound.
"I hate the review."
"As do I, so let's get it over with and return to matters more important. What sphere is first?"
"The third sphere from the Terran system sun."
"Haven't we already evaluated them?"
"No, we delayed our decision during the previous review."
"Oh yes, now I remember why. Can we delay our recommendation again?"
"No, the intrusion of these creatures' radio waves has become more frequent and invasive. Our superiors demand a recommendation. We can delay no longer."
"Very well then. Let's assess the data."
"Do we even need to? They communicate by radio waves. Isn't that enough of an indication?"
"Of course they're less intelligent. We both know that."
"They're heathens! Carbon life forms with infinitesimally small brain matter. The fact that they even require a brain for cognitive thought exposes their limitations."
"I concur. They will never grow beyond what they are. At least not on their own."
"Skulls! Those things they call skulls are tiny! Their corporeal bodies prevent any cerebral expansion. I would label these carbons' cognitive potential as juvenile at best."
"Do you mean to say they have an underdeveloped intellect?"
"Of course. You can look at them and surmise as much. Their carbon bodies do not have the potential for significant growth."
"I agree."
"And they are unclean."
"They cannot alter their foulness. It is part of their nature."
"And their nature is repulsive. Their carbon bodies release odors and pollution. Methane. Carbon dioxide. Who knows what else?"
"I need not remind you that they also defecate."
"How barbaric! Solid waste expulsion! Has their communication improved any since the last review?"
"Not at all. As their radio signals indicate, they communicate via verbal intercourse."
"They speak! Actually move parts of their carbon bodies to create sound. I've never experienced anything so ludicrous in my many eons of existence."
"Certainly, it is not the most effective way to relay information."
"The least effective I'd venture. How do they know what the other is thinking?"
"They do not."
"I cannot imagine living in such a state. What poor, underdeveloped creatures these carbons are."
"Why don't we examine this review from a different perspective."
"What do you suggest?"
"Assume we recommend these carbons for acceptance. How would they impact the galaxy?"
"I'd rather not imagine that possibility."
"We must. It is our task."
"All right then. Their laziness would adversely impact all segments of all systems. These carbons do not work with diligence. Their intelligence limits them to performing tasks of manual labor and their unwillingness to put forth a superior effort would make them worthless unless we coerce them into working harder."
"Then what would happen? Assume they join, but do not work hard."
"The inevitable would occur. They would turn to infractions, as they have on their planet."
"How do you know they would commit infractions?"
"You can look at them and know! These carbons are unattractive—hair covers their bodies—and their frightening forms reveal their nature. Infractions are all they know."
"Yes, I do not believe they could ever learn to follow the orders of a civilized society. So what is our conclusion of these carbons?"
"They are juvenile, non-intelligent creatures with foul bodies and zero potential for growth."
"Then what should we recommend?"
"We must enslave them. Make them our pets. The carbons can never join the galaxy as equals and, therefore, we must break them and force them into servitude."
"I disagree. The carbons are certainly unfit to join the galactic community, but we must uplift them. It is the non-carbon burden to help those who cannot help themselves."
"As usual you are too optimistic. I do not believe these carbons can ever become civilized. It is a scientific impossibility for carbons to attain an existence beyond heathens. Besides, our decision is irrelevant."
"What do you mean?"
"Our superiors will listen to our recommendation, but I have a suspicion that they will destroy the carbons nonetheless."
"Why would you think that?"
"Eventually, we would have to destroy the carbons and every trace of their culture. We could never allow them to poison our galaxy or our genetic purity with their flawed gene pool. Genocide is the only way."
"Regardless, it is still our task to provide a recommendation. I say that we recommend both of our proposals. Uplift and enslavement. Let the superiors decide which."
"A sound conclusion. I shall prepare the report. Tell me, for the sake of accuracy, what do these carbons call themselves?"
"Humans."
"An appropriate name. A heathen moniker for an uncivilized race." 
THE END