Animal magnetism, a farce: in three acts, as performed at the Theatre Royal, Covent-garden,.

Table of contents

- [titlepage]

- DRAMATIS PERSONAE.

- ACT I.

- ACT II.

- ACT III.

FINIS.

ANIMAL MAGNETISM, A FARCE, IN THREE ACTS, AS PERFORMED AT THE THEATRE ROYAL, COVENT-GARDEN,

DUBLIN, Printed for P. BYRON, GRAFTON STREET.

DRAMATIS PERSONAE.

MEN,

- Doctor Mr. Quick,

- La Fluer Mr. Blanchard,

- Marquis de Lancy, Mr. Mackready,

- Jesfrey Mr. Cross,

- Piccard Mr. Rock,

- Francois

WOMEN.

- Constance, Mrs. Wells,

- Lisette, Mrs. Mattocks,

ACT I.

SCENE.—An Apartment in the DOCTOR's House.

A Table, a Chair, Pen, Ink, and Paper.

Enter CONSTANCE hastily, meeting LISETTE.

Constance.

LISETTE, Lisette, who do you think I have just seen.

Lis.

Your old guardian I suppose.

Con.

Do you think I should look thus pleasant if it was he I meant?

Lis.

Who then, our jailor who keeps the keys?

Con.

What poor Jeffrey, ha, ha, ha!—how you talk.

Lis.

No, no, I guess who you mean, the young Marquis De Lancy, and he has passed so frequently under your window within these few days, that I am amazed your guardian, with all his suspicions, has not observed him.

Con.

He has walked by above ten times within this hour, and every time with his eyes fixed up to the lattice of my window, and I had no heart to remove from it, for every time he saluted me with the most respectful bow.

Lis.

Was his valet with him?

Con.

No, but I saw another person in deep conversation with him, a strange looking man, who appeared like one of the faculty, for his dress very much resembled that of my guardian's.

Lis.

Who wou'd it be?

Con.

But what most surprised me, he had a letter in his hand, which he respectfully held up to me; but I could not reach it.

Lis.

I know who it is—La Fluer, valet to the Marquis, disguised as a doctor, and I have no doubt but under that disguise he will find means to introduce himself to your old guardian, and perhaps be brought into the very house, and if I can assist his scheme I will; for is it not a shame the doctor should dare here in Paris to forbid both you and your servant to stir from home; lock us up, and treat us as women are treated in Spain.

(with anger)

Con.

Never mind, Lisette, don't put yourself in a passion, for we can learn to plot and deceive, and treat him as men are treated in Spain.

Lis.

Right, Madam, and to prove I am not less inclined than yourself to Spanish manners, I am as much in love as you are.

Con.

Not with the Marquis?

Lis.

Do you think I don't know better where it is my duty to love? I am in love with his man—

Con.

I wish I knew the contents of that letter he held out to me.

Lis.

That you are beloved—admired, I can tell every word in it—I know every sentence as well as if I had read it—and now, madam, it is my advice, you sit down and answer it directly.

Con.

Before I have read it?

Lis.

Yes, yes, give your answer at the time you receive his letter—consider how convenient it will be to give the one, while you take the other—we are so watched you know, that we ought to let no opportunity pass, for fear we should never get another, and therefore when he finds means to send his letter, you must take the same to return yours.

Con.

But if my guardian should even know I had written to a gentleman.

Lis.

I'll write for you—and should there be any discovery the letter will be in my hand writing, not yours—we must lose no time—the Doctor is abroad at present, and it must be both written and delivered before his return.

(She sits at the table, and begins to write.)

Con.

But my dear Lisette—

Lis.

Don't put me out.

Con.

What are you saying?

Lis. (writing)

What you are thinking.

Con.

You don't know my thoughts?

Lis.

I do—And here they are in this letter.

Con.

Let me look at it.

Lis.

No don't examine your thoughts, I beg you won't (solds the letter and rises) besides, you have no time to read it, I must run to the garden gate and deliver it immediately—the worst difficulty is, having for near an hour to supplicate this poor simple decrepit'd fool of the old Doctor's to open me the garden gate for a moment.

(Jeffrey calls.)

Con.

The Doctor has lately appointed Jeffrey his apothecary—he is busy preparing of medicines and will be angry at being disturb'd.

Lis.

No matter—it may save the life of some of his Master's patients.

Enter JEFFREY, a bandage on his left Eye and one on his right Leg.

Jef.

You made me overthrow the whole decoction

Lis.

Great Apothecary!

Con.

And alone worthy the physician under whom you have received instructions.

Jef.

I am very sorry I overthrew the decoction, for it was for my use—my leg is in pain still, and I am not yet satisfied the dog was not mad.

Lis.

I tell you I am sure he was not, and had you suffer'd him to live it would have prov'd so.

Jef.

My master order'd me to kill him.

Lis.

Merely to make you believe he was mad, and to shew his skill by pretending to preserve you from the Infection.

Jef.

Nay, don't speak against my master.

Lis.

Who was it undertook to cure your eyes?

Jef.

He, and thank heaven, Lisette, I shall not suffer any more from that.

Lis.

Why then do you wear a bandage?

Jef.

To hide the place where it was.

Lis.

And is it thus the Doctor cured you?

Jef.

He was so kind to put my left eye out, in order to save the right.

Con.

Well still you are more fortunate than the God of Love, for he has no eyes at all—

Jef.

And I shallhave two very soon, for my master has promis'd me to buy me one at the great manufactory, which will be much handsomer than either of my other—a very handsomer glass one.

Lis.

And if the Doctor will remake you thus piece by piece, in time my dear Jeffrey, you may become a very pretty man—but you know Jeffrey, I love you even as you are.

Jef.

Love me—that's a good joke—Lisette, I am afraid you want something of me, you speak to me so plesantly.

Lis.

Want something of you—how cou'd such an idea enter your head.

Jef.

Because when you don't want something of me, you huff me, and cuff me,—from morning to night, eh, eh! you look no more as you do now, why if I was dying, I durst hardly speak to you.

Lis.

Well henceforward you shall have no reason to complain. But do you know Jeffrey, I have a little-favour to ask of you.

Jef.

Aye! I thought so—

Con.

My dear Jeffrey, we will make you any recompence.

Jef.

What is it you want, if I can do it without offending my master I will.

Lis.

If you don't tell him, he'll never know it—

Jef.

But I tell him every thing—he pays me my wages for telling—and I must not take them without earning them.

Con.

If money is of such value to you, here take my purse.

Jef.

No it is not money I want, it is something else

Lis.

What, what, then.

Jef. (looking at Lisette with affection.)

Oh, Mrs. Lisette, you know what I 〈◊〉, but you always denied me.

Lis.

Pshaw! if I cou'd grant it indeed without my master knowing of it,

Jef.

Oh, I won't tell him of that I protest.

Con.

Well, Jeffrey what is your favour?

Jef.

Just one salute of Mrs. Lisette.

Lis.

Oh, if that's all, after you have oblig'd us, you shall have twenty.

Jef.

But I had rather have one now, than the twenty you promise after.

Lis.

Come then, make haste if it must be so.

Jef. (afer saluting her)

Oh the first kiss of the girl one loves is so sweet.

Lis.

Now you are ready to comply with our request

Jef.

Tell me what it is?

Lis.

To give us the key of the garden gate.

Jef.

I am very sorry I can't oblige you.

Lis.

Why not?

Jef.

For several reasons.

Lis.

Tell me one?

Jef.

In the first place I have not got the key—my master took it with him when he went out.

Lis.

You know you tell a falschood, he has not got it—is this your bargain and your gratitude—

Jef.

Nay if you are angry at that give me the kiss again.

Lis.

Ugly, foolish, yet artful and cunning wretch, leave the room, you make love to me indeed? Why I always hated you, laugh'd at you, and despised you.

Jef.

I know that—did not I tell you when you spoke so kindly to me you wanted something, how then could you expect me to oblige you.

Lis.

I shall ever detest the sight of you.

Jef.

Unless you want something, and then you'll call me again—and then I shall kiss you again, ha, ha, ha!

[Exit shewing the key.

Lis.

I never was so provok'd in my life.

Con.

My dear Lisette, If our two lovers, the Marquis and his Servant, prove no more fortunate in their schemes, than we have been in ours, I fear, I must according to his desire, marry the Doctor—and you Jeffrey.

Lis.

I marry Jeffrey—here comes the Doctor.

Enter DOCTOR.

Doc.

What an indignity—I can't put up with it—I can't bear it—I'm ready to choak with passion.

Con.

Dear Sir what is the matter?

Doc.

I am disgraced, ruined and undone.

Con.

And what has caused it Sir?

Doc.

A conspiracy of the blackest kind—man's weakness is arrived to its highest summit; and there is nothing wanting but merit, to draw upon us the most cruel persecution.

Lis.

Ah! I understand—the faculty have been conspiring against you.

Doc.

They have refused to grant me a diploma—forbid me to practice as a physician, and all because I don't know a parcel of insignificant words; but exercise my profession according to the rules of reason and nature; Is it not natural to die, then if a dozen or two of my patients have died under my hands, is not that natural?

Lis.

Very natural indeed.

Doc.

But thank heaven, in spite of the scandalous reports of my enemies I have this morning nine visits to make.

Con.

Very true, Sir, a young ward has sent for you to attend his guardian—three nephews have sent for you to attend their uncles, very rich men—and five husbands have sent for you in great haste to attend their wives.

Doc.

And is not that a sign they think what I can do—is it not a sign they have the highest opinion of my skill, and the faculty shall see I will rise superior to their machinations—I have enter'd upon a project, that I believe will teaze them—I have made overtures to one of their profest enemies, a man whom they have crushed, and who is the chief of a sect just sprung up, of which perhaps, you never heard, for simply by the power of Magnetism they can cure any ill, or inspire any passion.

Con.

Is it possible?

Doc.

Yes—and every effect is produced upon the frame, merely by the power of the Magnet, which is held in the hand of the physican, as a wand of a conjuror is held in his, and it produces wonders in physic equally surprising.

Con.

And will you become of this new sect.

Doc.

If they will recieve me—and by this time the President has, I dare say recieved my letter, and I wait impatiently for an answer.

Enter JEFFRY.

Jef.

A Doctor at the door, desires to speak with you.

Doc.

A Doctor in my house?

Lis.

I dare say it is the Magnetizing Doctor you have been writing to.

Doc.

Very likely—I dare say 'tis Doctor Mystery shew him in Jeffry.

Jef.

Please to walk this way, Sir.

Enter LA FLUER, dress'd as a Doctor. [Exit Jeffry.

La Fluer.

Doctor, I hope I have your pardon, that tho' no farther acquaintance than by letter, I thus wait upon you to pay my respects.

Con. (to Lisette)

It it the same I saw with the Marquis.

Lis. (aside)

And it is La Fluer his valet.

La Fluer.

And to assure you, that I, and all my brethren have the highest respect for your talents, and shall be happy to have you a member of our society.

Doc.

I presume, Sir, you are Doctor Mystery, author and first discoverer of that healing and sublime Art Animal Magnetism.

La Fluer

I am.

Doc.

And it will render you immortal—my curiosity to become acquainted with the forms and effects of your power is scarcely to be represled a moment, will you indulge me with the smallest specimen of your art, just to satisfy my curiosity.

La Fluer.

You are then intirely ignorant of it?

Doc.

Intirely.

La Fluer.

And so am I. (aside) Hem—hem—you must know Doctor—

Doc.

Shall I send the women out of the room.

La Fluer.

By no means—no, no, but I will shew both you and them a specimen of my art directly— You know Doctor, their is an universal fluid which spreads throughout all nature.

Doc.

A fluid?

La Fluer.

Yes, a fluid—which is—a—fluid—and you know, Doctor that this fluid—generally called a fluid, is the most subtile of all that is the most subtle—Do you understand me.

Doc.

Yes, yes—

La Fluer.

It ascends on high, (looking down) and descends on low, (looking up) penetrates all substances, from the hardest metal, to the softest bosom—you understand me I precieve?

Doc.

Not very well.

La Fluer.

I will give you a simile then—

Doc.

I shall be much oblig'd to you.

La Fluer.

This fluid is like a river—You know what a river is?

Doc.

Yes, certainly.

La Fluer.

This fluid is like a river, that—that—runs—that—goes—that—gently glides—so—so—so—while there is nothing to stop it.—But if it encounters a mound or any other impediment—boo—boo—boo—it bursts forth—it overflows the country round—throws down villages, hamlets, houses, trees, cows and lambs; but remove obstacles which obstruct its course, and it begins again, softly and sweetly to flow—thus—thus—thus—the fields are again adorned, and every thing goes on, as well as it can go on.—Thus it is with the Animal Fluid, which fluid obeys the command of my art.

Doc.

Surprising art! but what are the means you employ?

La Fluer.

Merely gestures—or a simple touch—

Doc.

Astonishing! give me some proof of your art directly, do satisfy my curiosity.

La Fluer.

I will,—and by holding this wand, in which is a Magnet, in a particular position, I will so direct the fluid, that it shall immediately give you the most exeruciating rheumatism which will last you a couple of hours — I will then change it to the gout—then to strong convulsions—and after into a raging fever, & in this manner shall your curiosity become satisfied

(holds up his wand as if to Magnetise.)

Doc.

Hold, Doctor, I had rather see the experiment on some one else.

La Fluer.

Oh then, Sir, I have now at my house a patient, whom the faculty have just given up as incurable; and notwithstanding his disorder is of a most violent and dangerous kind, I will have him brought here, and I will teach you to perform his cure yourself.

Doc.

By the power of Magnetism.

La Fluer.

By the power of Magnetism.

Doc.

That wou'd do me infinite honor indeed—but why bring him to my house—pray who is he?

La Fluer.

A young man of quality.

Con.

Dear Sir, let him be brought hither, and let me see the cure perform'd.

Doc. (Takes La Fluer aside.)

I cant say I approve of a young man being brought into my house—for you must know Doctor—that young lady is to be my wife—as we are not exactly of an age, another may make an impression.

La Fluer.

Consider my patent's state of health, he is like a dying man.

Doc.

But he'll be well after I have cured him.

La Fluer,

Very true.

Doc. (wispering La Fluer.)

Pray Doctor, is it true what they report that he who is once in possession of your art can if he pleases, make every woman who comes near him, in love with him.

La Fluer.

True—certainly it is.

Con.

Why this wispering, I am ignorant what are the virtues of your art, Doctor, but I am sure it has not that of rendering you polite.

La Fluer.

Pardon madam—I was but instructing the Doctor in some particulars of which, you may hereafter have reason to be satisfied.

Lis.

I doubt that, Sir, unless your art cou'd render this solitary confinement we are doomed to agreable.

La Fluer.

Before the end of the day, you shall prefer it to all the false pleasures of the gay world, for what are more false than the pleasures derived from balls masquerades and theatres.

Doc.

Very true.

Lis.

Well I must own I love a Theatre.

La Fluer.

The worst place of all, to frequent—once in my life, I was present at a theatrical representation, but such a piece did I see, ah, the most dangerous for a young woman to be present at.

Lis. (eagerly crossing.)

Pray, Sir what was it?

La Fluer.

An honest Gentleman of about 70 years age was before the audience in love with a young lady of 18 whom he had brought up from her infancy, and whom he meant make his wife.

Doc.

Very natural:

La Fluer.

A young Gentleman of the neighbourhood because he was young, rich, and handsome, imagined he would suit the lady better.

Doc.

Just like them all.

La Fluer.

He therefore disguifed his Valet, who under the mask of friendship introduced himself to this good man the guardian,

Doc.

A villain, he deserv'd to be hang'd.

La Fluer.

And seiz'd the moment when he embraced him as I now embrace you—to stretch out his hand, while it was behind him, and convey a letter to the Lady's waiting maid.

(La Fluer embraces the Doctor, and exchanges Letters with Lisette, Lisette gives the the letter she receives to Constance, La Fluer puts the other into his pocket.)

Lis.

And she gave him another—I have seen the play myself—and it was very well acted.

La Fluer.

And is it not scandalous to put such examples before young people?

Con.

And pray Doctor, do you think I am not under sufficient confinement, that you take the same methods, to make me still more unhappy.

La Fluer, (to the Doctor.)

Why does your ward dislike confinement.

Doc,

Because she dislikes me:

La Fluer.

Are you sure of that.

Doc.

Yes, I think I am.

Con,

I am dying with curiosity to read my letter.

[aside and exit.

La Fluer.

This wand shall cause in her sentiments the very reverse. in this is a Magnet which shall change her disposition take it (gives the wand.) and while you keep it she will be constrained to love you with the most ardent passion.

Doc.

I thank you a thousand times.

(quite in rapture.)

Lis.

Excellent.

[Exit.

Doc.

Her maid has overheard us.

La Fluer.

No no, but take me into another apartment, and I will explain to you what at present, you are not able to comprehend—after which you will permit me to step home and fetch my patient hither.

Doc.

Certainly—when I am in possession of my ward's affection, I can have nothing to apprehend from him.—And you are sure she will now become favorable to me?—you are sure I shall attract her

La Fluer.

Yes, sure—by the Loadstone.

[Exit.

END OF ACT FIRST.

ACT II.

SCENE.—Another Apartment in the DOCTORS house.

Enter CONSTANCE and LISETTE.

Lisette.

I Overheard it all—and he has given your guardian, the wand in which you heard him, say the Magnet was contain'd—and while he keeps it, it is to Magnetise you and force you to love him, in spite of yourself.

Con.

All this agrees with the letter he has given me from his master, in which the Marquis informs me, by what accident, that letter, my guardian sent to the Doctor who professes Magnetism fell into his hands, and immediatly gave him the idea of disguising his valet, and sending him hither under the name of that Doctor, but where is La Fluer now.

Lis.

Just left your guardian, and gone home to bring the patient you heard him speak of—and I would lay a wager, that very patient is no other than the Marquis himself.

Con.

But for what end is all this?

Lis.

That they have planned you may depend upon it—for the present you have nothing to do but to pretend an affection for your guardian.

Con.

It will be difficult to feign a passion my heart revolts at.

Lis.

Never fear your good acting—besides I will take equal share in it—

Con.

How! you!—

Lis.

I'll fall in love with the Doctor as well as you—if the Magnetism affects you—why not have the same power over me? and if it makes you love him, it shall make me adore him.

Con.

Hush! here he comes.

Enter DOCTOR, with the wand.

Doc. (aside)

What he has told seems so very surprising, that nothing but proofs, can thoroughly convince me—and now for the proof.

(locks at Con)

Lis. (aside to Constance.)

He ogles you, cast a tender look, and accompany it with a sigh.

Con. (Sighing)

Alas!

Doc.

My dear Constance, my lovely ward,—what, what makes you sigh? weariness of your confinement I suppose?

Con.

Ah, Sir.

(fighing.)

Doc.

Come, come, I confess the restraint you have been under, has been too much, and I am not surprised you have taken a dislike to me.

Con.

A dislike to you?—Ah! Sir— (fighing) Oh, guardian.

(going to speak turnsaway and hides her face.)

Dec. (aside)

I believe it will do. Come, come, Constance, do not sigh, and make yourself uneasy, you shall not live many weeks thus retir'd for I am thinking of marrying you very soon (turns eagerly to him) to a fine young Gentleman

(turns from him.)

Con.

Ah Cruel.

(near crying.)

Doc.

What did you say, if I have the good fortune to be beloved by you, let me have the happiness to hear it from yourself.

Con.

Yes cruel man,—some invincible power compels me in spite of my resistance—yes—I love you.

Lis.

And I adore you.

Doc. (starting)

What! you too! I did not expect that.

Lis.

No, mine is not merely a love, but a rage—a violence—I doat to distraction—love you to the Joss of my health, of spirits, of rest and life.

Con.

If you do not take pity on the passion which burns in my heart.

(with tenderness.)

Lis.

If you can be regardless of the flames which consume me with violence—

Con.

Can you be insensible of my tender pleadings?

Lis.

Take care how you turn my affection to hatred.

Doc. (goes from between them.) (aside)

What a terrible situation I have got myself into,—the effects of the Magnetism is very natural, it acts upon one as well as another, but Lisette's love is very troublesome I'll call Jeffry in and give up part of my power to him, he wall take the wand, for a shew minutes and charm Lisette.

Con.

Why do you thus run from me, is this the return my love demands,—but be not uneasy, death shall deliver you from an object whose passion you despise.

(turns from him.)

Doc.

Oh, that you could but read what is written in my heart.

Lis.

Ah. Sir, behold the state (kneels) to which you have reduced a poor inocent, if I am treated with kindness, I am naturally soft, gentle, and tender, but if I am neglected (rising)—by all that's great and precious I will do some strange thing either to you, or my rival.

Doc.

This Lisette is so furious, she makes me tremble, I must put an end to her affection, Jeffry,

Enter JEFFRY.

Jef.

Here, Sir, what do you want with me?

Doc.

Take this and carry it to my study.

(gives the wand.)

Jef.

Yes, Sir—directly.

(crosses.)

Doc.

Stop a moment. Jeffry, stop a moment.

Jef.

Two, or three moments if you please.

Doc (aside)

Now we shall see what effect it has.

Lis. (to Constance)

I see through this design, let us fall in love with Jeffry.

Con.

With all my heart.

Doc.

Well, Jeffry—and—and—how do you do Jeffry?

Jef.

Pretty well, considering my leg, where the dog bit me, and considering I can only see with one eye.

Lis.

But even that misforturne does not prevent your looking very agreable Jeffry.

Doc. (aside)

It succeeds, she's taken.

Con.

Who can resist that amiable figure, dearest Jeffry.

Jef.

Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!

Doc. (aside)

This is as bad as the other.

Jef.

I think the mad dog has bit us all.

Lis.

Is it posible you can love Jeffry, no no, your situation forbids it, take, take my master, I resign him to you.

Con.

No, I resign him to you.

Lis.

I will not have him.

Doc.

This is a very disagreeble situation.

Lis.

Jeffry will you be deaf to my passion?

Con.

Yes, I am sure he will prefer me.

Jef.

No, I won't, I have been in love with her this twelve months, and I'll make choice of her.

Con.

Then what will become of me!

Doc.

I can bear this no longer, give that, (snatches the wand.) And do you make, up some medicines.

Jef.

Ah! my dear Lifette! you have made me so happy, I must shake hands.

(offers to take her hand she slaps his face.)

Lis.

Learn to behave with more reserve for the future.

Jef.

Ecod! I think you have not behaved with much reserve, did not you hang upon me and said you lov'd me?

Lis.

Love you! behold my master, and do not imagine I can love any but him.

Con.

No, who can love any but him

Doc.

This is worse and worse—where is the Doctor if he does not come and give me some relief, I am a ruined man (a loud knocking) Jeffry see if that is him.

[Exit Jeffry.

I have no doubt but it is and with him the young patient, on whom I am to prove my skill, Constance and you Lisette, leave the room for the present.

Con.

Yes, if you will go with me, but how do you think it is possible for me to leave you—a feeling which I cannot explain.

Lis.

And one I cannot explain.

Doc.

But I am going to prescribe—and it is improper.

Enter LA FLUER leading the MARQUIS dress'd in a handsome robe de chamber and night cap, the Doctor draws the chair:

La Fluer.

This Doctor is your patient.—This is the renouned physician, from whom you are to expect a cure.

Doc.

He looks surprisingly well considering how much he has suffered.

La Fluer.

That renders his case the more dangerous—I would rather a patient of mine should look ill and be in no danger, than look well and be in imminent danger.

Mar.

To conceive the sufferings I have undergone a being must be transform'd, he must be more before he can conceive, what: have felt—for months have I led this agonizing life—but I am told Doctor you can put an end to my disorder—you have in your possession that which can give me ease—but by what science you are master of so great a power, I own is beyond my comprehension.

La Fluer.

Dear Sir, you know not half the resources in the art of medicines, trust firmly, that you are 〈…〉 per•ons well in•orm'd and well practised—we know how to give naturea filip.

Doc.

Doctor Mystery, do you use your authority with these females to leave us to ourselves.

Con.

I can't go.

Lis.

Nor I.

La Fluer.

I b•••eve it is very true (goes and feels their pulses) no, the can't go—no—the force of the attraction will not suffer them to go. (to the Doctor What do you think of the power of Magnetsm now?

Doc,

It has double the power, I desire and I wish it not to act on Lisette.

Con.

(to Lis.) I hope the Marquis is not really ill.

La Fluer.

I will remedy that (whispers the Doctor, while the Marquis makes signs of love to Constance, she gets nearer to his chair.) now attend to what I am going to do I will turn the whole affection of the maid upon myself.

Doc.

I will be very much oblig'd to you. (La Fluer wispers the Doctor again.)

Mar.

(in a lwo voice to Constance.) One word only will you be mine shou'd my scheme prove successfull?

Con.

What is it?

Mar.

I have no time to say, but answer me, will you be mine.

Con.

I will.

Doc. (in a low voice to La Fluer.)

Very well, extremely well, this will do very well, and now deliver me from her love as soon as you can.

La Fluer.

I must approach her, and 'tis done. (goes to Lisette makes signs of Magnetism, then in a wisper) I am inlove with you, seign to be so with me.

Lis.

I am in carnest without seigning.

La Fluer.

So much the better, it will appear more natural; (returns to the Doctor) It's done, observe how she looks at me. (During this the Marquis and Constance are exchanging sighs.)

Doc.

What an art!

La Fluer.

But I will shew its power in a manner yet more astonishing.

Con. (to the Marquis in a low voice)

I was on the point of being married to my guardian.

Doc.

Is it possible!

Mar. (forgetting himself and in warmth)

Distraction! that must never be.

(Doctor turns to him in surprise, Lisette p••ceiving).

Lis.

Oh heavens, look to the patient.

La Fluer.

〈◊〉 of his fits has sieized him, (Marquis pretends a 〈◊〉) 〈◊〉 its nothing, it will soon be over

Mar.

Nay 〈◊〉 not hide yourself, oh, oh, that I could plung• this steel (holds up his handkerchief) a hundred •imes in that detestable heart, come on monster, and acknowledge thy conqueror, expiring under this hand.

Doc.

I'll go into the next room, it is me I believe he has a mind to kill.

La Fluer.

But he has no weapon, don't be afraid.

Con. (to La Fluer)

Oh, dear Sir, relieve him from this terrible fit.

Doc.

Do, I beg you will.

La Fluer.

I cannot wholly relieve him at present but you shall see me change the manner of his ravings, behold my power. (pretends to magnetise) See his countenance changes, his looks express tenderness now it is no longer fury that transports him, but the soft languor of love now pervades his senses.

Mar. (looking at Constance)

Oh! charming Arpasia

La Fluer.

Arpasia was the name of his first love, he fancies himself near to her.

(Marquis rises from his chair and kneels to Constance.)

Mar.

Is it you then whom I behold, but, alas you do not suspect what I have suffered in your absence, and I only retain my lise in the pleasing hope of one day passing it with you, and rendering yours as happy as my own, what am I to think of this silence, you do not answer to my tender complaints. Ah! you hate me▪ ••u despise me, b•t dread the effects of this 〈◊〉▪ I feel that it is in my power to accomplish all.

▪••sing.)

Lis.

He is a going into his roving fit again, pray madam speak to him, if it is but a •ord.

Mar.

Speak to me one word if it is o•ly one word.

La Fluer.

Your ward is afraid of dis•••iging you, but give her leaf to speak to him, if 〈…〉 one word, only to be witness to a scene so novel

〈◊〉.

〈1 line〉

La Fluer.

Pshaw, pshaw, she looks at you for consent, tell her she may say yes—just yes.

Do.

But why suffer her to speak?

La Fluer.

Consider you are in possession of the Magnet, and nothing can prevent the power of that charm.

Mar.

Ah! cruel, ought I thusto wait for a word from those lips, you wish then to behold me die.

Doc.

Well, well answer him yes.

Mar.

Do you love me.

Con.

Yes.

Mar.

(kisses her hand) I am transported!

Doc.

(endeavouring to separate them) Hold, hold, this is a fit as powerful to me as it is to you.

Lis.

Dear Sir, let him alone, he may fall into his rage again.

Mar.

What thrilling transport rushes to my heart all nature appears to my ravished eyes more beautiful than poets ever formed, his Aurora dawns, the feather'd songsters chant their most melodious strains, the gentle zephyrs breath their choicest perfumes, and the inspiring scene intoxicates my very soul.

Doc.

Come change this fit into another.

Mar.

And you who listen to me partake my joy, come and dwell with me under the shady branches of the river side, come lovely shepherdess (takes hold of Constance) come young shepheard, (takes hold of the Doctor) mingle in the dance.

Lif.

Come young shepherd, (takes hold of the Doctor with one hand, then La Fluer with the other.)

Doc.

I can't dance.

Man.

In vain you refuse, press with gentle steps the mossy banks, and join in the rural pastime takes them round the stage and exit, the Doctor awkwar• and unwillingly.)

END OF ACT SECOND

ACT III.

SCENE.—The DOCTOR's House.

Enter LISETTE; and LA FLUER.

Lisette.

BUT when is this farce to end!

La Fluer.

My master now he is introduced, will take advantage of some circumstances, to obtain either by force or stratagem the Doctor's consent to his wishes, and as he finds he is beloved by the young lady, which before he was in doubt of—

Lis.

Pshaw! he might easily have guessed her sentiments. A young woman, weary of confinement as she was, is easily in love with the first young man who solicits her affections.

La Fluer.

And may I hope you love me?

Lis.

Aye, Sir, I am weary of confinement like my mistress.

La Fluer.

A thousand thanks, my dear Lisette.

Lis.

But while Jeffry keeps the keys of every door, no creature can either go out or enter without his leave.

La Fluer.

And is there no way to get rid of him

Lis.

Yes, a thought strikes me this moment, a couple of days ago one of our neighbours dogs, bit him, and our doctor merely to shew his skill, in the cure, persuaded him the dog was mad, suppose we make the Doctor himself believe he was really so, and that poor—

Enter DOCTOR.

Doc.

He has had another fit, but I have just now left him in a sound sleep, which come upon him, as suddenly as any of his waking paroxysms.

La Fluer.

If that is the case he must be left alone we will not disturb him

Lis. (aside to La Fluer)

When I return, be sure to confirm whatever I shall say.

Doc.

What have you persuaded her to leave you▪

La Fluer,

Yes, for a little while.

Doc.

Why, too much of love is something tedious.) I come once more to talk with you Doctor upon this surprising art, which though you have taken such great pains to explain, I am still far from comprehending so much as I think I ought.

La Fluer.

I will before long, give you such proof,

Enter LISETTE followed by JEFFRY.

Lis.

O save me, save me, or I am a deal woman.

Doc.

What's the matter?

Jef.

This is no joke, and I won't take it as such.

Lis. (goes between La Fluer and Doctor.)

Have a care of him speak low, he'll be at us.

Doc.

Will be at us?

Lis. (in a low voice.)

Jeffry is mad.

Doc.

What do you say?

Lis.

I found him in his bed, gnawing the bed clothes, and when he saw me he wou'd have gnawed me too (the Doctor turns to him) don t look at him Sir, don't look at him.

Doc.

Why I don't think this possible, the dog that bit him was not—

Lis.

Indeed, Sir, he was as mad as ever—

La Fluer.

Indeed, the poor creature looks as if some horrible infection had seized him.

Doc.

Why I can't say but I think he does.

Lis.

And I'll give you the true proof immediately

(takes a glass of water and throws it on him.)

Jef.

What's that for, how dare you use me thus.

(in great passion.)

Lis.

There, you see what a dislike has to water.

La Fluer.

That is a symptom, which confirms our suspicious.

Doc. (wich an air of skill)

An evident sign of the Hydrophobia.

La Fluer.

Yes! of the Hydrophobia.

(Lesette comes with another glass of water to throw at him, he starts.)

Lis.

See, see how he looks only at the sight of water

Jef.

If you dare throw any more upon—

(holds up his hand.)

Doc.

Lisette let him alone, it is dangerous to push the poor creature to extremities, Doctor, suppose we Magnetize him?

La Fluer.

No, Magnetism in cases like this can have no effect.

Doc.

What remedy then?

La Fluer.

I know of but one, and that is to smother him.

Lis.

The only thing in the world.

Doc.

And we ought to lose no time, if it must be done.

Jef.

What smother me. (falls on his knees to the Doctor) Oh! Sir have pity on me.

Doc.

Don't be frightened, it will be over in ten minutes.

Jef.

But I had rather not.

Doc.

Ungrateful wretch; do you consider the consequence of living.

Lis.

For shame Jeffry, don't ask such a thing.

Doc.

But since he wont consent with a good grace, must seize him all three together.

Jef.

Ah mercy what will become of me.

Lis. (aside to Jeffry)

Run out of the house and never come back if you wou'd save your life.

[Jeffry runs off.

La Fluer.

He shant, escape, stop him there.

[Exit after him.

Doc.

Why he has run into the street, what a deal of mischief he may cause, and as I am alive he has run away with all the keys in his pocket.

Lis.

But luckily the doors are open.

Doc.

But why does not the Doctor come back.

Lis.

Depend upon it he will not leave him, till he has secured him in some safe place where he can do no mischief.

Enter CONSTANCE.

Con.

Dear Sir, come to the assistance of your patient, he has follow'd me to my cha••er and frighten'd me out of my senses, I thought he was going to die, indeed Sir he is very ill, I am sure he can't live long.

Enter MARQUIS, creeping slowly to the couch, as if unable to walk.

Mar.

Oh Doctor re••eve me from this pressure or I die.

Doc.

I wish my brother physician was return'd. (•l•rm'd) Come Sir, lean your head this way, where is your complaint.

Mar.

Here, here it lies (laying his hand to his •tomack) I fear this is the 〈◊〉 •our 〈◊〉 my 〈◊〉.

Doc.

No, no, I hope not (〈…〉 sometimes with one end of the wand 〈◊〉 s•metimes with t'other.)

Mar.

The malady changes its place, oh, my head, remove it from my head, make it descend (the Doctor more frighted) now it flies to my heart, it sets it on fire, it tares it in pieces.

Doc.

I wish the Doctor wou'd return.

Mar.

My tortures redouble—vultures gnaw me, can't you remove them (attempts again to Magnetise) no, no, my strength fails me—my eyes lose their sight—I die— (groans, sinks on the couch and remains motionless.)

Lis

Oh! he's dead—he's dead—he's dead.

(crying)

Con. (in tears too)

What will become of us all—he's dead—he's dead.

Doc.

I am quite shocked at it—but my dear children, don't make such a noise (trembling) the neighbours will hear you, and they will say I have kill'd him, with some of my experiments.

Lis.

It was that fatal wand you put uopn his heart

Doc.

Yes, I suppose I directed the fluid the wrong way, but perhaps he only fainted,—who knows but we may recover him,—I will go and find some of my new invented drops, which may perhaps restore him, (feels in his pocket) and that poor unhappy Jeffry has taken away the key of my cabinet where all my drops are.

Con.

Break open the locks then, there is no time to lose.

Doc.

And Doctor Mystery not to return, every thing conspires to ruin me, I was loth to receive this patient into my house,—my heart foreboded some ill consequence▪ dear me, dear me.

[Exit in great uneasiness.

Mar. (rising

If my scheme succeeds,—the consequence will be such as you little dream of,—where is La Fluer.

Lif.

Gone to secure Jeffry, somewhere out of the house.

Mar.

If he does not return soon, all my long concerted plan is overturned.

Lis.

Here he is.

Enter LA FLUER.

La Fluer.

I have lodged him safe for these two days.

Mar (taking off his robe)

Give me your clothes and take this immediatly and be dead.

La Fluer.

Dead! what do you mean?

Mar.

Ask no questions, but lie down on that couch and counterfeit being dead.

Lis.

Your master has been doing it this half hour.

La Fluer. (dressing himself)

It is very strange, but since you command it—

Mar.

Dare not stir, or breath,—all depends on your acting well, you must have your face powder'd, (Lisette powders his face) that he may not know you

La Fluer.

Now I am in character.

Mar.

Where are my people?

La Fluer.

At the tavern in the next street, both disguised like Doctors.

Mar.

That's right, I fly to them directly.

(going)

La Fluer.

Your night cap, your night cap.

Mar.

And give me your wig. (puts it on) I hear the Doctor coming, farewel, play your part to a miracle.

[Exit.

Con.

And heaven prosper your designs.

La Fluer. (sitting on the couch)

But what does all this mean, I don't understand?

Lis.

Hush, dead people never speak.

(throws him down on the couch.) Enter DOCTOR.

Doc.

Well, how is he, what does he say?

Lis.

Why like all other persons in his state, he does not complain.

Doc.

Hold this bottle to his nose, and sprinkle this on his face.

Con.

Alas, he is gone, and nothing can be of use.

Doc.

How a few moments has changed him, he's as white as ashes; lay your hand upon his heart Lisette, and feel if it beats at all, for my part, I am so disconcerted with the accident I am fit for nothing.

Lis. (lays her hand on his heart)

All is still Sir.

Doc.

Is their no motion?

Lis.

None in the least— (slaps his face)—like marble— (slaps again)—has little seeling in it.

Doc.

Doctor Mystery n•t returning I conceive this was a plot upon me.

Lis.

And this poor creature was in the plot you think, and died on purpose to bring it about.

Doc.

No, but the other found he cou'd not cure him, and so left the disgrace of his death to me, and my enemies will take the advantage of it,—confidering how many of my patients have died lately▪

Lis.

What are we to do with the body?

Doc.

I have yet one hope left, it is my last and I wont hesitate, but about it instantly.

Con.

What resource?

Doc. (to Lisette)

He is certainly dead, is he not?

Lis.

Certainly▪ there can be no doubt of that.

Doc.

And do what we will nothing more can happen to him,

Lis.

No, certainly, not in this world.

Doc.

Well then I will try an experiment upon him, which I once read, and I have often had a vast mind to try it upon Jeffry, but as he was alive it might have proved fatal.

Lis.

What is it?

Doc.

No matter you shall see it performed and 〈◊〉 can't say I have much doubt of its success. Begin •o take off some of his garments while I go and get 〈◊〉 the apparatus ready.

[Exit.

La Fluer.

But I am not such a fool to stay till 〈◊〉 ••me back, my master may say what he will, but 〈…〉 go away.

Lis.

Nonsense man have you not undertook to 〈◊〉 dead, come finish your part with a good grace.

Doc.

Pray do, La Fluer.

La Fluer.

But what experiment is he going to try upon me, I always hated Doctors, and would never let any one of them come near me.

Con.

But this is not a doctor, the college have refused to admit him, so don't be afraid.

La Fluer.

O! if that's the case.

Lis (throws him down as before)

Hush! play you part.

Entre DOCTOR with a bag of instruments.

Doc.

Lisette, help me with these instruments, and then run and watch that skillet of oil on the fire, and when it boils bring it hither.

Lis.

But suppose any body should come in while you are trying the experiment.

Doc.

Right, I'll lock the door, my fright makes me forget every thing.

Exit.

La Flure.

Let me see the i•struments.

Lis.

Pshaw▪ what signifies seeing them, a'n't you to feel them?

Doc. (speaking without)

What, force into a man's house whether he will or no.

Con.

I hear a noise, (lokout) it is the Marquis returned, and all his schemes perhaps will be fulfilled.

(La Fluer lays down again.) Enter MARQUIS, PICCARD and FRANCOIS, disguised as Doctors, the Marquis having changed his dress, hat mask over his face. Enter DOCTOR PICCARD & FRANCOIS go behind.

Mar.

I have powerful reasons for entering this house I came hither▪ •••ompanied by these physicians, sent with me by the college to demand a patient, who was this morning brought hither by a notorious professor of Quackery, the young gentleman is of family and nearly allied to me.

Doc. (aside)

I am undone!

Mar.

Where is he, Sir—I must see him and speak with him.

Lis.

At present you can't speak with him, he is in a better world.

(pointing to La Fluer.)

Mar.

Alas! behold him there, or am I deceived▪ no it is he himself whom I see,—and he is dead. Gentlemen I call you as witness he is dead, and that yonder stands the assassin.

(Piccard and Francois examine the body. Piccard puts on his spectacles.

Fran. (feeling his pulse)

Yes, he is dead, but he is not dead according to our rules.

(they place themselves at the table.)

Mar.

O my dear friend, and are you gone, but your death shall be revenged, villian (to the Doctor, tremble, for thy life shall answer for this. Gentlemen, gentlemen, please to take notes of what you see and hear in this house.

(the Doctors write.)

Lis.

Dear Sir have pity on my poor master he has killed, killed the poor gentleman to be sure, but it was without malice.

Doc.

But you know gentlemen this is not the first patient, that has been killed during an operation.

Pic.

Aye. by the authority of the college.

Doc. (to the Marquis)

Dear Sir my only hope is in your mercy.

Mar.

Then despair, for know I am the Marquis de Lancy, and call to your remembrance, with what insolence you rejected all my overtures to espouse your ward, here is the advantageous contract I repeatedly sent to you, which you had the arrogance to return to me without even deigning to look at it.

Doc.

Only deliver me from this trouble, and I will sign it without reading it at all.

Mar.

But will the Lady also sign it?

Con.

No, for how could I wed another when he (the Doctor) is the object of my love.

Doc.

But consider, my dear Constance, that I am old, and ugly, jealous, and infirm, indeed I am indeed I am, I protest Constance.

Con.

But my love for you is so implanted in my heart.

Mar.

If that's the case,—come Sir follow us.

(going)

Doc.

Stay, give me the contract, and let me sign it (aside) I will once more have recourse to the wand.

Mar.

What imports your signing if your ward will not.

Doc.

She will sign.

Con.

Never.

Doc.

Give me the contract, and hold that

(gives the wand to the Marquis takes the contract and figns it.)

Mar.

What's this?

Doc.

Keep it, never let it go from you.

Con.

Yes, I feel a desire to sign give me the contract.

Doc.

Aye, I was sure of it. (Constance signs) And there Marquis is the contract.

(giving it him.)

La Fluer.

Ah! I breath again, I am a little better.

Doc. (starting)

Why he is not dead.

La Fluer.

No, I am mending apace.

Doc.

Gentlemen tear in pieces the process, (to La Fluer) Oh Sir what misery have you brought upon me.

La Fluer.

And what misery would your damn'd instruments, and your boiling oil have brought upon me.

Doc.

How did you hear, in that fit what I said.

La Fluer.

Very easily, Sir return him the wand, and the ladies I dare say will fall in love with him again.

Doc. (looking at him, then at the Marquis)

My eyes are open, I recollect them both, but this was the sick man

(to the Marquis.)

La Fluer.

But I was the dead one.

Doc.

I am cheated, defrauded,—what, ho, neighbours,—here are thieves, murderers.

(calling.)

Mar.

Nay, Doctor, reflect upon the arts you made use of, to keep my Constance yours, even in spite of her inclination, then do not comdemn the artifice I employed to obtain her, with her own consent. A reward like this urged me to encounter every hazard and every danger. For believe me doctor there is no Magnetism, like the powerful Magnetism of Love.

Information about this book

Title statement

Animal magnetism, a farce: in three acts, as performed at the Theatre Royal, Covent-garden,.

Inchbald, Mrs., 1753-1821.

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University of Oxford Text Archive
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ID [ota]

http://ota.ox.ac.uk/id/4341

ID [isbn10]

1106013409

ID [isbn13]

9781106013408

ID [TCP]

K050375.000

ID [BIBNO]

CW3310067868

ID [ECLL]

0054800800

Availability

Distributed by the University of Oxford under a Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike 3.0 Unported License

Source

— Animal magnetism, a farce: in three acts, as performed at the Theatre Royal, Covent-garden,., Inchbald, Mrs., 1753-1821.. 36p. ; 12⁰. Dublin :: printed for P. Byron,. [1789?]. [Anonymous. By Elizabeth Inchbald.] [Reproduction of original from the British Library.] [English Short Title Catalog, ESTCT57009.] [Electronic data. Farmington Hills, Mich. : Thomson Gale, 2003. Page image (PNG). Digitized image of the microfilm version produced in Woodbridge, CT by Research Publications, 1982-2002 (later known as Primary Source Microfilm, an imprint of the Gale Group).]

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