D' foe's answer to the Quakers catechism: or, a dark lanthorn for a friend of the light

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D' FOE's Answer to the Quakers CATECHISM, &c.

A Quaker is a Hogs-head of Phanaticisme drawn off to the Lees; a Common-Shore of Heresie into which most extravagant Opinions at last Disembogue themselves and center, the fag-end of Reformation marked with a sullen meagre-look, and this Characteristick Thou; A Fox in a Lambskin Coat, that retains his Subtlety though not his colour, a dough-baked piece of formality that decries Superstition, yet idolizes Garbs and Phrases. You may know him by his diminitive-band, that looks like the Folornehope of his Shirt crawling out at his Collar; for his purity consists only in his Dress, and his Religion is, Not to speak like his Neighbours. His Orignal is as Obscure as the head of Nile; some refer it to Behmen the can •ing Philosophaster of Germany. Others run his Pedigree higher, and say he was hatcht when the degraded Seraphm first took on him to counterfeit an Angel of Light. He is a meer Composition of Contradiction and Clownishnessana, with a sew odd Scruples of Hypocrisie to give it a Tincture. Should the Parliament make a Law for Eating, he would Starve rather then be Guilty of obeying it; and if you would have him do a thing, you need only forbid it on Pain of Death: He thinks that to be Religious one is obliged to be Uncivil, and flings his Witts over Board to make room for Inspirations. His Dreams he Intitles Visions, and each Crapicio of his Fancy must pass for a divine Revelation, to which he Blasphemously puts a Probatum est, The Mouth of the Lord hath spoken it. The first Article of this Creed is to keep his Hat on, which he observs so Religiously, as if he thought vailing Bonnet to be the Sin against the Holy Ghost; Titles of Honour he takes for infallible Marks of the Beast, and believes the Master of the Ceremonies to be Antichrist; He would have done rarely in the old Chaos before Nature had anked ihings in their places, being a profest Enemy to all Order, that thinks there's no pure walking unless it be with the Heels upwards: He bears a Grudge against Paul for saying most noble Festus, and hates the Memory of Sarah because she called her Husband Lord His Discourses are nothing but a Rhapsody of oft repeated Non-sense; and when he hath darkned your Understanding with a Cloud of infignificant Babble, he Cry's, Ah! Friends mind the Light! He usually begins with Raving like Mahomet in his Falling-fit, or the Devil of Delphose's Priests, that never delivered their Lying Oracles, but with extravagant Gestures and odd Distortions of Body, Swear not at all, is his Motto, but Lies he holds in many cases Venial, and in t••o meritorious, when they make for the Interest of the beloved Seed, or reflect Scandal on the Government. He Cheats worse then a Long-lane Broaker, by pretending to deal at a word, and the Hook whereby he draws in his Customers, is a far-fetcht Sigh, and plainly I tell thee Friend.

This troublesome Insect (for all his demure Looks) is deservedly suspected to be part of the Vermine dropt from the Beast, a Puppet of Religion, contrived to amuse the Rabble, that receives it's Motion from his Holynesses invisible Hand behind the Curtain; for though the Jesuite and he seem Enemies, at long run (like East and West,) they prove the same Equivocations being as common with them both as Curses to a Gamester. Ask our trembling Saint if he believe the Resurrection of the Dead, he shall answer yea, but tell you another time, he meant only an arising from Sin; by Heaven and Hell he intends no more but several Scenes Transacted within us, and abuses holy Scripture into a mystical Romance Each of them averrs Perfection Attainable in this Life but herein they differ, the Papist Acknowledgeth but one Pope in the World, the Quaker sets up a Pope in every Individual Breast, to whom all Scripture and Reason must Truckle; so that refusing the Polestar of Gods Word and the Churches Compass, he will needs Steer by the wandring Motion of a Treacherous Ignus fatuus within, subject to be blown any way, and often Extinguisht by the Hurricanes of Passion.

He makes Self the Centre whereunto the Lines of all his Actions tend, and like a Hedge-hog wrapt up in his own warm down, turn out Brisles to all the World besides; you can come on no side of him but he Pricks and Bites, and all his Craggy and Inhospitable. He that deals with him has need of more Eyes then Poets bestow on Argus, for he out-vies a Genoe's for Subtlety, and a Jew may come to be an Apprentice with him; he loves the Exchange though he hates the Church, and Admires no Preaching so much as Foxes.

For all his peaceable Sheepish Countenance, he delights in Contention, and when he is Thou-ing a Court of Justice, thinks himself in his proper Element. He bawls (like an Oysterwife) at other Folks Pride, and evidences his own Humility onely in defying the Pedlars Pack, Lace, Ribbons, &c. whilest he sawcily contemns his Superiours, and prefers the Crotchets of his own giddy Brain before the Decrees of a general Council. He hates no Whore so much as her of Babylon, and ever and anon greatifies the old Man with a kind Green-apron'd Friend, whom he picks up at a Conventicle by a teacherous Touch of the Hand, under pretence of a pure Salutation, and finding by her rampant Pulse, and tempting turning up the Whites, (which she pretends to do in Devotion) that her desires are at Flood, they retire together for mutual Edification. He is often Drunk, but not like his Neighbours Temporally, for Sleep cannot cure him, but the Fumes of his spiritual Pride having Intoxicated his Head, makes his very Soul Reel, and but his Body into a fit of Shivering; ye, will he not privatly in the company of Friends refuse the refreshing Bottle, provided it be not known in Gath, nor published amongst the wicked of Askalon, for he confesseth the use of the Creature (especially when it comes on Free-cost) to be exceeding Lawful. He is very curious to be in all things contrary to the common Mode, that he may be taken notice of, for a singular Man, and having screw'd his Face into a Religious Frame, and turn'd his Voice to a puling sanctimonious Key, he uses it as a Low-bell to catch Larks, or rather such Owles as will be Bubbled out of their Money merely on the Repute of his conscientions Dealing; he abominates our Churches, and sayes very well, that God must be Worshipped every where in Spirit, yet will rather be knock'd o'th' Head theu forsake Bull and Mouth, here it is that he Glories in Tribulations.

In brief, a Quaker is a Cynick in Religion, one that would have Illnature translated Grace; as if the Holy Spirit (that pure sweet gentle Dove) did inspire Men with sullen Humours and waspish Disposition: He hates both Magistracie and Ministrie, and never speaks, well of Authority or Obedience, but when he is going to lash his Maid or his Apprentices; for though himself have shaken off all subjection to Superious, yet to his Domesticks he is worse then an Egyptian Taskmaster, and speaks to his Servants in a tone as imperious as the Grand Seigniour to his Mutes; he cannot endure Ceremonies or Complements, especially where his Belly is concerned, and therefore falls to all meat (as Gallants do to a Wench or Oysters) without saying Grace, he is very diligent in his Generation-work, and may therefore have many Children but no Heirs; for his Issue comes into the World out-law'd, and can no more boast to be born in lawful Wedlock, then the Kinchen-cove of a Gypsie got under a Hedge by a strauling Tinker; he bannes the Banes, and i• this Respect only refuses License, Consummating his Marriage before it is Solemnized; for so soon as the Spirit begins to yield to the Rebellion of the Flesh, and his Bowels Yearn to be Multiplying, he and his willing Doxy never wait the Parsons Leisure, but take each others Word and so to Bed.

The Devil that furnishes others with his Tare but by Retail, deals with the Quaker by Whole sale, so many Heresies Club to his Generation that 'tis Impossible to say which he Resembles most. Sure Satan had a Fancy to present the World with an Oglio, and therefore here hath Rendevouzed all his Hell bred Errours in Epitomie, and set down a Catalogue of them in Short-hand.

By his obstinate Zeal to keep his Noddle covered, you may guess him a Mahumetan, that resents nothing so Dishonourable as a bare Head; and indeed he hath no more Christinaity in him than a Turk: His Good Fryday Looks speak him a superstitious Anchorite; his Subtlety and Equivocations would become a Jesuite; he Names his Children with as little Ceremony as other Folks do their Whelps; and so far kees pace with the Anabaptist, but of a sudden he out-strips them, and falls in with the Seekers to deny all Ordinances. From Socinus he steals Arguments against the blessed Trinity, and learns to disown all Government from John of Leyden. At first he was much against the Carnal-Weapon, but now begins to be Reconciled to Fighting, and if you Anger him will rather venture a Rubbers at fity Cuffs, then turn the other Cheek to the Smiter. He has of •ate so far fallen from his first pretence of Humillity •hat he out strips Handsom Fielding, or any Playhouse Bully for Wig and Vanity.

'Tis a prudent Maxime in the Art Military, never •o think too Contemptibly of an Enemy. Our Grandfathers saw that Scotch-mist Presbytery rising to bigger then a Mans Hand, and yet how Dismally did it in few Years over-spread our whole Horison.

Consider but this Quaking Gang in it's true Dimensions, and the Arts they have to promote their Designs, and they will appear more formidable then most of the other Eactions.

For First, They are a People generally Subtle, Frugal, Industrious, and Wary in their Dealing; by which and their large Pretensions to a punctual Honesty, they have Ingrossed a grand part of the Nations Trade.

Secondly, Whereas other Perswasions are divided into distinct Congregations, and so have several particular TEACHERS, who frequently Broaching different Whimseys, Mince them into subdivisions, whilst some dare not hear such an one, and others scruple to Communicate with such a one, though all of a PARTY.

The QUAKERS on the contrary; though •o two of them scarce agree in all things, doe yet generally throughout England keep themselves up •n one intire Body, glewed together with a strict Unity, as to Affection, and Correspondence, as is •vident by their Weekly Collections in every Coun •y continually sent up to London where their common Stock cannot but in so many Years as they have Maintained it, be very vast. To which add the exact Accompt and Registry they every where keep of all their Births and Burials (which are likewise duely Transmitted up) so that in an Instant they are able to give a near Estimate of their Number and Strength in all the three Nations. These and some other Importants being duely weighed, render this shivering Sect not so in considerable as the common Rabble Deluded with their specious Pretences are apt to think them. 'Tis a good Caution of a Minor Poet,

As white Powder discharges without Noise,

So may Saint-seeming Hypocrites Destroys,

Trust not too far, the soft Hand sometimes Smites

And Larks are Birds of Prey as well as Kites.

To conclude, a Quaker is a canting thing that Cozens the World by the Purity of his Cloaths, a few Close-stool Faces and whineing Expressions, his Life is only a real Lye, his Doctrine contrary to all sober Religon, and withal so Troublesome that I am grown quite Weary of drawing his Character and cannot but wish him and all his Tribe fairly Embarqu'd for terra Incognita, of the late found Isle of Pines, under the Conduct of Penn their high Admiral.

FINIS.

D' FOE's Answer to the Quakers Catechism: OR, A Dark LANTHORN for a Friend of the Light.

To the READER.

A Quaker with's dark Lanthorn light.

Is here exposed to your sight;

Stript off's nice Vizard and fair Paint,

Wherein he us'd to Ape a Saint.

So false Fires may delude our Eyes,

And seem like Stars to guild the Skies;

Till Reason proves they owe their Birth

To stinking vapours of the Earth.

This Hypocrite we here essay,

In's proper Colours to display;

Whose Yea and Nay in mischief goes

Beyond the Hectors damning Oaths

A Play-house Beau, is not so Gay,

As now a Days the Yea and Nay:

Whose Wigg in Curles, with Powder Drest,

Makes him as Wicked as the rest;

And seems to Act so very oddly,

You'd Swear he's fallen from the Godly:

For when he looks the most Precise,

He tells you damn'd confounded Lyes.

D' Foe, &c.

London, Printed in the YEAR, 1706.

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Title statement

D' foe's answer to the Quakers catechism: or, a dark lanthorn for a friend of the light

Defoe, Daniel, 1661?-1731.

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University of Oxford Text Archive
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ID [ota]

http://ota.ox.ac.uk/id/5458

ID [isbn10]

1106024575

ID [isbn13]

9781106024572

ID [TCP]

K124816.000

ID [BIBNO]

CW3322331294

ID [ECRP]

0929501000

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— D' foe's answer to the Quakers catechism: or, a dark lanthorn for a friend of the light, Defoe, Daniel, 1661?-1731.. 8p. ; 8⁰. London :: printed in the year,. 1706.. [Verse.] ["Listed in Morgan I100, but not identified; not in Moore" (Foxon).] [Reproduction of original from the Bodleian Library (Oxford).] [Foxon, p.167] [English Short Title Catalog, ESTCT189602.] [Electronic data. Farmington Hills, Mich. : Thomson Gale, 2003. Page image (PNG). Digitized image of the microfilm version produced in Woodbridge, CT by Research Publications, 1982-2002 (later known as Primary Source Microfilm, an imprint of the Gale Group).]

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