STOCKING THE CUPBOARD
Will Etienne

[13 dec 2001—released by #bookz!]

Captain Peter walked into the castle’s stables and over to where the pages were gathered.  One of the boys hid behind the horse he was grooming when he saw the look upon the man’s face.  Everyone grew silent as he picked out two boys.  The first, Jack, was well muscled.  The other, Philip, was tall and gangly.  “I want you two boys to report to the wizard’s cellar,” he said, his voice cracking slightly at the end.  “You are excused from your duties for the rest of the day.”  The two pages looked at each other in horror as everyone else shrank back from them.
“Why do you think he wants us to see the wizard?” Philip said, his eyes wide with fright.
“I don’t know,” Jack replied.  “But I don’t think we’ve done anything to deserve punishment.”
Tom, the First Page, grinned wickedly.  “I’ve heard that he enjoys eating the castle’s prisoners.  Maybe he’s gotten hungry.”  Everyone else laughed nervously.
“Don’t be a fool,” Jack said.  “Lady Leigh would never allow such a thing to happen to her loyal servants.” Jack said this looking down at his feet.
“Well, you’d better get going,” Tom said.  “You don’t want to anger him by making him wait.”

***

Jack held up the torch in front of the wizard’s door.  “Well, this is the place,” he whispered.
“Let’s go back,” Philip pleaded.  “I’ve heard he’s mad!  I’d rather face what Captain Peter would throw at us than face him.”  Philip started to head back up the long flight of stairs that lead to the dungeon, and eventually the outside.  Unfortunately, he slipped in a puddle.  Trying to regain his balance, he grabbed out at the wall of the stairwell.  Philip's hand slipped on the slimy wall.  He fell down the few steps, knocked into Jack, and hit his head against the door.  Jack accidentally dropped the torch into a puddle, plunging them into inky darkness.
“Who dares disturb the Great Wizard Gandorf!” the wizard bellowed through the enormous oak door.  The two pages quaked at the verbal onslaught.  Pulling Philip to his feet, Jack said loudly, “It is Jack and Philip, pages in the Lady’s Service.  Captain Peter told us to report here.”
The door creaked open.  Philip hastily wiped as much of the slime from himself as he could.  Gandorf, a wizened old man, hobbled from a table in the middle of the room to the door with the help of a cane.  The pair couldn’t see who, or what, had opened the door.  “Well, don’t just stand there, get in here,” Gandorf’s eyes seemed unusually bright in the gloom.  The boys dashed into the room.  They jumped again as the door slammed shut behind them.
Around them lay the implements of the wizard’s trade.  There were racks of powders, piles of bones, and jars of anonymous bits of pickled creatures.  “I sent for you because I have a task that needs to be done, and requires young bodies.”
Jack gained a little confidence.  “Whatever you wish sir, we’re your men.”  Philip elbowed his companion, wishing he’d shut up.
Gandorf snorted with disdain as he turned back toward the table.  He picked up a steaming bowl of muck and began to eat from it.  The light was so poor, the boys could not make out what the wizard was eating, but its stench was overwhelming.  “You see,” he said between bites, “it has been quite some time since I have been able to increase my magical supplies.  I am in need of a large number of staple ingredients for many of the things I wish to make.  That scroll behind your silent friend is a list of supplies that you two are going to gather for me.  Take it and return with what I need.”
Philip turned to see an enormous spider crawl across the scroll.  Shaking, he picked up the parchment and jammed it in his tunic.  He didn’t want to think what could be crawling around inside of it.
“Good,” Gandorf said.  “Now be gone!  I don’t want to see either of your hides again unless you’ve got everything on that list!”  As soon as the door magically opened again, the two were off in a flash, up the stairs and out of sight.

***

Jack and Philip were lying beneath the old oak tree in the middle of the courtyard.  “Let me see the list” Jack asked Philip.  Philip tossed the scroll at Jack’s head.  Jack caught it and opened it up.  “Hmm, Black Widow Webbing,” he said with a bit of a shudder.
“Couldn’t we just bring him a spider,” Philip suggested as he rested his eyes.  “Then we’d only have to disturb one spider, and he can always have fresh webbing.”
“Good idea, but I don’t want to have to carry around a Black Widow for long.  We’ll save that one towards the end.”
Philip nodded absentmindedly.
Captain Peter cleared his throat behind them.  The boys jumped to attention.  Jack jumped up so fast, he banged his head against a low branch.  “I’ve had a talk with our wizard,” the captain said.  “And he has told me about the task that he has given you.”  The Captain paced in front of the pair, his hands clasped behind his back.
“You will be given enough supplies to last you for a month.  After that time, I want you to be back here, with as many of the items that you can find.  You will also be provided with Benjamin.  He is a sturdy horse, and will serve you well.  If there is anything specific that you think you will need, let someone know, and it will be provided.  Now if there isn’t anything else, you two should start planning.”
“Yes sir,” Jack said.  “May we have a map of the area to help us in our search?”
“Done,” Captain Peter said as he rested his hands on each of the boy’s shoulders.  “I expect to see you two again.  Take care of yourselves.”  And with that, he turned around and left.

***

At dawn the next morning, the pair was ready.  Philip rubbed sleep from his eyes as they walked into the stables.  They had prepared their supplied the night before, and all they had to do was load Benjamin.  As they turned into his stall, they saw John the Handler giving the large, golden horse some oats and a rubdown.
“Thought I’d see you two off,” John said, turning to the pair.
“Thanks,” Jack said, and the three set to work loading the horse.  They were done quickly, and Jack and Philip climbed on as well.
They said their good-byes.  John led the horse out of the stables, and Jack steered Benjamin across the courtyard and towards the main gates.  John waved good-bye and went back inside.
“Do you think we’ll ever see home again?” Philip asked when the sturdy stonewalls of the castle were out of sight.
“I hope so,” was Jack’s only reply.

***

Two days later, Jack and Philip were riding through a large field.  They rode towards the middle, and when they got there, they stopped.  "All right," Jack said.  "You find a jar, I'll get the net."
They dismounted Benjamin and dug through their supplies.  Jack untied the net from the side of the horse and began swinging it around above the tall grass.  Philip pushed his sweaty brown hair out of his eyes and grabbed a clay pot.
"Now, what do these green locusts look like?" Philip asked once he had a jar in hand.
“They’re big, green, and ugly.”
“Wonderful.”  Shortly, Jack had a net full of crawling bugs.  He walked over to where Philip had sat down on the ground.  He placed the net down, being careful not to lose any.  He reached into the net and grabbed a bug.
“This,” he said holding up the repulsive insect with long legs, “is a green locust.  Let’s get started.”  With his free hand, Jack grasped the head of the bug and ripped it off.  Tossing the remains into the grass behind him, Jack dropped the head into the jar.

***

Philip regained consciousness first.  He and Jack had been traveling through the Murky Woods looking for Black Moss, when a lone goblin jumped out from behind a tree.  As Jack yanked Benjamin to a stop, the goblin finished its spell.  One moment they were turned to run, the next they fell down asleep.  Now it was night.  Philip tried to move, but discovered that his arms were bound together behind his back.  He rolled over and saw that the goblin had started a fire and was dancing around it.
“Wot’zis?  Wot’zis?” the goblin said as it noticed Philip was awake.  He jumped over the fire and onto Philip’s chest.  Philip’s head crashed back to the ground, causing him to see stars.  “Howje feelin’?”
“Get off my chest and untie me, you pig-faced, cross-eyed, warty son of two first cousins!” Philip grunted.
The goblin turned a slightly greener shade as he fingered one of the large growths on his neck.  “Aw, dunt think complements wull get yer out.  Yoom an’ im hain’t goin’ nuwhur.  Yull make me a noice zoop.”
“You don’t want to eat us, do you?” Philip wheezed.  “There’s lots more interesting things to eat among our supplies.”
“Hmm,” the goblin pondered as he got off of Philip’s chest and onto his forehead.  “Oi thowt Oi smeld summat gud.  Wot iz it?”
“Well, my friend and I have some nice berries and hardbread.”
The goblin made a face and pulled a dagger from his belt and pointed it at Philip’s nose.  “Wot yer troien te do?  Poison me!  Oi awt te lay ye open roit now!”
“No wait!” Philip cried.  “We’ve got other stuff too!  Saddle leather!  Uh, my old rabbit’s foot!  Take a look and see what you like!”
“Hrumph,” the goblin scratched behind his long, pointy ear.  “Oi’ll look, but then yer ded!”  He went over and ripped off a jar.  Muttering to himself, he opened it and sniffed the contents.
“Wot do yer know, green slug juice!”  He poured the thick contents of the jar down his throat.  When he was finished, he licked his lips and let out a belch which caused the fire to flare.  He tossed the empty jar over his shoulder and started riffling through the other jars with a hungry glint in his eye.  Philip could feel himself turn green at the sight.  He stopped after he finished his third jar.  “Oi dunt feel zo gud,” he said as he started swaying on his feet.  A second later, he fell to the ground.
Philip rolled into action.  He rolled over to where the goblin’s knife landed, and started cutting his bonds.  Soon he was free.  Taking some of their rope, he firmly tied the goblin to a tree.
Philip then untied Jack and started to clean up the mess.
Jack woke up a half-hour later.  He sat up and rubbed his wrists.  “What happened?”
Philip pointed to the still unconscious goblin tied to the tree.  “He caught us.”  Jack raised an eyebrow questioningly.
Philip shrugged and explained.  When he was done, he said, “We need to gather some of the supplies again, but at least now we’ve got goblin ear wax.”

***

“This is disgusting,” Philip complained as they trudged through the swamp, pulling Benjamin behind them.  The going was tough because Benjamin kept getting his hoofs stuck in the mud.
“Yes, it is,” Jack agreed.  “But where else would you suggest that we find purple pond scum or tree creepers, than a swamp.”
“Yeah, but have you ever seen purple pond scum?”
“No, but I’ve heard that you can find it in the Dark Marsh.  So here we are.”
Philip smashed a mosquito that had bit his arm.  “So should we pick some tree creepers and look around for purple pond scum?”
“All right.”
“Great.  Now get down and I’ll stand on your shoulders so that we can pick them.”
“How come I get to be on the bottom?” Jack asked.
“Because I weigh less,” Philip said.  “Now would you hand me a jar please?”
Philip jammed the jar into the waistband of his pants.  Jack got down onto his knees in the murky water, and Philip climbed on.  When Jack stood up, Philip could easily reach the hanging creepers.  He began plucking them from the trees and stuffing them into the jar.
“Ugh,” Jack said as he sank deeper into the mud.
“Another couple creepers, and the jar will be full,” Philip reassured him.  “And I think I see something purple over there.”
“Good,” Jack grimaced as Philip accidentally smeared mud from his shoes across the side of Jack’s head.
“Just one more,” Philip said as he leaned over a little bit farther.
“Watch out!” Jack yelled as Philip lost his balance.  With a cry of despair, he fell with a splash, covering both Jack and Benjamin in mud and water.
“Are you okay?”
Philip sat up covered in mud.  “Yeah.  Where’s the jar?”
“Over there,” Jack said, pointing to where it was floating in the murky water.
“Great.  Let’s cork it, get some of that purple slime, and get out of here.”

***

Philip winced as his foot knocked a rock off the narrow path that the pair were ascending.  “How much higher to the griffin’s nest?” he asked as he watched the rock disappear into the distance.
“I’m not sure.” Jack gently tugged at Benjamin’s lead.  He pushed his brown hair out of his eyes as he looked up.  “We can’t be far.”
Suddenly, they heard it.  They looked out over the abyss to the horizon.  In the distance, the griffin was flying straight for them.  “Get down!” Jack yelled.  They hid behind the horse as the beast flew overhead.  They could make out the griffin’s vicious beak, dangerous claws, and the full-grown ram it was carrying.  This griffin looked to be a cross between a brown falcon and a tawny lion.
“My God!” Philip hissed.  “Did you see the size of him!?!”
Jack raised a finger.  “Shh!”  A second later, they heard it.  The screech sounded like a cross between chirping and meowing.  And it sounded like there were several of them.  As suddenly as the sounds started, they stopped.  The griffin flew from the cliff face towards the forest again.  Its claws were covered in blood.  Soon, it had flown back over the horizon and was gone.
“Damn.  That’s not a he.  It’s a she, and she’s got babies,” Jack said.
“Well, what do we do now?”
“The nest didn’t look too far up.  Let’s keep going and find a place to tie Benjamin, take some jars and bags, and get up there.”  The pair found a wider section of path to tie the horse in, and quietly made their way to the top.  They crouched below the lip of the plateau where the nest lay.  When they peeked their heads over the edge, they could see discarded feathers, pieces of shell, and lots of bones.  They waited until the griffin had come and gone one more time before they made their move.
Jack handed Philip a sack.  “I’ll scoop it up with pieces of shell, you fill these sacks with feathers.”
“We don’t need any feathers.”
“Okay, then you can rest your head on some nice soft rocks tonight.”  Philip shut up.  They both stood up and jumped onto the ledge.  Each ran to fill their tasks as quickly as possible.  Philip was stuffing his sack with as many feathers as it could hold, while Jack grabbed a handy piece of shell and ran to the nearest puddle of white sludge.
Philip made his way closer to the nest, filling his sack beyond capacity.  Once there, his curiosity got the better of him and he looked into the nest.  They were all holding still, as if afraid.  All except one.  A kitten the size of a full grown man stared at Philip.  Their eyes met and Philip stood frozen with fear.  Suddenly, the beast pounced and almost leapt from the nest.  It clung by its talons to the side, mewed, and batted a paw at Philip.  The paw caught the sack and ripped it open!  Feathers flew everywhere.  Philip turned on his heels and flew to the edge of the plateau, his face white as a sheet.  The kittens playfully ripped the disregarded sack to ribbons.
Jack looked up as Philip raced back the way they came.  He finished filling the jar with griffin droppings and ran to catch up with Philip.  “I thought you were going to get us pillows?”
“Screw ‘em,” Philip heaved, trying to catch his breath.  “You want one, you get the feathers from those monsters.”

***

A month after they left, Jack and Philip dragged themselves, battered and bruised, back home.  Their supplies were gone, and their jars and sacks were full, but they were home.
“Well,” Philip said when they saw the walls in the distance, “Looks like we made it.”
Jack spurred Benjamin into a faster trot, and they made it back before lunch was over.

***

Jack held the torch high as he and Philip hauled the sacks of jars down the stairs.  When they got to the enormous oaken door, Jack knocked loudly.
“Who dares to disturb the Great Wizard Gandorf!” roared the usual greeting from the other side of the door.
"It is your errand boys, Philip and Jack," Philip yelled at the closed door.
Immediately, the door creaked open.  The Wizard Gandorf was standing behind the door.  "Well?"  He barked.  "Don't just stand there, bring them inside!  You might ruin my supplies!"
Jack and Philip hurried to bring the supplies into the dark room.  They found an open space on the floor and set the sacks down.
"Be careful with that!  It's been so long since I've had anything fresh," Gandorf said as he hobbled over to the discarded supplies.
"Is there anything else you need us for," Jack asked as the old man was riffling through the bags.
Poking his head up, he said, "Eh?  You’re still here?  Get out before you enchant anything."  Jack and Philip wasted no time leaving, the door already starting to close.
Before the door closed completely, Jack looked back.  He saw Gandorf rubbing his hands together like a miser with a new penny.

***

That evening, Jack and Philip were enjoying a hearty meal with some of their friends.  “And that's when I smashed the serpent's head with a branch,” Philip gestured with his turkey leg to the group around them.  Jack kept his mouth shut at his friend’s boasting.
“Wot I can’t unnerstan,” Philip said with his mouth full of turkey, “Ish wot he wanf the schtuff for.”
“Yeah,” Jack said.  “I wondered what you could do with rabid wombat drool especially.”
“And the iron weed,” Philip added. “I thought we’d never be able to cut through that stuff.”
“Maybe he’s going to make arrows that cause the gout.” Someone suggested.
“Don’t tell me you don’t know what our illustrious wizard is going to do with those things,” Someone behind them said.  It was Martha the Cook.  She walked over to where the boys were seated, shaking a ladle at them.
“Sorry Martha,” Jack said.  “We just can’t figure it out.”
“Well!” she said pulling up a chair and collapsing into it.  “Let me tell you something about our wizard’s culinary tastes.”

***

Gandorf whistled happily to himself.  He finally had a full supply of ingredients.  He leaned over the sacks and inhaled the savory aroma.  “Mmm,” Gandorf said with a smile as he began to put the jars and sacks in their respective places.  When he had put most of them away, he opened his book of recipes and pulled out his stew pot.  “Hmm,” he said to himself.  “What shall I make first?”

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