Passages selected by distinguished personages: on the great literary trial of Vortigern and Rowena; a comi-tragedy. ... Volume I. [pt.1]

Table of contents

- [halftitle]

- [titlepage]

- DEDICATION. TO THE Most NOBLE!—Most ILLUSTRIOUS! Most PUISSANT!—Most MAGNIFICENT! Most IRRADIATING IN THE BRIGHT GALAXY OF THE BRITISH PEERAGE, JAMES MARQUIS OF SALISBURY, K.G. &c! &c! &c! &c! &c! &c!

- PREFACE.

- [introduction]

- PARAGRAPH.

- ANOTHER.

- FOR THE MORNING HERALD.

- PARAGRAPH.

- TO CORRESPONDENTS.

- PARAGRAPH. VORTIGERN AND ROWENA!!!

- FOR THE MORNING HERALD. VORTIGERN AND ROWENA! A COMI-TRAGEDY!

- [trials]

- FIRST DAY's TRIAL. VORTIGERN AND ROWENA: A COMI-TRAGEDY.

- PASSAGES SELECTED AS SUFFRAGES ON THE FIRST DAY's TRIAL; viz. I.—Lady CH. C—B—LL.

- II.—Mr. B—F—Y.

- III—Lady A. MURRAY.

- IV.—Lord TH—RL—W.

- V.—Mr. ST—V—NS.

- SECOND DAY's TRIAL.

- VI.—Marg—ne of AN—P—CH.

- VII.—Earl H—WE.

- VIII.—Hon. Mrs. ST—N—PE.

- IX.—Lord CH—R.

- X.—Mrs. FITZ—T.

- X—Marq—s TOW—D.

- THIRD DAY's TRIAL.

- XI.—Lord E—DL—Y.

- XII—Duchess of Y—K.

- XIII.—Miss OC—E.

- XIV.—Sir JOHN S—N illegible — illegible .

- XV.—Lady AR—R.

- XVI.—Mr. T— TH—MP—N.

- FOURTH DAY's TRIAL.

- XVII.—P—ss of W—L—S.

- XVIII.—Duke of P—D.

- XIX.—D—ss of C—D.

- XX.—Sir WM. D—LB—N.

- XXI.—Hon. Mrs. D—R.

- XXII.—Mr. B—KE.

- FIFTH DAY's TRIAL.

- XXIII.—Earl of C—RL—LE.

- XXIV.—Marc—ss T—NS—D.

- XXV.—Mr. C—NN—G.

- XXVI.—Miss B—Y ST—T.

- XXVII.—Ad. M'BRIDE.

- XXVIII.—Duke of D— illegible .

- SIXTH DAY's TRIAL.

- XXIX.—Sir S—D—Y SM—TH.

- XXX.—D—tc—ss of R—T—D.

- XXXI.—CH—S WY—D—M.

- XXXII.—C—ss of AL—M—LE.

- SEVENTH DAY's TRIAL.

- XXXIII.—Earl FITZ—M.

- XXXIV.—C—ss D—LK—TH.

- XXXV.—Comm illegible dore P—NE.

- XXXVI.—Mrs. S—WB—GE.

- EIGHTH DAY's TRIAL.

- XXXVII.—Earl of UX—GE.

- XXXVIII.—Sir CH. T—N—R.

- XXXIX.—C—ss of P—MF—T.

- XL.—Mr. C—WTH—NE.

- NINTH DAY's TRIAL.

- XLI.—Mar—ss S—Y.

- XLII.—Earl of CH—TF—D.

- XLIII.—Mrs ED. B—V—IE.

- XLIV.—Earl of J—Y.

- TENTH DAY's TRIAL.

- XLV.—Duke of N—K.

- XLVI.—C—ss M—X—H.

- XLVII.—Mr. B—DH—D.

- XLVIII.—Mrs. P—ZI.

- ELEVENTH DAY's TRIAL.

- XLIX.—Sir R—B—T M—CKR—H.

- L.—Lady C—NL—FE.

- LI.—Lord C—TN—Y.

- LII.—Miss H—TH—M.

- TWELETH DAY's TRIAL.

- LIII.—D—ss of GL—R.

- LIV.—Earl of L—S—R.

- LV.—Lady EL—TH F—R.

- LVI.—Earl of A—LE.

- THIRTEENTH DAY's TRIAL.

- LVII.—P—ss EL—TH.

- LVIII.—Earl GR—R.

- LIX.—D—ss H—L—N.

- LX.—Sir Jos. B—KS.

- FOURTEENTH DAY's TRIAL.

- LXI.—M—q—ss of S—Y.

- LXII.—Lady W—M R—L.

- LXIII.—Duke of R—M—D.

- LXIV.—Lady W—L—CE.

- FIFTEENTH DAY's TRIAL.

- LXV.—Princess R—L.

- LXVI.—Duke of M—GH.

- LXVII.—Mr. T—R—V—S.

- LXVIII.—Lady D—Y T—MP—N.

- SIXTEENTH DAY's TRIAL.

- LXIX.—Lord K—Y—N.

- LXX.—C—ss W—DG—VE.

- LXXI.—Earl P—T.

- LXXII.—D—ss of G—D—N.

- SEVENTEENTH DAY's TRIAL.

- LXXIII.—D—ke of G—FT—N.

- LXXIV.—C—ss of D—BY.

- LXXV.—Lord B—G—VE.

- LXXVI.—C—ss of B—K—M—RE.

- EIGHTEENTH DAY's TRIAL.

- LXXVII.—Earl of H—TH.

- LXXVIII.—P—ss M—RY.

- LXXIX.—Arch—p of Y—.

- LXXX.—Mrs. C—NC—N.

- NINETEENTH DAY's TRIAL.

- LXXXI.—Mrs. M—ST—RS

- LXXXII.—Duke of C illegible — illegible

- LXXXIII.—Miss P—LH—M.

- LXXXIV.—Mr. M— illegible LET—N.

- TWENTIETH DAY's TRIAL.

- LXXXV.—Marquiss C—NW—S.

- LXXXVI.—Miss VAN—CK.

- LXXXVII.—Earl of INC—Q—N.

- LXXXVIII.—C—ss of B—SR—CH.

- TWENTY-FIRST DAY's TRIAL.

- LXXXIX.—Duke of R—TL—D.

- XC.—March—ss of T—CHP— illegible .

- XCI.—Mr. Secretary W—ND—M.

- XCII.—Mrs. GR—Y.

- TWENTY-SECOND DAY's TRIAL.

- XCIII.—Sir JOSEPH M—WB—Y.

- XCIV.—Countess of CH—TH—M.

- XCV—Mr. STR—T, (late Member for MALDO illegible

- XCVI.—Lady MARY D—NC—N.

- TWENTY-THIRD DAY's TRIAL.

- XCVII.—Lord W—M G—RD—N.

- XCVIII.—Mrs. M—YN—L.

- XCIX.—Admiral Lord BR—DP—T.

- C.—D—ss of D—V—RE.

VORTIGERN AND ROWENA; A COMI-TRAGEDY.

END OF VOL. I

VORTIGERN AND ROWENA; A COMI-TRAGEDY.

PASSAGES SELECTED BY DISTINGUISHED PERSONAGES, ON THE GREAT LITERARY TRIAL OF VORTIGERN AND ROWENA; A Comi-Tragedy.

"WHETHER IT BE—OR BE NOT FROM THE IMMORTAL PEN OF SHAKSPEARE?"

VOLUME I.

SEVENTH EDITION.

—"Open me a huge Wardrobe aboundinge in motlie habittes, and marke howe fantasticallie poore mortals will arraie themselves!"
VORT. and ROW.

LONDON: PRINTED BY H. BROWN, FOR J. RIDGWAY, YORK-STREET, ST. JAMES'S-SQUARE.

DEDICATION.
TO THE Most NOBLE!—Most ILLUSTRIOUS! Most PUISSANT!—Most MAGNIFICENT! Most IRRADIATING IN THE BRIGHT GALAXY OF THE BRITISH PEERAGE, JAMES MARQUIS OF SALISBURY, K.G. &c! &c! &c! &c! &c! &c!

Most curious LORD,

THE disputed RECORDS of ANTIENT POESY here inclosed, would be debased by a deposit in any other hands, than that cleanly pair, which so peculiarly appertain to your Lordship, as CUSTOS ROTULORUM of the MUSES! I discharge but my official duty then, in placing them under your stupendous protection!—But as MAGICO-MANAGER of the WHITE-WAND, and GRAND MASTER of REFINED ARTS, you must allow me to look up to your HIGH MIGHTINESS with the rest of mankind,—an astonished Gazer!

I am, Most Noble, most &c. &c.
Your lowest FOOT-STOOL. RALPH REGISTER, Clerk of ASSIZE, Oyer and Terminer, In the COURTS LITERARY, &c. &c.
FETTER-LANE, Oct. 5, 1795.

PREFACE.

As far as this interesting TRIAL. has gone, it has been conducted with that rigid impartiality which so particularly distinguishes the various Courts of BRITISH JURISPRUDENCE!—How it may terminate can be known only to the ruler of these great events: indeed, from the contrariety of weighty evidence already advanced, and the cloud of testimonies yet to be adduced, it would be highly indecorous, to indulge even a conjecture upon the probability of its decision!!

The COURT have wisely resolved to sit without further adjournment, in order now to receive at their Bar, the evidence of the first POLITICAL, and LITERARY Characters, against whom, exceptions were so ingeniously taken by Council, but which however have all been most constitutionally over-ruled. These being gone through, the sage and learned POLONIUS in person, will sum up the whole evidence, and after delivering a solemn and eloquent charge from the Bench, receive from the GRAND INQUEST, that VERDICT. which no doubt, will soon tend to the complete administration of LITERARY JUSTICE, by setting this GREAT QUESTION at rest for ever!!!

PENDING the distinguished inquest under which the fact is now trying, whether the newly discovered DRAMA, is, or is not from the pen of SHAKSPEARE, it would be highly indecorous to hazard a single conjecture upon it.—The EDITOR, therefore, will content himself with merely giving a faithful transcript of all that has been successively recorded on this important subject in that fashionable Intelligencer the MORNING HERALD: only remarking, that whatever may be the final issue of the TRIAL, the passages selected from the Piece itself by the several VOTERS, pro and con. must remain indelible proofs of the discriminative taste of those, who have here so characteristically enrolled themselves in defence of our BELLES LETTRES.

The following is the paragraphical CHAIN by which this great Literary Concern has been brought into such general notice; viz.

PARAGRAPH.

The SHAKSPEARE discoveries, said to be made by the son of Mr. IRELAND, of Norfolk-street, are the Tragedy of LEAR, and another entitled VORTIGERN and ROWENA, now first brought to light, and both in the Bard's own hand-writing:—in the same chest are said to have been also found an antique MELANGE of love letters!—professions of faith!—billet doux!—locks of hair!—and family receipts!—The only danger, respecting faith in the discovery, seems to be from the indiscretion of finding too much! If poor CHATTERTON had contented himself, with drawing literary treasure in moderation from the monkish chest of ROWLEY, his own inventive genius had probably remained unknown!

ANOTHER.

Mr. IRELAND's Tragedy of VORTIGERN, whether sterling, or fictitious, is to go to Drury-lane. Mr. SHERIDAN, says, "it is the finest play that SHAKSPEARE ever wrote!—not that he has had leisure yet to read it—but he had it from an authority as classical, and unquestionably as his own judgment; viz. the solemn assurance of the great Lord SALISBURY himself, a Critic, only six removes, by lineal descent, from Mr. SHERIDAN's own immortal BURLEIGH!

FOR THE MORNING HERALD.

Mr. EDITOR,

Your SHAKSPEARE correspondents know but little of what is going forward in the mine of discovery! Lord, Sir, if they wish to get at the whole truth, they must dip deep into the old chest, as the ancients did into the Pierean well!—indeed they are not correct even in what they have stated. For instance,—the precious LOCK OF HAIR! how comes it, they were so ignorant, as not to know, that Mr. Justice COLLICK, the first Hair Merchant in the universe, has critically inspected it, and, regardless of the sacred head of fiction from whence it was shorn, he, as a man of business, could only be brought to say, that if the whole string were as good as the sample, it was worth no more in the trade, than 3s. 9d. an ounce?—The pointed distich on the envelope, however, as his Grace of LEEDS declares, is worth a million!—Here it is:

"Ere Age with twinge your nerves doth shocke,

"Catch Love, like Time, by the forelocke!"

By which our annotators will no doubt tell us, that the Warwickshire WAG quaintly inculcates the youthful libertinism of—catch, as catch can!—Among the more recent treasures, are a moth-eaten under PETTICOAT, an undoubted original! Mr. MALONE, who, with all his ability, knows but little about petticoats, says, this could be no part of the paraphernalia of the immortal Bard;—but Mrs. PIOZZI, and the whole Blue Stocking Club, are decidedly of a contrary opinion, and that for the best of all feminine reasons; viz. because Miss HATHAWAY, when she became Mrs. SHAKSPEARE, never failed to wear the BREECHES!—we have also Mr. Boswell's authority for this, amongst other domestica facta of the Poet. The next curiosity for the amateurs, is, a love VALENTINE, surrounded, according to antient usage, with hearts! cupids! doves! and darts! and in the centre, a typifying figure of a cock without a combe, (according to antique spelling) with this inexplicable anagram:

"If to my armes you'll fondlye roame,

"Despighte of Dadde, I'll cut your Combe!"

W. S.

From this, some of the inspecting Literati are cruel enough to infer, that SHAKSPEARE must have had an intriguc with the daughter of his ancient enemy John a COOMBE,—the undoubted ancestor of the present Opposition ALDERMAN, who has the honour of bearing that distinguished name!

The last MORCEAU I shall treat you with at this time, is selected from the RECEIPTS, viz.‘"A RECIPEE howe to make a GOODLIE PLUMBE PUDINGE."’

Even Mr. STEEVENS admits the unquestionable authenticity of this valuable addendum to the cullnary art, by declaring, that Shakspeare could not endure the stones of plumbs, which, from setting his teeth on edge, were called jar raisins; and literally gives an appropriate citation of the following passage, from the Poet's own words, which will certainly be received as the best glossary to his own plumb pudding: ‘"SYLVUS.—Put dates enough into the bag: but, dearest chuck, I prithee make me geldings of the PLUMBES!"’

You shall have further documents, equally important and authentic, in a few days, from, Mr. Editor,

Your's, A Modern ANTIQUARIAN,

PARAGRAPH.

We have it from high authority, that the merits of the great question, respecting the originality of the newly discovered PLAY, are put into a train of investigation, before a LITERARY COURT of ENQUIRY, which cannot fail of the most candid, and judicious decision:—It will be managed under the auspices of an illustrious personage, who fortunately unites in his singular character, all the critical and judicial talents, requisite for so solemn a disquisition!

TO CORRESPONDENTS.

March 20.

{inverted ⁂} The PROCESSION, on opening the LITERARY COURT to try the important QUESTION, whether VORTIGERN and ROWENA, is, or is not from the PEN of SHAKSPEARE? is intended for to-morrow's HERALD.

PARAGRAPH.
VORTIGERN AND ROWENA!!!

March 23.

IT is with much concern we announce, that the PROCESSION, preparatory to opening the Literary Court of Inquest, to try whether this DRAMA is, or is not written by SHAKSPEARE, was obliged to be suspended till Wednesday by an unpleasant accident. Signor DELPINI, that man of mighty mouth, who was to have walked as Champion to a PRODIGIOUS COURTIER, unfortunately dislocated his jaw bone in practising an Aristocratic Grin, in compliment to his illustrious Patron!—However, the Sieur FOLLET, almost equally great in the happy distortions of the human countenance, has kindly undertaken this interesting part, and to be ready in it, that day at noon, when this introductory spectacle will certainly take place, and our readers be no longer kept in a state of anxious expectancy!

FOR THE MORNING HERALD. VORTIGERN AND ROWENA! A COMI-TRAGEDY!

March 26.

Yesterday morning, at eleven o'clock, the several Officers, and other great Personages, assembled at the HUM MUMS, in Covent Garden, and from thence marched to the LITERARY COURT, in Norfolk-street, in the following STATE PROCESSION, viz.

Four MUTES, With their fore fingers placed on their lips.

A Bronze of Signor DELPINI,

In his happiest stile of face!

THE LOCK OF HAIR

Of Miss HATHAWAY, afterwards the happy

MRS. SHAKSPEARE,

Borne by Mr. Justice COLLICK, Hair Merchant,

His train supported by an Unlicensed HAIR-DRESSER, dishevelled, and without powder! preceded by a Banner, dedicated

To WIGGISM!

The Chief COOK of the Crown and Anchor Tavern, with cheeks a la blaze! carrying—on a trencher—The Book of FAMILY RECEIPTS! Six TRUNK MAKERS, two and two.

The Antique TRUNK

Covered with ASS-SKIN still perfect, but surcharged with moth, black beetles, and cob-webs!—the flappets of the covering supported by the six Senior ANNOTATORS on the Immortal BARD, and their train upheld by an equal number of FARCE Writers.—A Banner following, inscribed

Sacred to FICTION!

The PROMPTER of DRURY-LANE, gagged!

The Dramatic FAITH of Mr. SHERIDAN,

Delicately concealed in a Snow-drop,

And borne by Mr. KEMBLE, riding on an ELEPHANT,

Over whom waved a Streamer displaying the word MANAGEMENT!

A Groupe of SPIRITS—blue! red! black! and grey!

A Waxen Semblance of

The Mighty BURLEIGH!

His Banner advanced before, displaying

Three DRIED NEATS TONGUES,

The Family Arms, with their Motto,

"ELOQUENCE!"

The DANISH CHAMBERLAIN POLONIUS,

With his White Wand of Office, and his Train supported by

Three OPERA EUNUCHS!

The Sieur FOLLET,

In the Armour of HAMLET's GHOST, bearing the

Club of HERCULES, as his CHAMPION.

An Embossed MONEY-BAG,

With "LICENCES at any PRICE!"

Inscribed in Golden Characters.

Six FIDLERS, with broken bows!

Six FEMALE SINGERS, weeping!

BANNER—"Sacred to HARMONY!"

Sir FRETFUL,

Carried in torture on his own WHEEL!

The BLUE-Stocking CLUB

Slip-shod, and garter'd below knee!

VORTIGERN,

Represented by Mr. Kiddy DAVIS, as the only Gentleman of either Theatre, skilled in the Etiquette of Saxon Dignities, supported by the Under HARLEQUIN os Drury—Mr. DAVIS making it a special request, that his Train-bearer might be one who well understood trap!

DRAMATIC PERFORMERS,

Walking in pairs, after the antique fashion of

entering NOAH's ARK.

SCENT-•…ERS, &c. &c. &c.

The august procession entered the COURT about one, when the Commission was opened in due form: the interesting particulars of which, we hope to record on Friday next.

FIRST DAY's TRIAL.
VORTIGERN AND ROWENA: A COMI-TRAGEDY.

AS soon as the Court was opened with all due formalities, the DANISH CHAMBERLAIN, Lord POLONIUS, arose, and gracefully made an obeisance to himself in a spacious Mirror, which was instantly returned by a figure of similar dignity, from this STATE REFLECTOR, dexterously placed in the front of the CHAIR, that his Lordship might have the judicial advantage of seeing what he himself was about, which no other person in the Court could ever know, or possibly divine!—The Sieur FOLLET, as Chamberlain's Grand CHAMPION, then gigantically advanced, and after throwing down his gauge, and thrice brandishing his Herculean Club, affixed a written PROCLAMATION to its butt, when placing the smaller end on the bridge of his nose, the following preliminary CHALLENGE became visible to all around; viz.

"If any one present dare gainsay, that the Lord POLONIUS is the most witty! most wise! most valorous! most eloquent! most disinterested! most beloved! most puissant! most chaste! let him come forth, and I, the unworthy Champion of that mighty Lord, will tell him, that he lyes in his teeth; and, from my furious wrath the Lord deliver his miserable carcase!!?"

[Here an enraged Musician indignantly advanced, with an intent, as was supposed, to take up the glove: but was prevented, in being humanely knocked down by one of the Beef-caters.]—A nod mandatory was now given from the Chair as a cue to the principal Harlequin, who, waving his dagger of lath over a richly inlaid tablet, a pair of folding doors of ophir flew open, and discovered an irradiating glory of aethereal blue and gold, darting its transcendent beams on the Title Page of an antique volume in quarto, curiously filligreed, and fretted with moths and earwigs, and entitled ‘VORTIGERN AND ROWENA;’

On Harlequin waving his lath a second time, a light coloured cloud gently descended to a soft strain of Aeolian measure, which opening, displayed a scrowl with this Inscription—

Ye, of the School of Nature, as of Art, draw near,

"And faithful verdict give

"Between the sacred memory

"Of your Immortal BARD

"And his Accusers. by whom he now stands Charged

"As the Villifier of his own fair fame,

"In penning the COMI-TRAGEDY now before you!

"Peruse, therefore, this Dramatic RECORD,

"And your several judgments pronounced thereon.

"By selecting severally a Passage from the same,

"Which shall be enregistered,

"In affirmation, or negation of that

"LITERARY FACT, which the majority

"Of your suffrages must finally decide.

"APPROACH!"

The instantaneous pressing forward of the Literati! Cognoscenti! Diletanti! &c. &c. of both sexes, to inspect the Record, was so great and violent, that it reached even the Chair of State like an electric shock! when Polonius, rising up, in dignified dismay, signified to his officers, by the pale vibration of his nostrils, that it was his mighty pleasure the Court should be adjourned! This was effected by the talismatic sword of Harlequin as soon as possible, but not till a few pushing characters of the Literary Jurors had fixed on the following passages, and enregistered their votes thereon; viz.

PASSAGES SELECTED AS SUFFRAGES ON THE FIRST DAY's TRIAL; viz.
I.—Lady CH. C—B—LL.

—"LOOKE what a shape!

"Limbes fondlie fashioned in the wanton moulde

"Of Nature!—Warm in Love's slie wytcheries,

"And scorninge all the draperie of Arte,

"A spider's loome nowe weaves her thinne attire,

"Through which the roguish tell-tale windes

"Do frolicke as they liste!"

PAGE 17.—Guilty.

II.—Mr. B—F—Y.

"I do remember him a quaker boy to a Lisbon Vintner, who at morne washed his facre face in the Tagus to admire it in its glasse!—Next a grande compounder of sours and sweetes—himselfe the quintessence of bothe? Then was he a medlar in debate, until his eloquence leaked to the lees: now makes he oceans of plum wine, and, by contacte betweene water and browne sugar, will he muddle Christian men, as warie Dames catche flies!"

PAGE 83.—Not Guilty.

III—Lady A. MURRAY.

—"A lovely stemme,

"Whose cyon grafted from a Royal stocke,

"Earl•… •…tte forthe one sweete, and tender blossome,

"And then neglected, wildlie runne to ruine!"

PAGE 13.—Not Guilty.

IV.—Lord TH—RL—W.

—"He is a rough Smythe,

"Who o'er warme work, sweares, more than whistles;

"He makes poor punie knaves the bellowes blowe,

"But when the iron's well inflam'd, forth comes

"His mightie sledge, and thumps the pliante metalle

"To his purpose!"

PAGE 108.—Guilty.

V.—Mr. ST—V—NS.

—"He was, by ‘"an indenture to witte,"’ apprenticed to a twister of common sense, and afterwards set up fancie-monger on his own bottome: he lives now by stitching motlie buttons on dead Bards' jackets! And yet this varlet has humour; for he'll laughe you till his sides crack at his own comical disfigurements!"

PAGE 34.—Not Guilty.

SECOND DAY's TRIAL.

ON resuming the Grand Literary COURT on Saturday, order was happily restored, by an emanation of that official wisdom with which the LORD POLONIUS is so peculiarly gifted! A golden padlock, it seems, had been most delicately affixed that morning to the antique clasps of the COMI-TRAGEDY. This, at first, naturally excited a little surprize, but it was soon dispelled by the very graceful delivery of the following State Paper, from the courtly hand of Mr. Kiddy DAVIS, of the Theatre Royal, Covent Garden, whom the Manager has kindly lent, as SAXON REPRESENTATIVE in waiting of the heroic VORTIGERN!

(COPY.)

BY AUTHORITY!!

It is ORDERED, that no person, of what rank, quality. or degree soever, shall presume to take any part, share, or interest in, or give any public opinion on, the sacred DRAMA of Vortigern and Rowena, until such person shall have been first duly invested with a Two Guinea stamped LICENCE, under our hand and seal, on pain, and peril of being prosecuted with the utmost rigour, as a Vagabond, under the wholesome statute, entitled, "The Vag•ant ACT!" "so wisely instituted for the correction of such State abuses!

(Signed) POLONIUS.

(Counter signed) FOLLET. G. C.

This was allowed by all the knowing ones present, to be a thou, ht of the most profound polity, and equal to any thing recorded of the sagacious House of BURLEIGH! It naturally branched itself into a two-fold good; viz. 1. as a touch-stone of insurance as to the qualification. and ability of voters!—2dly—which his Lordship's liberality must mark as the principal consideration.—it instantly made the Literary Inquest more select, tended to exped•…e the proceedings of the Court, and thus pa•…tically expose the endless duration of Hastings' Impeachment. Licences were accordingly taken out by those who were prepared for this voluntary LEVY: and those who were not, were very decorously kicked out of Court!

Another decree of a subordinate kind, likewise passed, viz. to change the suffrage, annexed to the chosen Passages, from GUILTY and Not GUILTY, to "GENUINE" and "Not GENUINE;"—the vulgar repetition of the sound of guilt, &c. being sometimes observed to raise a demi-blush of confusion on the OFFICIAL cheek!—The solemn business of the day then commenced.

The following is the List of Licenced VOTERS, and their selected Passages, enregistered at this Sitting, which we are promised in time for to-morrow's publication, viz.

- 5. Marg. ANS—H.

- 6. Earl H—WE.

- 7. Hon Mrs. ST—N—PE.

- 8. Mrs. FIIZ—T.

- 9. Lord CH—R.

- 10. Marquis TOW—D.

The CLERK in COURT has directed us to make an Frratum in our first day's report, on the Passage which Mr. B—F—Y had so aptly selected for his conscientious suffrage to repose on!—we therefore request that the Cognoscenti will erase, and thus amend the Record: For

"washed his facre face in the Tagus,"

Write

"washed his fair in the Tagus,

"To admire it in its glasse, &c."

This emendation is unquestionably due to common decency as well as common sense. The word facre, as a Saxon derivative, unfortunately signifies sallow! it cannot therefore be supposed by those in any habits with the worthy Member for Yarmouth. that a Gentleman, naturally conscious of so fair a face himself, could have selected a passage thus personally repugnant to his own taste and feelings!

VI.—Marg—ne of AN—P—CH.

"Oh! she would enacte you, from earliest youthe, scenes to bewitche men's eyes! and eares! and hartes!—Of late she did performe the QUEENE right regallie; and got a goodlie Sir to play her FOOLE!—Heaven blesse her Highnesse: for she hath had her ups, and downes in this madde worlde in plentie!"

PAGE 3.—Not GENUINE.

VII.—Earl H—WE.

—"At ebbe of fleetinge life,

"One deed of armes he valiantlie atchiev'd,

"Of warlike enterprize!—Alofte he bore

"The British standarde to that ruthlesse coaste,

"Where Gallicke streamers deeply stained with bloode,

"Brav'd the indigant skie! there proudlie conquer'd:

"Oh! noblie done!—With laurel wreathe well grac'd,

"Nowe let the vet'ran Chiefe seek calme retreate,

"Cheer'd by the radiance of his settinge sunne,

Lest Chance should marre, by palsied stroke his fame!"

PAGE 12.—GENUINE.

VIII.—Hon. Mrs. ST—N—PE.

—"ROWENA hearde the tale,

"Smil'd midde her griefe, o'er all his val'rous deedes,

"Then ask'd, in teares, his storie o'er againe!"

PAGE 7.—GENUINE.

IX.—Lord CH—R.

"Howe can I shifte me more?—Have I not runne through all the colours of the changeful skie?—My coate and doublette, are they not thread-bare growne in turninge?—Were not my very skinne seene through, I•d trie the t'other side of that to please you!"

PAGE 76.—GENUINE.

X.—Mrs. FITZ—T.

—"O! lengthen'd torture of suspense.

"And must I grace a Courtlie Rival's triumphe?

"—Bende stubborne harte, and lowlie learn to me•te

"The toweringe eye of her, whose picture• charmes

"At distance won the fickle truante from thee.

"〈◊〉 too near thy weaknesses were seene,

And so they're nowe most speedilie forgotten!"

PAGE 2.—Not GENUINE.

X—Marq—s TOW—D.

"Of all your sharp-brain'd fellowes, give me a we witte! Why, he's the Prince of Bottle Conjurors! he'll draw you six long corkes in the twinklinge of a landladie's eye!—At Lente, a spice o' th' mo•al man comes o'er him; now weares he sackcloth, and loathinge his wine, chauntes straines of psalmodie in doleful spirit:—At Lammas, the flesh again prevailes, and then earrols he tales of bawdrie, 'till he sendes the Moone shame-faced to bed!"

PAGE 4.—GENUINE.

THIRD DAY's TRIAL.

XI.—Lord E—DL—Y.

—"Why, he's no JEWE! I sawe him eate Porke with a Pigge-driver, and afterwardes goe forthe, and hunt the Strande for a little sweete fauce to the fleshe!—Heaven blesse him; for he has a true Christian harte, that bids him ope his palme to all that neede it!"

PAGE 11.—Not GENUINE.

XII—Duchess of Y—K.

—"That's her, the mirrore of her sexe,

"Reflecting graces that adorne her state!

"View ye that eye uplifte, of purest blue?

"Not for her patiente selfe she askes a boone,

"But sighes for blessinges wyde on all arounde her!"

PAGE 3.—GENUINE.

XIII.—Miss OC—E.

"Where could I place my likinge more worthilie, than on his manlye witte, and playful partes?—An antiente aunte of mine, who is sande-blinde, faine would have crost my love—but I told her I had eyes, and could chuse my owne partner for Bindman's buffe!—My father, heaven thank it, is a goodlie man o' th' Churche, and well-natured—for he coaxed my chinne, and smiling saide—forget not, Childe, to worke me out a MITRE in chaine-stitche!"

PAGE 1.—GENUINE.

XIV.—Sir JOHN S—N•—•.

—"A ploddinge Sir, that dailie held

"Fantastic converse with his mother Earthe!

"A mightie an analyzer of all that's 〈◊〉!

"He'd turn the skinne of a poor barley-corne

"Full six times o'er its backe, t'explore its gender

"Bred in that frugal clime, where man per force

"Makes his poor breeches o' the cuttinge windes,

"He thought the humble her•ies in this might have

"Precedence; so he mov'd, kind soule, to cloathe

"The SHEEP, by special Acte of Senate!"

PAGE 6.—Not GENUINE

XV.—Lady AR—R.

—"Mine was the earlie arte

"To banishe Nature's blushes from the cheeke

"I learnt it of a Dyer's wife in SPAINE,

"Whose sace in Tyrian die was so engram'd,

"That Turkie Cockes assail'd her as she paste!"

PAGE 21.—Not GENUINE.

XVI.—Mr. T— TH—MP—N.

"I mett i' th' Vale of Eveshame the spawne of a Jew• Ped•…: He had wiselie made the most of his father's wares, for he wore them right swaggeringlie on hrs owne backe!—He was an odde fishe—talked of ducattes, as of duckes, and drakes—and swore he was circumcised i'th' fleshe, to become a mender of the State!"

PAGE 77.—GENUINE.

FOURTH DAY's TRIAL.

XVII.—P—ss of W—L—S.

—"She came

"A lovelie stranger to a foreigne clime,

"To seale her virgin wowe, and proudlie winne

"A People's homage!—

"Rough was her passage o'er! for three long Moones

"The fretful elements conspired in wrathe

"To wrest her from her LORDE!—but now arriv'd,

"Of this sweete, tender plante, O thou possest,

"Keepe from its roote the briar's thornie snare,

"And baneful creeping ivie of a Courte:

"So may this faire exoticke blesse our soile,

"And bloome therein at peace!"

PAGE 2.—GENUINE.

XVIII.—Duke of P—D.

"These habiliments of tissued honour, hange so looslie on me, that with reverence to my Grace, I am taken for little more than one decked out in other men's deserts.—Let that pass. But saie, on what state feature of my visage, dare any man read Dupe? 'Tis true that I am a serving man o' th' Courte!—Do all that wiser men command me—Keepe my Kinge's Council, and mine own place—Then dupe me no Dupes! And, were I not afraid of staininge my Courtly Doublet, I might scratch out that filthie worde with daggers: But I'll be no man's dupe in such bloodie deedes, that's poz!"

PAGE 100.—Not GENUINE.

XIX.—D—ss of C—D.

—"How's this? a marriage regalle,

"And I not bidden to the feaste?—The times

"Are shamefully untun'd—What then availes

"The minde well-fashion'd for a Courte intrigue?

"Or arte to lime the giddie royalle birde

"Ere he can soare on pinion of discretion?

"But as they've piqued my woman's pride,

"Let them look to't!—The honied-moon gone downe,

"I'll play the cat•…-cousin yet among 'em!"

PAGE 101.—GENUINE.

XX.—Sir WM. D—LB—N.

"A KNIGHTE begotten at a retreate i' th' holie wartes•… and now drie-nursed by his Alma Mater! He is a moral master of proprietie, and was at oddes with a cross-legged Oxforde Tailor, for turning out his toes on Sundai•… —So pious is his regarde for every man's soul, that he strives to packe it off to heaven in its best bib, and tucker!"

PAGE 1.—GENUINE

XXI.—Hon. Mrs. D—R.

—"She, from a block of Parian marble,

"Drewe cold antipathies 'gainst flesh and bloode,

"Which custome turn'd to loathinge. Nought could move

"Her wrapt imagination, save some parte,

"Or limbe, grac'd into muscular proportion

"By her own hand, so faire, and so creative:

"On this she'd gaze, and bende to sacrifice,

"With strange delighte!"

PAGE 4.—Not GENUINE.

XXII.—Mr. B—KE.

"I knewe a busie Esquire who consumed his daies in rakeing fierrie coales under the Cauldron o'the State to make hotte water!—yet he had genius, with which he sublimelie soared beyond human ken! it was also beautiful—for it scorned to traverse in a strait line;—heaven bless suche wittes from the foule fiende?"

PAGE 13.—Not GENUINE.

FIFTH DAY's TRIAL.

XXIII.—Earl of C—RL—LE.

"Thoughe once a Commissioner on a simple embassie, am I enacted a bond-man perpetual under the huge SEALE of follie?—Being both my friendes, and Statesmen now at oddes, you do mine honour much injurie! You have stucke me up as a pent-house, under which to meete, and call each other foule names by virtue of your prerogative courtlie! Doubtless, you will next expecte to shoote deadlie metal at each other, through my statelie bodie!—But thankes to my Witte, I have the gifte of rhyme; so will I speciallie indite my grievances in metre, that wise men may admire, and pitie me!"

PAGE 22.—Not GENUINE.

XXIV.—Marc—ss T—NS—D.

—"Howe she was won

"To yielde her virgin harte so stranglie up,

"No one hath chronicled; that Gossip save,

"Whose ill-engender'd tales of foule reporte,

"Truthe smothers soone as borne.—Oh! once betrothed,

"She, midde the ranke infections of a Courte,

"Bore her bewitchinge beauties with such grace,

"That not a lawlesse eye dare gaze upon them!

"Faithful to plighted vowes, her youthful course

"She run with adverse yeares; and spighte of bloode,

"Kept her quicke pulse by lowlie temp'rature,

"Coole as the lagginge current of her Lorde's;

"And thus in chastitie so rare,—became

"The envied mother of a lovelie race!"

PAGE 77.—GENUINE.

XXV.—Mr. C—NN—G.

"Before the moulting time, he promised to be a prettie Birde, of hopeful Songe!—A blyster on the backe of the State Chyrurgeon, for clippinge my young Dawe under the tongue, to make him more eloquente! Indeed, Dame, the poore cut fowle hath ne'er prattled to any tune since!"

PAGE 2.—GENUINE.

XXVI.—Miss B—Y ST—T.

"They call'd for Little Figure, as I dealt,

"And—Omen deare!—up came the KING of Hartes!

"—Would that he were not of the royalle bloode!

"And yet 'tis none of that produe current bids

"Mine tingle thus thro' every little veine;

"Oh no!—true love is far above all state:

"His lookes are Princelie—but his sighes, and vowes,

"Blende soft, and sweete with mine of humbler birthe!"

PAGE 117.—GENUINE.

XXVII.—Ad. M'BRIDE.

"I had sacked their faire Citie, but that the renigadoes of Dunkirke, like so many sea-moles, raised shoales, and sande-bankes to pick up my deep-water barques!—The Cowardes knew me well, and so came not within the reache of my red-hot shotte!—The first convenient Moone at fulle, I'll trie the knaves on t'other tacke—till then, I must content me with the goode reportes the dailie Newesmen do so prettilie promulgate of my fame!"

PAGE 99.—Not GENUINE.

XXVIII.—Duke of D—•.

—"Here Damsels! view

"A Knighte gallante, bedeekt in Beauties' spoiles!

"Her Roya•le ssemblance at my breast I weare,

"But have not said, her love she gave me with it;

"Of that no matter:—but by your bright eyes

"She had the most invitinge rubbie lippe,

"That France through all her womanhood could boaste!

"—Mark ye this ribbande of Imperial blue?

"If it were not her owne softe gar•…,

"Yet, I proteste, transportinglie 'twas gained,

"By the sweete breathe of her solicitude:

"What could a Regal beautie more?"

PAGE 11.—GENUINE.

SIXTH DAY's TRIAL.

XXIX.—Sir S—D—Y SM—TH.

—"When I served the Royalle SWEEDE, he gave my valoure fulle credence for what it did intende!—but my surlie countriemen are keene reckoners to passe a runninge account with—they will have the cleare sum total of bloode, and conflagration! Suppose ye, the Frenche, deepe skilled in the artes magique, mighte rebuilde the Shippes which my prowesse did annihilate—howe am I to blame?—I burnte them all to sea-charcoale, and that in the twinklinge of my owne Northerne Starre, as I am a Knighte, and a Circumnavigator? Had I thoughte that my reporte would have been unaccredited, I might have sworne that I ate them into the bargaine!"

PAGE 33.—GENUINE.

XXX.—D—tc—ss of R—T—D.

"Were I a Woman with an Angel face,

"By birthe distinguisht, and with children blest,

"I would not blurre the stocke of such faire fame,

"By apeing of the wanton thinge I am not!

"Youth's giddie meteor, Ladie, is gone bye,

"Lost in declension midde new blazinge starres:

"Why then through Follie's ever changeful skie

"Its tracklesse course pursue?—Have you not seene,

"When heaven's own constellations 'gin to wane,

"More, and more chaste, and envied they doe shine,

"Ey'n to their farewelle settinge!"

PAGE 108.—GENUINE.

XXXI.—CH—S WY—D—M.

—"I knewe him, t'other side the Appenines, on hi• youtheful travel, a fellowe of much honest worthe,—one wedded to his friende, and flaske!—No sooner did the Dog starre rage, than out he sallied forthe among the softer sexe, a gaie gallante!—and, by the masse, the rantipole dames of qualitie made the most of him!—Good nature was his foible; for he rode you his dailie roundes through Padua on horsebacke, to keepe honest men's wives quiet!—Even his hunter would stop, as 'twere by animal instincte, at the newest signe of the hornes!—The wagge has had his dave—and now calmlie sits •e downe, and talkes of •raile atchievements paste, like an invalided warriore, unfit for bodilie service!"

PAGE 4•.—Not GENUINE.

XXXII.—C—ss of AL—M—LE.

"Oh' she could shifte almost her lovelie sexe—

'To everie motion give a varying grace!

"This daie she'd leade the TROOPE i' th' tented fielde!

"Nexte—walke a furious matche 'gainst gaffer TIME!

"At heade of HOUNDES now hunte the wilie Foxe,

"Outstripe her Lorde, and claime the culprit's brushe!

"Then urge the Chariot race with fierie steeds!

"Or steer the VESSEL through overwhelming seas!

"—I marvel, when in aire she'll learne to flie!

"Oh winges she soone must have to soare alofte,

'And drawe men's eyes adoringlie tow'rds heaven!

PAGE 7.—Not GENUINE.

SEVENTH DAY's TRIAL.

XXXIII.—Earl FITZ—M.

"They sent me over seas, to be tossed by one of my owne Irishe Bulls!—When I thoughte to plaie on them a Yorkshire bite, slylie came there forthe one further from the Northe, who cabbaged all my buckram, and left my state doublet without bodie lineing!—Oh, Sir, they have treated me most insultinglie!—I have been caught in their Courte-trappe, like a Dunstable Larke, and now they intend to roaste and baste me, without any of the crumbes of comforte! But, by the grace of G—d, and the Bishop of mine own anointing, I have preserved true my Catholicke saithe!"

PAGE 77.—GENUINE,

XXXIV.—C—ss D—LK—TH.

"So faire a blossome hath not Scotia graced,

"Since the dire daies of Beauties' martyr'd Queene

"Her bridal Maides no am'rous flowret strew'd

"Before Rowena,—nature's sweetest bud,

"Who chastlie blush'd herself a damask rose;

"'Twas almost sinne to pluck it! I marvel much,

"Whether that envied chiefe, her Northern Lorde,

"Will give such hopeful lovelinesse in bloom,

"To the rude breathe of Caledonian climes!"

PAGE 121.—Not GENUINE.

XXXV.—Comm•dore P—NE.

"To serve a Prince right courteouslie, you should be no maker of mince meat!—Amphibious must you be!—prompt to atchieve strange deedes by lande, or water! on shore, his Highness' wantes, and wishes execute, before the fancie royalle hath time to fashion them: and when your barke's afloate, give up your pliant sailes to amorous windes, and fetch him cargoes of untried love from ev'ry pointe o'th' compass!"

PAGE 19.—GENUINE.

XXXVI.—Mrs. S—WB—GE.

—"How trulie widowed weeds

"Depict the semblance of a Woman's sorrowe!

"Well do they name these mournful ribands Love—

"Emblems of joye that's past, and love that's yet in store

"Come hither Blanche—say how I look to-daie

"For if my glasse speake true, this sorrowe feign'd

"Doth charminglie become me!"

PAGE 20.—Not GENUINE.

EIGHTH DAY's TRIAL.

XXXVII.—Earl of UX—GE.

—"I am myself descended from the antiente loines of Alexander the Copper Smithe! but it matters not how a greate man was either borne or begotten, if chance do but stande his God-father!—I knewe a fellowe, destined by fate to scratche like a mole under grounde, 'till delvinge there one luckie daie, he spied a veine of shinirge care, on which he sette men of more genius than himselfe to worke him out a Crownette—This, deckt with belles and feathers, on his owne temples of unblushinge metal formed, did he swaggeringlie place, for all men's eyes to marvelle at!"

PAGE 77.—GENUINE.

XXXVIII.—Sir CH. T—N—R.

—"Give me a SOLDIER of fortune, who can afforde to hunte his enemie abroad with bloode houndes! Re turninge home, he maie champion fate to th' uttermoste, and stand you undauntedlie a throwe o' the diceboxe, more deadlie than the rattle of Bellona's cannon"

PAGE 23.—Not GENUINE.

XXXIX.—C—ss of P—MF—T.

—"Oh, Sir! I'll wager you

"The Lapedaries skille 'gainst that of nature!

"It matters not howe plaine th' entablature

"Rounde which the cunninge artiste doth besette

"His sparklinge jewelrie—What Dame can lacke

"The living lustre of an hazle eye,

"Whose vacancie a brilliant gem filles up?

"—Or who the poutinge ripeness of a lip,

"Which rubies so enchantinglie supplie?"

PAGE 66.—GENUINE

XL.—Mr. C—WTH—NE.

—"My wife's BANKE is as firme as the proude one which the Londonne Merchantes doe intende for their faire citie!—I puncte at it mine ownselfe i' th' familie way, so both are gainers; for though she may cocke me out of my coine, I have my night's amusement for my monie!"

PAGE 30.—Not GENUINE.

NINTH DAY's TRIAL.

XLI.—Mar—ss S—Y.

—"As I am not more coylie fashioned than the huntress Dian, I finde no sporte i' th' Chase, unless they mount me on a mettled steede—one retaining all the powers which bounteous Nature gave him! I rode a geldinge in my youtheful daies—but the dull Mule had not one pace to please me! It joies me most to be in at the extatic deathe!—but howe that can be, I marvel, unless a woman be gaillie mounted?"

PAGE 25.—Not GENUINE.

XLII.—Earl of CH—TF—D.

—"Between you and me, he's become no less a creature, than the ear-wig of the Caxon Royale!—To be a bearer of wonderous tidings, is his soule•… delighte; and when he cannot picke up his budg•… fulle of tales, how marvelouslie will he com 'em!—He's chuck full of antickes—and he'll fetch and carrie post, like an over-sea dog, so that you do but laughe, and spit on a crust for his foolerie!"

PAGE 110.—GENU•…

XLIII.—Mrs ED. B—V—IE.

"Thinke not you gaze upon a statue here,

"Whose beauties live but on an outward forme!

"Inspecte the movements of Isphina's minde,

"And these will sanctione Man's idolatrie!

"—Her maiden modestie she still retaines

"Through all the duties of a wedded life.

"With meltinge energies of soul endued,

"See with what grace she mildlie yields her owne,

"Or rules by reason's charme another's will •…

"Oh let this lovelie gem be fairlie copied."—

PAGE 44.—GENUINE

XLIV.—Earl of J—Y.

—"I followe out Sovereigne Lord the Prince in Kendal Greene, to hunte the hinde, and harte, to the sounde of mine own horne!—Passing Hearne's •ate, our last ring i' th' forest, my roane mare made a false step, and wisking me o'er her eares, the jade must have split me, had I not fortunatelie fell into a buckthorne bush, where, as goode lucke would have it, I hung securelie 〈◊〉 own deare heade!"

PAGE 3—Not GENUINE.

TENTH DAY's TRIAL.

XLV.—Duke of N—K.

"Should a man in these hurlie-burlie daies, be permitted to weare a heade on his shoulders, let him not quarrel about the colour of it!—but if they powder mine, they shall eate it into the bargaine!—I'll weare my nob as long as I can, in sable, for the frailties of my bodie!—The knaves knewe that my sole delighte were in rape and canarie, and therefore have they clapped a double taxe on our Women, and Wine!"

PAGE 55.—GENUINE.

XLVI.—C—ss M—X—H.

—"That insinuatinge creature Man,

"Wooes us to cut the Gordian knot in twaine,

"Which ties the slender bande of wedded love!

"Tho' Woman's train'd to trim the Vestale lampe,

"It will not save her from the gazing eye

"Of lawless rapture!—O'er my witching face,

"I throwe my flowinge ringlets as I passe,

"To guarde me from their lookes lascivious;

"And yet the wanton windes weave them in snares

"To trap me sillie men so very faste,

"That for my foule I cannot set them free!"

PAGE 30.—Not GENUINE.

XLVII.—Mr. B—DH—D.

"Our House is sometimes haunted with evil sprites of fantasticke shapes, and colours! Once in twelve moones, they turn it out o' th' windowes, and I am placed belowe to catch it!—The neighbours saye, there's rare witte in all these doings—but in the quiet meekness of my harte, I ne'er could finde it out!"

PAGE 88.—GENUINE.

XLVIII.—Mrs. P—ZI.

"I knewe her the wife of honest Guzman, a good compounder of Malte, and Hoppes;—then had she the reasonable use of her mother-tongue.—No sooner was he defuncte, than she became enamoured of foreigne dignities,—wedded a Milanese piper, and travelled o'er the Appenines to the tune of his boxe of whistles!—On her returne, she set up a feminine manufactorie, for weavinge conversations superfine!—These tabbies pronounced the destinies of their owne sexe like Sybils, and became haters of mankind, because men liked them not! nay, the whimsical jades wore stockings of skie-blue, not having a leg among 'em to catch an eye, without the noveltie of colouringe!"

PAGE 68.—GENUINE.

ELEVENTH DAY's TRIAL.

XLIX.—Sir R—B—T M—CKR—H.

"I have ventured at last to be touched with colde iron, which argufies consequence, as well as valour!—To have a shininge blade whipped across my humble shoulder, by the dexter hande of Sovereigntie, gives me the polish of gentilitie, which rubs out everie spot of vulgar rust! At the first call to the presence royale, Caming up!•… says I, as cheerfullie as ever! on which the Lordes and Ladies of the Courte, in admiration of my witte, were pleased to laugh most heartilie!—Should any meddlinge foole aske of me, howe I came thus •ignified?—marry the answer's plame; because I got my monies darklie, and as it were i' the nighte, so in the wisdome of greater men than myselfe, I was thought right worthie to be be-knighted!"

PAGE 22.—GENUINE

L.—Lady C—NL—FE.

—"When summer revels 'gin,

"And through the woodland scenes, the beugle horne

"Calls forthe the merrie ARCHERS—blith I leade

"My buskin'd nymphes, equipt with graceful bowe,

"To trie their skille in Cheshire's bloominge vale!

"If with more arte my feather'd arrowes flie

"True to the target's center—quicke I turne

"A carelesse eare to flatterie's buzzing traine.

"Content with that fair-gotten meede of healthe,

"Which sportive innocence bestowes!"

PAGE 112.—Not GENUINE.

LI.—Lord C—TN—Y.

—"I sawe it flutteringe o'er a banke of violettes, gaier than a May-born butterflie!—If our Naturalists looke not to it, we shall loose, I feare, the stocke of this sweet non-descript in colde extinction; for, by the maste, it seemes too delicate, t'endure the vulgar tones of procreation!"

PAGE 78.—GENUINE.

LII.—Miss H—TH—M.

—"Nay, nay, flout me as you please, I'll keepe my spinster's humour! What care I, if I am doom'd to dance an ape in t'other worlde?—is it not better far, than being chain'd to one in this?—Tell me,—have I not a warme husbande in my bags of golde, in value of which the sneakinge fellowes would faine make me a wife!—For this coine of mine, which I knowe how to take care of myselfe, all men are my most devoted!—sweare I have more personal attractions than the Sea-born Goddesse, and that my circuitous waiste is more delicatelie shaped than even Dian's gridle—admirable conceits! But I have laughed at the humour of these poor knaves so long, 'tis no marvel I have growne FAT!"

PAGE 66.—GENUINE.

TWELETH DAY's TRIAL.

LIII.—D—ss of GL—R.

—"I scorne to ask of fate

"Why I, so regallie allied to thrones,

"Am thus debarred my lawful rightes of state,

"Of homage, fealtie, and courtlie ranke?

"In this long banishment from all my claimes,

"My woman's pride doth still sustaine

"The loftie bearings of a princelie mind!

"Rather than mingle with the motlie herde,

"Which 〈◊〉 the fleetinge noblesse of our land,

"In dignified obscuritie I'll dwell,

"And diet on mine own proud spleene till death!"

PAGE 21.—GENUINE.

LIV.—Earl of L—S—R.

"Why, Sir, he hath climbed every arm of the mightie tree of Genealogie, like a School-boie after Rookes nests; and can pointe you out the oldest branch, which bore his great forefather as its first fruit!—He hath a most sensitive nostril for the flowers of antiente Nobilitie—and will smell you out the stocke from our red or white 〈◊〉, a furlonge off!—He now delights in the sleeping languages of past daies, and therefore hath he been created great Lorde Decypherer of the dead •etters!—As an Antiquarian he is most dexterous, for he proved, in the teethe of the Courte, that he was born before his father, and therefore ought to be first thought of; and, in truth, so he was, for he slipt his head into an Earl's 〈◊〉, which they had beene preparing for his Sire!"

PAGE 114.—Not GENUINE.

LV.—Lady EL—TH F—R.

"You say, that Rowena should not have been compelled to wed according to the Law Canonical—marry, why? because the Lawe of Nature, which was the first, doth allow unto everie Spinster to burn and the like, after her own discretion? So that the worlde be but well stocked with sucklings, male and female, it matters not how they were born or begotten. If they finde not out their real Dams, give them but a good Foster Mother, and that will content them!"

PAGE 13.—GENUINE.

LVI.—Earl of A—LE.

"Oh, short indeed was that pale honie-moone

"Which shone on our greene loves! Could she not bear

"The mild remonstrance which affection moved,

"To shielde our blended pride from painful claimes

"Necessitie might rudelie presse!—Alas,

"It from that breaste, which I so fondlie made

"The secret treasurie of all my thoughts,

"I could not counsel ask, nor seek repose,

"'Twas well to sever thus our fates in twaine!—

"Come, little off-spring of our short-lived bl•…e,

"Dear tokens of your parents' happier daies,

"Take now the other share of my soul's love,

"Which she that bore you deems not worth her keepinge!"

PAGE 44.—Not GENUINE.

THIRTEENTH DAY's TRIAL.

LVII.—P—ss EL—TH.

—"Heaven bless her mertie harte! and keepe all sorrowe from it!—She is the sweet-tuned fiddle of her father's Courte, where no true pastime can be known without her!—Each bower, and hall, she decks with such true grace, that you might sweare where'er she moves, perpetual Spring attends her:—Oh! blithsome Princess! long may the mirthe of innocence be thine, and thou the faire dispenser of its power, to turn aside those barbed shaftes, which fate full oft doth forge. wherewith to wounde the bosome of a Kinge!"

PAGE 114.—GENUINE

LVIII.—Earl GR—R.

—"I met a Yeeman-pricker of the Chace, who, piteous fellowe,—pointed me sadlie out, a noble antient Staz, the feates, and frolickes of whose youthe were gone!—At rutringe time, now dothe he seeke the rushie-bottomed glen, thence to behold his successors trip by in lustie rivalrie, leading the amorous herde at pleasure o'er the heathe, while he dothe deeplie sigh for sportes now paste, and shed in lonelie solitude his hornes!"

PAGE 4.—GENUINE.

LIX.—D—ss H—L—N.

"Soft, unsuspicious sisterhood of mine,

"Ere you the hand of innocence bestowe

"On wooinge man—marke well, I praie,

"The temper of his mind!—Oh! wed ye not

"To brutal fulleness, in Lordlie shape,

"Or lowe vulgaritie disguised in state.

"Unheedinge this, incautioussie I fell

"From all the virgin pleasures of my youthe,

"To miseries almost confined to me,

"The titled shadowe of a widowed WIFE!"

PAGE 88.—Not GENUINE.

LX.—Sir Jos. B—KS.

"Why have I circled wide the varying poles?

"Search'd Nature to her source in every clime,

"Survey'd her animals, her plants, and flowers,

"Learnt every particle of sande by name,

"And lowlie dust of which vain man's compounded?

"Why ransack'd thus the ever-changeful globe,

"But to extende the social intercourse

"'Twixt Heaven's created beings?—This I've done,

"And moulded to one common will with mine

"Two [*] Creatures opposite in Nature's scale;

"Unbente their aukwarde dignitie of minde,

"To share with me equalitie of rights.

"Two yeares their bashful modestie I woo'd,

"Ere they, by joint consent, would imitate

"Man's daily avocations: docile growne,

"They now will reason with me on the square,

"Hop where I walke, and rest if I but pause!

"Eate when I feede, and sleepe at my repose!

"Thus we instinctivelie philosophize

"On all our little wantes for fleetinge life!"

PAGE 21.—GENUINE.

FOURTEENTH DAY's TRIAL.

LXI.—M—q—ss of S—Y.

—"Yes, that is the great POLONIUS himself!—He doth expect the humble homage of our knee—and must have it! I prithee call him not a shallow-witted Lorde, when his wise head is crammed so full of braines, that he knowes not which way to turne them!—Some whimsical God, in heathenish daies! decreed, that he should be born a loftie man, and a mightie!—He is the Custos Morum of the Harmonique Spheres, under whose authoritie poor Bardes, and Minstrels, are whipped from tything to tything!—likewise a deep Astronomer, skilled in the signs from Taurus to Capricorn! and so great a Naturaliste, that he knowes the buddinge season by the note of the prophetick Cuckoe!"

PAGE 87.—GENUINE.

LXII.—Lady W—M R—L.

"Oh, dearest Nurse! and it be like its father, as you saie, and a lovelie boy, see quicklie if it's prettie mouthe be furnished with a tongue!—and it be tied, I praie you cut, with tender care, the ligature in twaine, that the maladie of silence be not entailed upon our line of Males! Were it a girl—such pains were useless, as its Grand Mama, who hathe not yet the fruitful arte forsworne, full oft declared, no female progenie of hers could be devoid of prattling powers!"

PAGE 187.—GENUINE

LXIII.—Duke of R—M—D.

—"With fronte of colde, and weather-beaten brasse,

"Sullen he moved, and slowe, like batt'ring-ramme,

"As if he plann'd indignantlie to raze

"His own proude battelments!—then suddenlie

"With humble crest he spake!—

"In mine own workes, chin-deep was I entrench'd,

"Cover'd with bastions raised from mines of golde,

"Defyinge sap! or siege! or coup-de-main!

"Till one howitzer, mounted on an height,

"So gall'd my flanke—dismounted all my gunnes,

"That I a parlie beat!—no honours ask'd,

"Bat march'd me out, unable to contende

"Against the wratheful ORDINANCE of Heaven!"

PAGE 101.—Not GENUINE.

LXIV.—Lady W—L—CE.

"These are not the times to stand upon a punctilious observance of sexe, or to hide a masculine boi•… under the flimsie veil of female delicacie!—Looke upon the Scottish bonn•e BEL•…?—a 〈◊〉 citizen of ever• lande! She wears you men's fi•…ebegs looselie like a Turke!—can box with Datchet bargemen,—sw•… •…ke a mermaid with her fair face upwards!—and push low quarte with the nimblest masters of th' assault!—So amphibioussie created, as to be ready for any service, by sea, or lande! I've seen her tosse off a glass of flip, and dance a reele on deck, while the weather-beaten vessel was shaking under three reefed sails!—Put on shore, she would 〈◊〉 to the beat of martial drum, hoiste up her under-petticoat to drie, and while it was shot at by Kentishe Volunteers, laugh at the b•…ling marksmen, for not hitting the target in the bud's eye!"

PAGE 55.—GENUINE.

FIFTEENTH DAY's TRIAL.

LXV.—Princess R—L.

"No, in good soothe!—I am not one of those

"To breathe out sighes for that vain creature Man

"To lorde it o'er me in an unknown clime!

"Too soone the softe delusion of his tongue

"A changeful husband turns to wanton dames!

"Let others then in patient silence sit,

"And see each Ladie of their Courte carest,

"Or lowlie handmaid of their house preferr'd;

"But I'll ne'er pine, or fade in splendid sorrowe,

"Compell'd to weare the semblance of delighte,

"While my swoln harte is rending with its grief!

"In peace domestique rather let me dwelle

"Within the bosome of my native isle,

"Nor barter blessings of a British growthe,

"For foreigne miserie in state array'd!"

PAGE 132.—GENUINE.

LXVI.—Duke of M—GH.

—"He was a marvellous admirer of the Antients, and recommended the antique coinage to the treasurie of his friendes, content himself with hoardinge up the golden produce of the moderne mints! In wordlie wisdome he had a right saving knowledge, so that he wasted you no more wordes, than pistorines!—As a greate man he panted after elbowe-roome—and gained it, by adding unnumber'd acres to his vaste domaines! He followed not his martial progenitor in surrounding vast Empires, but indulged himself in the pacifique plan of drawing a line of circumvallation round a single Shire!—For this, upon his table sovereignlie becarpetted, do lie the maps, and charts of neighbouring demesnes, which, as a mortal with an earthlie-minde, his eye doth greedilie devour!"

PAGE 99.—Not GENUINE.

LXVII.—Mr. T—R—V—S.

"I marvel whether it be profitable, or not, in Jewe, or Gentile, to chaunte ballades of bawdrie for loose Lordes, and crack luscious jokes to yielde them the kernels, 〈◊〉 time hath lest him tootheless?"

PAGE 181.—GENUINE.

LXVIII.—Lady D—Y T—MP—N.

"In daies of yore, I drewe God's Creatures male about me by the light of a lovelie countenance! I had an eye then which made some of them smart for it: but that's gone bye. So now with lengthened veil, and demitie coats cut short, I sallie forthe in everie flauntinge breeze, and make them prance like madmen after me, to the elastic spring of my well-turned leg; while I, a flying Daphne, chide the rude windes which give it to their view!—As for the lost expression of an eye, it matters not, because a willing tongue abundantlie supplyes it!"

PAGE 48.—Not GENUINE.

SIXTEENTH DAY's TRIAL.

LXIX.—Lord K—Y—N.

—"If he be not great grandson to the pepper-corn Llewellen, then knowe I noughte of the race of A•∣•…te Britons!—but let that pass.—When a striplinge, he did serve by virtue of indenture tripartite, old Capia•, a slie b•g foxe of the Lawe hard bye the W•…ken! there picked he up the minor quirkes, and quidlibets; but to the darker mysteries of the blacke Arte, he entered a demurrer! From retailinge Lawe thus in small portions averdupoise, he became by degrees the greate dispenser of that wholesome drug to the King's wide commonweale! Still kepte he his ballance so nicelie poised, that yieldinge to no other weighte, a single scruple of his own conscience would turne the beame. Some liken him to a cholorique Chymiste, whose virtue is tried by his own fire;—but what heedes the outwarde wrathe of him, who hathe a minde within, pure as the mountaine aire which first he breathed!"

PAGE 237.—GENUINE.

LXX.—C—ss W—DG—VE.

—"Far from the worlde retired,

"In plaintive widowhoode she past her daies!

"The deeplie-graven image of her Lorde

"Was treasured at her harte, and there faste bound

"By the dear pledges of a well-tried love!

"Each fleetinge houre she call'd her little traine,

"Looked for some featured copie of their Sire,

"In fonde expectancie that she might trace

"A buddinge likenesse in each youthful minde,

"Sweete proxie of the noble worthe she lost!"

PAGE 166.—GENUINE.

LXXI.—Earl P—T.

"Yes, yes, I tell you! the same COUNT TIVOLIO who did pennance last Lent at the Roman Carnival! A man of taste so much refined, that he will dance along the flintie way to Mantua barefooted, to the tune of a good dinner, so that you call not on him to paie the piper! He hathe a nature created with exquisite sensibilitie for bodilie endurance! He saith in veritie, that man was fashioned for long sufferinges; that if they tosse him up a chimnie like a pancake, he ought not to murmur—nor complain of those who may kindlie beat him as they do a Turkie carpet, to get the dirt out of it by manual compunction!"

PAGE 91.—Not GENUINE.

LXXII.—D—ss of G—D—N.

"Ken you that Dame from t'other side the Tweede?—'Tis the gaie wife of the puissant Thane!—Becoming, as Gossip Fame reports, an analyser of Burgundian juices, they caught her faire face like the wildfire of St. Anthonie, and cruellie marred its beauties!—Under the radiance of her owne countenance, she can now warmlie delineate all Heaven's created things by their proper names, without further blushinge!—Rearing a broode of March chicks wiselie, she did kindlie accommodate two sucking Dukes with a pair of them, as greate bridale bargaines! and for her prettie nestlinge that remains, she doth promise to herself as goode a market!—Ever merrie is her hearte, that trips it lightlie to a joyous reele, and politique her heade, that games her the choicest secrets that passe between the poles!"

PAGE 113.—Not GENUINE.

SEVENTEENTH DAY's TRIAL.

LXXIII.—D—ke of G—FT—N.

"How is it, lordie Senators, that a smuggled dash of the bloode regalle curdlinge in a mortal man's veines, should freeze up the genial currente of his soule?—If any one hathe neede to gaze upon the puissante Hugoito, it must be at distance vast! for he is more loftie than any other of God's creatinge, by many cubittes! Prouder in prosperitie than a pamper'd War-horse, although in jeopardie of state he bends his raven crest, till you may drive him before you like a pinion'd Storke: so imperious in a fielde of hunters, that every one is inclined to become his WHIPPER-IN right heartilie! 'Tis said an aguish kind of love fit attacked him, tottering under the excess of power, and that the same palpitation shooke him out of his Mistress, and hi• Place! A raie of sunshine once rudelie broke o'er the darke horizon of his visage, and forced a smile; but in penance for the familiar deede, he hath thenceforth doomed his face to the planetarie influence of a diget's eclipse!"

PAGE 123.—Not GENUINE.

LXXIV.—C—ss of D—BY.

"Lo! milde Rowena to her friendes restored,

"And all the meedes of innocence and peace,

"Lookes on the troubled waters she has past

"With wonder at her owne deliverance!

"Still her faire browe its diadem displaies,

"Which female artes would sain have wrested from her,

"Pitying she sees a rival queene be-deckt

"With fancied coronettes of changeful hue;

"While she with witte and pleasantrie beguiles

"The fleetinge houres; nor doth a painful sighe

"Her bosom move, save one of penitence

"For waywarde errors of unguided youthe!

"Oh! there be those, who sufferinge like her

"Had sighed their little hartes in twaine—nay wept •

"Two lovelie eyes to ceaseless founts of sorrowe!"

PAGE 44.—Not GENUINE.

LXXV.—Lord B—G—VE.

"Why, even in the goe-carte of the schooles was he made to prattle like unto a linguiste of Athens, having his gums rubbed every morninge with a Greeke coral by his Alma Mater!—With his yeares grewe an itchinge ambition to become a maker of orations in the dead languages, which few men livinge might comprehende: for this, he attempted to speake with the pebble of Demosthenes in his mouthe before the astonished Senate, which becominge unmanageable, it did unfortunatelie begagg the aspireinge Declaimer!"

PAGE 54.—Not GENUINE.

LXXVI.—C—ss of B—K—M—RE.

—"Playing in all shapes, and kindes, doth marvellouslie delighte me!—I can play most adroitlie at a reunde game; and a busie knife and forke at a rounde table!—Although our Stage be on the decline, I marvel much if it can fall while I continue the maine prop of the Theatre!—Whene'er I do enacte, beare I not all before me?—Ev'n the last time I did perform a movinge parte in a piece militarie at the Duke's privie Drama, as I carried off the west-end of a fortified towne in my retreate through the side wings of his Grace's scenerie! The next parte I do aslume will be that of the Jewishe Shylocke, findinge my owne propertie of bearde—after wh•ch I will have my pound of fleshe for supper, or my cooke shall answer for the defaulte by losse of his vocation!"

PAGE. 166.—Not GENUINE.

EIGHTEENTH DAY's TRIAL.

LXXVII.—Earl of H—TH.

"Though begotten in a cloudie nighte, he was most noblie brought forthe under lunar influence, and therefore soon became a dabbler in mysteries coelestial! He was so well with the plannettes, that he could put you off an Eclipse for three weeks upon a stretch, to the great confusion of all astronomers!—Descended from King Bladud in a converse line, he did decree himselfe hereditarie ruler of the tepid Baths, and there tumbled into hot water by virtue of his owne special prerogative!—As for Minstrels, and Shew-folkes, he banished them his dominion, because they played the foole more wiselie than their better!"

PAGE 114.—GENUINE.

LXXVIII.—P—ss M—RY.

"Amid the princelie blossomes which adorne

"Old Windsor's happie shades, can nature shewe

"A fairer flower to blesse each •avish'd sense?

"More bloominge as she seems in beautie's scale,

"Her minde with all the social graces st•…'d,

"Growes riper yet in sweete benevolence.—

"Heroic youthes, for chivalrie renown'd,

"When foreigne warfares shall no longer rage,

"Turne to this isle your royale course in peace;

"Here viewing well the lovelie treasure, saie,

"Is't fittinge this faire forme should fade unseen,

"Like the pale lillie in sequester'd vale?"

PAGE 222.—Not GENUINE.

LXXIX.—Arch—p of Y—.

"In these hacking times of war, see that your mitred Abbottes be formed out of blusse materials—men who will fall to fightinge ere they have whistled o'er their holie mattins!—Commende unto me for the heade of the true Churche Militante, the most reverend Thwack-haussen!—he hathe a mightie arme for conqueringe the stubborne fleshe of others, and from his earliest daies hath ruled it with a birchen sceptre!"

PAGE 23.—Not GENUINE.

LXXX.—Mrs. C—NC—N.

—"Our house is destined for the seene of whimsical adventures! Unrobeinge myselfe in my chamber the other nighte, methoughte I hearde some strange noise not far distant from my bed!—fearfullie I searched in vaine, the place most likelie to conceal a man—but lookinge underneath the vallence, I espied one, at the sighte of whome my life-bloode ebhed, and in my swoone the russian 'scap'd away!—What his busine•… could be under the bed I cannot divine—but he meant no goode, or surelie he had not been there!"

PAGE 321.—GE•…

NINETEENTH DAY's TRIAL.

LXXXI.—Mrs. M—ST—RS

"Havocke I wotte, hathe this faire Syren made

"Mid poore men's mortal hartes, bestricken with

'The keeene blue light'ning of her roguish eyes

"Still Beautie's flauntinge banner she displaies

"With all the little loves so cluster'd rounde,

"That TIME himselfe enlistes her gaie gallante,

"Bids all her yeares roll pleasurablie on,

"Allowes nor furrowe to despoile her browe,

'Nor single rose-bud to forsake her cheeke,

"That to his desolating power no charge

Might lie, for losse of lovelinesse so rare!"

PAGE •23—GE•…

LXXXII.—Duke of C•—•…

—"Amphibious form'd,

"O'er sea and land indignantlie he roll'd,

"As if no element beneathe the starres

"Were worthie his dominion!—Yet stoop'd he

"To female yoke, and humblie then became

"The foster father of some merrie prankes

"Which his harte's Qu•…n with other folke had play'd

"Though he's a Princelie Chiefe of bouncing wordes

"One pepperinge vollie of her comicke clacke

"Larums his mightie soul to mute subjection!"

PAGE 44.—Not GENUINE

LXXXIII.—Miss P—LH—M.

"Oh! the she-sharkes who surrounde the tables of chance, devoured all my ducattes in my youthe, and now they shie at my miserie, like a prieste at a poore mendicant!—I am nightlie refused the loane of a •ingle stake for one solitarie cocke; so that, biteinge my fingers ends in madnesse, I sit now an idle spectator of •ortune's miscluefe, without a consoleing share in the undoinge of others!"

PAGE 20.—Not GENUINE

LXXXIV.—Mr. M—•LET—N.

"What art thou, memorie, but a rash obtruder?—〈◊〉 a fell despoiler of man's fortune! The little share of thy retentive facultie I do possesse, I will use as warie men do a darke lanthorne, making it visible on lie to illumine their owne pathe!—For my parte, I'll put a remembrance on no one's wordes—not even on my owne, if it be not my goode pleasure—Why should I weare a memorie, like a tablet on a market crosse, to make inquisitive knaves as wise as myselfe'—I am well travelled i' th' manners of the East; so that, would men derive information from me, it must be as from the radiant dial, which answers interrogatorie none, unlesse you make the sun to shine right smilinglie upon it!"

PAGE 10.—GENUINE

TWENTIETH DAY's TRIAL.

LXXXV.—Marquiss C—NW—S.

—"What though his bodie

"Yielde to the fraile infirmities of nature,

"His loftie mind atchievements hath in store,

"O'er which brighte Honour proudlie may displaie

"His purest standarde!—Not in carnaged fieldes

"Beflowed with human gore, are we to searche

"For his faire fame, but in surviving hostes,

"In vanquish'd countries, and their prostrate chiefes

"Rescued by him from wanton desolation:

"Such are th' heroicke deedes which Virtue claimes

"Of mightie valour!"

PAGE 76.—GENUINE

LXXXVI.—Miss VAN—CK.

—"They shall find me somebodie in the P•… Chamber, since they have chosen me Bearer of her Highnesse' Privie Purse!—Though as yet but an 〈◊〉 honour, I do accept it in the fullness of my grace right thankfullie.—Nowe that I grow in state, as well as stature, the PRINCE may comment at his pleasure on the comeliness of my person; and I will give the Wag a grilled Capon, with catches and glees, whenever it may suite his royale humour to sojourne with me soberlie at midnighte!"

PAGE 22.—Not GENUINE.

LXXXVII.—Earl of INC—Q—N.

—"By the holie St. Patricke, but I have been a spend-thrifte after the polite artes, by which I might be able one day or t'other to t•…rn a saving pennie!—Being born executor to Sir Launcelot, the great •…mner, I had the over-rummaging of all his pieces, both dead and alive! Och! to be sure and I did not espie me a prettie tight kit-cat among them, in which there was g•…e keepinge: so with a little •yle varris•s of Blarney, I brought out the beauties of the sweete Crat•, to secure them, d'ye see, in my own private Collection!"

PAGE 33.—Not GENUINE.

LXXXVIII.—C—ss of B—SR—CH.

"Far you might trace ROWENA's sad returne

"By teares incessante which bedew'd her way

"Ah! wherefore journie into distante climes

"For that repose the minde had lost at home?

"Swiftlie the rumour of our early deedes

"Flies on before us, and dothe of-times blighte

"Those poppie flowrets which our fancie rear'd

"To strew oblivious over our sorrowes past!—

"Rest now faire wanderer within our isle;

"And if domestique solace thou wouldst knowe,

"Oh shun the Circe artes of thine own sexe,

"Which ruine more, than those of man's undoing!"

PAGE 101.—GENUI•…

TWENTY-FIRST DAY's TRIAL.

LXXXIX.—Duke of R—TL—D.

—"If I had not escaped me from the under-petticoates of these d•atinge DOWAGERS, they would have smothered my peeringe manhoode with the warmthe of their maternal affection!—One of them read me nightlie lectures on the beauties paramount of the antique; and these, with boyish rapture, did I estudie, until her Grace, my better-knowinge Mother, chid me for my follie, and bade me launche my buoyant barque upon the flowing tide of youtheful transportes!"

PAGE 87.—GENUINE.

XC.—March—ss of T—CHP—•.

"Saie, when you likened it to new fallen snowe,

"And planted countlesse kisses on my hande,

"Was it in rapture o'er its outwarde shape,

"Or what its golden palme did then containe?

"Whate'er the motive of this worshipe—take't,

"And all the treasure which it doth possess:

"I praie you look not scrupulouslie nice

"At its contentes; of g•lde there is enough

"To rub, and polishe o'er the rustic spots

"With which dire povertie dothe sometimes blu•

"The noblest ermine!—Howe it were begotte.

"That heede not now: should some be found that's base,

"'Tis fitter barter for those bauble plumes

"With which weak women do their pride ennoble!

"Husbande this wealthe right well my Lorde, if not

"Your wife; 'twill aide you in those times of neede,

"When vain distinctions may be trod to duste,

"And all your plighted vowes be lost in aire!

"—So take me as you found me, SCOT, and lot!

"But see you fairlie deal at present by me,

"For I was trained to know when people do [*] plaie foule."

PAGE 210.—Not GENUINE.

XCI.—Mr. Secretary W—ND—M.

—"How sharplie sette are all his seven wittes for the affaires of State! Amidst our Sovereigne Lorde's right sapiente advisers, that's the man who will make the most of a shatter'd braine, my life on't! By the masse, but he will sub-divide you the pericranium human into as many crooked axioms as there be haires on the scalpe of a wilde Indian! then so deeplie skilled is he in your mathematiques, that he will set any one's toothe on edge by the mere fileing of his logical sawe!—Most wiselie did they constitute him their Secretarie of WARFARE, because he could write a legible hande in slaughter; nay, and prove upon a pinche, by his bob-minors and majors, that the Constitution is physically undone, unlesse it be let bloode freelie in the KYNGE's name!"

PAGE 123.—GENU•…

XCII.—Mrs. GR—Y.

"This wedded sparke of mine would make a husbande far more conjugal, if he were a Statesman less consequential!—At times, when I do fondlie interpret the language of a looke, to the gaze of admiration on the person he did sweare to love, for better and for worse—he dothe my verie soule bechill with some exclamation of—‘ the GENTLEMAN in his eye!"’—Now quicklie turning rounde, threatens to—‘"divide the House"’—with which in wedlocke he en•owed me!—Anon he whispers in mine ear somewhat of ‘"a motion he would make;"’—but soone, alack, cries out, ‘"I've lost it by the previous question!"’—Heaven defende his sweete wittes, and direct them to one faire point of love or politiques, for, in their divided state, I feare he'll marr them bothe!"

PAGE 44—Not GENUINE.

TWENTY-SECOND DAY's TRIAL.

XCIII.—Sir JOSEPH M—WB—Y.

"I am neighbour, at nexte doore, to Sir HUGO BO•…∣SKIM, the sturdie Knighte, who picked up his crumbes in the pig-market! The comelie sausage-women ha•d by the Poultrie do bend the knee of curtisie to his Worship, because he dealeth hugelie in swtne's fleshe!—Once on a time he was accounted a man of witte, and then fitlie chosen to represent his own hoggerie in sage convention. Moreover, he had an intrigue with an underlinge of the Muses, from whence sprung Ch•…∣mas Ca•rols, and Bellmen's Verses, to the marvellous annoyance of sounde sleepers!"

PAGE 66—Not GENUINE

XCIV.—Countess of CH—TH—M.

"Aye! there's a creature feminine, of whome

"The worlde may proudlie boast.—With store of charmes

"And blandishments that so bedeck the sexe,

"She, from the yieldinge of her gentle harte,

"Hathe walk'd fair honour's hand-maide,—earlie shunn'd

"The flauntinge scenes of Courte parade, to acte

"The humbler duties of domestique life.

"Simpl•e attired, as innocent in minde,

"With all the sweete benevolences graced,

"Her polish, 'came by habit so engrained,

"That Slander's biteing •ile could never touche it!"

PAGE 55.—GENUINE.

XCV—Mr. STR—T, (late Member for MALDO•…

—"No idle prater he, but a dealer in fewe wordes; and those he doth vouchsafe to utter, carrie with them a convincing charme! There is ev'n such magique in his monosyllables, that a single negation of his i' th' Senate hath strucke your Partie-mongers dumbe!"

PAGE 46.—GENUINE

XCVI.—Lady MARY D—NC—N.

—"Because it did her Ladie-ship delighte, to mounte her on some barren staffe, like birchen broome, she was a WEIRD SISTER, wrongfullie y'clep'd!—In veritie she is the widowed remnant of the DUNCAN race, allied to rapes, and massacres of yore!—for this hathe she unsexed herself to mortal sighte, that men might marvel on her gender, and she avoide those perils known to bothe!—She hathe a meltinge soule for melodie, which in charitie she lendes to knaves despoiled, who chaunte their earlie losse in lamentable strames!"

PAGE 39.—Not GENUINE.

TWENTY-THIRD DAY's TRIAL.

XCVII.—Lord W—M G—RD—N.

"Time was, I roved through Beautie's gay parter•e,

"And cull'd the sweetest blossomes of the spring:

"But now, alack! mine own poor leafe grows seare

"And fadeth with the frailties of the fleshe!

"Then what availe the youthful daies I've known,

"The sillie hartes with perjured vowes I've limed,

"And all the pageantrie of lawlesse love?"

PAGE 66.—Not GENUINE

XCVIII.—Mrs. M—YN—L.

—"My kennel-bred Sparke, dothe fume and frette, like one of his own mad packe, at the parchinge drought which thus his Chace delaies.—Indeed I think it longe myself ere he can hie his mettled houndes once more to cover—till then, the harvest is kept backe from which I yearlie reape my gaier prodigalities. For this, like DIAN, do I sit the jollie matron of an Hunter's boarde, while minor Dukes and whelp-linge Lordes with Bumpers charged, to me appeal, on flyinge Leapes which they so madlie take?—whose learthern gaskins are of trimmest shape? or who does talihoo the sighted Foxe in straines of loudest dissonance?"

PAGE 56.—Not GENUINE.

XCIX.—Admiral Lord BR—DP—T.

—"That sturdie son of Neptune doth mine 〈◊〉 suite right well •—where'er his streamers flie, the• 〈◊〉 be-lorde it o'er the element of waters, that not a 〈◊〉 Gallique barque will he permit to ride in suretie on it—Roughe as the blowinge tempest of the Northe is h• afloate—but when on shore, the milder influences pre¦vaile againe, and swaye his minde to calm urbanitie"

PAGE 114.—GENUINE

C.—D—ss of D—V—RE.

"Saie, how can earth's gross meteor, long abide,

"When heaven's owne planets topple from their height?

"You lovelie orbe which nowe is on the wane,

"And but by shepherdes seene at twilight grey,

"Was once the morning starre that did arise

"Most radiantlie be-gemmed?—A gazing worlde

"Confest its genial influence around!

"Wise men did journie from the Easte to view't,

"And bend in humble adoration of its power!

"But now 'tis falling from its circled heighte,

"To leave a darken'd void 'mid beautie's sphere!"

PAGE 221.—GENUINE.

Notes

*
Alluding, as Mr. MALONE shrewdly suspects, to the extraordinary whim of a Naturalist in those days, who devoted his latter years to the humane office of taming a TOAD, and a BADGER! After reconciling their rude antipathies, he domesticated them with so much address to his own family, as at last to boast of them, as a pair of the most rational beings in the whole circle of his acquaintance!
↵

*
Mr. MALONE, but with a becoming diffidence on so delicate a point, is inclined to think ‘"that the immortal BARD here levels a favourite PUN at some family anecdotes, well known at that aera in the Annals of GAMING."’
↵

Information about this book

Title statement

Passages selected by distinguished personages: on the great literary trial of Vortigern and Rowena; a comi-tragedy. ... Volume I. [pt.1]

Dudley, H. Bate, Sir (Henry Bate), 1745-1824.

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ID [ota]

http://ota.ox.ac.uk/id/5229

ID [isbn10]

1106022289

ID [isbn13]

9781106022288

ID [TCP]

K109092.001

ID [BIBNO]

CW3313688139

ID [ECLL]

0537400801

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Source

— Passages selected by distinguished personages: on the great literary trial of Vortigern and Rowena; a comi-tragedy. ... Volume I., Dudley, H. Bate, Sir (Henry Bate), 1745-1824., Dudley, Mary Bate.. Seventh edition.. v.1 (viii,101,[3]p.) ; 8⁰. London :: printed by H. Brown, for J. Ridgway,. [1798?]. [Dedication signed: Ralph Register, i.e. Sir Henry Bate Dudley and Mary Dudley, his wife.] [A satire on the leading public characters of the day in a series of passages professing to be quotations from William Ireland's play; it originally appeared from time to time in the 'Morning herald' and was written by Dudley and his wife (D.N.B.).] [Preface of vol 1 dated: "Oct.5, 1795.".] [Reproduction of original from the British Library.] [English Short Title Catalog, ESTCT138274.] [Electronic data. Farmington Hills, Mich. : Thomson Gale, 2003. Page image (PNG). Digitized image of the microfilm version produced in Woodbridge, CT by Research Publications, 1982-2002 (later known as Primary Source Microfilm, an imprint of the Gale Group).]

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